


Dark Passages

by Fangirlinit



Series: A Space-Time Odyssey [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 98,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12431169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlinit/pseuds/Fangirlinit
Summary: Mystery surrounds Astra’s return to Earth. Kara and Alex come to realize that this is not the same Astra. A powerful and most unpredictable guise has taken over the woman they once knew. The closer they come to discovering her secret, the heavier price they will pay. The bonds of love, friendship, even science will be no match.





	1. The Kryptonian Who Fell to Earth

Man has gone out to explore other worlds and other civilizations without having explored his own labyrinth of dark passages and secret chambers, and without finding what lies behind doorways that he himself has sealed.

Stanisław Lem, _Solaris_

When her toes touched ground zero, she squinted at her surroundings. Visibility was close to nothing even with her sharp eyes. Kara coughed on airborne dirt and dust kicked up by the impact. It had been ten minutes since the DEO picked up the unidentified object on their scanners and seven minutes since it made impact.

There should not have been this much debris in the air. Indeed, a most strange effect. Kara wouldn’t do any good just standing there so she went forth to brave the swirling earth and hail.

The storm was gravitating out from a source, that much could be deduced from the battering gusts. The closer she approached the source, the stronger forces at work. The winds tugged on her cape and the quaking ground tested her balance so thoroughly that Kara had to set the balls of her feet firmly into the earth with every step.

A few yards in, she began to see an outline against the debris. She dug her heels in on instinct. The figure was moving… walking… towards her.

The suspect must have caught sight of her because the whirlwind began to settle. It occurred to Kara that she just implied that a _person_ was causing all of this. How could anyone possess that much power? She herself nearly lost her footing and, were it not for waning winds, would have been thrown across three state borders.

What class of alien had the ability to inflict this level of force? This damage? Kara didn’t want to think about the natural and structural loss caused by this twister. Whoever was responsible was definitely not from the neighborhood.

Kara’s fascination rendered her motionless. Whoever had the ability to trigger an earthquake, tornado, and hailstorm simultaneously should be handled with a measure of respect and caution. She watched and waited in rapt attention for the dust to settle. When it finally did, the source revealed itself.

“This… is not happening.” Kara’s hands went to cover her eyes as if to keep the apparition at bay. She shook her head and mumbled, “I swear to Rao, I didn’t have any alcohol. I may have eaten half the turkey but that can’t make me hallucinate. Right…?”

The moment her hands slipped down she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. She finally took note of the DEO and its attendance of twenty SUVs and eighty men and women in arms.

Her advanced hearing ability allowed her to pick up the quick reaction spoken into a comms piece. The soft vibrations of “Hold your fire,” alerted Kara not only to J’onn’s presence but his sound judgment too.

Kara’s attention returned to the life form before her. Emphasis on _life_. This was a living, breathing person – a person that should not be living _or_ breathing.

Hope came on so strong she nearly levitated off the ground. Kara blinked again. “Aunt Astra?”

The blank slate that was Astra’s expression sparked with color and life. Her mouth widened into a smile. The storm clouds parted for rays of sunlight to reflect in her eyes. In the chilly afternoon, a steam of breath escaped with her laugh. It was exhilaration. Astra was buzzing with it.

“Oh, little one.”

For a moment, everything felt normal, like Kara had her family back.

Not far away, in the sea of trooper armor, one rifle wavered. “I don’t believe it.”

Kara didn’t have to look to know Alex was as awestruck as she. She could even hear the rattle of the rifle as it lowered inch by inch in trembling hands.

“Oh,” Astra gasped, eyes drawing down Kara’s figure, “you’ve grown.”

An eerie notion made Kara’s skin crawl. She laughed it off. “I can’t have done _that_ much growing in a year.”

It was time for Astra to appear perplexed. “A year? I don’t understand.”

“How long do you think you’ve been away from Earth?”

“Earth? I…” Astra winced and subsequently pressed a hand to her temple. “I don’t understand. I… have memories of you as you are now and… fragments of battles, an underground facility, a formidable opponent. Human,” she added with a note of derision. “Also, a Martian? What is a Martian doing on Earth?”

Kara’s hands went to the sides of her face. The shock could not be tempered on the surface anymore than beneath it. A salvo of questions prickled there making Kara’s hair stand on end. They came one after the other and created a mountain of tension.

“Kara? What is going on?” Astra’s voice was as small and confused as a child’s.

“Oh, Aunt Astra.” Kara’s eyes cast away, unable to meet their mark. She bit her lip, knowing the tears were forthcoming. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

* * *

The battlefield was crowded. DEO troops moved into position, fencing the site with armored vehicles and weapons drawn. They were poised on the very edge of a slight crater made by the storm. At the center of their tactical ring stood the two women. The fact that they couldn’t hear the conversation between Supergirl and the Kryptonian general kept them on their toes with fingers poised on their triggers.

From Alex’s vantage point, Kara and Astra did not seem to be aware of the small army surrounding them. They seemed absolutely fixated on one another. How long that would last was anyone’s guess.

Alex touched her earpiece. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

Several rows to her right, J’onn was staring down the barrel of his assault rifle. “That General Astra has come back from the dead? I wish my eyes were deceiving me. There’s no doubt that she’s responsible for this latest mayhem.”

“Well, she did have some unfinished business last time we saw her.”

“We’re not about to let another Myriad scenario become a reality. It would have befitted her to stay dead.”

“Director Henshaw…” Alex glanced between Kara and Astra with growing unease. “We don’t know the situation. Maybe if we gave Supergirl time –“

“We might not have time. We don’t even know if this is really Astra. It could be a shape shifter.”

“Who can level a three mile area? The DEO hasn’t dealt with any hostile this powerful.”

“Which is exactly why she has to be contained. Do I have to remind you of what we do here at the DEO?”

“I don’t disagree, but as you can see this is a very delicate situation. If we go in, guns blazing, we could just escalate things. Our team won’t stand a chance and Supergirl could get caught in the crossfire.”

“That’s enough talk. Supergirl is already doing a fine job of keeping her preoccupied. That won’t last for long. We move in now or lose the element of surprise.”

“But J’onn –“

He touched his earpiece. “Alpha Team, I want the general detained as swiftly and securely as possible. Air support is already on its way.” He turned to the side. “Stand down, Agent Danvers.”

Alex bit back a retort. She remained in position as her team swept past her in waves of black Kevlar and glowing emerald daggers. Conflicted, she looked from J’onn to the oblivious Kara and Astra. Insubordination would do no one good. It would likely cause confusion and chaos. Alex was not about to put her sister in the thick of it, so she lowered her rifle. All she could do was watch it all unfold.

A swarm of black armor converged on the target. In the lead was J’onn, hard-faced and barking orders. One directive was aimed at Supergirl, who was called to fall back. Kara appeared startled by the onrush. She raced to head J’onn off and presumably to make him see reason.

Alex watched it develop with an aching heart. Kara had fallen for the ploy. J’onn lured her far enough away, thereby leaving Astra open for capture. The heavy drone of a helo swept in. The air support J’onn promised circled above and honed in on their target. The _thwack-thwack-thwack_ of its rotor blades beat the air, leaving no opening for an aerial escape.

The troops were moving in from all sides now. Astra remained standing with arms hung loosely at her sides. Alex was too far away to make out her expression. She had no idea what Astra must be feeling whether it was fear, anger, or confusion. In Astra’s case, any one of those posed a threat to them, Kara included. Astra wouldn’t intentional harm her niece but Alex’s experience told her that people get caught in the crossfire and died for inexplicable reasons. If this was the same Astra, she would not make Kara pay the price.

By the time Astra looked up it was too late. The helo launched its trap.

Layer upon layer of heavy netting held Astra in place. When the electromagnetic pulses began she barely got a sound out before she collapsed. Her body convulsed to the kryptonite conducting through her. Astra’s mouth stretched open in a silent scream and the blood vessels in her forehead popped to a point of nearly breaking the skin.

“Stop! Stop it!” cried Supergirl. “Hank, they’re hurting her! Please stop!”

Alex was already sprinting forward. She grabbed Kara from behind and pulled her away from the scene. She couldn’t know whether she did so for her sister’s physical safety or her emotional wellbeing. Kara shook so violently in her arms it was as if she were suffering from the same shocks as her aunt.

J’onn motioned for them to turn off the current. The convulsions ceased. The stillness verified Astra’s incapacitation. Her eyes were shut and smoke wisps rose from her singed clothing.

All was quiet save for the broken sobs from Supergirl.

* * *

The DEO’s captive bypassed medical attention for the interrogation room. Director Henshaw was the only person who could go in or out. His orders were strict and followed to the letter: four guards posted outside the door, lockdown procedures at the ready, and figure out where in the hell the general came from.

Alex had just left Agent Vasquez’s station on the verge of pulling out her hair. They had been surveying the data till their eyes crossed and were unable to wrap their heads around the results. There was no doubt about it: Astra had crash landed on Earth from outer space. Her incoming trajectory proved that she had entered the atmosphere. The crater contained no debris from spacecraft or the coffin Astra had last been seen in. Based on Vasquez’s evidence, she hurtled to Earth’s surface at terminal velocity deprived of a suit or a vehicle.

While not impressive by Kryptonian standards, Alex and Vasquez still couldn’t determine where Astra came from outside Earth’s orbit, how she did so without breathable air, and most importantly why. Lacking a single witness and further data, all they had were an amnesiac general and more questions.

Alex would be remiss to say she trusted the word of dead woman. It didn’t matter, anyway, because Astra couldn’t remember certain events from her time on Earth. All for the better.

That being said, first hand accounts were unreliable and could, in these circumstances, be distorted by any number of medical conditions. Astra could have blacked out or hallucinated upon reentry. This might not even _be_ Astra.

Which explained the three hours J’onn J’onzz had spent alone with her. If anyone could pick a shape shifter out of a crowd it was the Martian. He had a sixth sense for vagrant aliens and their will to do anything in hiding their true natures. If this woman who looked like Astra was not in fact Astra, J’onn would know it.

Alex pulled at the front of her shirt and fanned it to get some semblance of a breeze going. It had been a long three hours and it was not yet midnight. She wanted to go home, take a shower, open a bottle of wine, and fall into a dreamless sleep. Nevertheless, she had a job to do and a sister to take care of. Which reminded her.

Alex checked her watch. It read 10:27. She let out a sigh of fatigue and headed for the interrogation room. When she turned down the corridor, Kara came into view. She sat against the wall, legs pulled up, and chin propped on her knees. She was still dressed in full regalia with cape spilling on the floor around her.

This was Supergirl as no citizen of National City had seen her. A dejected cloud hovered over her, weighing down her head and shoulders. Alex felt a touch of déjà vu. Kara looked like the same scared thirteen-year-old girl who came to live with Alex and her parents. This was a far cry from the person Alex had left two hours ago. The first hour Kara had spent pacing and mumbling theories under her breath. Alex remained quiet but resolute during that time. There was nothing she could have said that would have made a dent. Until Kara wore herself out like it apparently had.

“Have you had anything to eat?” Alex asked.

When Kara shook her head, her gaze didn’t waver from the door of the interrogation room.

“I take it he’s still in there?”

“Yeah,” her voice cracked from disuse. She swallowed against her dry, scratchy throat.

A clinking sound snapped Kara out of her fog. Alex’s nail tapped the black ceramic mug as she offered it down to her.

“Thanks.” Kara took the mug off her hands and brought it to her lips. The cool, crisp water soothed her parched mouth. She hummed and looked up to Alex with a more genuine expression. “Thank you, Alex.”

Alex nodded.

There was no telling how long J’onn would continue his interrogation. The room was soundproof and though it contained surveillance, they had orders for this session to remain off the record. For now. Alex had no idea what questions were being asked, the answers he was receiving, and what methods he was using to get them.

Committed to the wait, Alex crossed her arms and propped her shoulder against the wall. She didn’t know when her eyes began to slip shut, but when the voice came she found herself jerking awake.

“Huh?”

Kara repeated herself. “Are you worried?”

“About what?” Alex kept her gaze from straying to the interrogation room.

“Astra,” she responded in a barely audible voice. “How you – how we left her.”

“No, I’m not worried. And neither should you.”

Alex turned and pressed her back into the wall. She set her sights on the interrogation room for the first time since J’onn closed it behind him.

Her throat strained in getting the words out and when they came she mumbled, “I’ll take whatever’s coming to me.”

Suddenly, the door opened. Alex had to curb her astonishment for professionalism’s sake. J’onn didn’t look any different save for the worn features of a soldier questioning his captive for three straight hours. Alex’s attention piqued as the interior room came into view. Astra was seated at the interrogation table, restrained by kryptonite shackles, and fingers comfortably intertwined. When their eyes met, Alex thought her heart was going to beat outside of her ribcage. It lasted mere seconds but when the door closed she found she could breathe again.

She blinked to refocus her attention on J’onn who was already breaking it down for them.

“… telling me that this is not the same Astra. Physically speaking, she checks out. Whoever that is in there, it’s not a shape shifter but also not the Astra we have on file.”

“What do you mean she’s not the same Astra?” Kara frowned deeply. “She knew my face, she called me by my name. There may have been a moment of confusion, but she seemed to remember things as time went on.”

Alex’s gaze left Kara for J’onn. “What else does Astra remember?”

“It’s become apparent that she’s suffering from selective amnesia. She cannot recall certain events including how she died or the days leading up to that night. However, she does remember her life on Krypton, being incarcerated to Fort Rozz, and her twelve years on Earth. She recognizes Kara and myself and this facility.”

Kara swallowed. “Did you tell her about Non?”

“She took it…” J’onn rubbed his chin. “She took it rather blandly. I don’t know if it was a defense mechanism or she just doesn’t give a damn about her husband. The news of his death didn’t spark a reaction and that’s what worries me. I thought I’d get more out of her, seeing as how we apprehended her.” J’onn addressed Alex. “I don’t know of any alien on file that can do what she did. No one person could wreak that level of damage. Do you have a lead on accomplices? Any surge in Kryptonian activity?”

Alex shook her head. “If their general has come back from the dead, they aren’t impressed. I don’t think they’ll risk another encounter with us. They know they lost, so they’re going to fly under the radar and try not to ruffle any DEO feathers.”

“How is she?” asked Kara. She pressed her hand to her temple, frustrated for lack of better words. “Like… her behavior?”

“Astra has given me her full cooperation. She has answered questions to the best of her ability – and her memory. She doesn’t seem to know how she caused the storm or how she ended up on Earth in the first place. If her powers have grown, she’s the last to know.”

Alex raised her eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s what Kara meant.”

J’onn’s eyes dropped in anticipation. He brought his hands to hips with a sigh before meeting Kara. “It’s important that you treat her with caution. When we were at the crater, that storm died down just as soon as Astra saw you. You ground her.”

An uneasy tick made Kara shift her weight. “Why would I need to ground her?”

“Because she answered all of my questions. She did not resist once in the three hours I’ve held her there. She doesn’t fully comprehend her new abilities. Her behavior could be described as detached, cold, not to mention superior whenever I mention humans.”

“Nothing new there,” Alex pointed out.

“Not like this,” J’onn warned. “She seems to know something I don’t. I get the impression that with this new strength, she thinks herself a god who can solve any problem. The last time an alien wanted to fix us, we had a city wide brainwashing on our hands. I will not make the same mistake twice.” He gave Kara a stern look. “She may be your aunt, but she is still dangerous – to herself and to this planet. I cannot explain why just like I haven’t a clue why she’s walking around as if she hadn’t been stabbed in the chest and floating through outer space for the last year.”

“So what are you going to do with her?” Kara asked.

“All these unknown variables are rather unsettling. Astra is as unpredictable as when we last saw her. Until we have answers, I’m putting her under constant observation. We need to figure out who we are dealing with here. Alex, as our resident expert on Kryptonian physiology, you will head the investigation. I’ll make sure a lab is set up for your private use. We will all convene tomorrow for a briefing. Until then…” His expression softened at Kara. “I’ll allow you to speak with Astra. Maybe she’ll be less distant with you.”

Kara let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you, J’onn.”

Alex stood dumbfounded by the events proceeding before her eyes. Did she hear right? J’onn wanted her to stick a dead Kryptonian with needles in the hope that it won’t jar the memory of a sword spearing through her chest?

“Sir?” Alex called as she hustled to catch up to him. She fell in beside him as they walked down the corridor.

“Do you have an objection?”

“Do you think it wise for me to examine Astra? I mean, considering I stabbed her in the back with a kryptonite sword and all?”

“She’s recalled quite a lot in the past few hours. If she has no memory of that night now, she may never retrieve it. I’m no expert but I’d think a person will do anything to block a trauma like their own death.”

“But what happens if she starts to remember?”

“Prod gently,” he suggested with a shrug. “We’ll observe her over the next few days and if she shows no sign of hostility you can start your tests. You’re the best we have, Alex. I know you’ll get the answers we need.”

Alex’s feet slowed to a stop. J’onn proceeded to his command post, wide shoulders rocking with his gait, and disappearing around the corner. Her gut twisted into knots. In all her time working as a DEO agent, Alex had always followed orders. She was a model agent who respected her co-workers, never arrived late or called in sick, did not show insubordination, and prized loyalty above all. She inspired others to follow by example. She had proven her worth beyond “Supergirl’s sister” and became Agent Alex Danvers, resident badass and expert in Kryptonian physiology.

Her unblemished record indicated rational decision making and a strong cognitive ability to separate emotion from duty. With that in mind, it came as a shock to her when she actually considered dissent. J’onn gave her an order and her instinct was to object. After pressing further, the nausea bubbled in the pit of her stomach. She would carry out any other command from him, but not this.

Just as shocking was the reason. Alex never backed down from a fight. She rarely allowed fear of death or injury to slip past her defenses or allow bias to stall her trigger finger. So why did she feel so exposed? So provoked to retch into the nearest trash bin?

Time, that’s what she needed. Time to accept orders and calm the hell down.

When Alex turned back she found Kara pacing in front of the interrogation room. She looked as pale as Alex felt.

“Hey,” she said, coming up to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright? I thought you’d be in there by now.”

Kara shook her head. “I don’t think I can do this.” She turned and walked the other way.

Alex scrambled to cut her off. “Oh, no way. Kara, you have to.” She took her by the arms and squeezed some courage into her. “This is your aunt. How can you not want to see her? After all this time?”

“I don’t know what to say to her. What if she doesn’t want to see me?”

“Why would you think that?”

“She’s been out there for a year, Alex!” Her hand motioned up before falling with her shoulders. “She’s been out there all alone in the dark and I just… I just went on with my life.”

Alex’s jaw flexed. She shook some sense into her sister. “As you should. For all you knew she was moving on too. Into Rao’s light, remember? Now chin up, Supergirl. There is someone in that room that is probably just as unsure about all this as you are. She’s alive and she’s waiting for someone to tell her it’s going to be alright.”

A spark of life started in Kara and she nodded hurriedly. Her gaze turned to the door but she stopped short. “Aren’t you coming?”

Alex didn’t realize she had stepped back until she noted Kara’s frown. “I’m here for you if you need me, but I think I’m going to head home now. It’s been a long night.”

“Okay.”

For a heroic figure like Supergirl, her voice sounded unnaturally small. That was the burden of being her sister: knowing the woman behind the fame. To really understand a person meant becoming a target of weakness. She knew Kara’s weaknesses. She especially knew Kara’s fears.

Sensing that fear now almost changed Alex’s mind. It would have made sense to go with her. Alex rarely thought twice about going to her sister’s aid from the time they were kids to Supergirl’s adventures of pure insanity.

This time was different. This was not the happy reunion they envisioned. Astra back from the dead but somehow not the same. When standing beside Kara mattered the most, Alex found herself making excuses. She could delude herself all she wanted, but at the end of the day this was not about self-preservation.

Alex turned away, unable to witness Kara’s struggle for composure. Her feet were taking her down the hallway at a brisk pace, and the last thing Alex felt was brave.


	2. Paranoia

A drop of blood trickled down her cheek, but Alex was too busy to notice. She marched through the tunnel at the head of her task force. She carried her rifle close to her chest, muzzle pointed down. It seemed heavier than when she left base with it.

As she and her men filed in, the base carried on as usual. Vasquez and Winn were typing away at their stations while other technicians were playing back feed from their last extraction.

Alex addressed the two agents flanking the hostile. “Take him to cell twelve.”

They nodded and pulled their captive along. Instead of following, she turned toward the hub. The object in her utility pocket bumped against her leg with each stride. She retrieved it on approach.

The object thumped down two centimeters from Winn’s keyboard. “Our hostile had this on him when we found him. Looks like a two-way transceiver. Can you figure out where the signal is coming from and get back to me with the results?”

Winn took one look at the radio and snorted. “Well, I can assure you it’s not from this planet.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

Winn gave a sigh like he’d been anticipating the attitude. “Look, you may have two years of DEO experience on me, but I do have a sense of these things. And if I’m going to continue being of service, you gotta lighten up a little.”

Alex shook her head a little. “Sorry. It’s been a rough day.”

“I get it. Everyone has their way of dealing with stress. Yours is to bash heads in, and you know what? That’s great. You’re good at it. Like, probably too good. But for me it’s stating the obvious and cracking jokes about how everything’s going to hell.”

Alex detected the hint behind his statement. “You really think Astra is a threat to us?”

He shrugged. “It’s been five days since she’s come back from the dead and we still don’t know how or why. You don’t think that’s cause for suspicion?”

“You don’t think we should give her the benefit of the doubt?”

Winn’s eyes rolled. “You sound like Kara. She and Director Henshaw are the only two people who have interacted with Astra and their idea of security is to stuff her down here with the humans she tried to brainwash. Who knows what she’d going to do to us now.”

“What happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

“Now you sound like Lucy. Do you even have an opinion on this?”

Vasquez, who had given little indication that she was listening, stiffened in her chair. Winn may still be new and learning the ropes in how not to piss off Agent Danvers, but he was just asking for it now.

“Ma’am,” Vasquez wheeled around to hand off a file, “Director Henshaw asked me to give this to you. It’s an updated list of known Kryptonians in the area.”

“Thanks.” Alex took the folder and was about to leave when Agent Vasquez motioned to her face.

“And… you have something…”

Alex used her sleeve to brush her cheek. She didn’t have to look at the color staining her sleeve to know. “It’s not mine.”

Far from reassured, Agent Vasquez gave a firm nod and turned back to her station. Alex missed the glance she exchanged with Winn.

Once in the armory, Alex was finally able to strip the assault rifle from her person. The moment a mission started, her palm wrapped around the polymer grip and didn’t leave until she returned a few drops short of blood or a pint of some other species’ splattered on her clothes like they were now.

She lay her weapon on the table and removed her Kevlar vest. The supply cabinet held clean rags and cleaning solutions. She grabbed a rag and a can of solvent and pulled a stool up to the table.

For Alex, the act of cleaning a weapon was as soothing as dissecting a lab specimen. Each had detailed mechanisms that required a steady hand, respect for the subject/object, and a strong stomach. When Alex was in the armory she allowed the subtle sounds of the gun to settle her adrenaline: the scrapping of bristles as she cleaned inside the barrel, the sliding click when she pulled the bolt back, the hollow sound of the chamber getting flushed out by a blow of air.

The time she spent cleaning her weapon in solitude allowed her to think of the previous mission and what she could have done differently. If she had been caught off her guard and earned a sprained wrist because of it, she’d wrack her mind over what defensive block or particular footing would have prevented it. If a hostile escaped them, she would blame herself and not the faulty equipment. If lives were lost, she’d head straight to the gym and beat the shit out of a punching bag.

If the mission had been successful, she’d think up ways to perfect their strategy. How could they have utilized less ammo? What other points of entry could have quickened their assault? In Alex’s mind, there was always room for improvement.

Instead of calling up the memory of a successful extraction mission, all Alex could think about was their infamous captive. Astra was the talk of the base. Almost every person Alex passed in the hallways was whispering gossip or spinning one of a thousand theories. They went out of their way to pass outside her cell in the hopes to catch a glimpse.

Of course, it came as no surprise that anyone who came back from the dead would attract a fair bit of attention. What annoyed Alex was the wave of distrust that had swept through the base. Everyone seemed to have an opinion and they all felt like they had the right to pass it around. They were afraid of the general and they were not exactly sure why. That fear provoked them to anxiety and suspicion. Like Winn said, everyone at the DEO was on edge. They had a dangerous alien in their midst and who knew when she’d test the limitations of her confinements. Astra was a ticking time bomb.

When all the parts were clean Alex reassembled the weapon. Her deft hands swept over the pieces and in record time it lay complete. She rose up and returned it to the rack when a knock came on the glass door.

Kara entered with a smile, her cape rustling from the swinging door. “J’onn said you just got back. I guess you didn’t need me?”

“Hey, I can see things through on my own,” Alex remarked. She feigned a smarting tone. “Not every mission calls for a Supergirl touch.”

“You never did like asking for help. How did it go?”

“The usual snag, bag, and tag. Our hostile was introduced to his new home in cell twelve not long ago. He shouldn’t be a problem anymore. I also have Winn pinning down the location of an accomplice.”

“That’s great. Winn’s been real great, hasn’t he?”

“Yeah, sure. He’s been helpful.”

A _tap-tap-tap_ played out on the steel counter. Kara’s nails were drumming as she bobbed on the balls of her feet. Her eyes wandered around the room before perusing a row of shotguns.

Alex put her rag down and gave Kara her full attention. “Is there something else?”

Kara’s head snapped around to Alex. She wasn’t normally this jumpy unless she felt the pressure to keep a secret. As Kara’s sister, Alex knew how this played out.

“Kara, if there’s something –“

“Yeah, there kind of is.” Kara let it out in a rush and Alex had to grin a little. “So you know I’ve been checking in on Aunt Astra the past few days? Yeah, well, I know J’onn said we’d wait a little longer before we run tests, but I think you should go see her sooner rather than later.”

Alex’s spine straightened. “Why? Has there been a change in her condition?”

“No, she’s been the same.”

“Is she in any pain? Have the powers we witnessed at the crater manifested?”

“She’s not in pain. At least, none that she’s willing to admit. She hasn’t tried to use her powers inside the cell and I can only hope that’s because of the kryptonite emitters.”

“So what’s got you all nervous?”

“Nervous?” Kara stared for a moment before barking with laughter. “Nervous? Me?”

Alex groaned internally. “ _Kara_.”

“Maybe just a little. Only because you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

“You realize we are standing in an armory, and I’m still jacked up on adrenaline from the mission, don’t you?”

“You realize I’m bulletproof?”

“Can we cut to the chase already? What’s the bad news?”

Kara tilted her head with a grimace. “Astra’s sort of been... asking. About you.”

Alex didn’t think she heard correctly because if she did she might have had to make a run for it. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a Mossberg 500. She calculated how long it would take to load the shotgun and get into position. Her mind raced and came to the result of 30 seconds and an additional six seconds if a shell slipped from her trembling fingers.

Swallowing down a familiar nausea, Alex put on a mask of indifference. “I can’t imagine why. I thought you two were catching up on all the latest developments the past year: your new job, the presidential election, that new show we’re binge watching.”

“That’s not funny. And the show is called _Westworld_ and it is amazing. Anyway, we both know why this is a delicate situation.”

“No one else around here seems to realize that. Do they really have to talk in the middle of the hallway about how I killed her? Some discretion would be nice.” Alex shook herself of the frustration. One problem at a time. “I take it she hasn’t remembered that particular memory?”

“She has memories of you like she does of me and J’onn, but not of that night. In fact, I think seeing you will make things easier for her.”

Alex’s face scrunched at that. “How do you figure?”

“Her behavior has been relaxed for the most part, but I’m starting to think she’s getting stir crazy. Whenever I enter her detainment room her expression is so relieved, but at the first sign of me leaving her heart rate spikes. Of course, she doesn’t want to admit it, but I believe seeing people from her past and talking with them eases whatever concerns she has.”

Alex shrugged. “It makes sense. She doesn’t want to be alone. But what if this is all part of her plan? To gain sympathy from her captors?”

“That doesn’t make her guilty. She’s scared, Alex. She’s just too proud to show it. I know you don’t think it’s a good idea, but can you at least think about it?”

“What exactly did she ask about me?”

“Whether you still worked for the DEO. If you still had my back. She remembers our relationship, so we got to talking about my experience growing up with a human sister.” Alex’s eyes tightened and she opened her mouth to argue, but Kara got there first. “I didn’t embarrass you or anything. And before you grill me, just realize we had a lot of time to talk and I didn’t want to fill it with stuff about death and war. I wanted to share some good news for once.”

“So what did you tell her?”

“Not much. I didn’t want to speak for you.”

Alex considered her options for a long, grueling moment. When she came up with no other alternative, she dragged her fingers from where they were massaging her temple. “Fine. I’ll stop by her cell before I leave tonight.”

Kara did a double take. “You will?”

“There’s no sense in delaying the inevitable. She has to undergo testing eventually. We might as well make a smooth transition to her becoming a lab rat.”

“Wow,” mumbled Kara. “All of a sudden I don’t envy you.”

Alex’s rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

She was just about to start cleaning up the table when Kara blindsided her with a hug.

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara murmured into her shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Alex smiled. “You wouldn’t be juggling two full-time jobs, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, but they keep me on my toes. Which reminds me, I have to get back to my other day job!”

Kara broke away and headed for the door, cape swishing behind her. Something occurred to her as she caught the door and popped her head in. “Hey, you can call me later if you need some words of encouragement.”

Alex forced a smile. “I’ll be fine, Kara. Now get out of here.”

Alone in the armory, Alex hugged her waist and stared where her sister had been. The further Kara flew away the colder she felt. Kara had always been her hero even before she became Supergirl. Now she felt like she needed the caped superhero more.

* * *

By the end of her shift, the base was still bustling with activity. Fortunately for the country, the DEO never slept. Agents and technicians still went about their jobs so that the monsters could be cleaned off the streets.

This line of work made family life difficult. Alex herself wondered if she ever found the time, would she start a family. Her father found a way to make it work between the secret conferences and long trips to undisclosed locations. He still sat down for family dinners, vacations, trips to the beach, and schooling his girls in life’s lessons.

Alex had a memory from when she was sixteen. Jeremiah had his head under the roof of his truck as Alex helped him with some routine maintenance. He was talking about family and the choices one made to keep it. As long as she owned up to her actions, all that mattered was what she felt in her gut. He told her that it was never too late or too early to start and that no one could tell you differently. Alex would know just like Jeremiah had known the moment he spilled a beaker-full of chemicals on Eliza’s lab coat. Alex would recognize her future just as Jeremiah had in the bathroom of their home when Eliza showed him her pregnancy test. Decisions were like trees; every choice branched off in a new direction and it was the person making those decisions who accounted for the caring of each bud. Responsibility had been the greatest lesson Jeremiah ever taught his daughters.

The rattle of someone’s locker closing jolted Alex from the past. She frowned at her boot, the one she had started tying five minutes ago. With a few jerks, she finished lacing and shook her head. What an odd time to be thinking about that memory.

Back in her casual clothes, Alex reminded herself that she had one last stop to make. As desperate as she was to go home to her bed and pull the covers over her head, she needed to do this. She promised Kara.

Alex had avoided this moment the instant her eyes clapped on the living, breathing Kryptonian. There was no telling how Astra would react to her. A lot more than her appearance could jog a memory. The sound of her voice, a trigger word or phrase, a particular weapon in her midst. One thing was for sure – Alex wouldn’t be approaching with any kryptonite sword in tow. Ironic, as it would have made her feel safer in Astra’s presence.

The door shut automatically, sealing her in with the captive.

The first thing Alex took in were the lights. The kryptonite emitters were fully operational as indicated by the glow and hum emanating from the walls. Her eyes then scrutinized the polycarbonate ballistic glass walls of the cell, their edges, the fingerprints…

“You are inspecting my prison.”

Her voice still had a self-righteous ring to it. Astra, always knowing best even when it got her captured. Her relaxed expression told Alex she was right where she wanted to be.

“I don’t remember you being shy,” Alex remarked.

“The Martian questions me. Kara brings me food. You watch me like a spectator at a zoo. It’s almost like home.”

Sarcasm. That was a new one. “Has it been enough?”

Astra tilted her head in question.

“The food. Is it enough to sustain you?”

“It is enough. If that sort of thing matters to you.”

Alex steeled herself for the walk. Inhaling through her nose, she strode up to the glass and stopped within a few feet. “What is the last thing you remember? Before arriving on Earth five days ago.”

Astra held her gaze a pregnant moment before speaking. “The prisoner transfer. The DEO released me in exchange for your director. Despite the conflict between us the deal was struck in good faith. I remember a vague compliment, one that sparks a hunch.”

A niggling feeling told Alex not to enlighten her, but she couldn’t help it. She raised her chin. “You said I reminded you of Kara.”

“Ah, yes.” Astra was already smiling. Her eyes, disingenuous in their sparkle, dropped while she murmured to herself, “That’s right.”

Alex chewed the inside of her cheek. The silence stretched for what seemed like hours. She shifted her weight and let impatience get the best of her. “Is that it?”

A sad shred of a smile twitched on Astra’s lips. “No one will explain what happened after. No matter how much effort I put into remembering, a void has replaced my perception of the past twelve months. Can you tell me why?”

The desperate tone was unlike Astra. No matter how genuine it sounded, Alex didn’t take the bait. “I’m afraid I don’t have that clearance.”

“You mean you don’t have the authority. What is it that brings you here then? The only two visitors I have received are Kara and J’onn J’onzz. Kara because she is my family and the only one who still cares what happens to me and the Martian because he is the highest authority on the premises. Who are you?”

Feigning nonchalance, Alex threw up her hands and shrugged. “I’m just someone doing a favor.”

“I don’t believe you. Being locked up in this cell has given me perspective. Last time I was here, men in uniform came to me. They were led by a man who called himself General Lane. He was afraid of me. He told me so. He and the rest of his soldiers, they were armed, seemingly well-trained, and in possession of the only substance in the galaxy that could make me yield. Still, their hearts beat so hard I had to fight the urge to cover my ears.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“If you are here to do a favor, you either love my niece more than I thought or you place an exceedingly low value on your wellbeing.”

“I really don’t care what you believe. It’s late, so if you’ll excuse me…”

Alex spun on her boot heel and headed out. She was so intent on opening that door she didn’t hear the sharp intake of breath behind her.

“There is one thing I do remember.”

Alex froze midstep. Her blood went cold and raised the hairs at the back of her neck. If the blood in her ears wasn’t thumping madly she would have heard the soft shuffle of Astra approaching the glass. She closed her eyes and counted to five before facing her. It had been unavoidable from the moment Astra showed up.

“I can assume from Kara’s living presence that she escaped whatever fantasy the Black Mercy imprisoned her in. That is in thanks to you.”

Alex didn’t know if she was dreaming or suffering some sort of hallucination. She blinked a few times, mouth working in hesitation. “Excuse me?”

Astra’s bravado had melted and left no trace of the woman she once was. This was someone Alex had never seen or heard before. She wondered how many people were given the chance. Was this the Astra that Kara saw? Or was it just another ploy, the last thing Alex would see before Astra returned the favor?

“I remembered on my second day here. That is why I have sought an audience with you. To tell you how grateful I am.” Her lips loosened and her chin dimpled, but she held back. Anguish welled in her eyes. “You have always taken care of her, haven’t you?”

The tension subsided some. Alex could finally breathe. “Yes, I have.”

“Because you are sisters and you would never betray one another?”

A trace of sorrow laced Astra’s voice. Her expression looked pained and on the edge of collapse. Alex’s eyes matched hers in glistening luster. She nodded. “Yeah.”

Astra closed her eyes and bowed her head. “Then I am in your debt, Alexandra Danvers.”

The ceremonial gesture didn’t phase her. “Alex,” she corrected in a vacant mumble.

A hint of a grin and then, “I am in your debt, Alex.”

Alex had the sense to nod in response. Wrapped up in a bundle of confusion, she forced her leaden feet to move. Her hand touched the panel to release the door. A rush of air came in and shocked Alex out of her fog. The hallway outside echoed with footsteps and the sound of usual chatter.

Alex stopped when her hand met the doorframe. “I’ll stop by tomorrow night. If that’s okay with you?”

Too far away to hear the response, she turned in time to see Astra nodding. Her eyes still glistened in the light of the kryptonite emitters.

No one stopped Alex on her way out. No asked her why she looked like she had seen a ghost. She tucked her head down and evaded conversation.

No one understood why Alex made the sacrifices she did for Kara. No one could possibly understand the misery she put herself through. It didn’t stem from some sisterly bond because theirs spanned lightyears more than anyone on this planet could fathom. It was more than friendship and family. It went beyond any Earthly, three dimensional responsibility.

Just a few minutes ago Alex faced a conceivably dazed alien. An alien that could snap her neck or make her bleed in one of a thousand ways. And that was before finding out Alex had killed her. For all intents and purposes, she locked herself in with her future murderer.

But Kara asked her to. Alex wouldn’t have done that for anyone else. The only other person who could recognize that choice was the person in that cell. What kind of twisted irony was that?

Alex left the DEO that night repeating to herself over and over again that this changed nothing. Even as she lay under the covers with words of gratitude echoing in her mind, she told herself it changed nothing.

* * *

The next evening Alex found herself in the locker room again. That memory of her father and his message on responsibility still rattled around in her head. At least her boot laces were tied this time.

But the more she thought of him the more painful the memory. It bred dangerous what ifs. Alex couldn’t stop herself from making comparisons. He could still be out there somewhere, alive but alone in the dark without any means of returning home. If he somehow found a way, would his memories be blocked as Astra’s were? Cadmus might have conducted any number of experiments on him. The pain could have smothered every last image of his wife and daughters. But if it were possible for a human to gain back years worth of memories, what did that mean for a super Kryptonian trying to grasp the significance of one night?

Alex didn’t know why she headed for the locker room. Maybe it was some safe haven where she could gather her wits and talk herself down from chickening out. One thing was for sure: the halfway point wouldn’t keep Astra’s dinner warm.

Alex headed for the detention level, a bag of takeout in hand. A few people passed her on the way. They caught the smell of rich takeout food, but didn’t question her. In the twenty-four hours since, word had spread that Alex had visited their mysterious captive. A few suspicious looks came her way. Alex fell under heavy scrutiny and it made her uneasy. They didn’t gossip in her presence anymore. They probably thought the Kryptonian general would read her mind. Anything was possible when someone came back from the dead as she had.

As the doors parted, she told herself it wasn’t a bribe. She wasn’t doing this favor to expel the kicked puppy sheen from Astra’s eyes.

Alex found her sitting on the cot, back against her cell wall. Her eyes were closed and her head tilting toward her shoulder. If she was about to nod off, maybe Alex could get out of this one.

“I appreciate the gesture, but Kara brought me supper an hour ago.”

Alex nearly jumped. Her gaze shifted from the bag in her hand to the Kryptonian. Astra’s eyes had fluttered open and she was approaching the glass. Had she smelled the food from inside that cell? With the kryptonite emitters on?

Alex shook off the foreboding sense. “I know you said the food’s been enough, but I know Kara when she hasn’t eaten her third dinner. You have those same glassy eyes.”

Astra’s focus left the bag for Alex. Their gazes held in the quiet glow of the room. Alex broke first with a clearing of her throat. Her hand hovered over the panel on the wall, poised in hesitation. “I, uh…”

Astra seemed to understand. Without needing to be told, she backed away from the glass and sat down on her cot. She had been through this protocol before with Kara’s daily visits. This was nothing new.

Turning back to the panel, Alex swallowed and punched in the code. A snap hiss came in response. She’d do literally anything to make this go as swiftly and as painlessly as possible.

“Kara mentioned that you liked tacos.”

“They are a sufficient source of protein.”

“She also said you ate some of the wrapper because you couldn’t get it in fast enough.”

Astra’s eyebrows pinched together. She then diverted her gaze to scrutinize the dimensions of her glass cage as if she hadn’t been living inside it for the past six days. Alex would be remiss to say she didn’t enjoy her embarrassment.

Alex pulled the glass door wider and slipped in. She counted her steps: one, two, three. She set down the takeout bag, eyes never leaving Astra’s hands which were clasped in her lap. Alex retreated with the count of one, two, and three. Her eyes were glued to those hands which didn’t move a muscle. She felt behind her for the door. Her hand grabbed nothing but air. Her lungs burned. Was she still holding her breath? Where was the door? Why can’t she see Astra’s hands?

The second Alex’s hand met tempered glass she turned and shut the door behind her. She didn’t breathe until she heard the locks click. Her lungs expanded for fresh, sweet air.

The room spun like a carousel. Alex walked it off with a few pacing strides. The combining effects of nausea, dizziness, and heartburn could have been attributed to the enormous dose of espresso she downed earlier and the amount of air she was inhaling at the moment. But Alex didn't take those reasons into account. She still couldn’t forget how easily that blade slipped through those ribs.

When Alex didn’t hear the rush of blood in her ears, she slowed her pacing to a halt. The sound of the crinkling takeout bag jerked her out of her thoughts. Astra’s attention was honed in on her second dinner like a laser sight.

Alex forced her eyes not to widen. Never in a million years did she think she’d be watching a regenerated, homicidal alien eat tacos. The corn shell gave a series of crackles when her teeth bit in. A few shreds of lettuce and cheddar cheese tumbled out and landed on her lap. Then a tiny cube of tomato. A bit of red sauce slipped down her pinky finger and was brought to her…

Alex diverted her eyes up to the ceiling. She bit into her cheek to stop from imagining the rest. The audible munching and wrapper crinkling did not help. The hell was wrong with this room’s acoustics?

“You look about as harmless as a fly.”

The echo traveled back to Alex and caused her to gasp. Had she said that?

A smirk came to Astra’s full mouth. Upon clearing her palate, she said, “If we could all watch our enemies eat tacos, there would be no reason for conflict.”

“That’s an interesting perspective. Do you see yourself as the enemy?”

“Everyone is an enemy to someone,” Astra replied soberly. “Whether we choose to see it or not, our actions have a ripple effect that spans time and space. It would be naïve for one to believe a saint lacks slanderers or that a violent radical would not have a single sympathizer. Even Rao has enemies.”

“That doesn’t really answer my question.”

Astra paused in contemplation. “I see us as soldiers who understand the costs of war and that poor circumstances make poor ends of otherwise well-mannered people.” Astra appeared to come to a conclusion in the midst of speaking. She addressed Alex more directly. “I do not see myself as your enemy despite how that might make me a target to a great many… hostiles… as the Martian calls them.”

Alex gestured to the glass encasement with an air of sarcasm. “You won’t find a safer haven.”

“But the conditions of my captivity won’t last forever.”

It was ironic how Astra brought up the crux of Alex's reason in coming there. Alex was still hung up on dripping taco sauce and ‘frenemy’ banter and here Astra was reminding her of her obligations.

Alex had to get a handle on her behavior around Astra. Just a moment ago she had an overwhelming reaction to the cell’s dimensions. How was she supposed to draw blood and review vital signs when she couldn’t pass a bag of food through the door? She hadn't been within reaching distance of Astra and she nearly fainted for god’s sake. Some scientist she was.

“My purpose in coming here was not to bring you tacos. I do have a pressing matter to discuss with you.”

Astra raised her brow and mused down to her meal, “If this is a bribe, it is a delicious one.”

Damn it, Alex thought.

“But carry on.” Astra bit into her second taco with a satisfying _crack_.

“You will not be allowed to leave this base until we can determine how you ended up here and why you have no memory of the last year.”

“And what danger I pose to you,” Astra supplied, distracted by the sauce at the corner of her mouth. She used a napkin to tidy up the mess.

“Director Henshaw is going to be asking you for your full cooperation. The DEO thinks it would be a good idea to conduct some tests. They want to study your current condition and find out if your abilities have become… altered.”

That seemed to draw Astra’s full attention. She crumpled up her wrappers and deposited them in the bag. After the crumbs had been brushed from her lap, she brought her boot on the cot and propped a wrist on her knee. Her head cocked, completing the aloof attitude.

“I am not sure how amiable I would be to a group of humans playing science. Especially when I am the test subject.”

Alex clasped her hands behind her back. “We accounted for that. We don’t want you to feel pressured. That would skew the results. One person would be assigned to testing you.”

“Just who will be conducting these tests?”

Alex took in a breath and let it out slowly. She hoped she could bluff as good as she thought. “The choice is entirely up to you. The DEO has a number of reputable minds who have made exobiology their life’s work. They are devoted to the science of other planets and their inhabitants, and they couldn’t care less about military politics. Most of all, they are enthusiastic to work with you.”

“And they are not afraid of what I am? That is quite astounding.”

Alex ignored the sarcasm. “I’m here to advise you of an alternative. I am the foremost expert on Kryptonian physiology but no one outside this facility knows that. I can’t exactly tell the world’s scientists that I’ve lived with Supergirl since she was thirteen.”

The diversion prompted a keen stare from Astra. “If I am going to be put under a microscope, I’d like to know the person who is operating it. I’d rather not place myself in the hands of a stranger.”

Alex fought the urge to fidget under the challenging gaze. She breathed deeply. “The study would be under strict supervision. You would be escorted to and from the lab. There is no privacy. You cannot speak about the tests to anyone else.” When Alex failed to get a response or a change in Astra’s blank expression, she drove on. “Where other candidates would heed doctor/patient confidentiality, I would not. I won’t lie to Kara. Whatever we uncover about your condition – if you have one – she has a right to be informed.”

“I don’t understand,” said Astra. The wrist on her knee fidgeted, thumb and forefinger rubbing together absently as she scrutinized the option before her. “Are you discouraging me from choosing you?”

Alex brought her hands to her hips in barely concealed frustration. “Believe me when I say this is a very personal decision. The research can be invasive. I would have to draw blood with a kryptonite needle every day, conduct stress tests, physicals, and ask you to do things that will go beyond your comfort zone. You should take all this into consideration before deciding who will be in charge of examining you.”

“I hear what you are saying, but why would I prefer a medial nonentity over an expert?”

“Because I’m human and I can get on your nerves more than those medial nonentities ever could.”

Astra mulled it over. “If your expertise helps me comprehend my circumstances, I will make it my prerogative to keep my nerves from under you.”

For all intents and purposes, the conversation had come to a close. At least, from where Astra was taking her sweet time putting herself to bed. She threw her other leg onto the cot and scooted down to get comfortable.

The dismissal triggered an incensed puff from Alex. “That’s it?”

Astra lay a hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. “Would you mind dimming these lights on your way out? If I’m going to be poked and prodded, I would like to get some sleep.” She nuzzled into her pillow and added as an afterthought, “And tacos make me lethargic.”

Alex blinked, aghast. Her mouth worked into a retort but none came. Shaking her head, she left the captive to her taco-induced siesta. But not before turning the lights low.

Alex tore down the corridor, arms swaying at her sides and jaw set. Passersby diverted their gazes and veered out of harm’s way. They knew better than to mess with a hot-head like Agent Danvers.

Outside, Alex jabbed the button on her car remote and slammed the door shut behind her. In the stillness of her car, she could finally pick up on the wheezing. The windshield fogged to her breathing and the rearview mirror glared back with a fiery expression.

Her research hadn’t started yet and the test subject was already getting on her nerves. Maybe antagonism was exactly what she needed to see this through. It was a better alternative than the spine-tingling chill playing with her sanity.


	3. Beyond Our Limits

As promised, the lab had been stocked and inventoried to Alex’s specifications. J’onn had thought of everything. She had every tool at her fingertips – the essentials as well as the most advanced equipment the DEO could get their hands on.

A storage cabinet was organized with test tubes, petri dishes, syringes, and pipettes. An entire shelf was dedicated to first aid including gauze pads, cotton balls, antiseptic, and solutions for chemical burns and poisoning.

Lining the wall was an entire steel table groaning under the weight of costly lab equipment: centrifuge and incubator, an autoclave for sterilizing instruments, and a mini cold storage to keep cultures from spoiling. Since moving in, Alex had her eye on the high definition microscope. J’onn must have pulled a few strings because according to her monthly subscription of _American Laboratory_ , that series wasn’t due out until next year.

Alex even had a desk set up with dual monitors and a high-efficiency computer through which to document her work and run simulations. The hardware and software were so sophisticated they would have MIT’s Department of Biology sobbing with envy.

While Alex was on cloud nine, Astra was on the upholstered exam table, eying the syringe in Alex’s gloved hand. Despite the frosted glass lining the room’s walls, Astra must have felt like a lab rat in a sterile terrarium surrounded by a secure facility from which there was no escape.

Still, Astra voiced no qualms about the arrangement. She was dressed in DEO issue boots, pants, and a long sleeve shirt. A few spares were lent to her for the duration of her captivity. The clothes were not dissimilar from her usual; everything came in black and had a practical edge to them. Yet they weren’t as smooth and polished as she had kept them through her diligence aboard military starships. Her pants were rumpled from her nights spent on a cot, boots were not laced past a single knot, and she had gone two belt sizes smaller, although, no one would have guessed from her untucked shirt.

At the moment, her shirt sleeve was rolled above the rubber tourniquet so Alex had access to a vein. Once Alex had filled the third vial, she unfastened the tourniquet and stuffed it in the pocket of her lab coat.

“There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Astra glowered as the pinch abated from her thumb’s circling pressure. “Have I given you the impression that needles make me nervous?”

“You’re not exactly an open book,” Alex mumbled as she began labeling each tube with a sharpie. “All I have to go on are assumptions. And to be perfectly accurate, the needle’s tip is specially made with kryptonite.”

“Whoever thought of that innovation must be a sadist.”

“That person would be me.” At Astra’s surprise, Alex bit down a smirk and pointed out, “If you know another method of drawing blood from a needle-resistant alien, let me know.”

“I can assure you, sharp objects do not bother me. I am a soldier. I have sustained many wounds in the past.”

A ghost-like sensation wrapped around Alex’s heart like a vice. “But you did flinch when I inserted the needle into your vein.” Alex chanced a glance but Astra wouldn’t giving her anything. “It’s supposed to hurt, otherwise, what would be the point?”

An incoherent grunt sounded. Astra rolled the edge of her sleeve down to her wrist. She poured all her focus into the deed, laying creases flat as if it were her only means of passing the time. “You have quite the bedside manner, Doctor.”

It stung like self-pity. Alex bit into her cheek deep enough to overcome it. “I’m not a doctor.”

Astra’s head rose. Her eyebrows pinched together. “A medical doctor?”

Alex shook her head. “Nor of philosophy. I dropped out of the program.”

“Why?”

“If you must know, J’onn recruited me to the DEO. He came with a great pitch, too, and some emotional blackmail come to think of it. Truth be told, I would have dropped out whether he found me or not. The academic life didn’t take to me.”

Alex hadn’t spoken to anyone about her decision to quit school. Not even with Kara. The conversation sort of fell through the cracks. No time to discuss a life changing event between the excitement of Supergirl’s coming out and the daily end-of-the-world crises.

Alex rarely thought about where that path would have taken her. She was too busy tracking down hostile aliens and nearly getting killed to imagine how safe and normal her life would have been. She could have published papers. She would have loved to publish her own research. She could have earned a reputation she could actually talk about and not keep secret from everyone she met. Alex could arrive home at a reasonable hour and not have to wash blood off her hands.

“So you lied to your family? To Kara?”

“Not the candidate you hoped for, am I? I don’t exactly have a PhD in Kryptonian physiology. What I know is based on my life with Kara and working for the DEO for the past three years. And… yes, I lied.” Alex faced her. “Are you having second thoughts about me examining you?”

Without giving anything away, Astra peered at her for a long time. “I think I made a gross error when I compared you to my niece.”

Alex felt the pressure behind her eyes and blamed it on self-pity this time. The tubes of blood clanked as she swiftly gathered them up. She nodded firmly, lips thinning. “Well, if you feel that strongly I can recommend an onsite specialist in molecular biology. She holds doctoral degrees in chemistry and astrobiology. I’m sure she’ll –“

“You misunderstand me. I meant to say that you are unique from Kara. That doesn’t mean you are the wrong person for this job. If anything, my assumption of you should be second-guessed.”

Alex turned back to her instruments. When she felt the heat rush to her face, she cleared her throat. “In that case, can you please roll your sleeve up again? I need to take another sample.”

When she turned back, Astra was holding out her arm and smirking. As Alex threaded a new needle through its holder, she felt a wave of apprehension coming from her patient.

Astra’s eyes shifted from Alex to the vacuum tube being readied. “With all this blood you’ve been drawing, what do you intend to test for?”

“I’ll start with a complete blood count and then a basic metabolic panel. Your leukocyte levels are of particular interest to me. They are the cells which assist in your restorative healing ability. I’ll use Kara’s blood as a base for comparison. Once I filter out the usual Kryptonian elements, I’ll be able to identify anything that’s not supposed to be there.”

“You’ve done this to Kara before?”

Alex noticed how Astra stiffened. She cradled her elbow and slipped the kryptonite needle in. The biting of Astra’s lip stifled a reaction.

“Out of necessity, of course. Kara is the only Kryptonian I’ve studied. There was another subject, but I wasn’t the one who tested him.” Alex’s gaze became vague as the tube began filling with Astra’s blood.

“Kal-El,” Astra supplied. “Unfortunate for your research, his blood will not help in a comparison. Fortunate for me, I am not related to that poor excuse for a Kryptonian.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t even have the research notes on Clark. They’re gone.”

Astra’s eyes followed the work of her examiner. Once the collection tube had been filled to capacity, Alex popped it from its holder and slid the needle out in one deft motion. The steel cart beside her was laid with a sterile towel and gleaming instruments. Alex took up a glass vial and used a pipette to draw up anti-coagulant. She deposited a few drops into the sample tube. She popped on the rubber stopper and started shaking in an effort to incorporate the additive with the recently extracted blood.

“You seem to know what you’re doing,” Astra noted with barely concealed surprise.

Alex raised a brow as she continued to shake the tube. “If you’re going to compliment me, you can at least make it sound like one.”

“Your hands are steady. You are centered and focused. Those are the traits of a good soldier. I never thought of them being applied to this field. Not many choose to undertake both careers. And those that try, I’m sure, have moral conflicts. But you do not have any. At least, none that I can see.”

There was no need to shake the tube any longer. Alex turned back to the cart and looked down. The sample hadn’t cracked under the pressure of her hands. She had a relaxed grip on the tube. Her palms weren’t even sweating. When Alex searched for a cause, she found one possibility difficult to grasp. Astra’s voice… was it calming her otherwise frazzled nerves? Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to keep her talking.

“You can roll your sleeve back down,” Alex instructed. “We’re done for the day. I took a lot of blood, so I’d advise you to stay seated for a while before moving around.”

Alex placed the tube of blood with the others. She removed her gloves before turning to face Astra who had taken orders by folding her hands in her lap and letting her gaze wander around the room full of equipment. Alex folded her arms over her chest, trying to look casual.

“Do you really remember me?” she asked.

Astra’s gaze left her surroundings to meet Alex. “You are the one who defeated the Hellgrammite,” she replied matter-of-factly.

Alex chuckled to herself.

“Have I said something amusing?”

“No. Maybe. It’s just… if a Hellgrammite is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of me, you clearly don’t know what I’m capable of. I’ve taken down worse hostiles.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

Alex didn’t know why she was persisting. Maybe it was the soldier in her that needed to take risks. Or maybe the scientist who required a definitive answer. She tilted her head and wondered, “Then why the Hellgrammite?”

“I sent him to capture and kill you but you overcame him. Perhaps I found it difficult to accept my underestimation of your survival skills. On Krypton we are taught to honor fortitude, even in our enemies. It is a highly valued trait among my people, so you can imagine my surprise when news came of your triumph over the Hellgrammite. Ever since arriving on Earth, I have found it hard to attribute bravery with humankind. Now I see the Hellgrammite as a symbol of your unwillingness to submit. Bravery, as it were.”

When Astra’s last words fell, silence filled the room.

“You are also Kara’s sister,” Astra added as an afterthought. “That makes us family.”

Alex opened her mouth and found that her voice had stalled. If she had any right to disagree, what would stop her from expressing it?

“Isn’t that a bit of a stretch? I thought you were all about blood bonds.”

“Your director continues to interrogate me. Did you know that?”

Alex furrowed her brow, trying to figure out what that had to do with blood bonds. “Yes, I do. He wants to make sure you pose no danger to us.”

“The Martian has a way with words,” Astra said and then smirked. “They are his only tool against a Kryptonian’s innate mind block. He comes to my cell daily, asking the same questions and expecting new answers every time. I’ve given the same responses – most of which do not satisfy him, not because I won’t cooperate but because I cannot. Still, he persists in the belief that I’m hiding something.” Astra’s eyes narrowed. “If I am guilty of conspiring, it is in the hope to gain my niece’s loyalty. I want to salvage what we had – before Myriad, before my dear sister sentenced me to Fort Rozz.”

“Why are you telling me this? You didn’t seem to care when you were choking the life out of me last year.”

The reminder inspired a fondness that made Astra look a tad woozy. “As entertaining as that was, I did not see the deed through. I had every opportunity to dispense with your life, but I made a choice based on your relationship with Kara. It made me curious and I realize now that my instincts were correct. If I want her to accept me, I must acknowledge that you are the key.”

Alex didn’t know whether to snort or sputter. A mixture of derision and puzzlement warred on her expression. This conversation had taken an improbable turn. J’onn had been right about Astra: she was altogether unpredictable.

Alex settled for a balk. “You want me to accept you?”

Astra stared as if this was the simplest matter in the world. “If not as family then as your equal.”

“I find your emphasis on equality baffling, considering your diatribes on the pestilence of humankind.”

Her searing eyes shot up and over. Astra slipped down from the exam table. Her voice lazed like silk. “Well, perhaps your tests will explain my remarkable change in behavior.”

If Astra had taken offense, her bravado wouldn’t let it show. She held her hands out, wrists touching.

Alex proceeded with the cuffs. Once they were secure, she took Astra by the arm and led her back to her cell.

“I’ll do whatever I can,” Alex said, “within reason.”

The pedestrians didn’t bother hiding their gawks. Astra had been told by J’onn to keep her head down and endure the attention. Of course, Astra took it as a suggestion.

“Reason?” she echoed, glaring at the nearest agent in passing.

“Yeah, you know, without killing or maiming anyone in the process. Can you promise that?”

“Can?” Astra shrugged. “That’s relative to whatever your research uncovers about my abilities. _Will_ I keep from killing or maiming? Depends on how long these fools keep staring at me.”

“Hey, at least you’re out of your cage.” Alex steered them around a corner. She shot Astra a patronizing glance. “Anyone ever tell you it’s not wise to bite the hand that feeds you?”

Astra’s stride turned to a swagger as a pair of technicians made a wide berth for them. Her lips fashioned a lecherous grin. “Why resort to teeth when I can use my smoldering gaze?”

* * *

The sweat coating Astra’s forehead gleamed under green florescence. A pulsing hum bounded off the walls of the training room. The kryptonite emitters were cranked to their limit and so too was Astra. Whatever reserves her strength drew upon at this point could not be determined from Alex’s tablet. They were beyond numbers and diagrams and had entered the realm of naked eye observation. One thing was for sure: Kara would have tapped out long ago.

Alex’s study of Astra’s physiology had continued over the course of several weeks. Through physical examinations and experiments, she had concluded thus far that Astra possessed the necessary biological structure and dry wit of a Kryptonian. When they began stress tests, however, she discovered a caveat.

Astra’s abilities had doubled despite no changes in her physiology. Her strength and speed had increased as far as Alex’s instruments could measure. They had yet to test her other talents such as freeze breath and x-ray vision, but if the results of the stress experiments remained consistent, she’d conclude the same of those abilities too. Most concerning, Astra could not harness her abilities as she had learned to after crashing on Earth the first time. Alex theorized that these advanced skills, although held under Astra determined focus, were not linked to motor control.

Alex started to regret her lax attendance in those psychology courses taken during her undergraduate years. The changes Astra seemed to be undergoing had more to do with the emotional side effects than the biological. Alex hadn’t forgotten Astra’s involvement in that storm and how it looked from her point of view. The storm calmed the moment Astra saw Kara. The cause must have lied with fear of harming her niece.

The latest stress tests had uncovered a correlation between Astra’s powers and her emotions. Most if not all her reactions were negative. Of course, when the room rattled with enough kryptonite to debilitate the average Kryptonian, her anger was well founded. Testing positive reinforcement proved equal to that of pulling teeth. On the plus side, Astra hadn’t killed or maimed anyone yet.

Even if Astra’s state of mind could explain her superior power, it did not explain her miraculous transformation back to life. That stumped Alex more than she would like to admit.

Astra slaved behind the weight she had been instructed to move. The four ton concrete block had been called there at Alex’s request. Kara conceded any help for the sake of Astra’s wellbeing, and if these experiments helped her aunt control whatever new properties she had gained then all the better. She didn’t appreciate Alex revoking her observation privileges, though. It proved a wise decision. Even Alex was having a hard time separating bias from her research.

Watching Astra toil to the brink of scream induced muscle spasms provoked a stabbing sensation in Alex’s chest. The first time, Astra moved the block with ease. That had been under the influence of muted kryptonite. Each day Alex increased the level, recording the time it took Astra to move the block from one end of the training room to the other. This was their seventh turn with the kryptonite emitters at their highest. The concrete block hadn’t budged an inch.

Alex monitored the data coming in on her tablet. It posted results via wireless electrodes adhered to Astra’s chest. From a safe distance, Alex could measure cardiac output without the use of pesky wires or a hulking electrocardiograph. Results, however, proved redundant when she could just as easily convey them through observation.

As the 30 minute mark passed, Astra continued to labor with the block. She rolled her shoulder off the rough surface and went back to using both hands. She heaved with knees bent and the balls of her feet making depressions in the floor. The sleeves of her shirt had been rolled up and showed the tension in her muscles. The block remained in place.

Alex took pity on her and called out, “You can stop now.”

An incoherent growl sputtered forth. Something vaguely resembling, “ _I can do it_.”

The sweat poured down Astra’s forehead. She drew back and repositioned her hands before applying yet another great shove. Her mouth pulled into a grimace and she screamed against her clear and present defeat.

“Astra, we’re done. You can stop.”

Alex couldn’t tell from her vantage point if the shoulders shook from overexertion or sobs. When Astra finally did stop, she let out a gusting exhale and fell back against the block. Alex gave her a few minutes to catch her breath before grabbing a dry towel and kneeling beside her.

“I can do it,” Astra gasped between pants. “I just need… a moment.”

Alex handed over the towel in reply. Her features pulled down in sympathy. This had been their second day using the kryptonite emitters at their highest level and the weight hadn’t budged. Alex didn’t know what Astra expected.

Since the beginning of these stress tests, Astra had taken unnecessary risks and pushed boundaries of pain tolerance, all for the sake of Alex’s research. Research that had offered very little consolation to the patient.

“Why are you agreeing to this?”

Astra lifted her head off the block, straining to focus beyond her exhaustion. “Excuse me?”

“Forgive my bluntness. Why have you agreed to these tests? You’re willingly submitting to an agency that has sought to imprison you. For all you know, General Lane could supersede J’onn’s authority again and come in here for another interrogation. Why cooperate? You showed us the might of your abilities that night, so why haven’t you use them to escape?”

Astra didn’t seem surprised by the question. She pulled the towel from where she had been dabbing her brow and spoke to the floor.

“I don’t want what happened out there – that storm? – to happen again. I did not feel like myself. I don’t want to hurt Kara; it was why I stopped… or… I don’t know how it happened. When I saw Kara fighting against the debris, I feared she would be injured. And then, all of a sudden, the winds died and the quaking beneath my feet settled. I don’t know how I started that storm anymore than I know how I ended it. Contrary to what your director might believe, I do not want to harm innocent people. I’ve never been able to do what I did out there. I feel a sense of foreignness inside me, like something should not be there. I have no memory of acquiring this power. I want answers.” Her refueled attention met Alex. “That is why I am agreeing to this.”

Astra struggled to her feet, leaving Alex to stare where she had been. If Astra’s strength relied on emotion, particularly negative emotion, could she also be drawing on fear? It seemed possible, considering Astra didn’t know what happened to her that would make her feel threatened by her own body. She couldn’t seem to harness it or control it. All that remained was fear of the unknown.

“That must be frustrating for you,” Alex said, rising.

Astra shot her an icy look. “It is.”

“As long as you have the will to seek answers, there’s still a chance you’ll find them. You’re safe here. Nothing like that storm is going to happen again if we continue to monitor your condition.”

“What is the point?” Astra seethed at the block and threw her hand at it. “I cannot manage this weight under the influence of kryptonite. What is the point of calling my power a condition if I can’t do anything with it?”

“Well, we haven’t been able to pinpoint which of your abilities has been affected. It might not be strength.“

Astra’s eyes boiled. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t do it,” Alex said, frowning. Astra’s cheeks were flushed and her chest was starting to heave. All that negative energy was ramping her up. “Come on. I’ll escort you to the showers before taking you back to your cell.”

Astra’s eyes narrowed to slits. She reared forward so Alex could feel the heat coming off her. “I don’t need you to hold my hand!”

The outburst startled Alex back a few steps. She blinked, open mouthed. “That wasn’t my intention. It’s been a long day. Why don’t we get you out of this room?”

“I’m not some child who needs soothing.” Her eyes bore into Alex. A seething heat wafted off her. “Do I not have a right to be angry? To demand answers?” She spun away and began to pace. “You look at me now with pity and feign understanding, but this is not happening to you. It is happening to me!”

The hot pacing and predatory looks thrown Alex’s way made her feel smaller by comparison. “I told you that I’m not a medical doctor, but I promised to do what was within my proficiency. I’m sorry if my best does not live up to your expectations. I did give you alternatives.”

“Perhaps I’d prefer a complete stranger. Perhaps they can tell me what is wrong with me.”

Dismay struck Alex like a blow to the gut. “Who said there was anything wrong with you?”

“Please,” Astra spat, curls flying at the increased stride. “I am not being held prisoner for my benign disposition. I’ve been branded a danger to humanity – a hostile. How else do you explain hurricane-level winds and a ten plus magnitude earthquake within a _contained area?_ ”

“Technically, we didn’t have a seismometer onsite, so our best guess –“

“I am tired of your best guess. That is all you seem to specialize in.” Astra came to a grounding halt. She brought her hands to her hips and asked directly, “Can you give me one conclusive theory to explain what I am?”

As dangerously unstable as her voice resonated, there ran an undercurrent of desperation. Alex didn’t know whether she cowered from Astra’s shadow or from her own failure as a scientist. She wanted to give Astra the answers she wanted. She really did. A few weeks ago she wouldn’t have given a shit about affording Astra the peace of mind. It had only been a few short weeks ago when lying tempted her with its ease, but now a few weeks felt like a few months. After watching Astra undergo such trials, just the thought of lying made Alex sick. She couldn’t give Astra false hope anymore than she could give it to herself.

After weeks of bloodletting, invasive questioning into medical history, the examinations, and stress-inducing tasks, Alex had tormented Astra without giving her anything in return.

When it finally dawned on Alex, the feeble reply loosened from her lips. “I can’t.”

Something in Astra snapped. She let out a cry of rage. The walls vibrated and her body racked to her voice’s intensity. Her skin looked so enflamed, Alex swore she saw steam rise.

It happened as quick as lightening. Alex had no time to blink. Astra spun towards the concrete block and struck her hands through up to the wrists. In one smooth motion, the force of her push sent the block hurtled through the air and making a clean, square hole in the wall. The block lay in the middle of the corridor clouded with dust and debris.

A few seconds later – no telling exactly when – Alex found herself hugging the wall with her back against it and wondering if that just happened. The smell of concrete and the plaster caking her face told her that it had. She eyed the glow of the walls to ensure that, yes, the kryptonite emitters were operational and at full capacity.

Scuffing boots alerted her to movement across the room. Astra collapsed against the wall and sank down by the sheer weight of energy spent. She stared at the wall’s new opening like it was a black hole pulling her into oblivion.

Alex didn’t move a muscle. The impossible feat just displayed discouraged her from going anywhere near Astra. The dazed expression didn’t put her at ease either.

When the shock wore off and they both could breathe at a normal rate, Alex escorted a very subdued Astra to the showers before dropping her off in her cell. The silence stretched between them, giving ample potential for tension.

Even if Alex could fashion a coherent inquiry, Astra remained too unresponsive to answer. She seemed just as shocked as Alex. Whether she asked after the how of the concrete block or begged for reassurance that Astra was okay on any conceivable level, Alex would have to fly blind.

Alex returned to her lab, bypassing the inevitable encounter from J’onn. She couldn’t deal with that now. The thought of explaining that mess in the hallway didn’t reach priority level attention. Her patient, lab rat, favor, whatever she called Astra now… demanded priority.

Had Alex not treated Astra with enough caution or importance? Or had she pushed too hard? Had she overestimated Astra’s boundaries, stretching her patience until it snapped like an overstressed rubber band?

Whatever progress they had made as scientist and test subject, whatever calm Alex drew from Astra’s voice while making trivial banter, and any respect and gratitude generated by their time together fizzled. They were back where they started: enemies forced to cooperate.

It left Alex wondering when this ticking time bomb would detonate. It was only a matter of time. If she didn’t come up with answers soon, her investigation would be the least of her worries. Instead of Astra’s life being cradled in her hands, it would be Alex’s life in the hands of an unstable alien with god-like abilities.

As Astra’s impatience grew and her powers multiplied, Alex’s dread returned in full force.

* * *

No one would have known Alex’s personal lab was occupied. The overhead lights were off and the frosted glass gave no indication of movement inside. Only a Kryptonian could have identified the room’s occupant.

The dual computer screens bathed Alex’s face in its luminous glow. She hadn’t wanted to sleep. Lately, her dreams were vivid and recurring enough to play around in her head as if they were jigsaw pieces of memory. The pieces were grainy and exhibited a strong sense that the gaps were more significant. In one dream she was climbing a Mount Everest of a bookcase interspersed with books and half empty whiskey bottles, and in the next she was sitting on a cheap sofa watching _Game of Thrones_. She couldn’t fit them together and it frustrated her to inexplicable terror. The flashes were so real; what if they were pieces of her past? If they were, why couldn’t she remember a beginning or an end? Why did they just run like film strip skipping around a reel on repeat?

The nerves were only bothersome when she woke. They eventually faded and so too the dreams because that’s all they were – dreams.

Currently, she had a script of notes running on one monitor and a graphical model on the other. This was big stuff. She had just crafted a genetic algorithm that was calculating Astra’s evolving physiology (in theory). She was still having a hard time finding a link between the emotional and the biological. This particular graph was one of thirteen permutations that accounted for random variables.

Alex had been looking at genes and chromosomes since three in the morning. She hadn’t checked her watch since that lower back cramp forced her to take a walk around the room and get the blood flowing. At the moment, her eyes showered the graph with immaculate attention. She hardly blinked. Until a knock came.

Without tearing her gaze away from the screen, Alex called, “It’s open.”

Kara shuffled in holding a large carry out cup of what smelled like coffee. “Hey,” she greeted. Her eyes squinted in the gloom as she made her way over to Alex. “I hope you don’t mind. You usually need a caffeine jolt around this time.”

Kara put the cup down in front of Alex before taking in the messy workspace. “You hardly leave this room,” she stated. Her face was awash with concern. “A little sun would do you good.”

Hypnotized by the graph mutating before her eyes, Alex blindly reached for her coffee cup and brought it to her lips.

“Alex?”

“Mm-hm.”

“ _Alex!_ ”

The bark startled Alex upright. She nearly lost hold of her coffee. “Jesus, _what?!_ ”

“Pale and irritable, too.”

“What are you going on about?”

Kara pulled over a stool and dropped down. With a huff, she reached over to twist the knob on the desk lamp. A soft golden light brightened the room so she could actually see who she was speaking to.

“Have you left this room within the last five hours?”

Alex propped her head in her hand with a sigh. She scrubbed her eyes, mumbling, “I don’t know. Yeah.”

“This is the third time this week I’ve caught you lurking here in the dark. Do you even know what time it is?” At Alex’s lethargic shrug, Kara bristled. “You need to take care of yourself, Alex. This is like your graduate school days all over again. Yeah, don’t look at me like I didn’t know. I have x-ray vision and these walls are just as transparent as your apartment. Only now you can’t hide behind a lie.”

“Well, you can rest assured. I’m not lying to anyone. I’m just working.”

“I’m being serious,” Kara pressed. “It’s like you’ve dropped off the face of the planet. I hardly see you at Noonan’s and you don’t drop by my place like you usually do, unannounced and ranting about how _I’m_ not taking care of myself. And according to J’onn you haven’t taken an assignment in two weeks? When were you going to tell me?”

Alex groaned internally. The thought slipped her mind to update her sister of that business. Kara heard right: Alex hadn’t run a single combat operation in weeks. Removing herself from field duty became necessary in opening up her schedule. Since Astra gave the training room a new doorway, Alex had poured all her focus into researching a cause.

“Did you even get my text this morning?” Kara asked. Her eyes left the oblivious expression to rove over the sea of notebooks and papers. The scribbles were illegible to her eyes and the complexity of the graphs went way over her head. “Where _is_ your phone?”

“I don’t – can you just cut to the chase? Did Mom send you?”

“If Eliza sent me, you would know. I would be carrying an armful of Tupperware. Have you been eating, at least?”

“Yeah.”

“That doesn’t sound like a definitive ‘yeah.’ It sounds more like a _protein-bar-when-I-remember_ yeah.” After a moment, Kara softened. “I just want you to talk to me. We don’t do that anymore. It’s worrying me, not knowing where you are. I don’t even think you go home anymore because the last time I checked there was a huge pile of mail at your door.”

Alex bit back a reply. Frankly, worried was how she felt all the time. Every mission she was met with the pressure of keeping her heart out of professional matters. Every day she had to wonder where Kara was – if she was safely inside her office at CatCo or having lunch with friends or sleeping in her bed. Any chime of Supergirl’s name from the television caused Alex’s heart rate to spike.

Alex would never stop worrying. It was a wonder how many years Kara’s heroics knocked off her life. Now Kara was getting a taste of that 24/7 _why-aren’t-you-answering-your-phone_ anxiety.

Thankfully, Kara picked up on her stewing to realize this interrogation was going nowhere.

“How’s the investigation going? I spoke to Astra earlier today when I brought her lunch. She seemed thrilled that you gave her a vacation from the blood tests. That sounds like progress.”

Alex groaned outwardly this time. “I told her it was only for two days. I need time to apply the latest extractions to this model. Two days, I said, but _no_ that’s not enough for her.“ Alex slouched back in her seat and crossed her arms. She glowered at her computer. “She is the patient from hell.”

Kara snorted. “This is a surprise?”

“I had hope.”

She patted Alex’s arm for solace. “Come on. Talk to me, Alex. What’s wrong?”

Alex ran her hands through her hair. Her fingers caught the snarls. She’d been taking showers in the DEO locker room and didn’t have a comb. Having an overnight bag on hand would have been ideal. She had stopped by the convenience store during one of Astra’s dinner runs and picked up the essentials. Still, having her personal items around her would have provided comfort. She’d been managing with the futon in her lab. The memory of what it felt like to sleep on a mattress was slipping. Since throwing herself into her research, she’d gotten used to living at base. Maybe too used to it.

Sighing, Alex revolved on her chair so she faced Kara. “I can’t make heads or tails of Astra’s new abilities. Technically, this should be simple. With the results I derived from your blood, I have been able to filter out the basics, but without her original sample I can’t make a firm conclusion. I can’t filter out new factors from the old. I can’t plot a timeline because Astra has been god knows where and supposedly dead. Her blood and tissue should have decomposed. She must have come into contact with an element that preserved her to the point of transmuting her cellular structure. In very unscientific terms, something supercharged her immune system and brought her back to life.”

“What kind of element could do that?”

“In my professional opinion? Either radiation or dark matter.”

“Wait, dark matter? Feel free to correct my high school physics education, but isn’t dark matter supposed to be one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of the universe?”

“It’s the only theory I have that would explain one of the biggest unsolved mysteries eating tacos in her cell right now.”

“Okay, go back to the radiation theory. Do you think her coffin passed so close to the sun that her body became supercharged?”

“At this point, a Kryptonian’s guess is better than mine. I’ve hit dead end after dead end.” Alex sighed and fell into her hands. “I feel like an undergrad again. There’s just too many unknowns. And the only person who could possible understand doesn’t even remember. Whatever happened to her out there must have been so traumatic her brain sought to block it from her memory.”

Their conversation came to an eerie standstill.

Even Kara’s haphazard genius of a sister couldn’t figure this out. She studied Alex amid her compulsion driven work ethic. Alex looked terrible. A niggling feeling told Kara that she was taking this harder than her.

“I know you, Alex. You don’t put this much effort into something unless you have something to lose. I honestly don’t know if you’re doing this because I asked you to or because you don’t want her to remember.”

“It’s not like that, Kara. I do want her to remember. I just don’t want that one particular memory to surface.”

Kara leaned back, throwing up her arms for lack of a better response. “And would that be such a bad thing?”

Skeptical, Alex peered closer at her sister. “You’re kidding, right? I stabbed her in the back with a kryptonite sword.”

“For protecting J’onn. That might not seem like justice now that she’s back, but that’s just your anxiety talking. It’s blinding you from realizing any progress Astra has made the past month.”

“What progress? We’ve made no progress.”

“Have you stopped to consider that it’s not just her physiology that’s changed but her morality? Whatever the cause – radiation or dark matter – what if she wants redemption? What if she has it in her to forgive you?”

The likelihood had Alex closing her eyes. She pressed her fingers to her temple with a wince. “I can’t take that chance.”

“Why not?”

“I… I don’t know why anymore. I just can’t!” Alex’s hand left her face to slam down on the table. “Just stop telling me what to think and what to feel! You don’t have to handle me. I know what I’m doing.”

“Alex,” Kara leaned back on her chair, face crumpling, “I’m sorry. I –“

“Can you please go?” Alex rolled back to her monitors and started jabbing at her keyboard. “I need to finish this simulation. Thanks for the coffee.”

It didn’t hit Kara until a few seconds later. Alex had omitted her presence by diving back into her work. There was no getting through to her, so Kara rose from the stool and moved soundlessly to the door. She spared a glance over her shoulder, but Alex was so far removed from the present. She had allowed the past to ensnare her so completely it’s as if she was reliving that night in her mind’s eye. Over and over the blade entered through her back and out of her chest. Every time she sank to her knees, gasping in shock.

The irony of it all? The obsession to run from what Alex had done demanded constant interaction with Astra. Treading cautiously around the memories, testing her limitless strength, and prodding her mortality just short of a knife’s point, all to provide the patient answers.

The rules were changing. The purpose of Alex’s investigation was not what it had once been. This was no longer about doing favors. This was about life and death.

* * *

The bustle of DEO Control Area did not deter Alex. Though she still wore the same uniform as the rest of them, her lack of a sidearm made her conspicuous. All field-level agents were required to wear them on the premise. It went beyond personal protection when the base housed several hundred of the galaxy’s most dangerous criminals. It only took one escaped prisoner to release a pandemic of chaos upon the city. Yet Alex seemed rather casual without it.

She marched in and pinpointed Winn at his usual station. “Winn, do you have that software update for me?”

“Yeah, it’s still downloading. It’ll be a few more minutes.”

Winn had proved instrumental in furthering Alex’s research. He provided new hardware when the old hardware crapped out and even lent her a few ideas in refining her simulations. Of course, his assistance only went as far as the technical. Whenever she leapt into another one of her longwinded theories on biotic adaptive panspermia, he backed slowly out of that one-sided conversation with hands raised.

As impatient as she was, Alex held back a sigh. The least she could do was wait for a few minutes. Knowing Winn’s dislike of people breathing down his neck, she leaned back into the railing and swept her gaze over the area.

It had been a while since she’d frequent this side of the base. She used to be a regular here, glued to the monitors and tuned in to Supergirl’s mission progress via earpiece. After taking several weeks off from field duty, it hadn’t occurred to her that the DEO would go on without her.

But people went about their jobs like usual, the screens flashing profiles of suspected hostiles, routes being mapped for the next operation, and tactical teams scurrying in and out of the armory.

When she surfaced from her thoughts, Alex caught a technician staring. He immediately diverted his gaze. She looked over her shoulder at a passing agent who looked the other way. An eerie notion raised the hair on Alex’s neck.

As much as this place felt like home to her, at the moment, she derived no sense of home whatsoever. The way people were ignoring her and keeping their distance made her feel like some sort of pariah. When she thought about it, they had been treating her like that a lot lately.

“What’s going on?”

“Hm?” Winn’s focus was zeroed into his computer.

“Why is everyone going out of their way to avoid me?”

His fingers froze at his keyboard. He turned to Vasquez who was giving him the same dubious expression.

Vasquez straightened in her chair and worked her mouth. Her hesitation did not go unnoticed. “You don’t know?” she replied.

An uneasy feeling constricted Alex’s throat. She looked from Vasquez to Winn with growing anxiety. “Know what?”

Winn swallowed. “Director Henshaw told Astra.” At Alex’s expectant expression, he explained, “He sort of told her that she died.”

Vasquez, all too acquainted with Agent Danvers’ dislike of the broad picture, was good enough to fill in the blanks. “The director has been interrogating General Astra for the past two months now. He hasn’t gotten anywhere and she doesn’t seem to remember anything, so he gave her more to work with. The idea was to offer information in a gesture of good faith.”

“He’s _conning_ her for answers?” Alex gawked. “What makes him think telling her she _died_ would make her cooperate?”

“Well, she hasn’t talked much since he broke the news.” Winn winced to himself. “Of course, if someone told me I’m supposed to be dead, I wouldn’t be Chatty Kathy either.”

“Director Henshaw just told her this morning.” Vasquez’s suspicion narrowed with her eyes. “He really didn’t tell you?”

It all made sense now. The diverted gazes, the bated breath, the wide berths made whenever she came within proximity. Everyone on the base knew who carried the sword that killed General Astra that night. With news circulating of J’onn’s recent tête-à-tête with the prisoner, they were all just waiting for the inevitable. No one wanted to be anywhere near Agent Danvers when the general snapped.

The knot in her stomach brought on a wave of nausea. It was too much. Between J’onn’s betrayal and the widened keyhole into Astra’s past, Alex didn’t know what new calamity would spring next.

In a way, J’onn’s recent decision hardly surprised her. He may be a Martian, but he was a Martian for Earth. He made it his purpose to protect the people of this planet. From the beginning, J’onn had been Astra’s least number one fan. And for good reason. If it weren’t for his iron principles, she would have gotten the best of them all. But that was last year.

Astra may have changed but J’onn hadn’t, and his drive to protect Earth was as strong as ever. To do that, in his mind, he needed evidence to keep Astra in a cell for good. He couldn’t get the necessary answers, so he went and undermined Alex’s investigation.

If Astra knew the truth, all the progress Alex made with her research would be for nothing. If Astra found out how she died, they’d have more to worry about than a flying concrete block.

The heavy clomps of boots approached. Alex’s head snapped around just as J’onn was making himself at home at the situation table. The glow from its surface illuminated his sober features.

Leaving Vasquez and Winn to wonder after her sudden disquiet, Alex met J’onn across the table. She laid her hands down and hunched forward. “You went to see her.”

The open file held his attention a moment longer before he raised his brow and met her eyes. “I assume you’re referring to Astra. Yes, I saw her.”

“You _spoke_ to her.” Alex set her jaw, feeling the ire heating her cheeks. “She knows now, doesn’t she? Because you couldn’t _wait_ to see the expression on her face.”

“Since when do our prisoners’ mental state stir up your sense of justice? These hostiles don’t have any more rights here than they do amongst society. She is not human, Alex. Hasn’t your investigation proved that at least?”

“What have you told her?”

“I told her what I needed to. This mystery has gone on long enough. If I can’t explain how she came back alive and more powerful than before, I won’t have a clue as to how to stop her. We might not even possess the resources to contain her.” J’onn’s fists supported him on the table as he directed hard rationale. “What do you think General Lane will do when news breaks? I’m more concerned about this agency being shut down than I am of Astra’s state of mind.”

Reason chipped away at Alex’s resolve. As scared as she was for her own life, there were millions of lives who needed to be accounted for. If the DEO went under, it didn’t matter what Astra did or didn’t remember.

“J’onn, you told her that she died. What did you say exactly?”

He gave out with a sigh. “When she asked why everyone has been treating her with suspicion, at first I thought she was referring to her abilities. But after two months of questioning, I like to think I’m more attuned to her manner. She could sense something was off.” His gaze roved the control area before he scrounged up the sympathy to ease Alex’s mind. “I only gave her an abstraction. When Non released the Black Mercy on Kara, Astra had a change of heart. She defected to our side and helped circumvent Myriad. There was a battle. Both she and Non were killed.”

Alex blinked back in surprise. “Wait, you’re lying to her?”

“Anything to get more information. She still can’t remember where her coffin took her or how she was able to cause that storm. Maybe news of her death will enlighten her.”

“Or it could jog her memory and put _my_ head on the chopping block.”

“We’re beyond that now, Alex. Even if she finds out, we have her under guard. It’s my responsibility to protect the people on this base and I’ll make sure she doesn’t escape us this time.”

Alex folded her arms and offered J’onn an obliging tilt of her head. “Yeah, that makes me feel much better. Especially when I can’t figure out why she’s now impervious to kryptonite.”

J’onn’s head snapped up. “What?!”

“It’s a theory, one I haven’t been able to test at length because she won’t cooperate with me.”

Alex pressed her forehead in frustration. She’d been trying to hunt down an explanation every since the concrete block incident. Astra had been hauntingly impassive with her, not answering her questions and drawing a blank whenever Alex so much as hinted towards the ‘incident.’ It was like her mind had blocked that memory too. Astra’s face didn’t light up anymore when Alex came bearing tacos or some new Earth food. Her innocent plan to gain Alex’s acceptance had fallen by the wayside. If Astra ever wanted Kara’s loyalty, she did not waste time her time trying with Alex.

Alex continued in morose fashion. “Something in her physiology must allow her to adapt to kryptonite’s harmful effects. But the source is so abnormal I can’t make a connection.”

J’onn stared her down. “When were you going to update me with this news?”

“I don’t know,” she shot back. “When where you going to tell me someone told Astra that she’s supposed to be dead?”

J’onn shook his head, huffing. “I’ve taken enough heat from your sister. I can’t deal with you now, too. If you want answers, you’ll have to wait. Kara’s in there with Astra right now.”

“Great,” Alex muttered and set off.

“Oh, Alex, hang on.” Winn twiddled his thumb drive to get her attention. “I’ve got your –“

“Not right now, Winn.”

Alex pounded down the hallway at a brisk pace. Her blatant disregard for everyone’s staring only made them treat her with more precaution. A shadow of distress clouded her features. No one could tell if she was going to kill the prisoner or throw herself into the cell with her.

No sooner had the door slid wide did Alex sweep through. Her harried expression sobered to the sardonic twang of Astra’s voice.

“Oh, how good of you to join us. I was just telling Kara that everything makes sense now.”

Astra looked oddly at home sitting on her cot. Despite her circumstances for being there, of course.

Alex thinned her lips in response. She would not give her the satisfaction. She turned to Kara who looked just as distraught as Alex felt. “J’onn just told me.”

Astra muttered to the ceiling, “At least _someone_ is acknowledging my questions.”

Kara fumed. “I’ve been trying to convince her that there was a good reason why we didn’t reveal certain events.” She turned back to Astra. “I didn’t want to upset you. I wanted it to come gradually.”

“I am supposed to be dead. There is no way to break that news gradually.” Astra icy stare never left the ceiling. She looked pained enough by her niece’s duplicity; she couldn’t face the one person she trusted. “At least now I know why everyone has been treating me like a lab experiment.”

“Not everyone,” Alex pointed out. She willed herself not to break away from Astra. It took a while to realize it, but this woman was her responsibility. If she couldn’t endure the stab of guilt much less Astra’s presence behind a glass cell then she had no business heading this investigation in the first place.

“Not everyone,” Alex pointed out solemnly. “Just me.”

“Of course. How can I forget?”

Alex flinched. It may have stung, but she wouldn’t react any further to what this Kryptonian had to say. She was obviously upset and who wouldn’t be? “If you have a problem with my methods, leave Kara out of it. She has nothing to do with my research. All she’s done is bring you food and keep you company. You should be fortunate enough –“

“Fortunate?”

Astra rose up and rounded on her. The slighted reaction pinched her features. She moved further into the light, revealing herself to Alex. Astra was haggard and not necessarily as a result of frequent blood donations to Alex’s research. The ashen cheeks and limp curls indicated how little sleep she had been getting. Their cause was embedded just as deep in the mental as the physical. This had all been about Astra’s emotional state since she sent that concrete block through the wall.

“ _Fortunate?_ ” spat Astra.

“Aunt Astra…” Kara’s face implored so strongly, her whole body seemed to sag with the plea. “We’ve only wanted answers, same as you. Please, trust us.”

“Even if I am deemed a non-threat,” said Astra, “I’m not going to be released from this cell, am I? It’s not enough that I died; I have to serve time for crimes I committed for the welfare of this planet.”

Alex rubbed her head in exhaustion. “Well, she still has an environmentalist complex. At least that hasn’t changed about her. Why does that relieve me?”

“Aunt Astra, we have to stick together. This is not the time for petty rivalries or disagreements over experimental methods.” The grave circumstances neither Alex nor Astra seemed to discern made Kara prickle like a lighted fuse. “Listen, things have changed. Researching your condition should not be our main priority. If we don’t stop fighting, they’re going to take advantage of us. And once that happens, Aunt Astra, you’ll have more to worry about than Alex not acknowledging your twenty questions.”

Astra took that with a cautionary tilt of her head. “What are you saying?” The nervous tick on display pulled her face into a deep frown. “Are you in danger, Kara?”

Kara addressed her equally concerned sister. “Can I speak with you outside?”

Alex panned between them. “… Sure.”

Astra touched the glass. “Kara?”

“I’ll be right back,” Kara threw over her shoulder.

The door sealed shut behind them. Down the hallway, a pair of DEO agents were conversing. Kara pulled Alex out of earshot.

“Kara, what was that back there? Do you know something?”

“I need you to go to my apartment. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Just wait for me there.”

“Why the secrecy?”

“Trust me, Alex. Please?”

“Of course.” Alex panned to the doorway. Her awareness perked to Astra’s predicament. She wet her lips anxiously. “What about Astra?”

“I’ll calm her down, but I’d rather discuss this with you first. We just can’t do it here.”

Alex took her sister by the arms and pulled her slightly in. “Okay, you’re really scaring me. Is Astra right? Are you in danger?”

“I promise to explain everything back at my place. Now keep your head down. Remember, don’t tell anyone where you’re going.” Kara squeezed Alex’s hands for reassurance. “Don’t worry about me.”

Alex gave some semblance of a nod and watched her sister go back through the doors. The absence of hope in Kara’s stride didn’t make her feel any better.

* * *

The moment the apartment door closed, Alex rounded on Kara and rendered her immobile with a stern yet protective glare. “You want to tell me why I had to sneak into your place under the cover of darkness?”

Kara adjusted her glasses to peer at the puckered rug in Alex’s wake. “Have you been pacing this whole time?”

“Answers. Now.”

“Okay, I might as well blurt it out as I have a tendency to ramble and I really need you to stay calm so that you’ll support me –“

“ _Kara_.”

“Right. Yeah. We need to break Astra out of the DEO.”

Alex did a double take. “I thought you were in trouble.”

“Well, I _am_ going to be in trouble when they find out I helped her escape.”

Alex rubbed her temples and screwed her eyes shut against that image. “I don’t think I heard correctly. You want us to break Astra out of the DEO?” Kara pinned her lips and nodded uncomfortably. “You want us to help an immeasurably unstable alien out of a secure facility? Where I am employed?”

Kara reddened. “You see, it sounded more heroic in my head…”

Alex stared. “Well, it’s not, Kara. It’s treason. I don’t know which part is worse: the ‘us’ in this whole scenario or the fact that you think freeing Astra out of her cell is helping her.”

“Well, the DEO won’t be able contain her for long. Not when there are people working there who are more a threat than a help. J’onn is too busy trying to shock her into giving him answers. I know he’s just doing what he thinks is best, but so am I.”

“Hang on.” Alex raised a hand. “Threat?”

“You can’t honestly say you haven’t seen the looks people are giving us at the DEO. Everyone is on edge. I have to x-ray vision Aunt Astra’s lunch to make sure no one slipped her a kryptonite razor blade.” She converged on Alex with a face clouded with alarm. “For once in all my time working with the DEO, I don’t trust them. I can’t take any chances this time. I just got her back, Alex.”

“They’re scared,” Alex defended.

“And what happens when that fear becomes too much? Panic makes people overreact and take dangerous risks, endangering themselves and others.”

“Their caution is well-founded. Do I have to remind you how close she came to fulfilling Myriad?”

“But Astra didn’t want that. She would have helped us defeat Non. I saw the regret in her eyes and I forgave her, Alex.”

“Maybe so, but J’onn was right when he interrogated her the first time. That is not the same Astra who died in your arms. I’m sorry.”

Kara shook her head sadly. “After all this time, spending time with her and studying her, you never saw a glimpse of the old Astra?”

“I didn’t know her like you did. Maybe…” Alex closed her eyes, hoping to latch on to a gesture or spoken word that echoed the compassion Kara was able to rouse in Astra just before her death. “I don’t know what I saw.”

“Listen, you’ve gone above and beyond your duty as a DEO agent and as my sister. I don’t expect you to put your job in jeopardy. There’s a way we can avoid implicating you. Winn has already agreed to help with the surveillance cameras and Vasquez can override the security checkpoints.”

“Oh my god.” Alex held her face in her hands. “You’re serious.”

“You may think that you’ve done all you can to help Astra, but maybe we’ve exhausted the DEO’s resources and it’s time for an alternative. Astra can’t stay there anymore. The DEO doesn’t care about her. All they care about is containing her. Whatever they’re planning in holding her there is just short of what Cadmus is doing.”

Last resort had Kara’s head tilting. Her voice pleaded. “Alex, we have a connection with Astra that the DEO doesn’t. Whether you realize it or not, we’re bound to her. We have to keep her safe. I can’t do this without you.”

Alex took it with a sigh. She couldn’t believe she was actually considering treason. “What did you have in mind? We can’t exactly smuggle her here.”

Kara’s mouth stretched into a smile. “I have a plan.”

* * *

“Give me one good reason why I should participate.”

Alex groaned. While Kara’s plan covered the specifics of escape, she did not account for their escapee’s stubbornness.

“Because where you’re going, the accommodations are less intimidating and the tacos are within range.” Alex threw her an intolerable look. “Does that measure up to your standards, General?”

Astra tracked her movement across the room. Unlike the first time, Alex didn’t have many doubts about opening her cell. The door unlocked upon her passcode input and she proceeded up to Astra like she had every day. They’d been doing this since the start of her examinations, but Astra seemed to be the only one taking it with trepidation.

Alex grabbed the edge of the glass door, pried it open, and waved the all clear to step out.

The open path triggered Astra to frown. She looked from the hand gripping the door to Alex. “What of your insufferable tests?”

“I’m putting them on hold.”

The hiss of the outer doors nearly gave Alex a heart attack. She spun around, palming her gun’s handgrip. It hadn’t occurred to her if that particular instinct was for Astra’s safety or her own.

“Ready?” Kara asked. She held position in the doorway and split her attention between the hallway and her relieved sister.

“Yeah.” Alex glowered at Astra. “We were just having a pep talk.”

Astra complied by stepping out of her cell. She was just passing Alex when her stride hesitated. “Kara is my niece, but you…” She turned on her heel and addressed Alex point blank. “You are a soldier. What significance am I to you if you go against your superior’s orders?”

Alex and Kara shared darting glances. Astra caught the silent communication and must have deemed it a threat. She advanced, one quick stride followed by the other. Kara dashed in front of Alex.

Astra clicked her tongue and tilted her head like she was talking to a child. “Oh, you mistake my aim.”

Her hand shot out and grabbed Kara by the back of the neck. She squeezed in just the right place.

Kara’s face slackened. “What… are you…?” Her voice dragged off and her eyes slipped closed.

Once Astra’s grip loosened, Alex dashed for the body, oblivious to the smirk following her. She fell to her knees and gathered Kara up in her arms. “Kara? Kara!” The pats to her cheek did no good. She was out cold.

Alex’s face colored with a sudden rush of anger. Digging her nails into Kara’s suit, she whipped her head around. It wasn’t hard to find Astra. She stood over them like a phantom.

“Why Kara?” Alex demanded, gritting her teeth. “Her loyalty wasn’t in question. Mine was! So tell me… why her and not me?”

“Because you are insignificant. It would be like squashing an insect under my boot heel.” Astra nudged her chin at the prone Kara. “What do you think would happen to her if your friends find out she helped me escape?”

“Kara is your family and you rendered her unconscious!”

Astra studied at her with a tilted head. She concluded, “For a soldier, you do not possess the mind of a tactician.”

Alex growled and got to her feet without a thought for how badly she would lose this fight.

Astra stopped her with a raise of her finger. “Ah.”

“Look at her!” Alex shouted. She waved a hand at her sister. “Look at your niece! You did this to her! Now fix it!”

Something changed in Astra’s tone. Recognition maybe or a desire for good will. “What makes you think I can?”

“Because the woman I knew last year should not be standing in front of me. She died and her body was jettisoned into outer space. But that’s not where it ended, was it? She’s – _you’re_ back and clearly not the same. Wherever you went, whatever you came in contact with turned you into _this_.” Alex gestured to Astra, at a loss for as how else to describe her. “I still don’t know who or what you are, but if anyone in this room knows anything about second lives it’s you. Now bring my sister back!”

Astra closed in on Kara. She expended little effort in picking her up and into her arms.

“What are you doing?”

Astra rolled her eyes. “She is coming with us.”

“Us?”

“Can I stop you from following me?”

“Well, technically, yeah.”

Standing patiently, Astra waited for Alex to take the lead. When she spoke, her tone neared boredom. “You are off limits, so to speak. Kara would not want me to dispatch you.”

Alex rolled her eyes and glanced around the corner for a clear path of escape. “You sure have a way of making people feel special.”

* * *

The abandoned warehouse was a fugitive’s best friend. It just so happened that one warehouse in particular had been in Alex’s keeping for the past two years.

On the outskirts of National City there used to be a textile factory. It had long gone out of business, leaving its grounds vacant as a graveyard. The warehouse was connected to the factory and beneath awaited their safe house. They were lucky Alex found this place because the basement had been insulated with a mixture of lead and concrete. A good means of shelter from any homicidal Kryptonians.

The only people who knew about it were Alex, Kara, and Winn. Alex preferred to keep the secret between her and Kara, but they needed Winn’s technical expertise. While Alex supplied the gear, Winn fitted the place with the latest technology. Outside, hidden motion sensitive cameras tracked trespassers and sophisticated locks prevented break ins. Inside, Winn stocked the place with the necessary computer systems that he used to help Supergirl fight the good fight. All the hardware was a backup in case something happened to his lair at CatCo or someone dragged him into something illegal. Someone like Alex.

Alex winced to the voice coming through her earpiece. “Winn, I know you’re worried about Kara. I just need to know if anyone tailed us here.”

“ _No, you’re in the clear. Now can you please tell me what happened to Kara? Carrying her unconscious body out of the DEO was not a part of the plan. She is unconscious, right? She’s not… dead?_ ”

“She’ll be fine. I’ll let you know when she’s awake. Just please keep me updated. And don’t let anyone else use this frequency. You and Vasquez are the only two people I can trust now. Do you understand?”

A sigh came through. “ _I understand. Just… make sure she pulls through. I don’t always break U.S. law, but when I do, I expect my accomplices to remain alive_.”

Alex signed off just before the signal quit. The basement stairwell echoed to their footfalls. She descended quickly with Astra pulling up the rear. In the semi-darkness, Alex patted the wall until the toe of her boot met a solid obstruction. She bent down and felt for the switch. Once she engaged the power generator, a low whir uttered. Several seconds later, the overhead lights winked on.

“Bring her over here,” she said, patting an exam table.

Astra carried Kara across the room and lay her gently down without question. “Do you have a transfusion device?”

“No, but I have some equipment that will do the trick. Are you doing what I think you’re doing?”

The sound of fabric ripping accompanied Astra’s jerking hands. She split open the suit’s sleeve, making quick work of a tourniquet with the ripped halves. Her breathing stirred Kara’s hair as she bent over to check the size of her pupils.

Alex came back with tubes and a pump jar. She gaged the increasingly distraught expression. A lump formed in her throat. “You do know what you’re doing, right?”

“I’m assuming you don’t have any of those kryptonite needles lying around. May I have that kryptonite knife you keep in your boot?”

The wheels of the surgical cart squeaked to a halt. Alex’s hesitation lasted as long as it took Astra’s patience to run out.

“ _Alex_.”

Alex’s attention snapped up to gage the beckoning face. Astra was giving her that same look when they were on the rooftop. Alex could almost feel the fingers around her throat again. She remembered how they squeezed and pressed her over the railing. She also remembered how fresh that gasp of air tasted when Astra hesitated. It tasted like second chances.

Alex closed her mouth and handed over the knife. “Talk about improvising,” she mumbled.

Astra used the knife to make an incision on the inside of her forearm and Kara’s. Alex watched with rapt attention. That should have hurt, but Astra didn’t so much as flinch when the emerald point broke skin.

“I think I put her in a temporary coma,” Astra said, brow furrowing. It was clear how it pained her to admit it. She poured her focus on Kara’s features and remained attentive to any changes in her state. “If anything about me has changed, my blood should have the advanced restorative properties to bring her back into consciousness.”

Alex didn’t know where to start. That whole nerve pinch technique might work on the humans in _Star Trek_ but not with Kryptonians. As far as Alex knew they didn’t have any pressure points that would render them unconscious. Why did Astra knock Kara out if she didn’t know exactly how to bring her back? Did she even know what she did? Or was she just as baffled by her powers as Alex?

She crossed her arms and demanded, “Have you done this before?”

“Not on Earth. Not like this.” Astra’s eyes roved over Kara’s body, checking for any additional injuries. She remained silent a moment longer before speaking. “I donated blood on Krypton. Alura was very sick and she needed a transfusion. This was before Kara was born. The process for Kryptonians only takes an hour, but it will feel much longer than that.” She glanced up to reveal a face clouded with fatigue. The transfusion was already doing its job. “Sit down. You are doing her no good pacing like that.”

She knew Astra was just trying to patch up a mistake, but Alex glowered anyway. “You better be right about this, otherwise, you’re going to have more to worry about than the DEO.”

A shadow of respect accompanied the responding nod.

* * *

The crick in Alex’s neck roused her. She groaned, lifting her head from where it laid pillowed on her arms. A musty smell tickled her nose. She blinked at her surroundings. The desk where she had just been sleeping at was clean of dust. The blue tarp laid on the floor. Right, she had taken it off the computer equipment. The events of the previous night trickled back: bailing Astra out of her cell… the basement safe house… the blood transfusion…

Alex rolled back on her chair in alarm.

“She’s still unconscious,” Astra informed her gently, “but her color has returned.”

Alex scrubbed the sleep from her eyes. She got up, went to the windows, and pulled down the tarps. A cloud of dust billowed in the sunlight.

“Jesus,” Alex mumbled. She shielded the sunlight from her eyes. “How long was I out?”

“Four hours.”

“What have you been up to?” Alex questioned. She scrutinized the space, not exactly sure what she expected to find.

“I haven’t left the premises, if that’s what you’re asking.” Astra remained poised on her stool beside the exam table. She was still watching over Kara. “What is this place?”

Alex squinted and moved away from the blinding sun. She dropped into her chair and let momentum roll her a few inches. She gave a weighty sigh. “This is the safe house. When Supergirl began working for the DEO, we didn’t know J’onn was an alien shape shifter. I didn’t trust him, so I decided to invest in a back up shelter.”

Astra surveyed the basement. There were computers, a first aid cabinet, an exam table, and what looked to be a very sophisticated tanning bed. Along the wall, a rack was stocked with non-perishables including cans of soup and vegetables, mixed fruit cups, Ramen noodles, beef jerky, cereal, crackers, peanut butter, fruit snacks, and Pop Tarts in blueberry and strawberry.

The basement was fitted with three window wells. The natural light was an improvement from Astra’s DEO cell. Morning filtered in and cast Alex in its glow. She had risen from the desk and was approaching another blue tarp. She pulled it back to reveal a twin size bed. After rolling up the tarp, she began brushing down the mattress.

“You did this all for Kara?” Astra asked. She watched as Alex removed bed sheets, blankets, and a pillow from a trunk.

“The linens are going to smell a little musty, but they’re clean and have never been used. Help yourself to the food. There’s a case of water bottles over there.”

“You expect me to stay… here?”

“I don’t think I have to tell you how unsafe it would be were you to leave. Once the DEO finds your cell empty, they’re going to be on the hunt for you. Kara’s friend outfitted this place with security, so if by some chance you hear someone break in, it won’t be me or Kara.”

Astra’s eyes narrowed. “Are you giving me permission to dispense with intruders? Or is this just condescending advice?”

Alex huffed with the sheets. She shoved the last corner under the mattress before facing Astra. “I’m not your warden.” Alex brought her hands to her hips and blew a strand of hair out of her face. “And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t take my advice anyway. You’ve made it quite clear how you feel about me.”

“And how do I feel about you?”

“I’m not worth killing. Boot heel and insect, remember?”

Astra broke out into a chuckle.

“I’m glad my insignificance amuses you.”

Alex went to Kara’s side and touched her forehead with the back of her hand. No fever and Astra had been right about her color returning. She then felt for a pulse and counted the beats. The reflection in her watch face revealed a haggard, restless woman. Alex would love to go home and take a header onto her bed, but there were more important things than her powernap.

The care she was showing Kara did not go unobserved.

“Why do you think she keeps you around?” Astra asked in a sober tone. “Besides the fact that you are family.”

Her voice carried an odd mix of curiosity and initiative. It left Alex wondering what Astra was up to now. She glanced up, keeping her hand in contact with Kara’s wrist.

Astra’s eyes dropped down to the fingers tracking Kara’s pulse, the one thing that grounded Alex amid chaos and confusion.

“You may not have finished your graduate program, but you seem to be one of the more intelligent of your species. You are rational minded and do not trust easily as evidenced by this shelter. If you have compassion, Kara is the only one who receives it. All these things make you unique. You are far from insignificant.”

“Than what was that speech back at the base? Was it just another lie?”

“You are insignificant to me, but that does not mean you have nothing to offer this world. Have you ever thought that your talents are being wasted at the DEO? I have been on this planet for twelve years and I have done my research as well. There are agencies across the globe who make it their life’s work to service the planet. They do not kill or hunt down these hostiles you know so well. Weapons are of no use to them when they possess the intellect and goodwill to protect the environment.”

“I doubt an environmental agency would have any use for a treasonous soldier. Especially one who dropped out of college when things got tough.”

“But you’ve thought about it?”

The question got under Alex’s skin. How dare Astra drudge up things she had no business drudging up. Alex fought hard to bury those doubts. There were so many paths she could have taken. She made many choices in her life she wasn’t proud of, but never did she regret her devotion to Kara’s safety.

She grit her teeth. “If you’re trying to get rid of me, you can just say so. I will conduct my research as long as you give your consent. But it’s kind of hard to figure out what is going on with you when I can’t study you.”

“It is not my intention to remove myself from your research. In fact, I wish to help you further it.”

“Just like that?”

“I have been known to have a change of heart. If J’onn was telling the truth about my defection and assistance in destroying Myriad.”

“He was.”

“You don’t trust a word that comes out of my mouth, do you?” Astra actually had the nerve to smile. Whatever pleasure she tapped from Alex’s dogged methods, she would not get any today.

Alex let her anger diffuse on a count of five. In its place, rationality took over. Finally, she actually felt like she had a semblance of control in her conversations with Astra. “You don’t even believe that I have the answers. How can I trust that you won’t sabotage my research?”

The question hung in the space between them. The light from Earth’s yellow star bathed Kara’s slowly rousing features as the two people she loved most in the galaxy mended their issues over her.

Astra’s lips parted in hesitation. Whatever held her back, she overcame in a deep breath. “It seems as though I owe much to your bravery. You saved my niece from an eternal nightmare in the Black Mercy and now you are sacrificing your career to help me. I realize you have not taken this investigation lightly. Despite my earlier…” Astra’s head tilted in allowance, “… defiance, I hope we can work together this time.”

“Well, there’s no glass barrier between us now, so I don’t think working together will be a problem.”

“It pleases me to hear you say that.”

Alex gave a sardonic roll of her eyes and trudged back to the desk. “Please away.”

A soft chuckle resonated behind her. She tried to tune it out, but its music sounded so similar to Kara’s her heart skipped a beat.

When Alex returned to her chair she positioned herself so the computer monitor blocked her view of Astra. The minutes ticked by while they waited for Kara to wake. As the sun’s beams began their slow meander across the floor, Alex found her mind wandering.

The reality of recent choices and their consequences set in. There was no cell to keep Astra at bay. No barrier between them. Nothing keeping Astra from coming at Alex.

A nameless sensation rippled through Alex. Contrary to previous encounters, the effect had no origins in terror or even anxiety. The prospect of Astra free, no holds barred, tickled Alex’s impulses. Like an injection of adrenaline to the heart, it made her blood race. No fear, no paranoia, just a concentrated dose of a thing called life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this is the longest chapter of the story. I know it’s a lot of science! and feelings! and anxiety! So… sorry? Or you’re welcome? I probably should have mentioned that this is a somewhat dark story, but I figured the title was pretty straightforward. I’m sending virtual hugs to all you masochists who are putting yourselves through this. ＼(^o^)／


	4. Childish Games

When J’onn found out he was pissed. The fact that it happened right under his nose and at the hands of the only two people in the world he had a soft spot for just pissed him off further. Once the news broke, Alex took full responsibility so Winn and Vasquez could retain their jobs and the agency’s respect. Supergirl was literally and figuratively untouchable, so she remained a DEO resource.

If it had been anyone else, J’onn would have fired Alex. Freeing a high level prisoner from a government facility was grounds for court martial. If it came to that, Alex had a feeling Lucy wouldn’t sympathize with her rationale because Alex wasn’t sure she had one. Her reasons for bailing Astra out were becoming hazy. Kara may love her aunt, but she had a tendency to overestimate her faith in people. Alex wasn’t doing this for Kara, she knew that much.

The reasons didn’t matter now. Astra was free to roam around, leaving Alex to live with the repercussions. Instead of firing her or reading her rights, J’onn realized her value and put her on probation. Two weeks without pay and in the meantime she couldn’t approach the base within five miles. J’onn had said that if she and Kara were so keen on freeing Astra from under the government’s thumb, they would now take full responsibility for Astra and would reap the consequences if she went hostile.

The stipulations were not altogether discouraging. For the past few weeks, Alex hadn’t spent much time being a DEO agent. She had been too busy playing scientist to a disturbed alien. With her probation underway, Alex now played scientist to an _unrestrained_ disturbed alien.

As much as it confused her, the shock of excitement she got from an unrestrained Astra gave her perspective. Under the cover of an abandoned warehouse, there was no challenge to the integrity of her research. There were no personnel wringing their hands with unrepressed vulnerability in their eyes. The only threat to Astra now was boredom.

Perhaps Kara had been right about their resources being exhausted. Maybe this alternative environment, free of pressures and barriers, would shed a bit of insight on the unknowns.

At the top of Alex’s list of “unknowables” was how Astra managed to incapacitated Kara. It would benefit Supergirl to know in advance if an enemy tried the same technique in the future. Unfortunately, no one had an answer and the best Astra could come up with was that it was an “instinct.”

On the more fortunate side of things, Kara had recovered as if she had just overslept one too many hours. She woke, refreshed, starving, and wondering why Astra and Alex looked on the verge of tears.

It was hard to stay angry at Astra. The fact that she hadn’t yet escaped the safe house perplexed Alex. That she even offered to help was mesmerizing. Despite there being nothing else for Astra to do and no one to talk to, Alex was still impressed.

Astra had grown used to the basement lifestyle. It was a vast improvement from her glass house and those escort procedures. Kara had given the place a warm touch with floor rugs, a standing lamp, a futon for reading, and a folding partition for privacy.

She also fitted Astra with a tablet chock full of ebooks, two hundred songs (half of which were 90s originals, covers, and tributes), and the first season of _Westworld_. Everything a recently jail broke Kryptonian needed to acclimate herself to Earth society. “Just to get her started,” Kara had said.

While Kara provided decorating tips and entertainment, Alex supplied the more realistic amenities like toiletries, clothes, and food. She did sneak a copy of _Doctor Zhivago_ into the care package as well. Like her reasons for breaking Astra out, she conveniently forgot why. It’s not like Astra did anything to deserve a well-thumbed book that had been in Alex’s possession since she was sixteen.

Astra seemed to revert back to her old self – at least, a version of her old self. Alex couldn’t keep track of all the Astra’s that had sprung forth since she crashed to Earth. One moment Astra could be feisty and quick to laugh and the next a darkness like repressed memory would cloud her features.

Other times, when her back was turned, Alex would feel eyes burning through her and the silence would stretch so long she was afraid to swallow. Sometimes Astra’s gaze would focus on her so directly it was like she had tunnel vision. Did Alex have something on her face? Or was her heart racing so fast Astra couldn’t help but listen with those smiling eyes?

But there always remained a spirit of the general before her death: smug, cynical, all hard edges and unbreakable ego. She had undergone military training on Krypton, was hardened by her imprisonment in Fort Rozz, and endured hardships under a yellow sun. Those experiences molded her into the kind of warrior who always needed a crisis to fix or an opponent to battle. She lusted for a fight, and if she couldn’t have that, she’d resort to bloodless banter with Alex.

As a soldier, Alex sympathized too well. She had been out of the game for some time and occasionally missed the weight of a gun strapped to her thigh. In the days since her probation started, Alex hadn’t given orders, shoved a gun in some alien’s neck, or bitch slapped Maxwell Lord (figuratively speaking). The only authority she had was over Astra, which was equal to that of a drop of water on a hot plate.

Lately, Astra curbed her more quarrelsome side for genuine interest. Though the questions asked of her were tedious and the activities she was instructed to perform might have seemed insignificant, she relished conversation and the presence of another person. Considering the basement was insulated with lead, the only person she could attune her senses to was Alex, which only amplified the pounding of a human heart when she drew near and the dilated pupils during taco carry out night.

Whether Astra’s constant watch resulted from boredom or something more suggestive, it put Alex under the spotlight, and she never did like the feeling of being at the center of anyone’s world.

The scrap of pencil to paper roused Alex from her thoughts. Sitting across the desk, Astra was scribbling in her notebook. The pencil hesitated, and her eyebrow furrowed for a moment. Alex checked her watch. One minute left.

Despite the many physical experiments Alex had put Astra through, she had to throw in a few cognitive tests as a reprieve. The memory assessments were especially instrumental in uncovering any impairments in Astra’s ability to retain imagery. Alex wanted to know if her selective amnesia was temporary or permanent. Either way, they would eventually have to delve deeper into the traumatic causes.

For now, she eased Astra through a harmless visual short-term memory test. It was more a child’s game, really. The test subject would be shown a group of various items. The subject had twenty seconds to memorize the pictures before being asked to identify as many of the items as they could in a timely manner.

When the timer blared at the end of its cycle, Astra flinched. Her scowl nearly melted the device.

“Time’s up,” Alex called, holding out her hand. “Let me see.”

Astra handed over the notebook. Her list was written in an elegant hand one wouldn’t associate with a foreigner. She must have learned the “barbarian’s language” as a requisite on Krypton. Alex hadn’t asked, but if she had to guess, English probably wasn't Astra's second or even her fifth language.

“Did you draw those pictures?” asked Astra.

Alex continued to review the list as she mumbled a vague, “Yeah. Last night.”

“You lack the talent.”

Her head rose at that. “Excuse me?”

“I said you lack the talent. I could not decipher half of those cards. The apple should be green not forest green.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex sassed, just barely offended. “My crayon box was all out of Granny Smith green.”

“And that ice cream cone should have three scoops not one. I know because Kara says that’s all they sell.”

The gullibility on display had Alex raising her eyebrow. “Does she ask for money to purchase these three scoops?”

“No. She said it was ‘her treat.’”

Alex smiled into her clipboard and went back to grading.

“And do explain to me why that airplane had no engines. I don’t know where you derived your sense of imagery, but on Krypton we are taught to appreciate the arts at a young age. Although it has never been a strong suit of mine as evidenced by my placement into Krypton Military Corps, I have, on occasion, found drawing a therapeutic pursuit. Of course, _I_ definitely don’t color outside the lines or depict aircraft with stick wings like –“

“Easy there, Rain Man. You passed.”

“I thought so.”

Alex fought a roll of her eyes. “Let me check your vitals.”

“Why? I have not performed any strenuous activity.”

“Ever heard of cognitive strain?”

“Perhaps.” Astra drew a frown but allowed her to approach.

Alex rounded the desk and took the offered arm. They went about it as usual: comfortably silent with Alex finely tuned to her work and oblivious to Astra’s ever watchful gaze.

After taking Astra’s blood pressure, Alex unraveled the cuff and returned to her seat. She opened her logbook and began scribbling in the numbers from memory.

“Am I your patient or your test subject?”

Startled, Alex leaned back in her chair. The soft expression gazing back belonged to someone far removed from the enemy she had fought a year ago.

“I, uh… I don’t actually have a doctorate, and according to HIPAA law I’m not a covered entity with any rights to view your medical history. Technically, the DEO operates outside U.S. government purview and seeing as we are no longer –“

“In ten words or less.” Astra offered an indulgent tilt of her head. “If you please.”

Alex could feel her face growing hot. She broke eye contact and scribbled into her log while speaking. “Neither, I suppose. You’re not a patient because I don’t consider you ill, and you don’t exactly pass for an appropriate subject when the one testing you is biased. I’m doing this as much for you as –“

Alex caught herself. Why did she say that? Did she actually believe she owed Astra? She cleared the thickness from her throat and followed through. “I’m doing this as much for you as for Kara.”

“If I am not your patient or your test subject…” Astra’s voice dragged off unexpectedly. Just when they thought she had abandoned the thought, her voice returned, tentative and growing in curiosity. “Am I your friend, Alex?”

Alex covered her embarrassment with a smirk. “You don’t even know my favorite color.”

“Should I?”

Astra's wide-eyed dismay triggered Alex’s amusement. “No, but if you must know, it’s blue.”

“Ah, like Supergirl blue?”

“Something like that.” When Alex felt the ache in her smiling cheeks, she decided Astra needed to go. She pointed her pen distractedly across the room. “You can go back to your reading. We’re done for today.”

With her head down, the sounds of scratching chair legs and footfalls across the concrete floor notified her of Astra’s movement. The decadent sigh accompanied her descent to the cushions. The sounds – for that was all Alex allowed herself – teased her into stealing a glance. She should have realized banishing Astra would only achieve so much.

The lamp light from Kara’s “housewarming gift” bathed Astra’s profile in a pleasant radiance. She curled up on the futon with a blanket and a book – the former a comfort and hardly a necessity, the latter an obsession. Alex was a bit mortified to discover that Astra had taken up that copy of _Doctor Zhivago_ and hadn’t put it down for anything save clinical assessments and mealtimes.

Alex wouldn’t allow herself to be touched by the gesture. For all Astra knew, Kara had put it there. And for all Alex knew, when she went home after hours, Astra didn’t spend her nights rereading the underlined passages.

A sudden feeling beat its wings in her chest. Alex closed her eyes to the flutter, realizing this hadn’t been the first time.

Astra had mellowed out considerably now that she was out from under the DEO’s thumb. Lately, her manners had come to resemble something close to gentle; she was quick to smile and as compliant as a pin cushion. Alex likened this new side of Astra to a puppy who didn’t so much cower in fear as she did press up against her leg for comfort. And if she couldn’t have Alex, she’d concede to a blanket or a book.

At first Alex worried that Astra didn’t feel safe here in this dreary basement of a shelter, but she soon learned it wasn’t the basement but her condition that put her into a state. Alex couldn’t imagine what it would be like to wake up to powers she didn’t recognize or couldn’t control. Astra’s own body was alienating her. The stress of it beat her spirit down and paled her complexion.

It was far from pity Alex was experiencing. Every day brought a new challenge, additional tests, and more dead ends. As time went on and Astra disheartened, Alex just wanted to help her more.

If Alex was biased when she began this investigation, she was breaking every rule in the book at present. While fields like hers, including genetic engineering, were no stranger to crossing ethical lines, they were not ignorant to the risks. Bias was not just unethical, it was dangerous to the subject’s health. Skewed results, due in part to an emotionally compromised researcher, didn’t win awards nor did they provide consolation. If Alex wanted to help Astra, she couldn’t do it as a friend or whatever that fluttering in her chest suggested.

A chime echoed down the stairwell. The indoor security lock had been disengaged. Three years of ingrained preparedness put Alex on the offensive.

She went for the drawer where she kept her gun. By the time she thumbed the safety off, there was a whoosh of air and Astra stood at her side.

“Whoa, it’s just me.” Kara’s eyes widened behind her thick-rimmed glasses. “Winn and I are the only other people who have the door code, remember?”

Alex lowered her gun. “I’m not taking any chances.” Her shoulder met the brush of curls from Astra’s turn of head. “There’s a lot of expensive equipment down here,” she explained and circumnavigated away from the warm body of her test subject. Test subject, that’s right. Or patient, yes.

Kara furrowed her brow at the mental toil on display. “Okay, well, I just got an urgent call from J’onn. I hope you have your gear stashed away somewhere because you’re going to need it.”

“Why?” Alex asked.

Kara gaped. “Have you not been watching the news? Reports have been broadcasting like crazy.”

“Kara, we’ve been down here all day. Just spit it out. What’s wrong?”

“There’s been a hostile incursion. National City is under an organized attack that’s swept the east side. I’ve just come from CatCo which is one of the last buildings to evacuate.”

“Wait,” Alex shook her head in disbelief, “the entire city is evacuating?”

“Just some parts, but people have been watching the newsfeeds and are getting scared. The hostiles, they’re numbered in the hundreds and being carefully deployed. This is far from disorganized. And that’s not all.” Kara took a breath to prepare herself for the next bit. “They’re being led by the Kryptonians.”

Astra’s spine straightened. “Kryptonians? _My_ Kryptonians?”

The possessive emphasis didn’t put Alex at ease. It made her skin crawl.

“Word has gotten out about Astra’s return,” Kara explained. “The Kryptonians have aligned with other hostiles from Fort Rozz and are threatening to destroy the city if the DEO doesn’t release their general.”

“So they don’t know she’s here?” Alex asked.

“No,” Kara assured. Her attention shifted to Astra. “Not yet.”

The news had rendered Astra oddly quiet. She gave no sign of action, but she did appear conflicted.

“Aunt Astra, I know these people were once under your protection and you’re not used to hearing them be identified as hostiles, but they’re wreaking havoc on the city and they need to be stopped. There’s no time to debate allegiances. We can discuss taking sides later.”

Astra gave her niece an icy look. “I did not think there were sides to be chosen in this matter.”

The tone’s severity vaguely reminded Kara of her mother. Instead of cowering, she lent herself to the feel of the tight weave fabric of her suit beneath her blouse. The reminder boosted her spirit and gave her the courage to turn to Alex.

“It’s all hands on deck,” she told her. “J’onn wants us to meet a team at the corner of Edgerton and 25th. We’re to radio in when we’ve secured the area and await further orders.”

A shot of adrenaline flooded Alex’s veins. “So I’m off probation?”

“Yeah, like right now. And we need to go, like, right now.”

“I’m joining you.”

Alex and Kara both turned simultaneously. Astra looked between them like this was a forgone conclusion.

“That’s really not a good idea,” Alex said. “We still don’t know the extent of your abilities. And the last time you exerted your strength it nearly rendered you comatose. You are as much a danger to yourself as you are to others.”

“Alex –“

“You want me to provide answers? I can’t do that when you blow out your powers. This is not up for discussion.”’

Alex marched to the locker where she kept her spare tactical gear. She could feel the eyes boring into her back. It struck a pang of guilt, but if she didn’t draw the line, she’d have more to be sorry for than holding Astra back from a fight.

Wordlessly, Astra fell in beside her. She seemed to implore without speaking, using her mere presence as an argument. When the words came, they stole around Alex’s feelings and appealed to her more rational side.

“If what Kara says is true and there are hundreds of hostiles flooding the streets, you need all the help you can get. You humans can’t eliminate them all. Use me, unleash me, however you choose to call it I am your best chance at stopping this.”

The thought of using Astra like that left a bad taste in Alex’s mouth. She didn’t see Astra as a tool or a weapon. She was so much more than that and so much more powerful than they realized. But this was no time to act like a sentimental fool.

"I'll take responsibility.” Kara stepped forward. "If this is a trust issue between you two…” She tilted her head at Alex. “Astra's been here unsupervised and unrestrained for days, and she's never saw reason to escape. Think about it. This might be the perfect opportunity to conduct an experiment outside a controlled environment. Maybe we can actually understand Astra's powers if we're able to see them in action."

"This could be very dangerous." Alex's gaze shifted to Astra. "For her as much as anyone."

“Those are my people out there,” Astra claimed, frustration boiling just under the surface. “If they see me, they will stop and listen.”

Alex narrowed her eyes. “And what will you tell them?”

“Whatever they’re looking for, they won’t find it in National City. If they are killing in my name, it is my responsibility to do something about it. Not you, not Kara, and definitely not your wretched agency.”

“It seems like I’m outnumbered on this one.” Alex resigned with a sigh. She scowled at both of them before turning to choose her weapon.

* * *

Alex didn’t so much arrive at Edgerton and 25th as she did crash into it. She was peeling down the street in her leased Honda Civic, yanking the wheel left and right to dodge the chaos. Falling glass, burning car wrecks, and heat rays scoring through the air were just a few of the obstacles.

When the rendezvous point appeared ahead, she took her foot off the gas. Before she could put on the breaks, something flew across her windshield. Her car hit the obstruction with such force she was thrown forward in her seat.

Alex groaned into the airbag. She lifted her head, blinking against the urge to pass out. The edges of the seat belt cut into her shoulder so she eased back. When her vision cleared, she was looking through her windshield at the steam hissing from the crumpled hood of her car.

“Shit,” she muttered. Her Honda dealership was not going to believe this.

A dark shape rose behind the steam. It was growling.

Alex went immediately for her seat belt. Her fingers scrambled for the push button but she must have been too rattled from the crash. She was shaking. The hostile came at her and raised what looked to be a nice, heavy, traffic light pole. He broke it in half over his knee and brandished the sharp end in her direction.

“ _Shit_.”

She yanked on her belt a few more times before giving up. The hostile pulled his weapon back and speared it forward like a lance. Alex ducked for the passenger seat. The pole’s point missed her and impaled the head rest. Broken glass rained down on her like rock salt.

With her cheek pressing into the cushion, Alex growled. Her eyes fell on the loaded shotgun on the floor. She snatched it just as the car groaned under the weight of the hostile. He was climbing the hood to get to her. Without a moment to spare, she pumped the hammer, rose up, and took less than three seconds to take aim and pull the trigger.

The shotgun discharged a loud blast. The hostile landed on his back, two feet away with a smoking hole in his chest. Alex breathed out in relief. She went to unfasten her seat belt. Just as she was rubbing the crick out of her neck there was movement and heavy breathing.

The hostile was rising to his feet and coming at her again. Alex hadn’t even exited her car and she was already in the thick of it. Her shotgun would take five seconds too long to load and from the looks of that chest hole, her sidearm wouldn’t make any more of a dent. Before Alex could let out an expletive she heard a familiar _whoosh!_

A blur of red and blue came streaking in and pummeled the hostile into the ground. The landing rendered the hostile unconscious and Kara all smiles. She popped her head out of the crater to give Alex the all clear.

“You okay?”

Alex stumbled out of the car, dragging her shotgun behind her as glass chinked in her wake. “I’m fine. My car’s not.”

Kara approached, grimacing at the steaming wreck. “Yikes.”

Alex turned her eyes up. The battle was heating up. Literally. The Kryptonians were hurling cars in midair and blowing them up with their heat vision so they detonated on DEO hummers.

Her heart rate sped up. She turned her frenzied expression on Kara. “Have you seen Astra?”

“Last I saw she was engaging three Galadorians on a rooftop.”

“How did she look?”

“Normal.” Upon reflection, Kara shrugged and added, “For a Kryptonian, I guess.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Alex squinted into the distance. She made out the concrete barricades lining the intersection and black armored combatants crouching behind them. “My team’s waiting for me.”

“Be careful.”

Alex nodded at the airborne blur that was her sister. “You too.”

When Alex arrived at the rendezvous point she was shocked to find them all in high spirits. If rumor had spread of her breaking out a prisoner, they didn’t show it. Instead of meeting her with distrust, they welcomed her in relief.

“Long time, no see, Danvers.”

“Nice looking shotgun.”

“Agent Danvers, it’s nice to have you with us again.”

Alex met their friendly, familiar faces with a nod. “Good to be back.”

The sound and fury of battle put an end to the reunion. It took a long and grueling hour before they started taking casualties. The first to go down was Thompson. He was the greenest of them and took a toxic dart in the neck.

The second was Dolnick. She wasn’t even supposed to be there. Her credentials as an engineer lent her little combat experience, but when Director Henshaw called for volunteers, she roused the courage to lend a hand. In the midst of returning fire on a hoard of Lunarians, Dolnick had strayed from cover. She eventually came face to face with a Titanian who used his telepathy to turn Dolnick's gun on herself. It happened so fast they didn’t have time to warn her. They watched her bleed out in the middle of no man’s land.

The rest of Alex’s team were dyed in the wool soldiers. They were trained to handle dangerous hostile types and had the scars to prove it. But all the experience in the world didn’t matter when the city was crumbling around them. Her people were being slaughtered left and right. If Alex didn’t keep her wits about her, she would join the steadily growing pile of bodies.

Eventually, their position became overrun with hostiles. Waves upon waves were threatening to push them back. Soon enough their barricades became rubble and they were forced to retreat. Alex and the last two members of her team split up to find cover. Last she saw of them they were diving under an SUV.

Alex pulled off a few more shots before pressed her back into a bus. The wheels had been shot out and the windows shattered by gunfire. Overhead, the sizzle of heat rays and the whistling from speeding Kryptonians were like white noise now. She hadn’t seen Kara since arriving or even Astra.

When Alex blinked through the smoke, she realized to her horror that she was the last of her team. Her spirit crumpled in defeat. She sagged back into the bus and looked up to the sky. She would not resort to prayers or wishes.

The sound of marching feet approached. Alex closed her eyes and let her chin fall to her chest. She might not allow herself to make any last requests, but her heart was beating so hard she might as well be sending out a call for help.

A wail of bent steel jerked Alex’s head up. A concrete pylon hovered above, casting her in its shadow. It had rusted steel rods sticking out at odd angles and the Kryptonian was winding it up like a baseball bat.

He had jet black hair which was slicked back and curling out at the neck. He flashed a wide smile at her. The pylon bat was just a tool of intimidation. Something in those eyes of his told Alex he wanted to feel her neck snap in his hand.

Alex edged away from the bus and into the open. With the hostiles coming in from all sides she allowed him to take his shot and be done with it.

The circling hostiles drew his attention. “Leave the human to me.”

The hostiles met his stern order with growling retorts and clenching fists, but they backed off. The Kryptonian’s delirious joy at having Alex in his sights gave her the impression that he knew her personally. Alex couldn’t admit the pleasure of having met this sick bastard.

She tossed her gun to the side and reached behind her for the rifle she picked off one of her fallen comrades. The kryptonite bullets would only slow him down. He and his friends were still fitted with kryptonite blocking devices. She had no other choice. At this point, no one was going to save her but herself.

The Kryptonian chuckled at his pylon bat and tossed it to the side. It crashed to the ground, causing a ripple effect that set Alex off her footing. He took advantage of her stumble and sped forth.

“Stop!”

The command cut through the din of anarchy. A blur followed in its wake and drifted to a halt in midair. The disruption killed the smile on the Kryptonian’s lips. His eyes widened in recognition while Astra’s never dimmed from their boiling intensity. She engaged him in a silent contest of wills. Astra, looking wildly passionate and alive. Alex almost forgot to breathe.

“Lieutenant, stand down!”

The lieutenant’s glare shifted to Alex. He inhaled sharply, nostrils flaring. He gave her every indication that he meant to rip her limb from limb but he stood down.

At that moment, a flurry of blurs streaked in. The Kryptonians must have heard their general for they were flocking to the sound of her voice.

When they were all accounted for, the lieutenant addressed Astra. “General, I think I can speak for all our people when I express how pleased I am by your return. We stand with you as we always have. What are your orders?”

“I am not your general. This army is being disbanded. If you do not leave the city, I will be forced to take action.”

A wave of hushed whispers spread. The Kryptonians looked to their general with matching expressions of alarm.

“Astra, what is this? Have the humans done something to you?”

“This is not a debate!” Astra barked. Her face inflamed but she had all the repose of a seasoned general. The hard edge to her voice severed any doubt. “We have failed to take Earth. Do not make the mistake of wasting your lives in pursuit of humiliation. It is folly to stay. These humans will pose no further threat should you leave and never return.”

“You are siding with _them?_ ” The lieutenant drew a sneer at Alex. He edged towards her with the overwhelming urge to spit on her. “The same humans who destroyed Myriad? Who slayed Lieutenant Non and dozens of our brothers and sisters? We were supposed to liberate this planet, not muck around in its human filth.”

If the insult got under Astra’s skin, she didn’t show it. She glanced below, avoiding eye contact with Alex for the sea of hostiles circling her.

“And aligning with these delinquents? Is that your strategy to save Earth?” Astra curled her lip with a shake of her head. “Your lack of initiative disgusts me. Leave with what little honor you have left.”

The Kryptonian exchanged looks with his friends. “What of the DEO? How do we know they won’t pursue us?”

“Because if they do, I will kill them.”

The lieutenant paused in consideration. He cast a silent look to his comrades as they each responded with solemn nods. When his gaze fell on Alex, his lip twitched over clenching teeth. Before he could deliver another sneer, the last command from his general loosened his grip on retribution.

“This is your one chance to leave. I will not repeat myself.”

His eyes snapped to Astra. The rage at not being able to finish off the human cooled under her authority. “We will leave you with your humans. I hope you live to regret this.”

He motioned to the others and they took off under his lead. Alex didn’t lower her rifle until the last Kryptonian zipped off.

When Astra touched down to ground zero, she finally made eye contact with Alex. The fiery discontent she had directed upon her lieutenant a moment ago thawed instantly. Astra reverted back to her former, more mellow self and stared back with that unguarded expression Alex found disarming as well as alarming.

If Astra was careless in letting on to her reaction toward Alex, the rest of her had a purpose. She marched over fallen debris without a care for who was watching and didn’t break stride until she reached her.

The single-minded route made Alex’s heart jump. That flutter now had a name and it brushed the inside of her ribs as the divide between them closed. For a split second, she thought Astra was going to pull her into a kiss. And for a second longer, she had half a mind to kiss her first. Astra’s eyes, strikingly gleaming; they pleaded with Alex.

Movement prickled out of the corner of her vision. The hostiles in their midst brought Alex out of the clouds and back down to Earth. Her heart plummeted and the flutter became nothing but a faint memory.

“So…” Alex said, effectively startling Astra out of her trance. “What’s your strategy for talking _them_ down?”

Astra held her gaze a moment longer than necessary. She then turned to gage the numbers looming in. “These are mere lackeys. They can be easily dispensed with.”

“Speak for yourself.”

At that moment, a rather muscular hostile heaved up the bus Alex had used for cover. He held it over his head and hurled it in the air. His aim was so far off, however, that it smashed against the third floor of the building behind them. The bus became lodged, but massive shards of glass rained down.

Alex ducked and covered her head. She felt Astra press into her back, using herself as a shield against the sharp glass. Groaning metal rang out above them. They looked up in time to see the bus rolling end over end and plummeting down.

Strong arms reached around Alex and tugged her back. When the world stopped spinning, she felt the head rush that came with hitching a ride with a Kryptonian. The bile tingled at the back of her throat. She inhaled through her nose and reached out to stabilize herself.

“That was a very foolish thing to do.”

From inside the stoop of National City Bank, Alex was still focusing on her breathing. “Huh?”

Astra slammed into the muscular hostile and buried him into the nearest building. When she surfaced from the concrete hole, she spared the words of warning and took action. The first dozen hostiles took the brunt of her heat vision. The rest were given deaths by a variety of methods, some of which did not seem possible even at the hands of a Kryptonian.

Piles of smoking bodies littered the street. One by one they dropped at her feet. Alex watched from the stoop as Astra dispensed the hostiles in a violent manner. They were putty in her hands and they flew like ragdolls. Alex shrunk back at the wave of pure energy wafting off of Astra. She didn’t need an electrocardiograph to detect the rage building in Astra. There was wild abandon in her eyes. A deep seeded longing to let go and allow the mystery to unfold.

Astra’s power amplified with her rage. Just as Alex scrounged up the courage to go out to her, the ground shook. Whatever power Astra was drawing on overtook her in a brilliant light. She shuffled to a halt, fists shaking at her side, and head thrown back in a scream. Her body was glowing and spitting hot embers.

Suddenly, a wave of energy burst outward. The light was so intense Alex had to shield her eyes. When the rumbling ebbed and the heat paled, the only thing she heard was the sound of panting. She opened her eyes.

A cloud of ash hung in the air. It was so thick Alex coughed on the stuff. She waved a hand to clear her view. To her horror, the ash was not just in the air. It lay on every surface like a blanket of snow.

Alex walked out from under the stoop and took in her surroundings. Her boots made lines in the gray residue. She could still pick up the sounds of battle in the distance. The energy wave must have only reached a few blocks. Judging by her living presence, she’d guess any metahuman within the radius had been destroyed by the blaze.

When the haze cleared, Alex searched for the epicenter. When she found it, her heart shot up into her throat.

A coating of ash dulled her once glossy curls. Astra’s shoulders were heaving. She turned to the sound of a human heart in her ears. Her eyes registered Alex through the gloom.

“Alex?” she murmured. The moment it left her lips, her eyes rolled back and she collapsed to the ground.

* * *

Light filtered in from the basement well windows and traversed surfaces over time and between nightfall. Earth’s yellow sun never seemed so accessible during those hours nor inspired such hope. It brought new meaning to their lives.

At the moment, morning cast its glow on Alex’s desk. The logbook lay open, displaying its contents to the daylight. The notes, visible from where Alex sat, might as well have been written in a foreign language. The numbers, graphs, and alphabetized theories held no water when the experience of a small-scale apocalypse was so fresh in mind. She paged through the dated logs, her mind a million miles away.

“I didn’t think I could hate anyone. Not like this.”

The faint voice had Alex looking up from her notes. “Kara, it’s not his fault. There are procedures. J’onn is just doing what he thinks is right.”

“For whom?” Kara’s attention tore from Astra’s prone body. “My aunt has been unconscious for three days. After what she did for National City, she deserves the best medical care, not this…” Her face crumpled and she said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s fine.”

“You’ve done a really good job of caring for Astra.”

“I’m just doing what I can with what little supplies I have here,” Alex said, taking in the equipment, computers, and the steadily depleting medical cabinet. “It’s not much, but it’s all I have.”

“I’m sure she’ll thank you for it. Just as soon as she wakes up.”

Alex saw Kara tilt her head and wipe a tear from behind her glasses. Beside her, the sunbed bathed Astra in its heat. The unconscious former general didn’t rouse to their voices. She hadn’t moved for some time.

They had been watching over Astra, just the two of them, taking shifts when the other went home for a restless night without sleep. Since blacking out, Astra had not been welcome at the DEO. Despite Alex’s and Kara’s pleas, J’onn wouldn’t admit a hostile into his medbay. Hostile – that’s what they at the government still called her. It wasn’t enough that she sacrificed herself for one of their own. It didn’t phase them when Supergirl told them the Kryptonians were moving on because the so-called “hostile” had convinced them to.

Alex and Kara had no choice but to bring Astra back to the safe house. It wasn’t as stocked with medical supplies as Alex’s lab on base, but it was a secure site. If and when Astra woke, she would be comforted by familiar surroundings. No glass walls, no kryptonite emitters. Just a basement decorated with Kara’s homey touch and Alex’s science equipment.

“She deserves better.” Alex hid her face in her hands. “She should not have to go through all of this. She should not even be here.”

Brow furrowed, Kara turned in her chair. “By ‘here’ you mean…?”

Alex shook her head, feeling the pressure build behind her eyes. “I mean back in her body, alive. This isn’t natural evolution for anyone, human or Kryptonian. It’s not what your people strive for.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I mean, they perish and move on so they can be joined with Rao, right? So if she’s _here_ and not _there_ , what does that mean? What happened? Was she not welcome or what? Because if it’s something I did…”

Kara shot up and went to kneel beside her. “No,” she said with an emphatic squeezing of Alex’s hands, “this is not your fault. Wherever Astra went after she died, it wasn’t with Rao.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know that for sure. And neither does she.” Alex’s head cocked. “What are we doing, Kara? We can’t keep her down here forever.”

Kara held Alex with an unwavering gaze. “I have faith. Astra is here for a reason. I may not know what that reason is, but I feel it in my heart. She’s meant for more than leading armies and brainwashing the human race. You want proof? She banished her army three days ago and helped us push out the hostiles. She was given a second chance and we have to make sure she lives long enough to realize that. I don’t want to lose her again when she hasn’t forgiven _herself_.”

The staunch belief on display blinded Alex enough to turn her away. She wasn’t like Kara. She didn’t have her faith. The volume of dead bodies only grew, weighing Alex down and discouraging utopian thoughts.

Alex happened to like living on solid ground. She liked the power of a gun in her hand and responsibility on her shoulders. Realism held more significance to her than fantasy. All that blood on her hands encouraged her to believe in death and consequences.

Alex stared into space, eyes glazed over. The chilly basement made it all too easy for her to withdraw from Kara and the present. Alex was emotionally adrift in every respect.

“Hey.” Kara roused Alex from her thoughts. She pulled up a stool and sat down. She ducked down, trying to draw Alex out of her shell. “You’ve been unusually quiet. What are you thinking about?”

Hesitating for a moment, Alex finally gave in and lifted her head from her hand. She looked at Kara like she was her last hope. “You don’t know what it was like out there. There was so many of them.”

“I should have been there with you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I couldn’t save them because I was too busy trying to keep myself out of the line of fire. They ended up dead, every one of them. I was the last.” Alex felt a crushing sense, the same that had overwhelmed her when she took cover behind that bus and tilted her head up to the sky. When she opened her eyes, she revealed the horror. “I’ve been in a lot of fights and I’ve never felt that feeling of _this is it._ I thought I was going to die, Kara. But then she…. she saved my life.” She shrugged. “I… don’t know what to do about that. I don’t know how to feel. I’m so lost, Kara. She was my enemy and I fought so hard against her, but now she’s not and I don’t know _who_ to fight.”

Kara’s mouth stretched into a fond smile. On the rare occasion, Alex could be really naïve. But when it happened, it made her look like a kid again and Kara always had a soft spot for that kid. She was amused by Alex’s disorientation because it gave her the opportunity to step in. It wasn’t every day that she had the honor of advising her big sister, let alone cheer her up.

“You always have your fists up,” Kara said. “Maybe it’s time to put them down. This isn’t rocket science, Alex. This is life. Lower your guard and see what happens.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Letting go is never easy.” She lay her hand over Alex’s. A ghost of sadness weighed her down. “It’s been thirteen years and I’m still learning.”

Alex squeezed the hand. Embarrassment diverted her gaze. She gave a dry chuckle. “This is not how I expected the day to turn out.”

Kara joined in with a smile of her own.

“You should get out of here. Get some sun.”

“Says the human who’s been down her longer than me. You’re as pale as I am. Have you eaten lunch?”

“I eat what you bring me,” Alex replied shortly. Her face subsequently fell. “Sorry. I do appreciate you keeping me fed. Your lasagna isn’t as horrible as Mom’s. You’re my hero, you know that?”

Kara laughed. “The fact that you even put up with my cooking makes you _my_ hero. Come here. I want a hug before I leave you to this creepy basement.”

The incoming hug prompted Alex to stand and meet it with pure devotion. She may not have Kara’s faith, but her heart felt traces of it within these hugs. She settled her chin on Kara’s shoulder. The warmest corner of the room drew her gaze. The reminder supplied her with a lightness of being and a subtle thrill in her veins. “I’m not alone.”

“I know,” Kara murmured. The tightening arms conveyed her message. “I’m glad it’s her.”

* * *

Once Kara left, Alex had to stretch her legs. She couldn’t leave the safe house, so she settled for jumping jacks and a running in place. When her body began to break a sweat, she grabbed a water bottle and settled into the chair beside Astra’s sunbed.

Kara had given her a lot to think about, not all of it easy to swallow. Between the bid to help Astra realize her potential and the advice to let go of the past, it all felt so out of reach. Alex didn’t know how to let her guard down. She had all the time in the world to practice, but with Astra lying there unconscious, time slipped through her fingers like ash.

With three days of waiting and nowhere to go, she figured out how Astra’s powers manifested. She had been right the first time in that they were triggered by negative emotion. She’d witnessed the proof when the hostile’s attacked. Frustration snowballed into a fury and aggression Astra couldn’t control. A darkness had prickled under the surface. It all began with frustration over not knowing how she got this way.

Then, frustration gave way to abandonment. All that time spent lusting after a fight and she was rewarded with loss. She was forsaken by the only life she knew. The Kryptonians didn’t want her and neither did the DEO. She no longer had an army, a home, or a purpose.

Alex could still feel the heat on her face. Even her bones remembered the quaking earth. No being on Earth could administer that kind of power. If someone could, none of them would have lived to see it. Which begged the question: what would happen if Astra could not contain it? What if a few blocks became a few miles? What then?

Alex settled back into her chair and took a few pulls from her water bottle. She had nowhere else to go. She’d been monitoring Astra closely since she and Kara carried her back here, but the stubborn woman persisted.

Waiting for Astra to wake was a rough experience. Alex had been through this many times before. Whenever Kara blew out her powers or required an interminable amount of time in recovery, Alex pulled up a chair and waited for the duration. She didn’t sleep and if she ate it was a nibble from the sandwiches J’onn left for her. But this was different. Alex did not have the security of an underground site guarded by armed forces. No sandwich awaited her guilty, grumbling stomach. And it wasn’t Kara’s life she had to worry about. No, it wasn’t enough that she had one alien to worry about; now she had _two_. They were a goddamn handful if you asked Alex.

The fact that the Kryptonian in the sunbed was not her sister – for once – should relieve her. But it didn’t. If anything, she felt more torn up and homicidal. She always used to threaten Kara with a very slow, painful death were she ever to get into another one of these scrapes. With Astra, Alex had the urge to slap her across the face before she ever regained consciousness. Maybe that would snap some life into her. Ironic, how willing Alex was to inflict pain on this alien after everything she put her through.

Instead of the face slap her hand itched to follow through on, Alex leaned over to examine Astra. Even in the golden light of the sunbed Astra looked dangerous. Alex wondered if that would ever change. The thought led to an absurd notion: what would Astra be like as a human? Would she look any different without powers? Less attractive? Or more brutal?

Frankly, she’d look exactly how she appeared to Alex now, all still features and hair with none of that otherworldly shine.

A surge of audacity came over Alex. She leaned closer, touching Astra’s hairline and combing through in one long motion. Her thumb came to rest on her temple. How many times had she seen that nerve tick? How many instances had Alex been the cause?

If only Astra would wake so she could see her pulsing with anger. Red with ire, lip curling, defiance sharpening her glare, and a scathing bite to her tone. If only she could see that Astra who hovered in a city halfway smoking in ruin and glared at her lieutenant with reckless abandon.

Astra was intensity personified even before Alex shoved a kryptonite sword through her chest. Maybe Fort Rozz was responsible for that intensity. For however long she spent out there in that cold, dark, empty space, the Phantom Zone had most definitely dimmed her senses. When she arrived on Earth she breathed the fresh air and soaked up that yellow sun and thought how good it was to be alive and free. She wasted no time on subtleties, moderation, or idleness. She overacted and took things one step too far. She laughed when she felt like it and stroked human faces when it pleased her sense of awe. She may be a superb strategist, but she let her emotions rule her in the worst of times. Because without intensity, she was back in that prison and surrounded by demons.

Alex liked how intensity looked on Astra whether it was anger, vulnerability, or amusement. With Astra it was always _more_ and yet somehow it left Alex with the sense that she would never be quite satisfied. Intensity, whether it came as a pulsing nerve or a scathing command of “Stop!” looked so human on Astra it stirred the heartstrings. Because there was another word for intensity and that word Alex begrudged to use.

 _Passion_.

Alex looked down and discovered that her fingers had pinched a tuft of Astra’s hair near her hairline, just above her ear, and was tugging. Tugging hard enough to rouse any normal person from slumber but soft enough not to incite a Kryptonian death glare. Enough to send a message.

_Wake up you stupid alien._

The heat lamps Alex had installed in the bed were not hot enough to burn her hand. She didn’t count the minutes she kept Astra’s hair between her thumb and forefinger, tugging as if pulling her back down from wherever she had gone off to. She didn’t count or care because Astra was waking up.

A groan uttered and dark eyebrows furrowed.

The shock had Alex’s back meeting her chair. She inhaled sharply, eyes wide.

Astra roused slowly, continuing to flinch against the harsh light. Quickly, Alex turned off the power and raised the lid of the sunbed so there was no claustrophobia.

Alex scooted forward and leaned down tentatively, not as close as before but sufficient for her breath to stir a silver strand. “Hey,” she greeted softly. “You’re back at the safe house. Just take it easy.” She gave Astra a moment to adjust. Her eyes were still closed and Alex tilted her head thinking how serene she looked. “I thought you were invincible.”

A pained groan slipped. Astra eyebrows pinched into a frown. “I never said that.”

Alex chuckled. She was one lucky human to be showing such amusement. If Astra were in any way less sluggish or drowsy she was well within her rights to exact punishment.

At the smacking of lips, Alex retrieved her water bottle and unscrewed the cap. She offered it, heedless of her own mouth having been on it. Astra seemed too parched to care otherwise.

After draining it down to the last drop, Astra lay back down and asked, "What happened?"

Alex settled on the abridged version. "You expended a lot of energy during the battle. It's taken three days for you to recharge."

"Three days? That is worrisome. I’ve never experienced fatigue like this. Kryptonians don’t normally require much time to recover on Earth… or Krypton."

"It's not as bad as it sounds." Alex forced her eyes not to stray when the lie slipped out. "It once took Kara three days to recover from an attack by an actual god. But that’s a story for another day."

“Is Kara…?”

“Not a scratch on her.”

Astra shut her eyes and breathed a sigh. She didn’t speak for a while and for a startling second Alex thought she had gone back under. But then Astra reassured her with a scrunch of her nose and a hum growing at the back of her throat.

"Alex?"

The sound of her name didn’t phase Alex. She had grown used to how it slipped off Astra’s tongue. Fondly looking forward to it, even. "Hm?"

"What is your father's name?"

“Why?” The sleepy look on Astra’s face gave Alex a spike of concern. “Are you feeling alright? Do you feel dizzy or nauseous? You might have a concussion.”

"I'm perfectly fine." Astra dismissed her with a light hearted smile. Her eyes remained closed, completing the serene appearance. "I've only realized… For the past two months I've allowed you to draw my blood, test my limits, and put me through awfully dull experiments. I've allowed you closer than anyone, and yet I don't even know the names of your parents or where you were born."

Alex sank back in her chair and rubbed the back of her neck. The cramp from that harrowing crash into Edgerton and 25th had faded. It would have become more than a cramp were it not for Astra’s heroics.

“My father’s name was Jeremiah.”

Astra frowned at the past tense. Her eyes opened and settled on Alex. “I’m sorry. Did he die well?”

“He didn’t die.” The words slipped out before Alex thought about censoring them. “I only just found out last year that he survived and is being held captive by Cadmus. I guess I use the past tense out of habit.”

The muscles in Astra’s jaw twitched. “Who is this Cadmus?”

“It’s not a person. It’s a covert military project. Kara and I have tangled with them before. I barely escaped last time. I’ve been unable to track my father down, but I’m not giving up hope. I have that much, at least.”

“Earth and its secret government agencies. Do they really fool the entire public into believing they stand for justice?”

Alex chuckled and inclined her head to Astra. “Not everyone apparently.”

Astra turned so her chin touched her shoulder. Her gaze seemed to laze on Alex when she said, “Tell me more.”

The beckoning expression clenched around Alex’s heart. In fulfilling Astra’s bid for more, Alex blamed it on genetics. Astra looked every bit like Kara when she used to beg for more stories of Earth’s gods and goddesses. Even from a young age, Alex had a respect for the epics of Vergil and Homer. When it was past curfew and her parents had long gone to bed, Alex would surface from the covers with her flashlight and the latest reading material. Kara’s endless inquires about what she was reading and whether she could join annoyed Alex to the moon. Her usual response was to stick her nose in her book and ignore the constant drone of, “Alex… Alex…. Aleeeex…. _Aaa-leeex_.”

Her resolve held strong until Kara finally crawled into her bed and rested on her shoulder, fluttering those eyes like Astra was now. Kara was hopelessly curious about humans back then – their histories, triumphs, and downfalls – just like Astra was hopelessly curious about this _one_ human. No one said no to that face. And if they did they deserved a face full of freeze breath.

Meanwhile Astra had shifted on her side and propped her head up to study the narrator more closely. The inquisitiveness on display startled Alex to the realization that she had revealed quite a lot about herself. Not everything; mostly the stories that painted a clearer picture of herself and the paths that led her to the present. The names of her parents and their house by the beach in Midvale. Childhood adventures and annoyances with Kara and before Kara. Navigating under the hood of Jeremiah’s truck and having no qualms about getting some grease on her chin.

She weaved around the embarrassing events even when Astra swore she wouldn’t laugh. She left out the more delicate aspects like friendships and relationships because there was nothing more embarrassing than having to admit how few hearts she’d captured. If Astra wondered about those stories and why they were missing, she didn’t let on.

Alex went on by listing off the novels and nonfictions on her shelf because if anything explained character it lied between bookends. “People are what they read,” she said and took the knowing grin as agreement.

Astra exercised patience during the narrative. Patience, the one major trait that set her apart from Kara. She avoided interruptions for a pure learning experience. She let Alex’s voice flow over her, listening as intently to the particulars of childhood and college life as she did observe the rambling hand gestures and endearing facial tics.

By the time Alex had exhausted herself, she made sure to end on a note of gratitude. All the anecdotes in the world meant nothing if she didn’t circle back to the place where this started.

Alex clasped her hands between her knees to keep from gesticulating. Something told her she’d been doing that a lot lately.

“Thanks for having my back,” she said, timidity coloring her cheeks. “It couldn’t have been easy or painless relinquishing command of your people. I just want you to know I recognize the sacrifice you made. If there’s anything I can do in return…”

“Payment is not necessary.” Astra smirked and said, "I know you now.”

"Don't get cocky. You don't know all my secrets."

The jest quelled Astra. Something from experience painted her expression with torrid sincerity and resolve. The balance to retain an advisory role while pushing for results.

"Secrets don't last forever,” Astra said. “They're meant to be shared – at the right time and with the people we deem worthy.” Her smile widened to near imagination. “Sooner or later I'll find yours."

The staunch claim cast Alex in gloom. The prospect of building bridges crumbled and gave way to dark motives. The truth – or the lie, as Alex had come to call it – drifted in the miles of washed-out memory dividing them. Like an ocean between continents, it always remained no matter how bright her future looked. All the hope in the world did not wipe their slate clean.

Alex could fix all of this. She could tell her right now and be done with it. She killed Astra. She was responsible for this thing inside her. Alex was looking into her eyes and recognizing the burden and she didn't even have the courage to deliver her from that burden. Astra lay burned out and bereft of answers. Alex did this to her and she couldn't tell her the truth.

Great lengths had been taken to keep Astra from the truth. Foolish games were played in convincing her to accept a lie. The fabrications were so intricate, so impenetrable that Alex created a blindfold over her own eyes. Some threads had an element of truth to them: the book, a smile, gratitude for saving her life. Others were pure subterfuge: the various masks of indifference, a notated logbook, claiming a need to return home to sleep when all she did was fret.

It was the perfect balance of truth and lie and just enough to blind Alex from her own cowardice.


	5. The Id and the Ego

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning: this is quite a heavy chapter. I totally understand if you need to take a few breaks during reading to hug a puppy, replenish the Kleenex, put on some tea, leave random outpourings in my Tumblr inbox...

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

C.G. Jung, _Psychology and Alchemy_

“Hypnosis?!”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’ve gone off the reservation.”

“Well, you kind of have because…. Hypnosis?!”

Kara rolled her eyes and retreated into her kitchen. She spoke as she went to the fridge to retrieve a late night snack. “Will you stop saying it like that? Hypnotherapy is a very credible method of retrieving memories. If we could only put Astra under long enough for her to remember what or who did this to her, she might have a way of controlling her power.”

Alex ignored the beer that was slid over to her. Although it warmed her heart that Kara kept a stash in the fridge just for her, she wouldn’t take the bribe. She settled for planting her hands on the kitchen island and pinning her sister with a look.

“How do you even know it will work on her?” she argued.

“Because this is the same hypnotist that helped Clark remember when that memory sucking alien attacked him. It all worked out fine for him. He was actually the one who pitched me the idea.”

Alex turned her head suspiciously. “I don’t remember a memory sucking alien. And how does Clark know about Astra’s condition? Did you tell him?”

“He’s my cousin, Alex. And he’s Superman. Excuse my eagerness to help my aunt, but I thought he might have some theories. We haven’t been able to come up with one scientific explanation as to how Astra razed three blocks worth of metahumans. Hypnosis may sound a little out of the box, but maybe that’s how we should be thinking.”

The logic prickled Alex’s sympathy. Had she really gotten so protective of Astra that she didn’t even trust Clark? Her jaw flexed. “Since when does he care about Astra? Neither of them consider each other to be family. Clark doesn’t even know her like you do. What does he have to gain from helping her?”

“This is not about Clark. We have a chance here to provide Astra with answers and you’re whining about motives.”

“I’m not _whining_.”

That’s how the conversation started. An hour of bickering and little sister pouting later Alex found herself convincing Astra of the plan’s merits.

Clark’s friend was a credentialed hypnotist and an experienced professional. He’d treated many people over the years, primarily those who sought to overcome past trauma such as amnesiacs, insomniacs, and assault victims. Because Astra fell under all three categories she was the ideal candidate.

His experience in treating a Kryptonian was an added bonus. Clark swore they could trust him and that Astra would be in good hands. Astra herself wasn’t keen on being put into a state where she had no control, but if Alex and Kara believed in this method then she would go along with it.

As the doctor’s arrival approached, Alex couldn’t keep her eyes off the clock. While Kara watched television with Astra in the living room, Alex sat in Kara’s bedroom. She fought the urge to pace. Even a human stride like hers would wear down Kara’s hardwood floors. Don’t do it, she repeated to herself. Pacing revealed anxiety and would cause them to worry about the wrong person. Pacing would give Astra the impression that Alex was having second thoughts. And she would be right.

If this should go south and cause further damage, it would be Alex’s fault. When Astra had been informed of the plan, the first person she looked to was Alex. The vulnerability in her eyes when she asked what Alex thought seemed to suck all the air out of the room. This was what Alex wanted all along: to gain Astra’s unbreakable trust, to make her believe she had her best interests at heart. Alex felt so torn by deception and attraction that she didn’t know up from down. This new, trusting side of Astra did what Alex never thought possible: let her guard down. Now she left Alex feeling heartsick. So heartsick she couldn’t distinguish miracle from her own undoing.

By the time there came a knocking at the door, her anxieties had doubled.

“Good evening. My name is Doctor Martin Nash. Super – pardon me, _Mr. Kent_ informed you of my arrival?”

“Yes, he did,” Kara said with a smile and shook his hand.

Introductions were made. Beverages were offered but declined. Kara took Dr. Nash’s coat, leaving him and Astra to get acquainted. Alex had nothing else to do but hover. She didn’t have any qualms about breaching doctor/patient confidentiality. If anyone had a right to be informed of the medical repercussions, it was Astra’s quasi doctor, researcher, maybe-friend, and perhaps-something-more-than-Alex-was-willing-to-admit confidante.

Before beginning the session, Dr. Nash requested that he speak to Kara and Alex in private. Neither Kara nor Alex wished to keep any more secrets than necessary, so they allowed Astra to listen from the living room.

“Mr. Kent told me that you two are Astra’s family. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” Kara replied over Alex who didn’t seem to take issue.

“Then you are both best placed to make this decision. I have been practicing hypnotherapy for years, and, although there are benefits, the process is not without its disadvantages. Hypnosis comes in different forms. The one Astra will be put under is called hypermnesia, which is memory recall. Once she is under, she will relive the incident or incidents as if they were actually occurring. She may exhibit the characteristics and emotions during that time period. The experience can be jarring and sometimes cause emotional distress. It all depends on the severity of trauma and her openness to hypnosis. If she resists, the revivification will overwhelm her negatively.”

Kara’s eyes went wide. “That sounds really bad.”

“As I said, it is just one disadvantage of hypnotherapy. The healing process is subjective. I am not the one driving the experience, so to speak. Astra will be guiding _me_ through her memories. There is one other risk you should be made aware of. During the process, bits of the subject’s subconscious reveal themselves. Think of the subconscious as air bubbles inside a pool of water. Through hypnosis, those air bubbles rise to the surface, which is our consciousness. Once the subconscious breaks the surface of our waking state, the subject is made aware of what has been hidden from them.

“In Astra’s case, her memories would come gradually and in pieces that would not seem comprehensive. She may not have a full picture, just snapshots. The risk comes when I pull her out of hypnosis. Once a subject’s subconscious surfaces, it is a tricky thing to push it back down. Human beings – and, I would assume, people like Superman and Astra – weren’t meant to go through life acting according to their subconscious. That’s why it is called a _sub_ conscious – our deepest desires lie _beneath_ our awareness. There are two possibilities when one is pulled out of hypnosis: either they return with their subconscious where it should be or they come back with it still floating on the surface, ready and willing to rule. In the latter case, one’s subconscious wishes would be amplified. Every suppressed impulse would roam free and unrestricted.”

Alex had folded her arms over her chest and was fixing him with severe glare. “You’re really selling it, Doctor. I’m not so sure we’re desperate enough to take these risks.”

“Of course, you have every right to protect Astra from the side effects. I would not be disappointed should you turn me away. But if she is as lost as Mr. Clark says, you both have a very hard decision to make. And Astra. Should she agree to the hypnosis, I will do everything in my power to see her through the healing process.”

Kara was biting her lip and exchanging a nervous glance with Alex. The living room remained quiet. Alex peeked around Dr. Nash to find Astra staring in her direction as if she had been waiting for her. Trepidation rippled across Astra’s face before she nodded.

Alex turned to Dr. Nash. Her voice sharpened to that ruthless edge she used when interrogating hostiles. “If she experiences any kind of distress, if she so much as flinches, you are pulling her out.”

“You have my word.”

Alex nodded to Kara who addressed Dr. Nash. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

When they got settled in the living room, Kara elected to stand and worry from afar. She didn’t want Astra to absorb any negative energy during the hypnosis – or something like that. While Dr. Nash sat across from Astra, Alex was making her decision and catching Kara’s eye as she sat down beside Astra. Alex must have drawn attention to herself with the piling doubts on her mind because Kara gave her a look that screamed _Keep it together._ Alex took in a deep breath and reminded herself that this was for Astra’s own good.

The couch’s softness yielded to Alex as she sat down. She felt the breeze of a sigh beside her. The tension in Astra’s spine melted at the hand on her leg. Alex didn’t even realize what she was doing until the hypnotist spoke.

“Please no contact,” Dr. Nash instructed.

“What?”

Kara got Alex’s attention with a clearing of her throat. She nodded to the hand on Astra’s thigh and threw in a pressing look.

“Oh.” Alex shook her addled head and lifted her hand.

“There can be no external stimuli affecting the subject, especially while she is under hypnosis.”

“Of course.”

Swallowing her disappointment, Alex made some space on the sofa. Astra supplied her a nervous look. This was all to help a very confused, very powerful alien, Alex reminded herself. This had nothing to do with forgiveness or gratitude or shortness of breath. She nodded in reassurance.

“Alright,” Dr. Nash focused on Astra, “this will not work if you are unwilling or having doubts. You must be open to the process. You must _want_ to heal. Are you willing?”

Astra nodded.

“I need a verbal confirmation.”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now rest your posture and concentrate on my voice. It’s alright. Nice and easy. There. Now listen to my voice and my voice only. Tune out your surroundings. Imagine that it is just the two of us. You are sitting on a sofa and I am also sitting on a sofa across from you. Nod if you’re with me.”

Astra thinned her lips and nodded.

“Very good. You are doing very well, Astra. In a moment I'm going to relax you more completely. In a moment I'm going to begin counting backwards from ten to one. The moment I say the number ten you will allow your eyes to close. The moment I say the number ten you will, in your minds eye, see yourself at the top of a small set of stairs.

“The moment I say the number nine and each additional number you will simply move down those stairs, relaxing more completely. At the base of the stairs is a large feather bed with a comfortable feather pillow. The moment I say the number one you will simply sink into that bed, resting your head on that feather pillow.

“Number 10, eyes closed at the top of those stairs. Ten ...

Alex watched in rapt attention as Astra’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Nine, relaxing and letting go. Eight, sinking into a more comfortable, calm, peaceful position…”

Astra’s shoulders lazed with the rest of her body. Her lips parted slighted, lending her a sluggish appearance.

“Seven… Six… going way down ... Five ... moving down those stairs, relaxing more completely. Four… Three… breathe in deeply... Two… On the next number, number one, simply sinking into that bed, becoming more calm, more peaceful, more relaxed… One ... Sinking into that feather bed, let every muscle go limp and loose as you sink into a more calm, peaceful state of relaxation.”

Astra’s jaw slackened and she sunk comfortably back into the sofa.

“Can you hear me, Astra?”

A voice answered, “Yes.”

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good to hear. Now I want you to think of the last place you were. The place before the storm. Think of that place. Build from your immediate surroundings. Was there a pod?

“…Yes.”

“And are you inside this pod?”

“I am.”

“Can you tell me what you see from within this pod? Is it light or dark outside?”

“Dark. Very dark.”

“There is no trace of light? Not even a pinprick?”

“I cannot…” Astra’s features pulled down. “I cannot make out any light.”

“That’s alright. You’re doing well, Astra. Now I need you to relax. Slip into that pod and feel the cushion behind you. Can you feel it?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve been traveling in this pod for some time, haven’t you?”

“I have. A very long time.”

“Do you see Earth through your window?”

“I cannot see anything. It’s dark.”

“That’s okay, Astra. Now if you would –“

“Wait, I feel… something.”

Alex leaned forward to gage Astra’s expression but it remained blank. She looked to Dr. Nash who was assuring her with nod.

“What do you feel, Astra?”

“Shaking… vibrations… My pod is being pulled by forces I cannot see.”

“Do these forces speak?”

“No. But I feel them. They have taken me.”

Dr. Nash frowned. “Taken you?”

A gasp and then, “I feel warm. So warm.”

Whether it was a comfortable warmth or one of the boiling kind, Alex’s chest constricted. She felt so helpless. It took all the strength in her not to reach out and grab Astra’s hand. She clutched at the sofa’s arm instead, digging her nails into the fibers.

Dr. Nash leaned forward on the sofa. “Do these forces scare you, Astra? Do you feel in danger?”

There was a long pause wherein all three of them exchanged glances. They waited with baited breath as Astra navigated the shadows.

“No,” she answered finally. A slow smile spread across her lips. “I am not scared. I remember.”

Alex shot an alarmed glance at Kara who was shaking her head. The arm of the couch took the brunt of Alex’s angst as her nails dug in.

“What do you remember, Astra?”

“I am not scared. I remember.”

Dr. Nash wet his lips and shifted on the sofa. He tried again, this time with a bit more weight. “What do you _remember_ , Astra?”

Slowly, like the trickle of honey, the smile faded. The fearlessness receded and was replaced by worry lines. “The pain. Oh, the pain.” She grimaced and sucked in a sharp breath.

The burning pressure built in Alex’s eyes. She didn’t have the courage to hold them back. Tears welled over and down her cheek. She watched Astra remember and it felt like she had pushed that sword through her own heart.

“The pain is not real, Astra,” Dr. Nash cautioned. “It is a memory. You are not living this. You are a spectator.”

“It burns. My chest…” Astra’s head tilted. Her face scrunched as if she was wondering why this was happening to her. “The fire… I can’t stand it...”

Alex squeezed her eyes shut and turned away. In the silence of Kara’s living room, it was easy to tune in to the slightest sound. A ragged gasp uttered from behind. The same gasp of realization that preceded her collapse. Alex clamped a trembling hand over her mouth.

“Astra?” Dr. Nash called. “Astra, it’s Dr. Nash. Can you hear me?”

Astra grimaced. “Yes,” she wheezed.

“Who has done this to you?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Astra? Are you alright? Can you –“

“They did this to me.” A low growl stirred in Astra’s chest. Frown lines hardened amidst her now inflamed face. “I can’t control it. I don’t want to.”

“Who did this to you? The forces?”

“Yes… _No._ They did this. _My_ _murderer_.”

Dr. Nash sucked in a breath. He didn’t have to gage Kara’s or Alex’s readiness. They were both pleading with widened eyes.

“Astra, in a moment I am going to count to ten, going up from one to ten.”

“They did this to me.”

“Astra, stay with me. In a moment I am going to count upward from one to ten. The closer I get to ten, the further you will be from the incident. In a moment you will slowly rise from that feather bed and proceed up those stairs. Do you understand, Astra?”

A voice answered in a low rumble. “I will find the person who did this...”

“One… you are slowly gaining strength. Two… you are lifting yourself up from the feather bed…”

“… and I will kill them for what they did.”

“Three… you take the stairs upward… four… five… you are proceeding higher now…”

“They will not escape my power.”

“Six… you can see the top of the stairs now… seven… you continue to climb…”

“I like the taste of it too much… the strength… the speed… the power and the _heat_.”

“Eight… with each step you grow lighter and allow yourself to come back to the sofa, the sofa you’re sitting on across from me… nine… you are at the top of the stairs and can feel the sofa underneath you…”

Astra breathed sharply through her nose. A sudden voice, possessed, spat out, “They will feel pain at my hands or I will die trying!”

The strength Alex used to curb their connection fell out from under her. Her heart clenched and she reached for Astra like she was a feather to be caught. She would have shouted for Dr. Nash but her voice wasn’t working.

The faint sound of Kara’s urging echoed in the background. “Bring her out. Now!”

Dr. Nash’s voice became fervent and swift. “In a moment I will reach the count of ten and once I do you will open your eyes… nine… ten.”

Astra’s eyes flew open. She gasped, pitched forward, and grabbed the edge of the couch for stability.

Kara rushed to kneel at her side. “Aunt Astra, you’re back. You’re okay.”

If Astra’s subconscious lingered on the surface, it seemed comforted by the presence of her niece. She leaned into Kara with a soft hum.

The consoling touch receded just as fast as Alex had delivered it. In the span of a few seconds, she resigned to the fact that Astra had Kara, her true family and blood. No one else was more appropriate for the job.

When Astra’s strength returned, she willed herself from dependence and returned to her solitary nature.

Dr. Nash narrowed his eyes. “Astra, how are you feeling?”

Astra bent forward to rest her elbows on her knees. She held her head in her hands. “I feel as if my body has made several revolutions around the planet.”

“Perhaps you’d like a glass of water?” Dr. Nash glanced to Alex before focusing back on his patient.

Relieved to have something to do, Alex shot up to retrieve a glass.

They gave Astra a few minutes to adjust. Dr. Nash asked her more questions regarding her health. Besides the slight nausea, she didn’t feel any different. When asked if she remembered anything while under hypnosis, she replied with a hearty, “Yes.”

There was no mistaking it. Astra remembered experiencing a force in her posthumous travels, the heat it provided, and subsequent breath of life. She also remembered her death but not by whose hand. Whoever it may be, they were a target and she held them responsible for her turning out the way she did: more powerful and less Kryptonian than she’d ever thought possible.

Once Astra assured Dr. Nash that the nausea had passed, he left with best wishes and luck. If she should find herself in need of his assistance again, “I will have you climb a shorter staircase,” he said jokingly. The buoyancy of his goodbye eased the tension for Astra and Kara but not for Alex.

As Kara walked Dr. Nash out to his car, Alex went back to the sofa. Her mind replayed the night’s events. Astra may remember her time spent on Earth, but the event of her death had been so damaging that she suppressed it. That defense mechanism wiped out pieces of her memory and shoved it so deep into her subconscious it took hypnosis just to regain a few snapshots and a feeling of fire spearing through her chest.

As Alex was reliving it through her mind’s eye, she didn’t notice Astra sitting down beside her. Whenever the pain of Astra’s voice echoed back, it looped like a broken record. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“You’re crying.”

Alex registered the smell of Astra before she even opened her eyes opened. Her breath hitched at their proximity. “What?”

Astra stared at her for a moment – soft and so damn curious – and reached out, palm open to support the tear tracked cheek.

Alex’s body betrayed her by recoiling.

The hand paused and fingers curled around air. The softness encompassing Astra’s eyes swirled into bewilderment, perhaps not by Alex’s limitations but by her own intentions. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Her face burned pink. She broke eye contact and pulled her hand back.

Alex’s hand shot out to catch it. She brought it to her face, palm to cheek, and pressed hard. “I’m sorry.”

The tears spilled over Astra’s fingers and she blinked in shock. Her mouth parted for lack of a response. She took in Alex’s trembling and the sound of her stuttering heart and shook her head. “For what?”

“Everything.”

“If these tears are for me then you do not know what I have done.”

“You don’t understand.”

“I think I understand very well. I haven’t seen this clearly in a long time.”

Astra took her hand back and all the warmth it afforded. She must have detected the loss in Alex’s expression because she was tilting her head in apology. Obscure necessity kept her hands clenched on her lap.

“The repercussions from my actions make me undeserving of your tears. I cannot account for every ill deed because there are some deeds I do not wish to be forgiven for. There are people I have killed, betrayed, failed and some deserved those fates. You do not know what aggression lives inside me now. You do not know the kind of retribution I’d take upon the person responsible.” Her hands unclenched and she brushed her thumb along Alex’s jawline. Though the tenderness conflicted with this aggression she spoken of, she did not let it fool her. “I wish you never know me like that. Do not attempt it. Do not cry in longing for it because I will not give it to you.”

Alex’s stubborn nature got the best of her. She let it, knowing Astra could feel the muscles tense beneath her hand. “You think I’m brave and pure as the driven snow but I’m not. I’m a solider like you. I’ve killed and betrayed and failed just as many people as you have. I have seen men and women under my command fall in battle. This may not be a contest to show who has the more broken soul, but I’ll prove it if I have to.”

“You sit there spouting fighting words and call yourself corrupt when you are anything but. I know you, Alex. Your father’s name is Jeremiah and you will do anything to be reunited with him. You will be brave and make good choices to see it through. Like your sister, that light inside you does not take to the demons that attract me. You have no idea what I can become.”

A chill ran up Alex’s spine but she let the tremble take over. She let the fear in, the what ifs, the pain of the past, the unknowable future, and the unlikelihood that they’d come out of this alive.

“And you don’t know my secrets,” Alex shot back. She meant to deliver it with a snarl but sorrow bubbled forth and broke it to pieces.

Astra’s face scrunched in confliction like she wanted to say something but knew it would be foolish. The hand on Alex’s face slipped down the side of her neck. The backs of Astra’s fingers passed over the pulse point without much pressure yet sought to inspire by the mere suggestion. Whatever she wanted to say, she let her touch express.

“I don’t need secrets to know your heart.” Astra smiled softly at the flutter and said, “My super hearing never lies.”

Alex closed her eyes as a flood of scalding tears fell and thought _No, but I do._

Across the room, past the kitchen, and outside the apartment, Kara sat listening from the hallway. Her back was against the door and she was hugging her legs to her chest. She sucked in a choked breath before sobbing into her knees and realizing how badly this was going to end for all of them.

* * *

They went through the motions as if nothing had changed. As if they were nothing without routine. Because when the research came to an end, Alex and Astra would be forced to question who they were to each other and where they went from there.

Two months occupied in close quarters inched dangerously close to possessive pronouns like _our_ research, _my_ human, and _your_ responsibility. Two months of rationalizing and pushing limits compelled them towards indecision. Neither were comforted by being told what or who they were as people (brave one, loyalist, coldhearted turncoat, nihilist). They weren’t going to start branding themselves.

There was no reason to go on with the tests, not when Astra preferred utilization over understanding. She intended to use these powers, however unstable, in exacting revenge on her murderer. She would throw caution to the wind if it meant consolation. But the safe house continued to act as her home. She still placed herself in the hands of her expert Kryptonian physiologist, disregarding any justification for her doing so.

Despite realizing that Astra would not rest until she had her revenge and her peace of mind, Alex stayed. At the risk of her very life, she kept the experiments going and put herself at Astra’s mercy every day. She did so because pain of death seemed so inconsequential compared to the pain of abandoning Astra. She fought hard to forge the ties between them, unknowingly binding them closer than she ever imagined. She gave up her field work, something she once thought she couldn’t live without, and lost subsequent nights of sleep over the stress of keeping this Kryptonian in line and out of the fire. The attachment went beyond professional and deeper than friendship, so that any distance between them would be like tearing out an incorporeal organ from her body.

To continue the game was foolish and dangerous, not to mention delaying the inevitable. But here they were, Alex taking blood pressure readings and Astra watching her closely enough to provoke a blush. They ignored the status quo, yet Astra keenly remembered how freely those tears flowed while Alex swore to feeling that tender pressure on her cheek days later. Each possessed a mixed bag of impressions that had accumulated since the very beginning. From it they cherry picked whatever gave them a false sense of security, whether it came in the form of a tear drop or a soothing gesture.

The blood pressure monitor beeped and flashed its results. “Looks good,” Alex affirmed and unfastened the Velcro cuff.

Astra raised her brow. “You do realize I can regulate my blood pressure on a whim. It is a simple thing for Kryptonians. Like a reflex.”

Despite the unethical repercussions of that statement, Alex chuckled. “Are you claiming, after all this time, that you’ve been sabotaging my research?”

“I feel that we should clear up any misunderstandings between us.” Astra reached out and grasped Alex’s fingers. She focused on the back of her hand like she was going to kiss it. “You should know exactly what I am capable of before you get caught up in something you did not ask to be apart of.”

Alex flushed. The warm touch flooded her with a tingling sensation she could hardly provide a scientific explanation for. This wasn’t the first time Astra had touched her without provocation. There were hand grazes, touches to her hip when moving around her, and combing a stray hair out of her face. Sometimes Astra would stand so close to her that Alex had to search her memory to define “personal space.” This was all recent, spontaneous, and would not be leading anywhere if Alex had anything to say about it.

She cleared her throat and rounded her desk. She went to jot down the results into her log book. As if it held any significance at this point.

“You Kryptonians think you’re so special,” she mused with a shake of her head. “You’re not the only species who employ mind over matter. Studies have proven that humans can lower their pulse rate and blood pressure naturally through what’s known as transcendental meditation. It’s an old Hindu technique to avoid distraction and promote a state of relaxed awareness.” She shrugged, her gaze pinning Astra in challenge. “It takes practice and patience for a human to regulate biochemical changes on a whim, but it’s possible.”

“You humans are just full of surprises.”

The droning tone had Alex facing her with hands on her hips. “Is that sarcasm?”

“Are you so offended by my casting you into humanity’s sort? You are human, after all. But different.”

Alex perked, unsure whether to be offended or complimented. “Different? Different how?”

“You humans do not perceive differences between people as my people once did. On my home planet, to be different was to be deformed, outcast. We have – we _had_ – a group mentality where there was a correct way of doing things. We had social norms and traditions that prided harmony and perfection. A utopia as it were. Supposedly,” Astra muttered with disdain.

“On Earth,” she continued, “people, for the most part, are devoted to their individuality. Humans will go to extremes to develop their uniqueness while still upholding a sense of conformity as a means to give up a small shred of personal responsibility. You are different from them because you do not celebrate your individuality; you bear it like a cross as I and many others on Krypton have.

“You are not Kryptonian like your sister and yet you honor her in all the Kryptonian ways: protection, wisdom, sacrifice. You are not human like your parents and yet you wonder constantly about normalcy and the life you should have had. None of these things make you different. They make you special.”

Taken aback, Alex swallowed and folded her arms as if to ward off any further admissions. “You don’t strike me as the cross bearing type.”

“I could not change what I was. Neither could Alura. But when our parents made a choice, Alura profited. There was no ‘making the best of things’ when she was given every opportunity.”

“Are you saying they chose to love her more than you?”

“Identical similarities aside,” Astra inclined her head with a smile, “ _I_ was not the easiest to love.”

Alex detected the sorrow behind the sarcasm. Her tone thickened with it. Astra, master of self-deception, could spin these lies to suit her needs. When would she realize her voice wasn’t in it anymore? Why couldn’t she see that her own body was betraying her?

“You didn’t really answer my question earlier,” Alex said.

“What question was that?”

“Are you sabotaging my research?”

A bold smirk surfaced. “Research… the research you spent two months working on? And have you anything to show for it? Anything concrete, that is? We’ve known for a while that the kryptonite needles haven’t provoked so much as a pinch.”

There was no use in hiding. Despite Astra’s humor, she was asking her point blank. “Honestly, I don’t know if there is a solution,” Alex replied. “I can only use whatever means are in my power. And I’m not willing to resort to anything that could harm you. I know this power is difficult to control and I may not understand, but I’m here to help you.”

“And you think taking blood pressure readings and playing with simulations will sort me out?” At Alex’s panic, Astra calmed her with a smile. “I realize that is not how you think of this. You wish to help me understand my power, not fix me. For that I am grateful. Sometimes I wonder how I would have fared in someone else’s hands…”

Astra’s voice dragged off. She was, no doubt, considering all the terrible places and things in store for her at the DEO should she be captured. Alex wanted to assure her that she and Kara would never allow that to happen. There were too many General Lane types bustling about base that would love to be in Alex’s shoes. Where Alex exercised caution and growing partiality, they would have no qualms about dissecting Astra like a lab rat.

“While I respect your approach,” Astra continued, “I hardly think microscopes and blood samples are the answer. This is one of the misunderstandings I have been meaning to clear up. This is not the kind of research I wish to devote myself to.”

The mysterious way in which it was said caused Alex to frown. “What do you mean?”

“I mean there are other methods… other avenues of enlightenment.”

“I thought I was the scientist here.” Alex chuckled. “I’m all ears. What do you suggest?”

Astra grinned and tilted her head to the side. “Come here and I will tell you.”

The playful, narrowing eyes caused Alex to fumble for words. “… Pardon?”

“You are not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

Astra rolled her eyes and rose from her chair. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. On exhale, she opened her eyes and stared down at the edge of the desk. Her fingers lay on its surface and began to run along its edge as she walked slowly around it.

“Remember when I asked you whether I was your patient or your test subject? You do not consider me ill or mentally unstable, and I cannot put into words what that means to me. You wish to offer your assistance, but I am trying to tell you that I do not require your help as an expert in Kryptonian physiology. I do not want to be your research. As precious as it may be to your sense of accomplishment, which you do so deserve, I do not need your research.” Astra came to a halt in front of Alex. Her soft eyes offered the full impact of her plea. “I need you.”

Alex could not breathe. She felt behind her for her desk but her hand grabbed nothing but air.

"Your heart rate has increased." Astra continued to force her into a retreat, one slow step at a time. She tilted her head, imparting the necessity to be heard. "I need you. Do you have any idea what I mean when I say that?"

The desk rattled as Alex backed into it suddenly. Her breath caught and her eyes dropped to Astra's lips.

The depth of sincerity in Astra scared the air out of the room. So much so that her whisper was barely audible in the vacuum. “You cannot honestly claim to not seeing this coming.”

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked everywhere but Astra’s eyes and her mouth. “Seeing what?”

Astra lifted Alex’s chin so their eyes met. A thumb grazed along her jaw, light and promising as when it last was there, after the hypnosis when she screamed against her aggressor who was but a phantom to Astra but as real and as familiar to Alex as her own shadow.

The moment Astra's hand brushed her racing pulse, Alex turned away. "We should really get that blood test from this morning analyzed. If we -"

Astra caught her wrist. Without a second's thought, Alex spun and flung her arms around Astra's neck. She kissed the woman she killed. The woman whom she lied to, deceived, and brought so much pain.

Alex didn't much care why she submit. Astra could overpower her with a pinky, so where was the choice? Or perhaps Astra’s subconscious wasn’t the only one ruling their decisions. If Alex was sick of waiting for the right moment… This is it, she thought when their mouths connected. It was a sloppy uncoordinated move that had them clamoring for each other. It was a clumsy, wet, molecule crashing kiss.

Astra’s passion overwhelmed Alex like a spark that once caught could not be controlled. Astra did not hold back but she also did not have purpose. It was a kiss from someone who didn’t know what they wanted or how to get it. It lacked refinement and experience, not just with women but with any lover. Her urgency was marked by hands traveling under Alex’s shirt. She sought skin before they could break their first kiss.

The shock of heat running up her back caused Alex to break the kiss. She took a few breaths, giving herself a moment to think about what she was doing before cramming her conscience down and bringing Astra’s mouth back to hers.

Thoroughly amused by Alex’s initiative, Astra smiled into the kiss. Her hands snaked up Alex’s back, curling round the shiver and drawing back down as if to quell it. Her hands were conflicting things, provoking a response before soothing it down and repeating it all over again.

It drove Alex mad. In the many years she spent calculating the odds, monitoring her every decision, and analyzing the consequences, it felt hopeless to continue with tradition. She was helpless to deny herself something she knew would be her undoing. Her hand grasped the back of Astra’s neck. She tilted her head and kissed with an open mouth, hoping to disorient them into oblivion like memories into space.

Astra moaned around their tongues and tightened their embrace. Alex arched up into her, feeling so much lighter and more turned on than she could remember. No one had swept her off her feet like this. Not literally, either, Alex realized with a gasp as Astra pulled her up onto the desk. They stared at one other, chests heaving and cheeks rosy.

A heat like alcohol lazed through Alex’s veins. Witnessing the arousal in Astra’s eyes curbed her inhibitions. It was better than wine or tequila. It was better than the high she got from modeling carbon membranes for isotope separation or taking down a Hellgrammite with her own two hands.

Why hadn’t they thought of this before? It was the last thing Alex read in those darkening gray eyes before her face was cradled and driven forward. Astra may not be well-versed in human customs of affection, but she clearly knew how to make out.

For as thrilling as being this close to Astra was, it spread doubt at the back of Alex’s mind. The shift was perplexing. Somehow, she knew the Astra of last year, the Astra before her death, wouldn’t proceed like this. Alex knew this wasn’t their way; Kara had recounted stories of Kryptonian customs and their behavior towards affection. She even claimed that her aunt and uncle shared about as little warmth between them as any other couple on Krypton.

It occurred to Alex that Astra might not have engaged in this kind of behavior before. Although she didn’t know if Astra and Non’s relationship had changed post-Phantom Zone, there was a strong possibility that Astra had no knowledge of what she was instigating with Alex. Hence the aimless passion.

Startled, Alex realized that she wanted to court Astra. She wanted to teach her how to be an attentive lover, kind and generous and so very skilled in pushing someone close to the edge again and again before bringing relief.

The inevitable question lingered in the air. It had always been in the space between them, clouding the water and creating reflections that neither of them wanted to face.

Alex tried to slow Astra down and calm her eager desires. She stroked her hair and placed tender kisses to her cheek. Something was not right. Astra was not right. Alex could not forget she had never been the same since she came back to them. The thrill of a kiss and the need of someone would never change that.

She drew back and placed her hand where her lips had left. “What happened to you out there?” she asked solemnly.

Astra’s face collapsed in the struggle. “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either,” Alex admitted thickly. She shook her head, the tears beginning to flow. “I’m sorry.”

“I already said you have nothing to apologize for. When we were at Kara’s and you said that you were sorry –“

“Not for that. For this. I…” Alex’s thumb brushed once more against the cheek, reminding herself that she put that furious heat and those tears there. “We can’t do this. You can’t need me like this. I said I’d help you control your powers.” Alex tilted her head sadly. “I haven’t done that. I can’t be impartial when I feel this way.”

“What way?”

“Like I want to touch you like this. All the time.”

Astra covered Alex’s hand with her own. “I want you too.”

“Stop that. Don’t look at me like that because this is already too damn hard. You need to listen to me and realize what has happened to us.”

That broiling passion surfaced once again in Astra. Her eyes shimmered and she sucked in a breath. “I don’t care about the research anymore. I don’t blame you, Alex. You tried your best and I do not fault you. We can forget about the experiments and the DEO. We can forget it all.”

“Like you forgot your memories? Astra, we both know you’ll never stop until you find the person who killed you.” Alex swallowed against the bile in her throat. “I won’t hold you back anymore.”

“What does my vendetta have to do with you?” Astra’s eyes dropped to the shuffling of feet. “Why do you shrink from me?”

“Because if you want vengeance badly enough, you will go down a road I can’t follow. And it will destroy me.”

An anger like vengeance colored Astra’s face. She shook her head, stating vehemently, “I will not let that happen. We can do this together. We can find my killer and bring them to justice, you and I. When I said I needed you, I meant in every way. I need you by my side, Alex, especially in this endeavor.”

A force took hold of Alex’s hand. She looked down at Astra’s hand in hers and the squeeze that minded her human fragility. If only Alex had heeded the same caution with her own heart. It was not supposed to be like this. She was supposed to observe and report. She was not supposed to want this alien so much it hurt. She had blinded herself so thoroughly with foolish games that her guard collapsed into pieces. So much for Hippocratic oath.

“I’ve made my decision,” Alex said firmly, slipping out of the hold. “You can do what you want. Go wherever you choose. I won’t stop you. I’ll return to my position at the DEO and make sure they don’t track you. Please, go and find your answers without me.”

“Alex…” Astra stopped her with the meager plea. She cradled Alex’s elbows and pulled her close. “If this is about Kara or the DEO… I don’t know what I’m asking. I just don’t want to make this difficult for you.”

“Just _don’t_! Enough!”

Alex regretted it immediately. Witnessing the flinch was as painful as seeing Astra cry out on Kara’s couch as she relived the blade through her chest. For as difficult as this was for Alex, it didn’t come close to how this would affect Astra.

Alex shook her head, looking for the exit. “I can’t. I’m sorry. The research is over.” She watched the distance grow with Astra’s retreat. One step, two steps, it might as well have been miles.

Scrounging up the dregs of her courage, Alex raised her head and met Astra’s eyes. They were swirling with puzzlement and guilt. Astra actually thought she was to blame for this. It stabbed Alex’s heart.

“None of this is fair to you,” Alex croaked, body trembling over in distress. “Goodbye.”

The numbness set in at once. She didn’t feel the ground beneath her as she fled up the stairs. The wind on her face carried no scent or nostalgia. For however many weeks she’d been coming to the abandoned warehouse, she didn’t think to look back one last time.

Alex jammed her key into the ignition and slammed on the gas so hard her tires kicked up gravel. Being outside of the city, it would be a lonely ride home. With no one around for miles, she burst into tears.

For as much effort and time she put into forming a bond with Astra, what had it all been for? Was it to protect Kara? Herself? Or Astra? Alex didn’t know anymore. All she knew was the startling choice she had just made. A choice that delivered a death stroke which rivaled a kryptonite sword through the chest.

As her dented Honda Civic plugged along down the road, Alex hugged her steering wheel and tasted salty remorse. She was too damned by the consequences of her actions that she didn’t notice the explosion of light in her rearview mirror or the sound of a Kryptonian screaming in anguish.

* * *

Everything had gone to hell in a hand basket. It was all Kara could think about as she raced across the skies. The usual sights and sounds failed to catch her attention. She didn’t care about the sweeping fog or how the city lights felt like home. Not much brought her peace these days and she had her stubborn family to thank for that.

If only Alex had just asked for help. Her sister had been acting absurdly distant lately, more so than usual. It had been two weeks since Alex discontinued the investigation. After the literal meltdown of her previous residence, Astra became Kara’s roommate. Living with her aunt wasn’t the kind of fun Kara thought it would be. She ate nearly twice as much as Kara (perhaps because she had double the powers) and she flew off on a whim and didn’t return until some godforsaken hour. Did she sleep? Probably not. Had she shared her thoughts and feelings about being a free Kryptonian? Nope. Did she plan on getting a job to pay Kara back for all those pizza deliveries? That would be a negative.

Kara tried her best; she even bribed with ice cream, but there was only so much a niece could hold over her aunt. Kara had a harder time coaxing information out of Astra than she did Alex. They were both being difficult and distant, a recipe for misunderstanding.

The curtains fluttered to her entrance. Kara landed in her living room to find Astra rummaging through her clothes rack.

“Hey, if you wanted new clothes all you had to do was ask.” Her eyes zeroed in on the plump suitcase. The smile died on her face. “Are you _leaving?_ ”

One of Kara’s more subdued sweaters was stuffed into the bag. Astra didn’t break stride. “I am grateful for your hospitality, but we both know this was temporary. I do not belong here. Frankly, I am not wanted.”

Kara blinked back in shock. She held her hands up to ward off the insinuation. “Woah, wait a second. What makes you think you’re not wanted? I want you. After everything we’ve been through, you don’t actually think I would let you leave, do you?”

“The humans have taken you in, made you soft. You are too ingrained in their ways. I’m sorry, but you have nothing to offer me.”

Kara’s chin trembled. She didn’t believe a word that was coming out of Astra’s mouth. What baffled her was how Astra could believe it. “Why are you doing this?”

Astra sighed. Her arms dropped to her sides and she faced Kara with a hopeless yet determined expression. Devoid of emotion because she wouldn’t have gotten past that puppy expression staring back at her.

“I have no purpose, Kara. I do not know where I am wanted. You work full time as a reporter and a symbol of hope to the people of this city. You do not need me when you have an entire government agency backing you. I have destroyed my chance to rebuild this planet in Krypton’s legendary image. I have shunned my own people. The Kryptonians do not want me, the DEO would sooner capture and kill me, and you have a family of your own now. Ergo, I am not wanted.”

“That’s not true! You _are_ wanted.”

“And how is that, I wonder?”

“This is why I’ve come. The DEO need our help. J’onn remembered what you did for us during the attack on National City. He’s convinced the president of the United States – I repeat the _president of the United States_ – to grant a full pardon if you help us this one last time.”

A low growl stirred in Astra’s chest. “I have nothing to be pardoned for. _They_ are the ones who should be pleading for forgiveness. The DEO says its goal is to protect humanity, but they only focus on covering up their tracks. I have seen enough to know that their only priorities are secrecy and discretion, not the safety of others.” She shook her head, disgusted. “One cannot simply segregate humans from the inevitability of alien contact. Displaced foreigners like myself are forced underground like outcasts, never able to be who they are for fear of retribution by the DEO. The aliens can protect themselves. It is human kind that needs to watch its back.”

Kara glared through the tears and fought the urge to pity her aunt’s perspective. “So you don’t care that the Kryptonians have changed their minds and are back inflicting chaos once again? You don’t care that your own people are –“

“They are _not_ my people!” Astra bellowed. The picture frames rattled to the vibrations. “Do you not understand how far removed I am from any living thing on this planet? I am more than the sum of all Kryptonians and yet I am nothing like them, not since I came back. The sooner you realize that, Kara, the sooner you would let me go.”

Kara closed her eyes and listened to the hot trail of boots tread past her to the open window. Before she heard the telltale _whoosh_ , her embattled words fell to the air. “What about Alex?”

Astra whirled around and snarled, “What _about_ Alex?”

Kara turned around to see the bag on the floor and two fists clenching. “Since she ended the investigation, she’s gone back to the DEO. She begged J’onn to return her field privileges. You can imagine how difficult that is, reestablishing confidences and acclimating to a place that only brings doubts.” Kara swallowed her guilt down and found her voice again. “I know that Alex resents me. She believes that if it wasn’t for me, she would have had a normal life without aliens and their stupid judgments. Alex just wanted someone to give her a purpose, so she went back to J’onn and she’s logged a record amount of overtime since.”

Astra’s jaw flexed. “What does she have to do with the Kryptonians?”

“They’ve taken Alex because of you.” Kara fought back the tears because Rao knew how many she’d shed since the call came in. “She’s their _captive_. Somehow, they found out about her research and concluded that you two might share a connection. They’re going to draw you out by threatening that connection. I would assume they want you to rejoin their ranks and plot world domination the redoux edition.”

“How did she get involved with them in the first place?” The strain in Astra’s voice was evident and telling of the headache one human could give her from miles away.

“The DEO has only just suspected a resurgence by the Kryptonians. Alex was following up on a lead. She led a team to investigate a crash site. One of your – I mean, one of the Kryptonian lieutenants sent word that Alex was the only surviving member of the team and they’re holding her hostage. She will be released just as soon as you defect to them.”

Suddenly, Kara’s cheeks developed a rosy tint. “Which reminds me… When you returned to Earth two months ago you may have pulled Fort Rozz back into the atmosphere because it’s sitting in the middle of the Nevada desert. And they’re using it as a base of operations. Again.”

Astra scrubbed her forehead. “You would think they would set up somewhere less inconspicuous. Somewhere _not_ in familiar territory.”

Kara shrugged. “Hey, maybe they’re not so smart without their badass general making decisions.”

“Flattery will get you no where,” Astra admonished. She softened immediately because this was her niece and they were discussing family, after all; family that needed her. “So they are using Alex as bait.”

“Yeah, and we’re going to play right into their hands. They just don’t know the ace up our sleeve. When they do, it’ll be too late. They have no idea what you can do and we’re going to use that to our advantage.”

“Supergirl,” Astra narrowed her eyes and revealed a hint of a smile, “savior of mankind and defender of justice, wants me to lose control? Inflict maximum damage?”

Kara grit her teeth. “Yes.”

“Well, then. What are we waiting for?”

* * *

Tensions were high at the DEO for obvious reasons. Not only had one of their own agents been kidnapped, but they had a whole legion of Kryptonians causing trouble and a former Kryptonian general and escaped captive in their midst. None of them were thrilled to be working with Astra. Even their director had his doubts. Everyone was on the edge of a knife’s point, including Supergirl.

The strategy room was filled to capacity. Due to the powerful nature of their targets, only experienced field agents were allowed to take part in the assault. J’onn laid out his plan on the whiteboard as Winn loaded schematics into the display for all to see. It would be a simple snatch and grab operation. The hostage was not to be killed or harmed in transit.

Kara stood with Astra in the back of the room. Despite their preference for discretion, it got them nowhere between the scathing looks and physical dissociation.

By the end of the mission briefing, everyone had a position and a purpose. They would infiltrate the Kryptonian base and create a diversion so that Supergirl and Astra could retrieve Agent Danvers. They would withdraw and take as few casualties as possible. Ultimately, shoot to kill.

While the teams filed out of the room, Kara and Astra were the last to leave. Before they could exit, J’onn stood in their path. He was dressed in full ops regalia. His hands were on his hips and he stared Astra down like a predator would his prey.

“Your cooperation with us is greatly appreciated, General.”

Despite his posture, he was startlingly forthcoming. Kara looked to Astra who had raised her brow.

“I’m not doing this for you or your precious agency,” Astra said. “Know this: the moment I reach the front line, you will not get in my way or stop me for any reason. I will not hesitate to turn the last son of Mars to ashes.”

“And you should know that if anything should happen to Agent Danvers out there, I’ll have you confined for the rest of eternity. And the only visitors you’ll get are the likes of General Lane.”

Astra swept past him with a sardonic, “I’m trembling in my boots.”

Before following, Kara stopped at J’onn’s side. The tension came off him in waves; yet another reminder of how many of them would move heaven and Earth to ensure Alex’s safety.

She laid her hand on his shoulder for reassurance. “We’ll bring her home. I promise.”

He finally met her eyes, so haunted and sad. Always expecting the worst amid a life of never ending hardship.

He gave a half smile and jerked his head. “Go on.”

Kara left him to his pre-mission brooding to catch up with Astra. She did not expect to find her in the armory. Astra’s mere presence must have scared off any field agents because she was the only one there. An atmosphere of disquiet permeated the room. A haunting silence aided by the alien deaths all those weapons had caused.

“What are we doing here?” Kara asked. She told herself the chill was from the room. The armory could be a cold place this time of year. “We don’t need armor or ammunition.”

“I require a weapon that will do damage. I want them to feel a slow death with much pain.”

With steel determination in her eyes, Astra scanned her options. She moved from rack to rack, bypassing the firearms and rifles for the sharp edges.

Kara’s shiver grew worse when Astra lingered over the oily black sheath. She watched as her fingers rested on the point and slide along the flat edge. Her vision was penetrating the hard casing with ease.

“Aunt Astra?” Her voice trembled.

“This is a blade made from kryptonite,” Astra said. Her voice was strange, faint. “Has it drawn the blood of our people?”

“Aunt Astra, please…”

Astra’s hand gripped round the handle and slid the blade out the barest of an inch. Glowing emerald seemed to amplify the gasp. Her shoulders rose and fell. She was breathing heavily. When she turned her eyes were sharp and filled with memory. Astra remembered.

* * *

The wind screamed past her ears. She cut through cumulous clouds like they were tissue paper. Even for someone like Supergirl, catching up to Astra proved tiresome.

A swirl of coppery dust stirred upon landing. Kara shielded her eyes in the bright Nevada sunlight. There were no dust trails kicked up by tires, no dark spots on the horizon. She and Astra had arrived much earlier than planned. J’onn would not be pleased.

“Oh my…”

Kara gasped at the sight of Fort Rozz. It was the last thing she ever expected to see again. And so soon. It was in such bad shape Kara hardly recognized it. Its curves were pummeled and crushed and the other wheel was completely obliterated. The entire half was buried underground. Two crash landings at terminal velocity could do that.

Whoever decided to return the Kryptonian base to Fort Rozz must have been desperate or lacking in an experienced leader. The thought spurred Kara forward. She saw the sway of cascading curls and sped up to reach her.

“Astra!” she called ahead. When she could finally see Astra’s face, Kara recoiled. “Astra, what are you going to do?”

She kept walking, one long stride in front of the other. The turmoil in her eyes churned at the sight of Fort Rozz. Every horrible thing she’d seen in there, every nightmare and disappointment haunting her memories fueled the fire in her heart. Nothing would get in her way, not even Kara.

“Astra? Please talk to me.” When Kara didn’t get so much as a glance, she headed her off.

“Get out of my way.”

“No. This is stupid. Why can’t you just talk to me? Why can’t any of you just talk to me?! You’re just like her, you know that? You both would rather jump into a black hole than ask for help.”

Any repose Astra had vanished. Her face enflamed and her lip curled. “I am _nothing_ like her! She is nothing!”

“You cannot fix this by hurting her. Alex has been so afraid this might happen. She’s dreaded it the moment you came back. She didn’t even _want_ to head the investigation. J’onn pulled rank to make it happen, to make you feel comfortable around someone who was close to family.” Kara shifted on her feet and forced confidence into her voice. “Alex may have feared you would take revenge for her killing you, but that was before. I don’t know when it happened, but she’s changed. She’s not afraid for her life anymore, she’s afraid for you. For what you will become if you go into Fort Rozz leading with that sword.”

In the distance, the sound of vehicles approached. The DEO came bearing men and women in arms, a Martian, kryptonite ammunition, and vengeance upon those that took their own.

In response, a rumbling cascaded across the sun scorched earth. Screeching metal opened a hole in Fort Rozz and out poured wave upon wave of Kryptonians. If the DEO had armor, weapons, and motivation, the Kryptonians would respond in kind.

As battle crested both horizons, Kara and Astra stared each other down. Family posed against one another, a family bound not just by blood but by deceit and loss.

When the first shot was fired, its emerald bolt sizzled passed Astra and knocked the first soldier out of midair. She didn’t flinch.

“You are speaking in riddles, Kara! Do not presume to think you are wiser than I. You are young and these humans have softened you.”

“You’re wrong. All they’ve done is loved me and made me feel welcome. The Danvers gave me a home. Kal-El just dropped me off with them like I was luggage. Alex became my sister not because it was easy or convenient. How hard do you think it was for her, a human, to put up with people like us? To love unconditionally despite our differences? I was an outcast when I came to Earth and she went out of her way to protect me. She has stood by me and made sacrifices no one told her to make. You’ll never truly know what she’s done for me if you follow through with this.”

Astra reared forward, stabbing her finger at Kara. “I have traveled further than you could imagine. I have been touched by something ancient and miserly, and I cannot part myself from it. She has done this and she will pay with her life.”

Kara didn’t feel the blow of Astra shouldering past. There would be a bruise in the morning, strangely enough. She did feel the heat at her back, callous and unforgiving. It singed her cape before she ever got to her feet. Vengeance was like that. One minute it seemed harmless, as if a passing notion, and the next it was burning a path of death.

“General!”

Kara blinked against the sting. Smoke was beginning to crowd the windless air.

“Lieutenant.”

The distant voice clenched around Kara’s heart. Why couldn’t she convince her? Why hadn’t she acted sooner? Kara struggled to her feet, cradling her dislocated shoulder.

“General! Many happy returns. We have a gift for you. The human female – an agent of the DEO – we’ve captured her and are awaiting your orders. We don’t know what you recall on the eve of your death, but you will be glad to know that the human – “

“I know.”

A sickening crack followed. If Kara closed her eyes she could hear the lieutenant’s spine separating from the base of his skull. It sounded like shattered hope.

* * *

Alex sat hugging her knees to her chest. She hadn’t seen anyone since the lieutenant locked her in a cell. No one came to interrogate or intimidate or even inflict punishment. Actually, that wasn’t true. Being left alone meant she had received no food or water for three days. Alex was weak and starved of hope. _That_ was punishment.

Her eyelids drooped like lead weights. Suddenly, past events appeared behind her lids in a dreamlike fashion. There was that concrete block, immobile and heavy as the arms falling to Alex’s sides. It wouldn’t move until an anguished reaction sent it flying. Then came the shadowed lab and the takeout coffee Kara set before her. The sweet gesture would chase away days of lethargy and restlessness. But no matter how much of the bitter nectar she drank, she would not find the answers she desperately needed at the bottom of that cup.

The question of answers sailed through Alex’s mind. Were they always steeped in calculations and complex biological structures? Because it didn’t feel that way at the moment. When had Alex sought beyond her own mind and towards that fluttering in her chest?

The vague echo of battle shocked her awake. Alex squeezed her eyes shut before opening them and registering the familiar vacancy of her cell and the flickering overhead lights. She tilted her head to catch the low growl and the noise of crunching gravel.

She would know the sound of those Hummer engines anywhere. But if that were true and the DEO was mobilizing to attack, that meant Kara would fall into the trap. Alex sank back and pressed her hand over the pangs in her chest. Why couldn’t she just stay away? Alex may have rescued her sister on multiple occasions, but she posed more risk to Kara as a citizen of National City and a member of her family. The Kryptonians may have erred with Fort Rozz again, but they certainly understood the concept of a bargaining chip.

And Astra… Experience told Alex that she would not be fooled so easily. If she came, it would be under her terms. Damn the DEO and her directionless Kryptonians. She would have absolute cause to come, whether to rescue Alex or exact revenge on her.

But that was the catch, wasn’t it? If Astra didn’t know already, her lieutenant would surely deliver the news. Despite the incoming sounds of Alex’s friends engaging with the enemy, this was no rescue.

Her fate drew near. It brought the echoes of grinding metal and screaming. Alex could smell the burning flesh and it made her empty stomach turn. She pressed her forehead to her knees, scrubbing to distract from the impulse to dry heave.

When the screaming faded out, footsteps approached. Dull _thunks_ of boot heels to otherworldly metal grating – metal made on Krypton or some off planet foundry. Those strides didn’t belong to Supergirl. Alex stole herself for what she might find.

It was not Astra. At least, not the Astra she once knew. Her cheeks were pale and sunken. Her face haggard and beset with frown lines. The overhead lights made the blood shimmer against her black uniform. She was abandoned from remorse at what she had done. The cold expression staring back at Alex told her that the bodies lying in her wake would receive no memorial service. There was no time for tributes, however she had all the time in the world for this. The decadent idleness in her voice proved as much.

“These cells were made to house all manner of delinquents – thieves, heretics, radicals, war criminals, and, lest I forget, murderers.” Astra emphasized by running a single finger up the bar of Alex’s cage. “Fitting, is it not?”

Alex pressed back into the wall, her shoulder blades taking the brunt of cold resistance. “If you have something to say then say it.”

A slight crinkling around the eyes disclosed Astra’s annoyance. She began a meandering walk from one end of the detention room to the other, half smiling, knowing how Alex followed her every move.

“Each cage here in Fort Rozz was specially crafted to suit the occupant’s weakness. My cell was not reinforced by kryptonite because it had not been discovered yet. Not until Krypton’s destruction when its remains travelled across the expanse to find a home on this planet. My punishment was the dark. It’s quite interesting what tricks our minds will play on us. Without light, the imagination has nothing to draw from but nightmares.”

Astra stopped her pacing to grasp the bars in both hands. She grit her teeth, preparing to close the distance between her everlasting fears and the horrors of these cages.

“Every day I had to watch my parents choose Alura over me. I had to relive the expression on Kara’s face when her mother betrayed her… just so that she could arrest me herself. I suffered the agony of a nocturnal resting place, never knowing if I was awake or dreaming. I only wish that when you killed me you had taken all my memories of Krypton. My… happy childhood and want for nothing.”

“I didn’t take your memories.”

“No, just my life.”

“If you want me to pity you because you didn’t get any affection as a child, you’ll find yourself disappointed. I don’t pity you. In fact, I sympathize with you.”

Astra’s lip curled in defiance. “There is no difference,” she spat.

“No difference?” Alex couldn’t stop the chuckle. It just bubbled to delirium. How ironic that after all they’d been through, it ended in a contest. Astra wanted to fight. So did Alex. The only _difference_ being their intentions.

Alex looked around her cell, biting her bottom lip. “I sympathize with your want for affection because I recognize it. Of Kara and I, whom do you think was sheltered most? Whose word do you think they trusted most when the anniversary clock broke? Who was forgiven first while at the same time praised for telling the awful truth?

“My parents tried to rule out the alien factor, but it was the one glaring fact that separated us as sisters. For my father, Kara was a treasure he could hold up to the light and marvel at all the good she reflected back. And my mother? She used Kara to push me in the ‘correct’ direction, to make me feel undeserving of her praise.

“That day you woke up from your burn out, you asked me about myself. These are the things I kept from you. I kept them from you because I didn’t want you to think me small and human. I never wanted to be human in your eyes. When you told me I was special, I actually believed it. For once in my life, for just a fraction of time, I felt special.

“So no, I don’t pity you for not being loved enough by your family. Whatever you did as a child, whatever disgusting norms they infringed upon you for being something you couldn’t control, you deserved to be loved.” Alex swallowed hard. She pushed on despite the stone in her gut and the pathetic tears in her eyes. “Even now, with blood on your hands and that cruelty in your eyes, I think you deserve it.”

“After everything I’ve gone through to get here, you think I need something as banal as love? I know what you’re doing. You are mistaken if you think you can appeal to my humility. I have none.”

A creeping sensation wrapped so tightly around Alex she could feel it in her bones. Her eyes became downcast and her head followed.

“However I still have my honor intact.”

A lock scraped open and a clang of metal followed. Alex jerked her head up to see the open cell door. She got to her feet, steading herself against the wall. Astra’s gaze noted her wobbly gait before drawing up her undernourished figure. She diverted her eyes as if scalded. A hiss escaped her and she reached behind her.

Alex gasped in the glow of the emerald light.

The kryptonite sword clattered to the floor. It lay at the threshold of the cell. Her ticket to freedom. There would be no more starving in isolation because she would be delivered from her corporeal form. Alex knew the moment she picked it up her life was forfeit.

“Pick it up.”

Alex turned away. Just as she did so, her wrist was caught and she was swung around. Black spots danced before her. Astra had a strong grip on her throat and was pinning her to the wall. A face plagued by conflict met her head on. Before lack of oxygen blurred it to obscurity, she was thrown.

The adjacent cell broke her fall and Alex lay crumpled on the ground. She grimaced against the bruising to her ribs. Her entire right arm felt numb and she struggled to prop herself up.

The sword was kicked to her feet.

“I said pick it up.”

Alex struggled to her knees and stared at the blade. She scratched the floor for purchase, disoriented and still feeling the effects of being thrown across the room.

“No.” It came out strangled as her throat closed unexpectedly. She couldn’t believe fate had brought them here.

“Your voice betrays your weakness. I know you can handle its weight but you are kept by your emotions. Believe me when I tell you that these feelings will not save you here. Take up the weapon and fight me. You know just as I that kryptonite alone cannot harm me. But a blade as sharp as this can pierce my skin.”

Alex frowned. “What are you asking me to do?”

“I may be different but I am not abandoned from Krypton’s way. It would bring dishonor on me, were I to slay a defenseless human.”

Alex lowered herself slightly and looked away, anywhere that didn’t remind her of such a grave mistake.

“You cower and yet I have seen you face enemies larger and more powerful than yourself.”

“I’m not afraid of you.” She looked up to reveal a steely glare. “I’ve failed my sister. I promised her I would never break her heart again and I failed. I allowed someone she loves to spiral out of control. I did all I could to keep you from the truth. I lied so many times, even when it seemed like you were you again. When we were telling stories about home and our childhood, I continued to deceive you. You are right. I did this. I cower from the person _I’ve_ become.”

Astra’s head tilted but not for curiosity’s sake. “You admit to your hand in my death and to your deception?”

Alex stared blankly at the floor. “I do and I don’t expect you to forgive me. Maybe that’s why I persisted.”

A pregnant silence filled the air. Astra faltered only slightly. “Then let us end this.”

“No.”

“Take up your murderous weapon and face me, Brave One.”

The name triggered something carnal Alex. She breathed in and screamed something vaguely resembling a negative.

“Enough! I said pick it up! You… you insignificant creature!”

A sob alerted Alex but it was not her own. She looked up to see Astra shaking. She swayed on her feet, vision blurred with tears, throat bobbing back sobs. She could not hold on to her anger no matter how hard she tried, no matter how many people she’d killed. Her breathing became ragged, pleading with Alex just to do what she’s told.

Alex’s heart clenched. “Astra, please –“

“You are not brave. You are not anything!”

Astra took her by the throat again and hauled her up to her feet. The inhuman grip squeezed against her windpipe, choking her last breaths. Alex’s eyes widened. Her hands scratched and scrambled at the one at her throat. Her focus narrowed to that face again. The emotions flickering across it were so infuriatingly complicated. Alex didn’t know if Astra meant to kill her or kiss her. The two were so opposing Astra must have felt her head splitting in two.

Alex shut her eyes because she couldn’t take any more of it. Her pulse throbbed against the pressing thumb. Her consciousness hung on by a thread. There was no choice but to give in to the void surrounding her and wonder if this was what flying through space felt like. Her arms fall to her sides, fingers batting the cell bars.

A puff of warm air caressed her face and was followed by a gentle touch to her cheek. It was enough for Alex’s eyes to fling open and meet the razor sharp glare.

Heaving in conflict, Astra clenched her teeth and cried, “Why have you made me this way?!”

Just as Alex felt herself slipping away, she went flying. Or dropping, she couldn’t be sure. Something hard pressed into her throbbing ribs. She moaned, fighting the pressure closing in like a blackout.

When Alex could finally pry her eyes open, what she saw put her on alert. Her throat burned against the groaning holler. “ _No_ …”

Men – humans – in dark armor had broken the dam and were flooding in. They took advantage of Astra’s lowered guard and were swarming her. She managed to take out a few of them before being knocked unconscious.

Alex clawed at the floor to get to her but they were pulling out so fast and so far away. She could barely get the scream to come through her strained vocal chords. These were not her men. They were not DEO. They didn’t even bother with Alex. They just left her lying there, sobbing and screaming for the woman that had been taken from her.


	6. The Prophet and All His Friends Pt.1

_She headed straight for the stockade, burning everything in her path. There was no eye strain or instinct to blink because her body no longer abided by nature’s rules. The Kryptonians posed no threat. As far as she was concerned, her brethren were on the same subterranean level as the humans. They fell smoking at her feet and she stepped over them like they were insect excrement._

_Kara failed to keep up through her insufferable means to subdue rather than eradicate. No matter. The sword was sheathed and strapped to her back. Its weight brought the kind of assurance a battle partner could not. Non hadn't even amounted to the hard certainty of an edge such as this._

_The bars of the cell were familiar. It took courage to voice those disappointments. Alura meant for her to spend every waking moment in darkness, recalling her second rate life like a film stuck on repeat._

_Why did she sit there and beckon with those eyes? Why could she not see this was the end of the line? Astra expected defiance and an entertaining brawl. The scrappy thing was always on her toes, but now she sat defeated. Astra growled. She could not possible kill an unarmed foe. Frustration at Alex’s placidness caused her to inflict damage. Goad her, yes, and provoke a response. That was the ticket._

_The coughs distracted her. So too the widened eyes. They no longer carried that grace which stirred the depths of her. It proved cumbersome for Astra to maintain pressure. Her strength was collapsing at the sight. She reached out to trace the tear’s path. Her skin had little plasticity; it led Astra to wonder if they had even fed her. Who was she more angry with? She could feel Alex’s pulse slow under her thumb. Who had the more broken soul? A taste was all she needed to answer. Astra squeezed tighter just as her breath coursed over Alex’s mouth. Why, oh, why had she been made this way?_

_Alex crumpled in a heap not far away. The pained groan roared in Astra’s ears so fervently she cursed her super hearing. Breathing became difficult. Her ribs ached. Or did it penetrate deeper than that? She screwed her eyes shut. Her brain caught fire. She felt like she was being torn apart._

“You’re Kryptonian.”

The voice pulled her back to the light. Astra surfaced from reverie to find herself unable to move. She did not feel restrained in any way, but something made her limbs heavy and immobile. The entire left side of her body felt numb. She nearly dozed off again when the voice returned, gentle of cause yet gruff in tone.

“Would you mind turning over for me?”

“I cannot.”

Her parched throat gave the mumble a scrappiness. Not at all the growl she anticipated. Being this open to attack did not benefit her or calm her nerves. She did not, however, fear the consequences of great pain. Death no longer stirred a tremble. The only thing she feared now was humiliation.

“It’s probably the sedative. They must have dosed you up pretty good in transit. It should wear off soon.”

When she could pry her eyes open, a sickly green florescence filled her vision. Even impervious to kryptonite’s effects, her body could still detect it from a distance, yet her skin did not tingle to any traces. She stretched her limbs. Bones creaked from disuse. When her toe touched something cold, she recoiled on instinct.

The white metal bed frame stood flush against the wall as did the side of her bed. She could not see anything else save for the four drab walls and a steel door sans handle. She blamed the unpleasant light on low budget and her surroundings on the absence of her niece’s flair for décor.

Movement drew her attention to the man sitting at her bedside. His build constituted a slight heaviness and a round face. To say he possessed an irregular appearance was an understatement. He had a drooping right eye and a scraggly beard that hadn’t been trimmed in several days. A touch of gray had already started to appear above his temples and near the ears. He must have been approaching sixty at least.

“Who are you and what are your intentions? Speak truthfully for you have no idea how swiftly I can separate your head from your spine.”

“I must have some idea, otherwise, your jailer wouldn’t risk locking me in here.” He shrugged and threw up a hand for lack of a better response.

The reaction was not what she expected. “I doubt that,” she said, glowering. “Your composure in my presence suggests you know not what I am capable of. You have no idea how far I have travelled.”

His cheek puffed around a wily half smile. “You’re not the only one who’s cheated Death.”

Astra studied him more closely. Behind the beard and the gallows humor there was something familiar, someone who had waited a very long time to be found. She drew back, startled. Not by his reanimation. She was much too acquainted with that sorcery. No, she was startled by the _resemblance_. It was unmistakable.

“You are Jeremiah Danvers.” The sound of his name loosened her grip on the linens she lay on. The tension unraveled around her suspicions.

“PhD actually.” He flashed a sentimental smile. “But feel free to call me Jeremiah. In fact, I’d urge you to. It’s better than what I’m called around here.”

“And what name is that?”

“Prisoner 52.”

“I see... Jeremiah.” Whatever it was about this man’s smiles made her weightless – shy even. “If you are a prisoner, how are you here in my…” Astra scanned her windowless room for lack of a word. “What is this place?”

“Before we get to that, I need to draw a small amount of blood. If you would please roll up your sleeve. If the rumors are true, this shouldn’t hurt.”

The sedative had worn off so she could rise to a sitting position. She pulled at her sleeve’s cuff and watched the dexterous hands at work. He slipped the kryptonite needle into her vein, drew a capsule of blood, and pulled out in one smooth motion. He rolled his chair over to the table lined with pipettes, test tubes, and a microscope. Upon picking up a marker, he hovered over the blood sample. The sharpie squeaked as he knit his brow over the scrawl.

The corner of Astra’s mouth turned up. Unmistakable indeed.

“Now back to the question of our whereabouts…” He wheeled around and placed his elbows on his knees.

“I know where I am.”

He weaved his fingers together. “Is that right?”

“If you are indeed Jeremiah Danvers then this is Cadmus, which explains why I was taken against my will. It’s not enough that they capture and experiment on humans; they must do the same to all species.” Astra tilted her head. “Question is, why have they left you alone with me? What makes you stand out from the rest?”

“It’s funny. Here I thought my miraculous recovery was worth a reaction. I guess a concept like death hasn’t fazed you lately. Anyway, to answer your questions I have to start from the beginning. Cadmus captured me years ago and gave my life back for the sole purpose of retrieving information. You see, I devoted my entire research to Superman and his innate abilities. Unfortunate for Cadmus, all those facts and figures are up here.” He tapped his temple with a rascally grin. “I made it clear to them when they brought me back that I wouldn’t participate in anything unethical. Due to my unique specialty, they had no choice but to abide by my condition.”

“You sound experienced in their modus operandi.”

“Twelve years as their pet scientist gives me some insight. I’ve been briefed of your history: Fort Rozz, Myriad, your death and subsequent return, that energy pulse you released during the attack on National City, and your recent rampage through Fort Rozz.

“As you might be gathering, Cadmus has eyes everywhere including the DEO itself. You were brought here yesterday under heavy sedation. Cadmus let me out of my cell to examine you and figure out what makes you tick, so to speak.”

“What of that handleless door? And the lack of restraints? Don’t you humans know I can escape without lifting a finger?”

“Not when we know how to dim your powers.” He diverted his gaze with a slight cringe before returning. “That sedative you were given? It’s my own concoction – an experiment, really – that contains a high concentration of new kryptonite. It’s colorless, odorless, but, more importantly, it seems to have a subduing effect on your new abilities. I’ve been ordered to inject you daily. Fortunately, this type of kryptonite works without inflicting pain.”

Kryptonite. Astra recoiled at the mere mention of its name. “Where did you find this new material?”

“Cadmus doesn’t have an open-door policy with their captives, me included. They only share in small doses. I’ll know more when I can analyze your platelet response.”

“This all seems convenient for them. It’s despicable that they should have you locked up with me when I can still inflict damage.” Astra wiggled her toes and flexed her fingers. She felt her strength returning, not the kind of intensity that prickled along her skin and razed three blocks of metahumans but a strength nonetheless. “What is stopping me from killing you now and taking my chances with that door?”

Jeremiah raised his eyebrow. “Well, I’m no stranger to your kind. In fact, I’m honored to call them friend and family. Also, it doesn’t take a scientist to understand how quick you could decapitate me even under the influence of my serum. So why do I not shrink from you?” He inhaled deeply and rested back in his chair. “As of late, I’ve been inspired by one very special Kryptonian. She’s taught me that hope is worth holding on to when times seem grim. For the short time I had with her I taught her everything I could, but now it seems she has something to teach _me_.” He smiled sadly into his lap where his white-knuckled hands were clasped. “You want to take your chance with that door and what waits behind it? Be my guest. I would caution against it, though. I’ve lived here long enough to understand that patience is rewarded.” He shook his head and stroked his chin. “You are certainly proof of that.”

His study of her should have been off putting. He may be a scientist, but even geniuses could go mad from obsession. Jeremiah gave no indication of possessing a sick mind though. Just a curious one. Perhaps even a strategic one based on his scrutiny of her unclenching fists.

“You speak of that caped bleeding heart from Metropolis,” Astra said. “And Supergirl. You’ve been imprisoned here for twelve years. How do you know all of this?”

“I get cable,” he replied with a chuckle. “One of very few privileges, but I’m grateful nonetheless. There’s also a rumor mill here at Cadmus. When I’m released to assess new prisoners, I try to gain whatever information about the outside world.” He grimaced and admitted, “It’s a bit difficult when half the population here has been lobotomized. But hearing so much of Kara in the news gives me hope that all this will finally be put to an end.”

Something about the words felt abrasive. While Astra took pride in the woman Kara had become, she couldn’t shake the feeling that Jeremiah was neglecting the best part of him. “You seem to know much about Kara’s exploits. What of your eldest?”

“Alex,” he sighed, mouth twisting in discomfort “I don’t see much of her in the news but that’s expected. When I heard she’s followed in my footsteps, I’ll admit my reaction wasn’t exactly agreeable, but the thought of J’onn J’onzz watching her back does put me at ease. And Alex always was a fast learner – sharp and unwilling to back down from opinion. That was the Alex I knew when she was a child. I have little to go on as far as her adulthood – the paths she’s taken and the woman she’s become. I glean clues from what I see in the newsfeeds of Supergirl. I see the same traits in Kara: the inspiration and the hope, her will to survive, the fact that she has survived this long against so much adversity.”

A breath hissed between Astra’s teeth like steam from a boiling kettle. “Alex is more than her sister’s keeper. It has been both a burden and a gift that has torn nearly every opportunity from her.”

The words slipped past her censorship. For a moment she thought it came from someone else’s lips, but there was no mistaking the dedication lingering on her tongue. When the significance sunk in, it bred a possibility that left her frowning. It could have been written into her own skin via kryptonite needle. Rather like a tattoo than a scar.

A similar notion sunk in for Jeremiah. He worried at the inside of his cheek before saying, “You must know Alex. I hear it in the way you defend her. Can you… That is, will you tell me about her? About my Alex?”

Suspicions gnawed at her judgment. If Jeremiah had been held by Cadmus all this time, they could have brainwashed him into extracting intelligence from her. They could be using him like he could be using her. As tempting as his offer was, it could be a ruse.

“Why should I?” she countered. “We’ve only just met and according to you my jailer has sent you to dissect me for their own mysterious advantage. You’ve done nothing so far that rouses confidence.”

He raised his hands in defense. “I am not making threats. And you don’t give me the impression of someone who makes compromises. But you do need answers, don’t you? While Cadmus’ methods are highly unwarranted, they have, on occasion, given me a small amount of joy. I’ve been supplied with Alex’s research notes which I’ve studied and expanded on from my own research. I don’t intend to conceal my findings from you, regardless of your decision.”

Astra raised her brow. “You clearly don’t know the concept of a bargaining chip.”

“I don’t consider Alex a bargaining chip. And something tells me that you don’t either. I’m not your enemy. I’d rather prove myself as your friend. And if I should learn about my daughter in the process, you would bring me a peace I haven’t felt in a very long time.”

“If I agree to your tests,” Astra said, hesitating for a beat before his eyes smiled again, “you will resolve my difficulties. I do not wish to inflict harm. Too many have fallen due to my inability to control this power. If it were possible… you should take it from me.”

“I don’t think Cadmus would approve of that. Then again, I’ve always wanted a damn good reason to piss them off. I don’t know if I can provide the answers you’re looking for, but I’m certainly willing to try.”

He extended his hand. Astra understood the human gesture yet couldn’t confess to partaking before.

“Sorry.” Jeremiah pursed his lips and lowered his hand. “It’s a thing... You don’t have to –“

Astra offered her hand out, thumb sticking straight up and fingers plastered together with more force than necessary. She made minute tilts of her hand from side to side, examining the strange appendage. Her brow furrowed and she wondered what happened next.

The out of body experience pulled a chuckle from Jeremiah. It must have been a foreign sound to him for a shimmer brightened his eyes. Wordlessly, he grasped her hand. The unexpected contact caused Astra to flinch.

He hissed. “Ah, ah, not so tight!”

She eased her grip. “Apologies.” Cheeks coloring, Astra raised her shoulders and lowered her head.

“We’ll work on it,” Jeremiah said. He encouraged her with the steady pumping of his hand with hers. “That’s a promise.”

* * *

The rigid grip on her biceps just exacerbated the ache from being handcuffed behind her back. The guards flanking her knew she didn’t like to be touched but they hardly cared. In cases such as this, Astra would look directly ahead, chin level with the ground, and hold herself with stoicism. Those days of being hauled to and from a DEO cell were long gone. Astra now found herself held by Cadmus, who could care less about physical contact as they did about her feeding habits.

She would be remiss to say she didn’t crave after those taco deliveries. The gesture had been a kindness she took for granted. If she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough she could almost hear the paper takeout bag crinkling in hand. If she slept long enough to dream, she hoped to see Alex’s eyes glaze over at the deliberate manner Astra used to clean her fingers of taco sauce. A hope to see her again and, maybe, to ask for forgiveness.

The guard on her right tightened their grip. She would curse them outright but when she had a bag over her head it seemed fruitless. There was also the fact that when the covering was removed, these guards were masked with helmets and padded in armor – she could no more determine their gender than find a fitting salutation.

When the door to her room was unlocked, they removed the bag from her head and unfastened the cuffs. Without a ceremony or a word, they shoved her back inside her drab new home and slammed the door shut behind her.

Jeremiah was waiting for her in his usual place. Astra felt the tension in her shoulders uncoil. He was the only face she had seen or was allowed to see. Imprisoned in a complex crawling with masked phantoms could leave anyone desperate for a real face, an animated face. Astra was one such person desperately seeking company even if it was a human one.

Sitting in his chair with an open file on his lap, Jeremiah propped an ankle on his knee. He peered at her from over his thick framed reading glasses. “Did they give you the shock?”

Astra sank to her bed and scoffed. “I stayed inside the track this time.”

He humphed into his folder. “That’s two for three this week. Not bad.”

She rolled her eyes at the sly delivery. Jeremiah was all too familiar with her obstinacy. She had no one else to recount her outdoor adventures to. The first time she was let outside for “exercise” she had high expectations. She missed the sound of rustling leaves, of wind, and the spread of warmth across her skin. No more would she take Earth’s sun for granted or any source of heat for that matter. The concrete walls of her room gave off a chill that penetrated so deep. It weakened her physically but did more damage to her on an psychological level. Morale had been pummeled like a hammer to a nail.

Outdoor privileges were not as they seemed. When she was led through the maze work of corridors into fresh air, instead of being met with sunshine, her guards took her to a fenced in, canopied field. The spotty material of the camouflage only allowed so much light inside. No doubt a precaution to protect them from a charged Kryptonian death machine.

The oval running track measured one mile and had been removed of prisoners (for _their_ protection, not hers). Orders were to stay within her lane. She had met the stipulation with bafflement. Did these guards have nothing better to do than play jokes on their inmates? She learned quickly that not only were they creative with their authority but they enforced it for their own sick enjoyment.

The first time, Astra set off at a brisk jog, staying abidingly within the chalked lines. Four miles later boredom got the best of her. The guards were tracking her every move and when they saw her toe outside the lane, she received a shock that, coupled with the serum Jeremiah was ordered to give her, had her convulsing on the ground. The second time, she disobeyed just to prove to herself that she could take the shock (she knew what was coming and prepared herself mentally). To her surprise, they shocked her to such an intensity her screaming muscles couldn’t brave. The third time Astra didn’t even mean it. She had been jogging along, staring up through the canopy hoping to catch a glimpse of that achingly beautiful sun when she stumbled. This time the current burning through her limbs made her blackout.

Since then, Astra kept her head down and stayed inside the lines. The longer the sun was shut out from her, however, the more difficult the trials became.

Astra winced inwardly at the pangs the electrical current evoked. They felt so similar to the electromagnetic netting the DEO used to trap her when she crashed on Earth and triggered that storm. That felt like a lifetime ago. So much had changed since then, including Astra.

The squeaking of chair wheels brought her attention up. Jeremiah’s workspace consisted of a table on which sat his various test tubes and a laptop where he conducted simulations. The equipment was courtesy of Cadmus; a privilege in exchange for information. According to Jeremiah’s conditions, he would not test prisoners against their will. There had been exceptions, of course, many exceptions that were out of his hands. Astra made his job easier by offering permission to examine how the new kryptonite affected her powers. With his superior knowledge of Kryptonians coupled with Alex’s research notes, he might be able to bring her one step closer to delivering her from these cursed abilities.

From her relaxed place, Astra watched him work. He tapped away on his keyboard, mumbling too lowly under his breath for her to catch anything. His screen flashed up a graph plotted with results. He paused in his note taking and studying the numbers from over the rim of his glasses. Something must have perturbed him greatly for he pinched his brows and gave a disgruntled hum.

Smirking, Astra lay back against the wall and folded one ankle over the other. She’d grown fond of this human’s expressions. He was so humane and gentle despite the unkempt appearance. An easy conversationalist who was quick to laugh and gentle around the sore subjects.

It took mere seconds for her to detect the resemblance but weeks to accept it. Thinking of Alex reminded her of how close she had come to seeing vengeance through. If she closed her eyes she could still feel Alex’s pulse throbbing against her thumb. Time didn’t heal the pangs in her chest, nor had it allowed her one sweet breath from this constricting room. Lying in bed every night, her toes would touch the cool bed frame and she’d pull at the collar of her prison uniform. The drab gray jumpsuit was a fitting punishment in its snugness. There were times she would jolt awake to ghostly fingers scrambling at her neck.

Time didn’t heal but it had brought her company. Jeremiah’s thought provoking conversations were contagious and encouraged Astra to examine her inner demons. He never pushed her to reveal those insecurities but told her it would be just as damaging to continue lying to herself.

She had not forgotten that this was the same man who put Kara on a pedestal and marveled at all the good that came after her arrival. But even children could exaggerate memories. Neither she nor Alex could escape the little white lies spun to create the illusion that they had little control over their lives. Place the fault with someone else and magnify it to infinity, that’s what Astra had done. Even if her parents weren’t completely blameless, they didn’t deserve to be memorialized as the insensitive people she made them out to be. She was coming to this realization the more time she spent with Jeremiah.

He was not the only one who possessed a resemblance. It didn’t take long for Jeremiah to notice the quirks. When she revealed her relation to Kara, his reaction made her a bit uncomfortable. Astra never did catch on to the methods of soothing the distressed soul. Though the one hundred questions coupled with his tear-filled eyes was hardly an endearing sight, she fueled the fire of his curiosity and even gave a pat to his arm if only to keep him from sobbing all over her.

His reaction over the news made it possible for her to rest easy through his tests. Anyone who lit up at the mention of Kara was a good step closer to earning her trust.

Restlessness spurred Astra to lift her head from where she propped it on the wall. The days were starting to blend together. That tended to happen when she was only let out of her windowless room every other day. She rolled her shoulders and rubbed the kink out of her neck.

Her fidgeting drew Jeremiah’s gaze. “Another nightmare last night?”

She nodded, chin falling to her chest.

Jeremiah was never present during the night, but he always seemed to know when she hadn’t slept. The past few nights she’d woken in spasms and fits of panic, grief, rage – the raw sensations. Sometimes she was shouting, other times wailing at unseen forces to stop their games. Experiencing a spontaneous range on the emotional spectrum left her muscles aching and made her skull feel like it was being split open with pure lightening. Sleeping proved to be a torment.

“That serum may be weakening your abilities,” he gathered with a frown, “but it seems to have the opposite effect on your memories. Lowered stress levels leave room for past events to flow back into consciousness.”

Hostility narrowed her eyes. “So you are a psychologist now?”

“Now I _know_ you haven’t been sleeping.”

The superior guise only lasted for humor’s sake. Astra learned early on that while she could make the most draconian of warriors shrink, her animosity didn’t rattle Jeremiah. He possessed the patience of a saint and a resilience her gritty Aunt Nola could not even match.

Jeremiah tread gently into conversation. “Apart from the nightmares, have you remembered anything else about that night?”

The night of her death. Of course. Her expression turned grim. “Yes. Before my death there was a vague notion of compromise.”

“Compromise,” he echoed. “That sounds like a good thing.”

“My… the person who dealt the blow tried to reason with me. She spoke from a courageous heart. Every word plotted by truth. She was persuasive, even when I had my hand around her throat. She offered a promise of peace I realized could no longer be refused. The details are still vague, but I felt the pull of her logic. I think I would have accepted were it not for her associate. I intended to kill him for intervening, but she took matters into her own hands. No human had faster reflexes than this one. I would have praised her skill were it not for the blade protruding from my chest.

“It is easier now to praise the deed. She risked what would have been a momentous treaty of alliance. A difficult choice – foolish, to be sure, but difficult nonetheless. Were our places changed, I might not have mustered the bravery to do as she did.”

Despite the gloom darkening her features, Astra’s voice carried a note of sentimentality. She dropped her gaze to examine the wringing hands which had wrapped around necks and broken tracheas like they were twigs. It shocked her to realize she didn’t want to do it anymore. Reliving swift power at these hands brought her no satisfaction or adrenaline. She hadn’t realized the futility of vengeance until her last victim was reduced to choking bewilderment.

Jeremiah studied the transformation before his eyes and responded with a resigned, “I see.”

He fell quiet. So too did Astra. They were alike in their preference for tranquil contemplation. Though Astra was a soldier and a woman of action, her education demonstrated the importance of strategy and reflection.

At the moment, silence only bred annoyance. She could feel his frail human compassion. It was coming off him in waves and she couldn’t take it. She had to set him straight before he made a further mockery of himself.

“The nightmares are a necessary consequence,“ Astra asserted. “I realize I am not worthy of my abilities just like I am not worth your time. You’ve analyzed my physiology and reported the necessary intel to have Cadmus chasing its own tail. If you had given them any ammunition, I would not still be alive. But I’m afraid you’ve only delayed the inevitable.”

Astra rose to sit at the edge of her bed. She thrust her shoulders back and held Jeremiah’s gaze directly. The posture brought on a nostalgia from her former military days which now seemed a lifetime ago. But this perfected rigidity did not stem from pride. It came from somewhere much deeper and far removed from absolution.

“I have lost my home planet because I gave my sister every opportunity to betray me. I tried to save this one and instead gave the keys to its destruction to a man I didn’t love sufficiently. Any family I have left deserve better than this.” She struck her chest for emphasis. Her eyes welled with molten tears, testifying how much she believed in the words. “I have burned through chances like a solar flare swallows whole planets. I am a catalyst for destruction. That is my only purpose. That is the only thing I have to offer. I am – as you humans refer to it – bad luck.”

“If you believe that, why are you cooperating with me? Even under the effects of my serum you still have the power to kill me. I think you could break out of here if you put your mind to it. So why are you still here?”

The icy look pursed her lips and pulled her cheeks taught. “Perhaps I am waiting for the right moment to strike.”

Jeremiah peered closely, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Has anyone told you you’re not nearly as threatening as you think? If self-depreciation is your way of inflicting terror, you’re doing a rotten job.”

“Whom do you suggest I take advice from?” she snapped. Her eyes gave him a once over, stalling for the appropriate insult. “The… absent-minded scientist who doesn’t know a pair of shears from a hole in the wall.”

Suddenly self-conscious of his unkempt scruff, he cleared his throat. “Point taken. Although that still doesn’t mean you can push me away too. You’re not the first alien I’ve met who has self-esteem issues. We all have them. My time here at Cadmus has forced me to look back on the past. For as many mistakes as I have made as a husband and a father, they were all mine to make. No luck was involved. We’re just… flawed. Humans and Kryptonians. I really didn’t think I’d have anyone to share this with. But then you came along and gave me a window into my girls’ lives when I knew so little of them since Cadmus.”

Jeremiah thinned his lips before rolling forward in his chair. He risked taking Astra’s hands and laying them one atop the other. He cradled them and weighed their mortality because powers or no powers Astra still had something to lose.

“All these years I’ve been stuck down here, shut in darkness. You’ve brought the sun back into my life. That wouldn’t be possible if you didn’t have that light inside you. It has not been taken from you yet because you have the spirit of a warrior. I recognize the same spirit in Alex, so you must understand that this light is good. _Fight_ for that goodness.”

Her hands slipped out of his. “Empty words,” she muttered and looked away.

“There’s so much about you that is worth holding on to. You have so much to offer. And I can prove it.”

Rao damn her curiosity. She thought that was strictly a human trait. Slowly, she drew back around to him. “How?”

He sighed. “I was going to wait to tell you, but this seems as good a time as any.” He retrieved a bound, heaping file folder. He slipped off the rubber band and deposited the file in her lap.

She recognized it. For weeks, this was the only file he’d been slaving over. Since he drew the first blood sample from her arm, he had been scribbling pages upon pages and adding it to the growing pile. She’d peered over his shoulder occasionally, but the notes and calculations appeared to her as a foreign language.

The file was heavier than it looked. She frowned at the contents. “What does it mean?”

Jeremiah leaned forward and folded his hands. “In studying Superman I discovered that Kryptonian DNA is markedly similar to human DNA. But there are also incredible differences in our biological structure. Take, for example, the reproductive system. Kryptonians have evolved thousands of years beyond humans, so the way in which they procreate is vastly dissimilar. In humans, the female requires an egg and a sperm. Fertilization takes place between the two gametes and so far in our evolution we are restricted to that formula.

“For a female Kryptonian however, embryos can develop without the presence of sperm. The key is in the chromosomes. Not just any two females can simply produce an embryo out of the blue, so to speak. It takes a special sequence of chromosomes, regardless of what species they originate from.”

“I had no idea,” said Astra, frowning. “I don’t think anyone on Krypton knew. Our birthing matrix has been the standard for so long, we hadn’t thought to study the genetic deviations. This is…” Her brow furrowed and her mind raced for the appropriate word to describe these wilting aspirations she never knew she had. “This is astounding news.”

“As I said, you Kryptonians are a much older…” At Astra’s glare he smiled and corrected himself. “Sorry – a more _developed_ race than humans. You are very special Astra and it has nothing to do with your abilities. It’s old fashioned biology.”

That stopped her cold. She stared, breath suspended and heart lodged in her throat. “You cannot possibly presume…” She shook her head, face scrunching to the notion. “But I cannot.”

Jeremiah chuckled at her stubborn delivery and opened his hands. “Why do you think I brought up the subject? I analyzed your blood and I triple checked the results. Your hormone levels are completely normal. You can conceive and carry a child safely to term. That ability has nothing to do with a yellow sun. News like this would have greatly benefited Krypton – to those that carried the genetic factor, of course.”

“But the stress my body has been under and being… dead… I am an aberration not a... How can I be?”

“You are not an aberration,” he declared firmly. “Whatever primordial force touched you gave you a power you weren’t ready for, a power no species I know of could control. This condition of yours is temporary. I promised you I would find a way but it requires some confidence on your part. You have to believe you’ll get better. You have to believe that you can one day be a mother – if that is something you want.”

The prickling behind her eyes built to a pressure she couldn’t stand. Astra covered her face with her hands just as the damn broke. It was all too much to hear. There was no point in believing in a future she didn’t deserve. She couldn’t put herself in that dream any more than she could put a child through the reality.

Her throat constricted. She inhaled through her nose. “I need a moment.”

“I’m sorry. I should have realized this would be a lot to process. I get so caught up in the science, I lose sight of its impact.”

“You are not the first,” she remarked. The ache in her chest could be attributed to the stopper used in bottling the sobs. It could also point toward how much she missed a certain moony-eyed scientist.

The sound of the chair rolling back indicated Jeremiah’s leave. When she felt the squeeze on her shoulder, she sniffed and dropped her hands.

“I’ll give you some time to rest,” he said.

The tears, made hot by her clammy palms, made her cheeks numb. She offered as much of a smile her face could afford and nodded.

His knock on the steel door beckoned the guard posted outside. When the door sealed shut, her room filled with silence. It was so quiet she felt her ears buzzing.

The news made her feel faint and yet shell-shocked enough to remain wide-eyed and breathless. In another life, long before Earth or Fort Rozz or even her marriage to Non, she had a weakness for children and wished to earn a place in the ranks of great Kryptonian mothers. Her career in the military made that impossible, so she put the wish to bed and never allowed it to enter her mind, nor her dreams. Now this man was telling her she could have a baby?

Astra felt dizzy with happiness but restrained by confusion and torment. There were facts in existence, unforgiveable truths that deemed Jeremiah’s gift an impossibility. Before being abducted by Cadmus she had hurt Alex and nearly killed her because of an incomplete memory. Alex never meant to kill her. Even the soldier in her wouldn’t have condoned cold-blooded murder.

And yet Astra chose to grasp only what was convenient: blame the nearest person and put an end to her own suffering. In no way had she been at risk of death or pain, not while she had these awesome powers at her disposal. And what had she done with them?

Astra’s head fell into her hands for lack of a better response. Alex wouldn’t want a family with someone like her; she wouldn’t have her children around someone as unstable as a war criminal.

Every ill deed she ever committed in her long life came to the forefront. Each one proved how unfit she was to accept the Kryptonian honor of motherhood. By the time she catalogued every error, the sheer emotional exhaustion left her passed out on her bed.

* * *

At ten feet in length, Astra’s cell afforded little room to pace. A narrow gap existed between the table and the edge of her bed for which to walk. From wall to door it took a matter of five steps. So little room to pace yet Astra found the motivation to do so anyway.

Jeremiah had failed to show up that day. Last time she saw him he was in normal spirits, smiling and cracking quantum physics jokes. She waved him off the previous afternoon so she could sit alone and pick at her nails. Astra felt a bit guilty for the petulant attitude. Sometimes his positive mood grated on her. But Jeremiah had that resiliency about him that made it impossible for her to be rid of him. And she found that certainty to be a relief. Being a prisoner of Cadmus lent her little certainty about the value of her life or her bodily organs.

Jeremiah never missed a day. There were times he didn’t even have to examine her or ask questions regarding her medical history. Sometimes they just talked. Jeremiah’s voice carried such a soothing tenor. His stories about family vacations and lessons in “humanizing” Kara were a great source of entertainment for Astra and left her asking for more.

When they had exhausted their voices and were spent from laughter, they would just enjoy the silent company. Occasionally, they would sit across from each other on the bed and play a few rounds of chess (something Jeremiah smuggled into her room when the guards weren’t looking).

Astra continued to pace. She glanced at the analog clock sitting on the table. It was late evening and past the time he usually arrived. Jeremiah wasn’t there and it sprouted a thorn of concern. Cadmus officials required that he visit her every day as part of the “experiments” he was supposed to be conducting for them. So if they found out Jeremiah wasn’t following orders, had the status quo changed? Did Cadmus have him?

Astra grit her teeth and stalked up to the door. She banged her hand twice against the steel. “Where is the doctor? I wish to speak with him – it is urgent.”

No response.

Sighing heatedly, she sincerely missed having her powers. She could be talking to an empty hallway for all she knew.

Incensed, she blew the silver strand of hair out of her face. When no sound came from behind the door, she put her hands on her hips and threw her shoulders back. “If Doctor Danvers is not available, I wish to speak to your commanding officer.”

Silence on the other end.

“Do you hear me?” she asked in a raised voice and slapped the door again. “If anyone so much as lays a hand on him, I will tear this door down and break every bone in their body.”

Her worst fear made the air crowd in her lungs. Her hands were poised flat on the door as she listened. The reflection glaring back in the steel would have disturbed her were it not for the pounding in her chest. She couldn’t begin to compose herself when her ribcage felt seconds from splitting open.

A burning sensation was searing up her esophagus now. She closed her hands into fists and pounded the door hard again and again without making so much as a blemish.

“Answer me!”

Suddenly, the door squeaked on its hinges. She drew back, tucking her chin down in preparation for a face-to-face conversation. Maybe now she could get some answers.

When the door finally opened, a troop of guards stood there. They were decked in similar armor to the men who captured her at Fort Rozz. Astra’s heart rate spiked at the memory. Her eyes zeroed in on the strangely glowing batons in their grip. She took a step back, clenching her jaw with a growl.

They came at her all at once with no warning. Her first punch barely followed through. The nearest trooper tucked under and drove his baton into her stomach.

Astra doubled over more from the surprise than the blow. She had forgotten how long it had been since her body felt the sun’s rays. With weakened reflexes and dimmed powers, she didn’t stand a chance.

A sea of black surrounded her and pummeled her with their sticks. She lashed out like a cornered wolf, resorting to bare essentials like her nails in slashing at her attackers. They were beating her to the ground, but every time her kneecaps struck the cold tile she found the strength to rise. It must have been due to that warrior spirit Jeremiah went on about. She’d have to thank him for his faith in her if she ever escaped this beating.

The thought bled out to nothingness in light of a physical pain she’d never felt before. The blows were coming all at once now and one of them met her back. An animalistic wail tore from her throat. The white hot pain shot up her spine like a lightening bolt. Her back wrenched back in response, leaving her face vulnerable.

The next baton caught her across the cheek, causing blood to stream from her mouth. At the center of her narrowing vision, the shadows stilled and drew back. All except for one who put her out of her misery with a strike to the temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take up some space here to thank all the newcomers as well as the usual suspects. Your reviews and messages are so lovely. I know this chapter was shorter than usual, so if you feel cheated out of an extra 5k, speak your mind. I have enough time this week to edit the next chapter and, should the consensus support it, I'll post again this Wednesday. Wouldn't want to leave you hanging too long on this cliff ;)


	7. The Prophet and All His Friends Pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested my dears...

Astra woke to a blanket falling across her eyes. Her lids were fused shut by the weight. Heavy… like her body. She tried moving her head, her limbs, even her toes but nothing responded. When she remembered why, a groan slipped forth.

The blanket lifted in response.

“Astra?”

The deep, gentle voice was so familiar it set off alarms in her head. Her eyes flew open. “Wha…? Wh…?”

“Take it easy. You took quite a blow to the head.”

Astra fell back to the pillow, blaming simple gravity. She squinted at the hand on her shoulder and worked her mouth into a complete sentence. “Why were you not here?”

“Oh, so you missed me? Is that why you provoked the guards into beating you?”

She deadpanned at the smile. Despite how good it was too see him unharmed, a shadow of insecurity darkened her mood. She turned away and muttered to the wall, “You weren’t here.”

It took a while for him to respond. When his voice found the air, it sounded feeble. “I know and I’m sorry. I do have a good reason, though.”

“Your voice does not inspire confidence.”

Jeremiah emphasized in a lighter tone, “Yeah, well, maybe that’s the concussion talking.”

The insinuation had Astra meeting him with a deep frown. “Just because I am concussed does not mean I cannot _hear_.”

He chuckled and inclined his head. “Can’t get rid of me that easily. You’re my favorite patient of the bunch.”

Her animated expression brought on a pang that ricocheted inside her skull. She winced.

“Just lie still and stop rolling those eyes.”

He returned the cloth to her forehead. The cool damp sensation soothed her migraine. She sighed under the weight. Despite not being in full possession of her powers, she felt her bruises fade and the cuts knit themselves back together. Could it be the healing power of compassion? She fought the urge to roll her eyes again.

Sighing, she asked, “You mentioned a perfectly good reason for not showing up?”

“I’m sorry, but it was the only way I could gain their trust. The past few days I’ve been doing some recon. In my travels to and from your room I’ve mapped the complex. I was able to proceed without an escort on the condition that I reveal the key to unlocking your powers.” At her broadening eyes, he patted the air in assurance. “Believe me when I say I only gave them the very least, nothing more. Unfortunately, the one thing they asked for was the only thing I couldn’t part with: your Achilles' heel. I didn’t want to endanger you, but when it comes to finding a way out, I had to give them something, so I gave them my research on the variant of kryptonite that would subdue your powers temporarily.”

If he was considering what she thought he was considering, it would change everything. Astra shot up into a sitting position and blinked back the vertigo. “A way out?” she demanded. “What are you talking about?”

“Close to midnight there is a changing of the guard. That is your best opportunity. I’ve managed to swipe a keycard from one of them in passing.“ He grasped her by the shoulders and stared her down in urgency. “You can leave, Astra, but it must be tonight.”

“What? No! I cannot possibly insert myself back into society when I will only cause more damage. I am grateful for all the help you’ve given me, Jeremiah, but I am a lost cause. If you have a chance to leave, you must not think, you must take it.”

“You don’t have to cause damage,” he insisted. “There may be a way but it involves great personal risk.”

Astra ran a hand through her hair. She’d forgotten the last decent mirror her face had seen. Based on the limited showers Cadmus granted their prisoners each week, the lack of a reflection was probably a good thing. The thought of a hot shower with its soft water on her skin and the clean scent of soap invigorating her senses triggered the urge to charge through that steel door and make a run for it.

The hand combing through her matted curls scrubbed over her face. The grogginess had now passed allowing her the use of her sharp, militant intellect. “You said something about a changing of the guard? That will not be enough of a diversion.”

He nodded. “Which brings me to our friends at the DEO. They’ve found our location, Astra. Why do you think I was held for questioning? Cadmus suspects I’m up to something. It doesn’t matter now; they’re far more concerned with protecting themselves than their investments. They’ve mobilized their forces to defend the exterior complex, leaving the lower levels here understaffed.

“There will still be guards, but they won’t know that I skipped your serum injection today. Without the kryptonite running through your veins you can easily subdue the troops. When you reach the outer checkpoints, security will be distracted by the DEO, allowing you the opportunity to slip out.”

“If this new kryptonite is leaving my system, that means my abilities will return. What will stop me from killing everything in my path once I leave? You say you’ve received reports of the damage I’ve caused.” Her shoulders fell in hopelessness. “You were supposed to help me, Jeremiah. Not unleash me on the world.”

“I have a solution. Go to J’onn J’onzz. He will –“

“That Martian can fly himself into the sun for all I care,” rumbled Astra. The thought of aligning with him raised her hackles. “His idea of help is interrogation and a cell akin to the kind you humans lock your animals in. Who knows? Maybe the DEO will start charging admission to view the failed general who can’t control an impulse.” She scowled to the side. “It doesn’t matter what I say. He will always brand me a traitor.”

Jeremiah lowered his head to catch her gaze but she was determined to sulk at the ground. “He is my friend, and if you deliver my message he _will_ help you. I’ll get to that later. For now, I have to make sure you know the dangers of this plan. Do you trust me, Astra?”

She turned to meet his eyes. “Certainly.”

“You must take into consideration the fact that you haven’t had your new abilities for a while. They were never lost, just dormant. Once the serum wears off, it will all come rushing back like a punch to the gut. You have to prepare yourself. It will take all your willpower in holding back. You must breathe and you must believe.”

“How do you know this will work?”

“I just do and you are going to prove me right. Because if you ever want to make up for all the damage you’ve caused this Earth and the people close to you, this is the way it has to be done. If you want redemption, you are going to make the right choice for a change.”

Astra gave a humorless smile. “I am not known to commit acts of selflessness. It is not in my nature.”

“That’s because you allow yourself to believe this is all out of your control. You were not born this way, Astra. It happened through a sequence of events and decisions made by people you’ve met along the way and by people you’ve never met, but mostly through your doing. You have a chance now to disrupt the universe’s order, to step outside the line and decide what you will become. Don’t let nature tell you who you are. You are proof that we can fight against it.”

The words were hard to hear, but the advice sunk in. It was what she always wanted to hear from her parents. Perhaps they had and she just didn’t hear them. Since she was a child, Astra was always moving, always challenging herself in the midst of hardship. Criticism had been her parent and she knew nothing else.

But the doting look she was getting now seemed to bring all the good memories to light. Her mother’s advice to wear a heavier cloak Astra once deemed a hindrance to her icy, teenage demeanor. Now the memory just brought tears to her eyes. Her father once suggested she join the Science Council and she responded by accusing him of projecting his failed aspirations onto her. Now Astra took it like a spike through her heart. The idea of doing something worthwhile with her life, of achieving a career her father was held back from would have made him proud. Astra’s existence made her immune from the traditions that restricted unexceptionally born Kryptonians like In-Ze. He wanted more for her. He believed she could achieve what he couldn’t. He had faith, just like Jeremiah had faith in her.

* * *

The moment was drawing near. Guards had shuffled past her room not long ago to get in position. Several corridors down, combat boots struck the ground, rifles were being loaded, and the safety pins of their grenades chinked against their armor. The sounds of battle were already reverberating above them. The DEO had shown up and, judging by the explosions, they were not being subtle about it.

The opportunity to escape had finally arrived and all Astra could do was worry. And what else could she do but worry about worrying? As a general, she had engaged in many battles – some on the ground and others in the cockpit of a spacecraft. She remembered the techniques taught at the academy: tactical breathing, decompression of muscles, and taking control of the situation before it takes control of you.

In all her years of fighting she never developed pre-mission anxiety. She was never rattled by explosions or the very likely possibility of taking casualties. So why did it feel like her whole body would seize up at any moment?

Astra stood before Jeremiah as he outlined the plan again. Her feet were rooted to the tiles she had once counted out of boredom. All 184 of them. She stared at Jeremiah as he spoke and listened with half an ear. His hair seemed grayer than when he first appeared to her that day following her capture. There were deeper crinkles in his forehead too. He seemed to have aged and yet only a few weeks had passed. She was content to note that the laugh lines were still present around his mouth and his mahogany eyes still carried their annoying wisdom.

“Remember what I told you? The moment you escape this place you find him and –“

“I remember,” she interjected. “The thought of working with this so-called friend of yours greatly displeases me.”

“Still? It’s not enough that he saved my life and protected Alex and Kara all these years?”

“We have been through this debate before. You know how I feel about the matter.”

“Yes, I do. Which brings me to the favor I want to ask.”

His serious manner roused her attention. “I swear on the House of Ze that I will do everything in my power to grant your request. It is the least I can do for the kindness you have shown me.”

Jeremiah nodded. He bit his lip, preparing himself. When he was ready, he raised his brows expectantly and said, “Tell Eliza how much I miss her. Tell my girls I love them. Tell them how proud I am of all they’ve accomplished, especially Alex. I don’t think I expressed it enough, especially when Kara first came to live with us. In some ways, I think I failed her as a father. When she acted out, I didn’t take it as a plea for attention. Instead, I just retreated into my work.”

Astra knew as much. Alex had recounted enough stories to give the impression that she felt emotionally abandoned from her father long before his disappearance. Astra wasn’t about to confirm Jeremiah’s fears. She would let him retain the good memories. Both of them. Even if she had to resort to deception to ensure it.

“And make sure Alex doesn’t come back for me. She can’t see me like this. I’m as good as dead, anyway.”

It was a good thing Astra developed such a fondness for this human. She had half a mind to knock the foolishness out of him. “This is absurd,” she settled. Her hands went to her hips and she stared him down in defiance. “You cannot expect me to leave you here. You want Kara and Alex to know you love them? Tell them yourself. Do not use me as a messenger.”

He scratched his head and shrugged. “I don’t have access to e-mail. You’re the only messenger I’ve got.”

Astra sighed in exasperation. These Danvers' and their willful genes. She grit her teeth. “All of this?” She waved around at the bleakness of their confinement. “It can end. I can take you away from here. Come with me and I will return you to your family and all of this will be over.”

“You don’t understand. I’ve been here for twelve years. Do you know what a place like this does to a man? Being forced to study helpless aliens and experiment on my own kind does irreparable things to one’s psyche. I may be firing on all cylinders up here but here?” The finger at his temple dropped to his chest where he pressed all five fingers. The claw-like hand shook over his heart like he didn’t know whether or not to rip it out. “I’m broken, Astra. I don’t want to ruin their memory of their father. Leave me be.”

A sorrow Astra had never felt before pressed on her chest. It was so hard to breathe under it, to speak over it. This was what he wanted. In her experience, anytime she pushed back she was met with a resistance that didn’t so much injure herself as it did others. From the things she tried to fix – Krypton, Earth, her new abilities – to the people she cared about – Alura, Kara, the Danvers' – they all were swept up in the debris. A shower of wreckage triggered by her failures and her constant need to push back.

She allowed herself to get involved in their lives when practice told her it would only bring grief. She struggled to break free from their tirades on hope and unification while simultaneously tying herself to their fates. If all she ever received from her efforts was disappointment, maybe it was time to stop fighting.

Astra inhaled a shaky breath and held out her hand.

Jeremiah took one look at the offered gesture and refused it by stepping in.

Astra always thought she was the taller one, but being folded inside his arms made her feel as young as a sixteen-year-old girl. Her wet cheek touched his jaw. She didn’t flinch against the grizzly beard but let her head fall to his shoulder. She shut her eyes, tuned out the gunshots ricocheting outside, and returned the embrace. There was no possible means of repaying what this man had done for her. She couldn’t begin to acknowledge the courage he inspired for her brain was just not working at the moment.

She swallowed back the misery of having to leave him here. With Cadmus. The bastards.

He cringed under the steel fingers. “Easy there.”

His shoulder muffled a feeble “sorry.”

“I wish I had time to teach you a good old fashion hug, but you seem to have the basics down. Just go easy on us humans, you hear?”

Astra drew back. “You’ve already given me so much. I don’t know how to repay you.”

“I know you don’t think so, but standing there as you are…” He touched her chin and smiled. Then he clasped his hand into a fist and pressed it over his heart. “You honor me, Astra, daughter of Krypton, leader and last surviving member of House Ze. My…” He gasped over the swell of pride in his chest. “My _friend_. It would be a privilege to call you my daughter from another galaxy, but I’m afraid you’ll argue about age and relativity in the space-time continuum. A debate I’d love to have but who has the time?” He glanced down hesitantly at the fist on his chest. “Is… is this how it’s done?”

The watery chortle surprised both of them. Astra covered his fist with her hand. “If only _I_ had time to teach _you_ for once.”

“In another life, perhaps.”

“In Rao’s light,” she said firmly as if the mere claim were written in stone.

He nodded. “In Rao’s light.”

The moment only lasted long enough for another explosion to shake the walls. Time pressed in on all sides and seemed to suck all repose out.

Jeremiah’s ears pricked to the echoes drawing near. “That explosion sounds like it came from this level. The DEO must have broken through the front lines. There’s no time. Can you –“

Astra’s fist punched a clean hole in the door and wrenched it open.

He gawked at the mangled steel hinges. “Whoa.”

“Whoa?” she articulated with a frown.

“It’s a compliment.” His gaze shifted between her and the door. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Kryptonian at work.”

A swell of pride warmed her. She flashed a smile. “You will see something soon.”

He tilted his head and followed after her. “I think you mean: ‘you’ve seen nothing yet.’”

Before his foot passed the threshold, he came to an abrupt halt. He glanced down to the hand pressed to his sternum.

“ _Stay back_ ,” Astra hissed.

She held position in the hall and checked both ways. No corners, shadows, or other hideouts for the enemy to lurk. The gunshots and tactical signals were coming from the floor above them. But they were close. DEO forces _and_ Cadmus security. Astra didn’t like their odds but she would have to make due.

“All clear.”

“The way out is that way,” Jeremiah pointed down the left corridor. “Remember, follow the orange lines on the floor. They will lead you to the exit checkpoints. I’ll stay here and make sure no one tails you.”

She crinkled her brow. “You have no weapon. How will you defend yourself?”

“I told you I used to be DEO. I’m not without my skills.”

His shrug did not bring her confidence. Astra cocked her head. “Hand-to-hand will be no match for their firepower. You should accompany me.”

“I’m staying right here.”

“Fine. Have it your way.”

He didn’t smile this time. Somehow, despite the absence of his signature whimsy, his expression softened even more. “Safe travels, Astra.”

She held his gaze a moment longer before returning the nod. She turned, chin down, and fled for the exit.

The orange line led her around a corner and down a straight corridor lined with cells. The doors were made of the same steel as the one she tore not minutes before. There were prisoners, humans as well as aliens like herself, who were being held against their will within these cells. She didn’t give them a second thought. She kept her mind focused on the mission for if she didn’t, _no one_ would be saved.

The sound of gunfire made her freeze. It came from behind, corridors away, back where she started. Her stomach dropped. _Jeremiah_.

The floor rippled under the force of her sprint. She raced down hallways, skidding around bends without a thought to the damage her hands were doing to the walls as she caught herself. Her abilities were back and in full force. She could feel its power singing through her veins and she allowed it to take over if only to propel her faster.

Upon rounding the last corner, she came to a sight she wouldn’t have expected. The bodies of four Cadmus security guards lay on the ground, and like a noble sentry Jeremiah stood outside of her room as promised. His shirt was untucked and he gave off a slight limp. He had taken a bloody slash across his ear from a nearby bullet. Apart from the near death experience, he looked to be in fine spirits. Even with the sound of incoming troops.

Jeremiah’s head jerked up at the sound of her panting. He was catching his breath too but doing so with an ear-to-ear smile.

They were both too relieved to pay attention to the guards filing in. The Cadmus team kept low to the ground as they moved in behind Jeremiah. When the first shot rang out, there was no exit wound. Astra didn’t understand what was happening until the front of his shirt blossomed over in crimson.

In the blink of an eye, she launched herself at the troopers. She kicked hard enough for a knee to snap at a sickening angle. While that trooper was grabbing his leg and screaming, she went for the next one. From his holster, the guard retrieved a handgun, no doubt loaded with kryptonite bullets. She snagged the gun, crushed it, and threw her fist into his helmet. The Plexiglas shield shattered and he coughed up blood. The next trooper attacked from behind. She blindly thrust with the knife edge of her hand and struck his throat. He fell back choking.

To them, she was a blur. To Astra, everything was happening in slow motion. All five troopers were dead in seconds. It would have taken less time, but she wanted them to feel it.

She stood amongst the bodies, breathing heavily but not from exertion. She hardly broke a sweat. It felt so good to have her abilities back. It felt as good as the sun on her skin and fresh air in her nostrils.

Suddenly, she remembered Jeremiah. Her eyes flew open and she spun around. He was lying not far away. A pool of glistening blood was already fanning out around him. There was so much red. The guards she had taken out were already bleeding out and their slick essence was trickling near. The thought of their blood mixing with his made her nauseous.

The sound of wet coughs snapped her out of it.

Astra knelt to his side and examined the holes in his chest. She squinted hard and through her bleary supervision she saw three shattered ribs and a punctured lung. Her hearing clued her in to the faint heart beat.

Her knees were becoming saturated. She ignored it with a sniff and cradled his head up. His eyes opened to reveal their vague focus. She opened her mouth and found herself unable to speak.

Jeremiah gasped sharply and winced. After stealing a few breathes he grasped her shirt sleeve. A strong grip for a human. An honorable strength.

“Don’t you dare tell them about this,” he said. “Don’t you dare.”

His eyes glistened to the plea. They held an uncanny resemblance Astra couldn’t face. She screwed her eyes shut. She had done it again. Why couldn’t she learn from her mistakes? Why did they have to believe in her of all people? Grief constricted her throat, keeping her from saying goodbye.

“Be good.” The appeal wheezed past flaccid lips. His eyes widened and held her for a moment before staring off into the void.

His heart gave one last flutter before giving out. She gasped sharply, eyes flying open. “Jeremiah?” A handful of his shirt bunching in her hand. She curled the fingers of her other hand around a tuft of his hair. She shook him. “Jeremiah!”

He felt lighter in her arms as if his soul had already departed from his body. A rumble stirred in her chest. She couldn’t have one more minute? More explosions and gunfire rocked the complex. The sound of twisting metal echoed nearby. Cadmus was being overrun. DEO forces would be here any second.

The unruly gray hair near his ear stuck out and Astra stroked it down with her fingertips. It seemed like fate would not grant her the opportunity for last rites. She took a deep breath and lay his hands over his chest. There was still time. She hovered over his body, blanketing her hands over his. Her eyes slipped shut and she murmured a few words in Kryptonese.

A tear slid down the bridge of her nose and dropped onto her knuckle. When the last word fell off her tongue, she didn’t expect to look again. She should have had the backbone to just get up and walk away. But her eyes opened and her chin fell. She smiled a sad smile.

“Be at peace, Jeremiah.”

Finally, Astra rose up, put one foot before the other, and didn’t look back. She resumed her escape, boots treading over the orange line.

The plan depended on the DEO as much as it did Astra. At the moment, it proved difficult to depend on anyone. She couldn’t trust the DEO as far as she could throw them (which was far).

Her fists unclenched as she strode down the corridor. She flexed each finger, testing her strength and readiness. Someone once told her that her powers were tied to her emotions. If that were true, the next person who crossed her had better watch out. She felt like a bomb waiting to detonate. She was trying to come to grips with her guilt over not saving Jeremiah in time. All this power and what had it achieved? She couldn’t even save one human life. Cadmus had stolen her away from her family and imprisoned her for weeks. She missed Kara’s smile and how her eyes lit up at the slightest delight. She missed Alex and her tedious exams. She missed how their hands brushed when the blood pressure cuff was unfastened and caused Alex’s heart rate to climb 100 beats per minute.

On top of the guilt and the longing and the frustration there was this bright light of possibility. Astra hadn’t yet come to terms with the news that she could bear children. For so long she thought her body a wasteland and now she was being told it was a nurturing home for a little one of her own.

All of these feelings were tied around her chest and constricting her breathing. Astra didn’t know what to do with them.

In the midst of her escape, Astra turned a corner and found herself coughing on smoke. Debris littered the hall and filled the air with particles. Gunfire couldn’t have caused this level of wreckage but the hold in the wall certainly could. A figure rose up from his crouched position and turned to face her.

“J’onn J’onzz.”

Unsurprised, his Martian features glared back. “Astra.”

“You do not sound pleased to see me. Has your entrance rattled you?”

“I’ll show you rattled.”

Astra smirked.

He attempted to threaten her by stepping forward. “Where is Jeremiah Danvers?”

The smoke was already beginning to clear. There were no others with him. “Where are Kara and Agent Danvers?” she challenged with a raised brow. Her glowing fists left no room for argument.

“They are on the surface,” he replied lowly, “looking for _you_.” J’onn gave her a scathing once over and sniffed the air. The scent caused his teeth to clench and he hissed, “You’re covered in human blood. What have you done now, Astra?”

“I don’t have time to explain. There is great danger in store for us all if you don’t –“

“If I don’t what? Stop you? It’s what I should have done the moment you returned. I should have put you in another coffin and sent you back to wherever you came from.”

“Listen to me,” she growled, surging forward. “You cannot tell Kara or Alex what I’m about to tell you. You must keep them out of this.”

“I never trusted you before. Now after being in Cadmus’ custody all these weeks… you could have been turned, brainwashed, pit against anything and anyone you _think_ you care about. Why should I listen to anything you have to say?”

“Because you will not risk the alternative. Their lives depend on this, J’onn.”

He turned away from her with a scowl. The conflict was clear from the changing pigment of his skin. J’onn’s nostrils flared. After a moment’s hesitation, he turned back to her. “Talk.”

* * *

With every shot, the rifle kicked back with a vengeance. Alex pressed it harder into her shoulder, drawing on the ache to keep her focused. The stairwell echoed to the rounds ricocheting off the concrete walls. It was chaos. She couldn’t tell friendly fire from the enemy’s bullets whizzing past.

“Hold your fire!” she shouted over the noise.

The last shell casing clinked down the concrete stairs and rolled to a halt. Her ears rang amid the silence. She glanced to her left where her team awaited orders. She gave the hand signal to hold position.

Alex stepped from cover and brought her rifle over the railing. The last trooper took aim but she got to him first with a bullet between the eyes.

“All clear. Let’s move.”

Alex and her team were now breaching the lower levels. Staring down the scope of her rifle, she kept her finger poised on the trigger as she descended. The stairwell echoed with battle sounds from above where Supergirl was keeping Cadmus troopers occupied and off their backs.

Arriving at the bottom of the stairs, Alex led them into a well lit corridor. She swept her rifle over the area. Upon detecting no movement, she kept the muzzle trained ahead and walked over the colored lines in the floor.

Her eyes darted from one door to the next. They were all made of the same steel, no window or slot, no distinct feature to tell them apart save a number. How was she supposed to know which one?

At the time they departed DEO desert base, Winn was still attempting to bypass Cadmus’ network and retrieve a prisoner manifest. Apparently, they had a “firewall to put all firewalls to shame” but that didn’t stop him from trying. Alex could check in with him now to see if he’d made headway, but she would have to return to the surface in order to get a signal. She was not willing to backtrack.

The sound of footsteps alerted Alex. She threw two fingers in the direction of the nearest turn. Two agents swept past her and crouched against the wall.

Alex crept forward, boots treading soundlessly and gaze narrowed behind her gun sight. When she reached the two agents poised against the wall she stopped and listened. The echoing footsteps had petered out to silence. She took in a deep breath and upon exhale spun around the corner.

Superior reflexes allowed Alex to lift her finger off the trigger in time.

“Damn it, J’onn, I almost shot you!”

The Martian’s cape swirled with his turn. He held his palm out. “You can put your weapon down, Agent Danvers. There are no hostiles here.”

The near heart attack jacked Alex’s pulse. She lowered her rifle with a huff and ordered her team to cover the stairwell entrance. They marched off, leaving her with J’onn who was unusually quiet.

Alex frowned. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine. You’ve secured the upper levels?”

She nodded and responded in a rush. “Kara and the others are pressing Cadmus troops back, but it looks like the upper echelons of their administration have already fled.” She breathed out and raised her eyebrows expectantly. “Have you found my father?”

“No, I haven’t. I saw Astra, though.”

“Astra?” Her eyes swept the corridor in a frenzy. An unsettling feeling crept up her spine. “Why is she not with you?”

“I sent her away. She’s not here.” J’onn took her by the shoulders. “Don’t go after her. She is unstable.”

Alex recoiled from his grasp. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t fight me on this, Alex. You know what she did on those streets. She’s capable of mass destruction.”

“She needs me, J’onn. And she needs Kara.” When her plea got no response, she matched his hard expression and allowed bafflement to slip into her tone. “We’re the only ones who can help her and you sent her away?”

“It’s not like that. I sent her to the only place that will keep her contained.”

“Where?”

J’onn bit the inside of his cheek.

“ _Where_ , J’onn?”

“A nuclear test site,” he snapped and subsequently pressed his forehead. He threw his hand out to emphasize his frustration. “It’s in the Nevada desert; an underground chamber that was once used by the U.S. Air Force. When they abandoned it ten years ago the DEO assumed control. It’s an unmanned base right now but secure. We reserve it as a deterrent.”

The hair prickled on the back of her neck. “A deterrent for what?”

J’onn shifted his weight and diverted his gaze. “It’s deep under the surface and encased in several feet of concrete. It can contain any atomic blast and prevent mutual assured destruction.”

“Contain?!” Alex’s jaw dropped. “You sent Astra to be _contained_ in a nuclear test chamber?”

“It was her idea in the first place!”

“So you thought you’d help her out and send her off to her death."

She glowered at the Martian she once thought of as a father. J’onn had reached a low she never thought possible. She still remembered that day he entered her life and changed it irrevocably. Since he gave that speech about the importance of measuring up to her own expectations, Alex had looked up to his example. He was a fine soldier, a friend, and someone who _always_ had her back. Until now.

“I know you never trusted her,” Alex said, “and I don’t expect you to forgive her for what she’s done, but this is not what I signed up for when I joined the DEO. Our job is to subdue hostile threats, not sit back and watch them blow up.”

“I’ve never seen her like this! She was already consumed with heat. There’s no telling what level of damage her powers can inflict. Last time it affected metahumans, but this time could be different. When I asked for Astra’s assistance during the siege on National City, I risked hundreds of agents’ lives making that decision. I won’t risk yours too.”

“Then you shouldn’t have told me where to find her.”

“Find who?”

Alex whirled around and sighed in relief. She wasted no time with pleasantries. “I hope you’re up for a flight to Nevada.”

Kara’s gaze shifted between J’onn and her sister. “Why? What’s in Nevada?”

“You’re reckless excuse for an aunt.”

* * *

The desert was canopied by a cloudless, starry sky. A breeze cooled the ground and stirred the brittle branches of Nevada’s brush. The underground complex was located miles from the nearest town and was surrounded by an electric fence. Kara touched down within the perimeter and let go of Alex.

They hadn’t spoken a word since leaving Cadmus. Alex explained the situation at break neck speed and the second she finished, Kara swept her up and rocketed so fast she almost gave Alex whiplash.

Kara’s landing kicked up enough dust to irritate their eyes. Alex ignored the nuisance and stumbled toward the door. It’d been a long time since she’d flown with Kara. She used to love it when they were kids but that was then. They were adults now which meant Alex was no longer that lightweight teenager who could hitch a ride on her sister. Flying with Supergirl wasn’t her favorite mode of transportation, but this was hardly the time to submit to her acrophobia.

Vertigo overcame Alex with two left feet. She swallowed the bile tickling the back of her throat and focused on the door ahead.

“How long do you think we have?” Kara asked. A nervous edge shook her voice.

“I don’t _know_ , Kara. I’m not a clairvoyant.”

A _whoosh_ came from behind them. They whirled around to see J’onn land on his feet.

Alex’s nostrils flared in anger. She clenched her jaw. “What the hell are you doing here? You’re supposed to be rescuing my father from Cadmus.”

“Think about this, Alex. There are no other means of avoiding an energy wave of her power’s magnitude. You can’t talk her down, not from this. Astra’s making the decision for us. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain.”

Kara frowned. “You never gave her a choice, J’onn. She asked for your help and you pointed her to a bunker. How is that safe?”

“It’s safe for this planet and its inhabitants. This is our job, Supergirl. And last I checked you still worked for me.”

“You’re the reason why this all happened in the first place!” Kara barked. The uncharacteristic nerve had him blinking back. “If you hadn’t intervened that day on the rooftop, Alex wouldn’t have had to save your neck. Astra would still be alive and she would not have to make this stupid sacrifice. She’s been through enough!”

“You don’t know what enough is!” he roared back. “You don’t know the meaning. You weren’t there, Kara. She wanted this. She begged me. I saw this as her only opportunity. I gave it to her and she took it. It’s probably the wisest choice she’s made yet.”

Alex looked between them. They were too wrapped up to notice her, so she used the diversion to slip away. When she got to the door of the test site she didn’t have to bother blasting the lock. It was already torn off its hinges. Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and charged through.

Her boots clapped the concrete as she raced through. The sound echoed in the expansive, dimly lit vestibule. She spotted a down ramp and followed it deep underground. Beads of sweat dripped down and stung her eyes. Her utility belt grew heavy on her hips. She was all too aware of the gun strapped to her thigh and its loaded kryptonite bullets. They would not slow Astra down, but she couldn’t escape the irony: carrying kryptonite on the battlefield to subvert Astra’s plot. It was a never-ending cycle they couldn’t seem to break.

Alex’s hand felt the wall as she descended into darkness. She had to be a half mile below ground. It wasn’t long before she reached the bottom. A winding tunnel stretched before her. It was dark save for a faint yellow light in the distance. Alex ran for it without thinking. She pushed herself hard, thighs burning and lungs expanding to her pants.

When the light spread out she examined the door. It contained a complex locking mechanism. Thankfully, it had been left open. At the back of her mind, Alex wondered if that was intentional. Astra hoped she would come, right?

She looked in to find Astra stiff against the concrete wall, hands pressed behind her and taking controlled breaths. Her eyes focused so intently on the ceiling Alex feared it might melt. Her skin was tinged with specks of gold, like firefly tattoos only now they were dancing about her not in celebration but in panic.

Alex stepped tentatively inside. “Astra?”

The sharp gasp caused the embers to glow brighter. They spun like particles orbiting a fission reactor, gaining acceleration and mass to super conduct its epicenter. The metaphor was not lost on Alex. In fact, it made her downright terrified.

“Wha – what are you doing here?” Astra demanded. “I told J’onn not to talk. Rao damn him.”

“There is a better way to contain this. A power surge like the one you unleashed on National City only reached a few blocks. We couldn’t stop it then because you were surrounded by hostiles. That’s not the case now, is it? It’s just us.”

“Don’t…”

“Remember what Dr. Nash told you? You must _want_ to heal. This won’t work if you have doubts, Astra. You have to want it. Now calm down. _Breathe_.”

“Do not patronize me.” Astra glared from under her lashes. “This is not an equation to compute. This is cause and effect, do you not understand? I am a weapon that has no safety switch. I am not a child you can soothe with kind words. There is no other solution.”

Frustration got the best of Alex. She grew red to the tips of her ears and snapped. “This is _not_ a solution! Have you lost your mind? Do you know what an energy blast could do to this place? You’re more likely to cause a cave in!”

Astra sagged back against the wall. Her eyes fell closed. “All the better.”

The relief on display had Alex stumbling back. She didn’t recognize her. Astra was a shadow of the general she once was. She cowered in the face of challenge, allowed it to beat her down until there was nothing left of her former self. What happened to that shrewd, self-righteous woman? Where was the smirk and the unwillingness to back down from a fight? Had she really given up?

“Last time we saw each other you wanted to kill me. Is that true now?” Alex showed her palms and ventured a step forward. “Do you still want to cause me harm?”

Astra’s face screwed in torment. The effort to suppress the energy building inside her was becoming taxing. “No,” she whimpered, head falling in defeat.

“I believe you.” Alex tilted her head, tears welling in her eyes. Why did it hurt so much to see her like this? “I’m risking everything to be here right now. I could have been the one to save my father, but I passed up the chance. Kara’s on the surface right now fending off J’onn. She’s confused and alone because her big sister decided to mope for the past three weeks instead of comfort her. I’ve disowned the closest thing I had to a father these past few years, and I’m pretty sure I just put in my two weeks’ notice. I’m risking my life to be here. The least you can do is trust me.”

Astra shut her out with a shake of the head.

Alex pressed on. “I understand now what you meant that day at the safe house. You needed me and I didn’t listen. Well, I’m here now. Let me help you. Just… breathe. Let me in and we can stop this. I’ll take you to Kara and we can go home. _Please_ try.”

Astra’s skin glowed brighter in response. She sank down out of sheer exhaustion and hugged her knees to her chest.

Alex was caught between a rock and a hard place. A foolish thought consumed her. She spun on her heel and made for the chamber’s pressure door. She gripped it with both hands and pulled it shut. The hardened steel pins locked in place with a resonating _chung-chung!_

Astra’s eyes grew wide. “What are you doing?”

“Get up, goddamn it, or so help me I will not think twice about using force.”

She sprung to her feet. “You would provoke _me?_ I am more powerful than –“

“Oh, I’m shaking in my boots,” Alex sassed. She put her hands on her hips and stared Astra down. “You’re going to have to find a better catchphrase.”

“J’onn was not supposed to tell you about this place. You should not be here, Alex. I was supposed to end this on my terms.”

“Tough shit.”

Her devil-may-care attitude seemed to get through. She had a death wish and proved hell bent on tying their fates together. Astra, however, didn’t take it the way Alex meant for her to.

“You _foolish_ human,” Astra snarled. “You have no idea what you’re doing!”

Before Alex could blink, she felt the steel fingers around her arm. The door screeched to Astra’s nails digging in. Within seconds the door was ripped off its hinges.

Alex yelped in surprise as she was thrown out of the chamber. She broke her fall with her hands and knees, earning a few scrapes and bruises. A bang echoed from behind and followed with the telltale sizzle of heat vision. By the time Alex turned Astra had already welded the door shut.

A single square window allowed a view of the chamber. Astra was backing slowly towards the wall again. It dawned on Alex like a stone sinking to the pit of her stomach. Astra had locked herself in, awaiting the end like she always planned. Because these new powers of hers were too much to control. And Alex led her to this by choosing a kryptonite sword over of a gun. Because she was a soldier not a scientist. She let her head rule her heart and Astra was paying for it. Cause and effect. The consequence of her actions.

Alex gaped at the door a moment longer before coming to her senses. There was no key hole, so the door was likely operated from a control room. No time for that. Alex slipped her Glock from its holster, aimed, and fired at the hinge. The shot made a dent. She fired several more times in the exact same place. She emptied her entire clip.

When the smoke cleared, the hinge appeared mangled but intact. She screamed at the door, slamming the butt of her gun onto the window and kicking with the heel of her boot. Her ears rang from the shots, but she just shook her head. Her efforts hadn’t made so much as a scratch, yet she pummeled at it again and again. She paid no attention to the tears scalding her eyes or the saliva from her yells spattering the window

“Alex?!”

Kara screeched to a halt, cape flapping with the momentum. Her face twisted in conflict between concern for her family and her duty to protect humanity. She shifted her panic from the gun to the door. “What happened? Is Astra in there?”

Before Alex could respond, Kara squinted through the door but the lead thwarted her. “How convenient,” she growled.

From beyond the window, Astra was glowing like she had that day on the streets surrounded by hostiles. It was only a matter of time.

Kara’s mouth formed an “o” at the sight of her aunt who was now wracking uncontrollably. “Aunt Astra?”

“Kara...” Astra had tilted her head to the sound of her niece’s voice. “Leave…”

By now, the futility had sunk in and reduced Alex to tears. She didn’t hold them back anymore, not from Kara. “What is she doing? An explosion in a confined space like this will kill her!”

Kara swallowed with difficulty. She couldn’t take her eyes off the light. It gleamed in her terror-stricken gaze. “It’s her decision, Alex.”

“Well, it’s a stupid one. Now get this goddamn door open!”

Kara’s eyes shimmered as they shifted between Alex and the smoldering figure inside. She shook her head and backed away. “I can’t.”

Alex whirled on her. “Can’t or won’t?”

The glass window began to bubble and molt from the heat.

“ _Karaaa!_ ” Astra screamed. She fell to her knees, fingers digging into concrete, and gritting her teeth in agony. “ _Get her out of heeere!”_

Kara choked back a sob. “I’m sorry.”

Alex felt the arms around her waist. “No, wait –!“

A force tugged her back so quickly black dots clouded her vision. The resulting blast nearly blew out her eardrops. The black dots were replaced with a hot white light. It would have been beautiful had it not been bright enough to blind them. Alex closed her eyes on instinct and felt her head fall back against Kara’s chest. They were flying up, up, up, cutting through the clouds and almost high enough to touch the stars. The chill bound them and soon the thin atmosphere began to burn her lungs.

Alex straddled the edge of consciousness. Her ears were popping painfully. She could not help thinking how badly things had gone to hell. It was all that occupied her mind till Kara brought them back down to Earth. By the time her stomach caught up with her, Alex doubled over and vomited.

Kara sank to her knees not far away. She was clutching the scorched, smoking earth and soaking it with her tears.

Alex wiped her mouth with her shirt sleeve. Her ears were still ringing from the blast. She pressed her fingers there and they came away slick with blood. She groaned, rising unsteadily to her feet and took in her surroundings. Through the smoke and falling ash, she made out the crest and slope. She gasped.

A blackened crater had replaced the testing site. The sight was like a punch to the gut.

Alex shuffled to the edge and peered over. The explosion ripped a hole in the earth. It was wider than it was deep – about a mile in diameter and only a few meters down. A cave in must have sealed the chamber and mounded it with debris. The depression was sprinkled with twisted metal, half crumbled concrete pylons, and rusted steel poles.

Alex didn’t think. She had said it before, she had risked everything to get here, and there was no reason to stop now.

Wobbling over the edge, Alex slid her way down the dirt slope. When she got to the bottom she ran. She didn’t know where she was running to but something spurred her on. A bit of debris caught her foot and she went down hard. Wincing, she forced herself upright and kept on going, dodging debris, chasing shadows, and hunting for survivors. This was her job – hunting down aliens. Her calling. Why couldn’t it just bring her a bit of reward?

She tripped again. Her hands were a bloodied mess and the smoke scratched her throat every time she sucked in a breath. Alex rose to her feet a little sluggishly this time. She felt a tugging on her chest and she refused to attribute it to grief.

Suddenly, a sliver of light shown. Alex raced for it. The nearer she came, the more the light dimmed. She soon realized it was no light. It was stark flesh against charred earth.

Astray lay naked and unconscious at the epicenter of the crater. Wisps of smoke rose from her body but her skin appeared unblemished.

“Oh, my god. Kar –“ Alex choked over the smoke and tried again. “Kara!”

She dropped to her knees and said a silent prayer. She repeated it like poetry over and over again. Alex examined the body, her eyes darting in a panic. The pale pigment to the skin told her she was looking at a corpse. But it couldn’t be true. Not with that ever-present flutter in her chest. Not now after _everything_.

Her hands hovered over Astra, unsure what to do. It figured she would forget her medical training at a time like this. She could really use a set of Kryptonian eyes right now. Or even a Martian’s intuition.

“Kara, _hurry_!”

Her scream didn’t stir Astra. She lay there, still as death. The thought roused Alex to action. She felt Astra’s neck for a pulse just as Kara arrived.

“Oh, Rao,” Kara gasped. She fell beside her sister and wove her trembling fingers through Astra’s hair. “Oh, thank Rao.”

“I feel a _pulse_ …”

Though it came whimpering from Alex’s mouth, the throb against her fingers felt like celebration. She clapped a hand over her mouth and settled back on her heels with a relieved sob.

Kara smiled and chuckled heartily to the familiar staccato beats. It was music to her ears.


	8. Just Like Heaven Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I lied. There are now twelve chapters. Originally, this chapter's length nearly gave War and Peace a run for its money, so I took pity on you all and divided it into two parts. Enjoy!!

Consciousness opened like a curtain parting for performance. Her senses lagged in returning from the darkness. The concert had yet to begin. Or was she too late? … What concert?

A tingling spread across Astra’s arms. She registered the warmth. Did she deserve such sun baked reprieve? If she felt so warm, where was the sun?

Astra’s heart clenched with the fear that she was back in her coffin and had never left. From the moment she felt that warm cosmic aura possessing her to the nuclear test chamber caving in on her, could it all have been a nightmare? A concert to document her failures? No, it couldn’t be. Not when there was substance in between worth dreaming.

Those dreams filled her mind with images of tacos – a banquet of tacos among what those humans call “all-you-can-eat” potato olés – and reddish brown hair curtaining a microscope and a tight-lipped grin accompanied by dimples.

If this was Rao’s light… Astra sighed and swayed from side to side like a craft in gentle waters.

“Rise and shine, sleepy head!”

The cheery voice blared through her skull.

“Oh, sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so happy you’re alive!”

Astra stirred awake like a shot. “I ehm…”

The words stalled in her scratchy, dry throat. She blinked down at herself: black t-shirt, black trousers, black boots. The dark clothing absorbed the heat from the sun lamps and was heating her skin instantaneously. It felt so good Astra let slip a chuckle. She was positively drunk on sunlight.

“Okaaay, I think that’s enough sun for you.”

The lights went out and Astra pouted. She rolled on her side just as Kara raised the lid of the sunbed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I have a migraine, but I will not complain under the circumstances.” Astra noted her familiar surroundings and furrowed her brow at the absence of restraints. “How did I get here?”

“We found you after the blast and took you straight to the med lab.” Kara gestured to the curtain drawn closed behind her; suggestive of someone’s efforts to provide discretion on a base made popular with its transparent partitions. “You’ve been recovering here for a week. Congratulations, that’s a new record.”

Astra was sitting up now with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed. Able to face Kara more directly, she cocked her head. “Are these salutations on behalf of the DEO or my niece?”

Kara’s mouth twisted in discomfort. “Well, the DEO will always have its skeptics. The important thing is your family is here for you and we are not going to let you pull another stunt like locking yourself in a nuclear bunker. Oh, and you’ll be pleased to hear J’onn is coming around.”

“I suppose I should thank him for not waking up in a cell. This is awfully suspect, Kara.”

Kara caught on to her stiff posture and the way her eyes probed through the curtain. “I know it’s not easy, letting go of suspicions. Forgiveness won’t happen overnight on either side, but trust me when I tell you that you are in no danger here. The DEO knows what you risked and they’re not as fast to deem you a Class A threat. You’re more like… a Class R for redemption. J’onn made the first step by making good on his deal with you. He’s convinced the president to pardon you under some conditions.”

“Conditions,” Astra muttered.

“It’s not so bad,” Kara insisted with a smile and waggle of her head. “Six months probation under my roof. Reduced to three months on good behavior. You can leave the premises as long as you’re accompanied by an agent of the DEO.”

Astra squinted at her niece’s barely contained exuberance. “I do not feel a sense of amnesty amid all these conditions.”

“Are you kidding? It’ll be so much fun! We can have movie marathons and play games and eat _as much ice cream as we want_. I’ll race you to Madrid and the loser buys dinner!”

“This is not behavior fitting of a woman your age. Do you not still have a full-time job as a reporter? And what of your responsibilities to the cape?”

“Oh, Aunt Astra, why do you have to be such a drag? We can still have fun when I get home. Be _fun_ with me, Aunt Astra!”

Astra winced. The migraine was back. “Please refrain from speaking that word again. Let us not continue with this line of discussion. I fear it will lead us to an argument on which one of us flies faster over water…” She allowed a smirk if only to set the record straight about just who would be paying for churros con chocolate. With enough effort, Astra was able to sober her expression and move to serious matters. “Now, tell me what has transpired at Project Cadmus. Has the DEO managed to apprehend all its members?”

The mention of Cadmus depressed Kara’s mood with a sigh. She sank back in her chair and recounted what she could.

“Cadmus covered their tracks well. Any intelligence they left behind was destroyed. J’onn mind read every Cadmus guard left standing and discovered that the project’s leading members escaped with all their research. Jeremiah was among the resources they took with them. We may not know where they retreated to, but it’s only a matter of time. That doesn’t erase the fact that Cadmus has slipped through our fingers again and Jeremiah with them. Alex is taking it hard.”

“I see.” It took more effort than usual for Astra to feign surprise. Her duplicity may be for Kara’s sake, but it still came with a stab of guilt.

For what deception was worth, the widening of her eyes did not lie. It surprised Astra to hear that J’onn took her seriously and kept secret the details of Jeremiah’s death. He proved himself as the trustworthy ally he was praised to be.

“Look,” Kara said, “I know you two have a lot to talk about between the Fort Rozz thing and you self-combusting in front of her, but Alex is really fragile right now. After finding out Jeremiah is alive, we spent the last year hunting Cadmus down, and when we found them, she got there too late. This may not be the best time to… you know.”

Astra raised an eyebrow. “What do I know?”

Kara looked like she wanted to say something but she held back. After a thinning of her lips, she changed track. “You know Alex’s temper and how she reacts when people push her too far. It’s better to give her space. If we’re not avoiding her, she’s avoiding us.”

“She’s not speaking to you?”

Astra’s stomach turned at the idea of Kara and Alex on bad terms. Their relationship was as close to what Astra shared with Alura before the ecological threat to Krypton was made public. Of course, sisters clashed from time to time and competed for the pride of their parents, especially twins such as Astra and Alura, but that bond could not be severed lightly. If Astra could speak to Alura at the moment, she wouldn’t waste time with petty rivalries and misplaced anger.

Astra reached out to touch Kara’s wrist. She turned it over and smoothed her thumb over the delicate veins as she used to when Kara came to her hurt, afraid, or lonely. She looked into her eyes and asked softly, “What happened, Kara?”

The strokes to Kara’s wrist made her lids heavy. The technique was successfully loosening the tension. When it reached her voice it was stripped and laid bare. “Alex looks at me differently.”

Astra kept her tone as unobtrusive as her touch. “How does she look at you?”

“She looks at me now like I’m everybody else. Like I’m not her superhero anymore.” Kara took a deep breath and let her exhale break open the gates surrounding her insecurity. “Ever since I started living with Alex and her parents, I always felt like _she_ was the indestructible one. She knew everything about Earth and its customs, she had friends and got good grades, and… and I was just that alien who had superpowers and couldn’t tell anyone.

“Even when I came out as Supergirl and put all these amazing powers to use, Alex still saw me as someone who needed protecting. But what I didn’t realize is that she needed protection more than me. Humans are so much weaker than we are – I forget that. Just because they stand up for hope and justice doesn’t mean they can stop bullets with their bare hands. Alex may have incredible combat skills, but she’s still human. She can bleed. Rao, she can _die_.

“I’ve been so busy being National City’s Supergirl I forgot to be Alex’s. I feel like I’ve missed out on the chance to return the favor. After everything she’s given up for me, she deserves my undivided attention. And now… I’m so afraid it’s too late. She doesn’t need me anymore.”

“Why would you think that? She still has you. And if I’m not mistaken, you are perfectly capable of acting as her protector.”

“You don’t understand what I’m…”

Sweeping a hand out to avoid further discussion, Kara tilted her head up to keep the tears from spilling over. She let her troubles in for a moment, allowing them to alienate her from two years of routine. She swallowed and told herself it would not have lasted forever.

The door to the medbay opened and footsteps approached. Kara cleared her throat at once and straightened for their visitor.

Astra decided against using her powers and dropped her head. She was picking a bit of lint off her pants when the curtain parted. Astra snapped her head up. Her lips parted. It was as if all the air had escaped the room and was replaced with a nervous tension.

“You’re awake,” Alex said. Her eyes gave her a once over.

Astra’s tongue thickened in preparation. She swallowed and gave a nod instead.

Alex still had a firm grip on the curtain’s edge. The metal rings chinked on the rod as her fist tightened.

Before either of them could utter a sound, Kara broke up the awkward moment.

“I gotta go,” she said. Her smile was refreshing, yet the twitch at the corner of her mouth did not lie. “My boss is expecting a rewrite on his desk… like… yesterday.”

Wordlessly, Alex sidestepped for her to pass and evaded eye contact. Astra noted the behavior with a troubling pang. It should not be this way. They were supposed to be a united front, an example of grace and resiliency. Astra should have been the last person to remind them of it, but no one else seemed to be taking on the duty.

“Kara, you don’t have to go,” she said, rising from the sunbed and subsequently wobbling.

They both rushed to her side, each taking an arm and coaxing her back down. By the time her vertigo had passed, she gave herself a mental pat on the back for her ingenuity (however unintentional). Astra couldn’t admit to oafish tendencies, but when they surfaced it brought her family running.

“Thank you,” she murmured to Alex who offered a small smile in return. Astra turned to Kara, raised her brows expectantly, and squeezed her hand.

She seemed to understand the prompt and glared like “Nuh-uh.” She rose at once and put on a studious front. “I have some work to do. I’ll be back later to check on you.”

Kara flew the base before the medbay door could click shut behind her.

“I’ve never seen someone so anxious to write a report,” remarked Alex. Her arms were folded and she still held the door within view. She watched it like it would open at any second and mend fences with a back breaking hug.

Astra elected to remain silent. They did not have the same open door policy she shared with Kara. There were some subjects that were off the table, and not because Alex had a temper. In any case, sisterly bonds were the last thing she wished to discuss at the moment.

Astra rubbed a soreness from her shoulder. She felt weak and pathetic. It had been so long since something as superfluous like a muscles spasm could reduce her to this. She shouldn’t be complaining, though. She may not be all powerful but at least she was alive. At least she could count herself Kryptonian among her kinfolk – or whatever was left of them.

All the while soothing her ache, Astra ventured a glance at Alex and asked, “Is this the part where you tell me I’m not invincible?”

“This does feel familiar, doesn’t it?” Alex quipped. She rolled a stool over and sat down across from Astra. “But you’re not so invincible now. I have the science to prove it. At least, now you’re just ordinarily invincible. The overcharge caused a blast that only affected your supplementary powers. Thankfully, you were able to retain your original abilities.” She chanced a grin and said, “You’re now just Astra In-Ze, Kryptonian born, and stuck on Earth like the rest of us.”

Astra closed her eyes. Her sigh gave out all the tension as her body sagged in relief. “Thank you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything.”

“You delivered good news. I don’t think I ever truly wanted those abilities. All they brought me was frustration.” Thinking it was one thing, but speaking the words caused Astra to furrow her brow. She mused out loud. “Every day I was reminded of how futile speed and brute strength were when I could not harness them properly. I had already caused so much damage before they came in my possession.”

“So you don’t consider those powers a curse?”

“They were a gift I was not ready for. Sometimes letting go is far braver than holding on. Which brings me back to your admission of not having done anything.” She pinned Alex with a stern look and said, “You did far too much and risked your life by locking yourself in with me. I never thought of you as a thoughtless individual, but I’m afraid your actions have me reconsidering.”

“I really don’t want to talk about that.” Alex averted further discussion by pushing back on her stool. She poured her focus on the nearby x-ray viewer and the film left behind by one of the doctors.

Kara’s advice about her sister’s fragility came to mind and Astra took it to heart. If she ever wanted forgiveness, she would not get it by pressuring Alex. “Later then.”

Alex surfaced from distraction with a relieved sigh and wheeled back around. “There is a question I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“As long as I’m not required to give any more blood samples, you may ask whatever you wish.”

“How did you know overcharging your powers would eliminate them? And doing so in such a confined space? Because if you went there to…” Alex hesitated, the muscles in her jaw flexing. “I can’t believe that you would be so hopeless to give up.”

The critical attitude shouldn’t have shocked Astra. Alex had been so direct; there was no escaping a question like that nor the implied self-immolation. Astra fell silent, unable to supply comforting answers.

In the hours leading up to the DEO’s attack on Cadmus, Astra and Jeremiah outlined the plan. They ran through the message she would give J’onn and the importance of withholding his friend’s whereabouts, the location of the nuclear test site Jeremiah had discovered on one of his missions as a DEO agent, and the chamber where Astra was to overcharge her powers.

Astra went over the plan in her head for hours and not once had she taken into account how her actions would seem to Alex or Kara. The whole purpose of locking herself up in that chamber was to protect them. Not once had she thought of it as a sacrifice. How could she when the ends were unknown? Deep down, though, an inkling told her this was it. There was no other alternative, so perhaps she did go to that test site fully prepared to die. She just didn’t think sound reason would cause Alex to react like this. Had she so quickly forgotten what had transpired at Fort Rozz?

Instead of replying, Astra asked a question of her own. “What did J’onn tell you about Jeremiah?”

Suspicion had Alex eying her. “What does this have to do with my father? Did you see him when you were held by Cadmus?”

For all the good Kryptonian strength did Astra, it dissolved into rubble. It only took a human, a flawed and hauntingly beautiful human being to overpower her. Astra didn’t mean to let her mask slip, but she couldn’t fake recognition of the man who returned promise to her life.

When Alex failed to get a response, she roused Astra by grasping her wrist. “Did you know him?”

“Alex…” Astra shut her eyes and breathed against the pressure in her chest. “Your father was not amongst the prisoners evacuated during the siege. Cadmus didn’t take him. I know this because I was with him when he died.”

Like sand threading through an hour glass, it had always been inevitable. Alex’s hand slipped from hers. “What?”

“From the moment I woke at Project Cadmus, Jeremiah was forced to conduct tests on me. Cadmus wanted to tap my new abilities for their benefit but he would not. Instead, he helped me understand what made me lose control. He… he taught me patience. He was kind to me and gave me the confidence to take responsibility for the wrongs I’ve committed.

“I can only admit to meeting one other human of similar dedication and acumen.” Her eyes flicked up to meet Alex’s glassy ones. “You are so much like him it hurts to tell you how I am to blame for not bringing him back. I could have easily overpowered him. Jeremiah had been weakened by his imprisonment. He didn’t want you to see him like that.” Astra clenched her jaw at the stubborn front he had displayed. “I fell for it so easily. He foolishly stayed behind, as if I needed _anyone_ to cover my back. And he was killed because I threw a tantrum and walked away.”

Alex was poised on the edge, a white-knuckled grip on her stool and breathing in stunted gasps. “Why are you telling me this?” she asked, face screwing back grief. “You could have let me go on thinking he was alive.”

“And left you to hunt down a lie? I do not want to give you false hope.”

“Why couldn’t you just lie?” Helpless, Alex flung out her hands and shook her head. She was no longer talking to Astra. “Why can’t you just be like everyone else and make me believe what I want to hear? Now my father is dead and he didn’t even want me to know. He didn’t want me…”

A great weight fell on her shoulders. She pitched forward and grabbed her head. Her nails dug into her scalp to distract her from reality. After the news of his survival last year, a glimmer of hope brightened Alex’s world. There was every possibility that they could bring him home. Then it finally dawned on her that she would never see him. A panic came over her in widened eyes and panting.

The racket beat in Astra’s ears like a jackhammer. Alex’s heart rate was skyrocketing and if it didn’t calm down she would hyperventilate.

Astra took her by the arms and provided stimulation. Her sliding hands warmed the material of Alex’s shirt sleeves and leeched into her skin. The distraction kept her in the moment but did not settle the frantic eye movement or pull her from the edge of passing out.

“Alex, look at me.” Astra took her gently by the face and tilted her head up so their eyes met. “You are safe with me. You are going to be alright.”

“I can’t…” Alex gripped Astra’s shoulder and screwed her eyes shut. Her entire body tensed and radiated defiance against her. “I can’t catch my breath.”

Before Astra realized what she was doing, she knelt down and reached for Alex’s stomach. She laid a hand above her belt where her belly remained still. She could feel the muscles stiffen under her touch. Breathing like this would do her no good.

“Alex? Alex, do you feel my hand? Breathe from _here_.” Her thumb roved the material of the shirt so Alex knew where she was. “Watch my hand and exhale. You are taking in too much air. Breath out. Good. Again.”

Alex followed the pattern without argument. She watched the rise and fall of the hand on her belly, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Soon her shoulders relaxed. Slowly, the muscles in her face untightened and the creases smooth out at the corners of her eyes.

Her face still contained a pallor and she swayed from drawing so much oxygen. Astra’s hand left her abdomen to catch her. She placed firm hands on her shoulders, righting her posture until Alex could take over.

“Where did you learn that?”

“My military training," said Astra. "Combat isn’t for everyone. Soldiers discover their mettle the second they step onto the battlefield. I have had to calm many new recruits in the midst of conflict and not all take kindly to the intimate contact. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not resisting me. You could have pushed me away considering all the good I’ve done you.”

“Stop with the self-ridicule. I don’t hate you for telling me the truth. It’s just…”

“Difficult to hear.” Astra’s gaze dropped to the nibble Alex gave her bottom lip before turning away. She kept close and poised on her knees like the absolution-seeking-knight she was. “I’m afraid I’ve dishonored his memory by telling you. Jeremiah made me promise to keep him out of my report.” She raised her head so their eyes could lock and provide evidence of commitment. “But I cannot possibly let you go on not knowing. The agony of lying to you rivals any pain I’ve felt before.”

“Astra…”

“He loved you and Kara so much. I’m sorry. If he were here now I would beg for his forgiveness, but he’s not and that is my fault.” Astra closed her eyes around hot tears and damned her composure as they fell. When she scrounged up the courage, she took Alex’s hands in hers, squeezing light enough not to damage but enough to display her desperation. “Will you please forgive me?”

The gesture triggered an unexpected flinch. Astra should have realized. So much happened the past three months and with the whirlwind of recent events their worlds were irrevocably turned upside down. Alex wouldn’t have had time to process Astra’s return back to “normal” nor what her sacrifice meant to her. The feelings ran so deep, and even if they could be harnessed they were complex and multiplying.

Alex pressed her hand to her head, shaking it pathetically. “It’s too much. I… I can’t.”

She rose quickly, hand slipping out of Astra’s grasp. Astra closed her eyes as the finger pads brushed her palm and collected perspiration into their microscopic grooves. Astra, so infinitely attuned to the sensation of Alex’s fingers threading past hers, bit back a whimper. If this was goodbye, it was cruel how fleeting the sensations were. And humiliating. Not even an ordinary Kryptonian could exceed her own grasp.

When Astra had settled in on Earth (or as much as was possible for an alien refugee), she became curious about the natives' literature. She navigated their histories but found them disgustingly predictable. Always repeating the same mistakes, humankind would never evolve to the level of sophistication Krypton achieved at their height. It reminded Astra of a poem she once read of man’s reach exceeding his grasp. In its literal translation, the poet mused on the ability to achieve the impossible in order to enter heaven. But heaven is more idea than place, a thing to be understood. It is as illusive as mist on a mountain top – it can be touched but not harnessed. If man could master their own wits, they could accomplish remarkable feats.

But what of the Kryptonian? Shouldn’t Astra’s efforts, though blunt and upsetting, be rewarded? Astra wasn’t used to prying open her walls and allowing everything buried to display. She did not do vulnerable. But she extended her hand nonetheless in a show of good faith, hoping to deserve what was once forbidden.

The word “heaven” had no translation in Kryptonese because they did not appeal to the concept. The only afterlife they believed in was with Rao, even if Astra’s experience told a different story. Awareness after death remained moot, but if ever there were such a thing as heaven, it was now slipping through her fingers.

Alex’s hand caught the door and she turned hesitantly. “It’s not a no. I just need time.”

With a heavy heart, Astra watched her depart. The door to the medbay closed her in with a loneliness she hadn’t felt in some time. Perhaps not since the first days on Earth when alienation went both ways. She looked down into her hands, wondering why they kept hurting the people she loved.

* * *

The curtains fluttered more vigorously than usual. Kara tilted her ear to the sound of boots landing in her living room. She nearly jumped for joy.

“Aunt Astra? Where’s the ladle?”

A racket followed Kara around her kitchen as she searched through drawer after drawer. Her hand scrambled harmlessly about knives, serving spoons, and useless gadgets like the pickle tongs, banana slicer, strawberry stem remover, and the battery-powered fork twirler (a gag gift for the Kryptonian aunt who couldn’t twirl spaghetti to save her life). When no ladle surfaced, she even resorted to x-raying the entire kitchen and still came up empty handed.

A long, suffering sigh escaped her. She eyed the beef stew simmering on the stove and thought of an alternative utensil. But Kara being Kara, she _needed_ that ladle. At this point, she could go without scooping her hard-earned dinner by ladle. She just didn’t like not knowing where her things were. And ladles were always more than ladles. When lost they were a symptom of the unattainable or a disguise for deeper regret.

“She’s been here two weeks,” Kara muttered under her breath and dove back into another drawer. “You’d think she’d know her way around the kitchen. Who would steal a ladle?!”

Astra may have been living under Kara’s roof for two weeks, but she still showed defiance in the face of the DEO’s conditions. Astra seemed to spend more time flying than she did around the apartment. Of course, there wasn’t much _to do_ around when Kara left for work everyday and sometimes wouldn’t return until the morning after an assignment.

The unsupervised flights were deliberate and a rebellion against an agency Astra still didn’t support, but Kara wouldn’t rat her out and she had given up arguing. It wasn’t like she could stop the single-mindedness of a former general.

“Kara, we need to talk.”

“Don’t just stand there like that. Where’s my ladle? Can you help me find my ladle?”

“What la… oh.”

The feeble sound had Kara’s head spinning around. “Oh? What do you mean, ‘oh’?”

“My apologies. I will purchase a new one.”

“Why would I need a new one when the old one was just fine?”

Astra’s tentative approach brought her to the island where she laid her hands down. “I’m afraid there was an incident.” Her eyes wandered to the washcloth which she began folding. “My abilities have not fully… settled, and as plastics do not take kindly to heat…”

“But it seems as though those flying abilities have settled just fine. If only you’d just –“

“May we please stop talking about the wretched ladle? I realize that you are still upset and it has nothing to do with a kitchen utensil.” Astra fiddled with the edge of the rag before dropping it to the counter. “We need to talk about your sister.”

Kara began a slow nod. “Oh, that. Yeah…”

“Are you two still not speaking?”

“We hung out yesterday. It felt like old times, I guess, with all the pizza she ordered – for my benefit. And we finally finished the first season of _Westworld_ , so that’s progress. I still feel like I took her for granted, though.” At Astra’s pursed lips, Kara insisted, “But I’ll tell her eventually, _jeez_. Just give me time to adjust.”

“Have you spoken to her about the occurrence at the test site?”

“What do you mean? Are you okay? You look… angry. You’re not going to start glowing again, are you?”

“My supplemental abilities have been eliminated and so too the side effects.” Astra cocked her head with all due persistence. “You know this, Kara.”

“Oh, right. So what’s this about the occurrence and Alex?”

“What she did at the test site, in that chamber, when I was… unstable… is intolerable. She is reckless and she needs help.”

Kara let out a snort. Her eyes widened as she slapped a hand over her mouth and continued to chuckle.

“What? Why are you laughing at me?”

“I’m not laughing.”

Astra rolled her eyes before resuming her baleful stare. “This is no laughing matter. She could have been seriously hurt or worse.” Her anxious feet began pacing. “Her behavior has proved to be erratic, unpredictable, and worse yet: desperate. She does not value her life and that stunt we witnessed was not the first time. Remember when she discontinued her research and threw herself into fieldwork? All the good that did leading her into the hands of Kryptonians. She was held hostage, Kara, and they gave her no sustenance.”

Purposeful strides scuffed the hardwood. She needed to keep moving, get the blood flowing back to where it belonged: the brain and not… well, not so much the heart or below the belt for that matter.

Oblivious to her wearing out the floor, Astra continued in a breathless flurry. “I cannot believe such ill-conceived thoughts would spring from that head. What is she thinking? I don’t know. I haven’t an inkling as to what she’s thinking or feeling because I am doing as you instructed. I’m giving her space and time. Those were _your_ words of advice. And what of your promise to mend the wounds between you and Alex? Sisters are supposed to discuss the hard issues. They confide in one other. So you tell me: Where is her head? What is she planning? Because I cannot begin to fathom.” Astra ground to a halt, face enflamed. “Why are you laughing?”

“ _Aunt Astra_.” When the laughter faded, Kara gave out a sigh. “Alex… she isn’t suicidal. She’s in love.”

Pursed lips slackened and Astra’s jaw ever so slightly dropped. Her ears flushed red. She lost all composure in the span of those three syllables… _She’s… in… love_ … And all Astra could say was, “With whom?”

Eyes nearly bulging out of her sockets, Kara choked in astonishment. She drew her hands to her hips and bent forward. “Are you insane? You’re seriously asking me that? You spent, like, an hour ranting about Alex being out of her mind and not being fed for a measly 72 hours, and you wonder who she’s in love with?!”

With a roll of her eyes, Astra stopped listening at the point when her sanity was questioned. Her cares were already halfway across National City outside the window of a top floor apartment.

Astra turned her back, muttering, “I can find quicker answers elsewhere.”

“No, wait!”

When she felt the tug on her arm Astra’s first instinct was to scowl, but as her toes touched back down she saw the reason for such urgency. The proper “Kara sendoff” as it were.

Kara smiled. “Good luck!” she exclaimed and threw her arms around Astra’s neck.

Astra raised her shoulders within the hug. As the contact drew on, she surveyed the apartment with a brooding eye and a nibbling into her cheek. The fidgeting lent towards her preference for an altogether different source of embrace.

She frowned at her niece’s words. “Your tone gives me the indication that I will need luck.”

“You kind of do,” came slipping from the corner of Kara’s mouth. She then sent Astra off with a slap to her shoulder – good and hard. “Rao's speed.”

* * *

Astra tapped on the glass but received no answer. In the cold night air the window pane was collecting her breath, making the light distort behind the moisture. Alex’s apartment was dark save for the blue flickering glow.

It was not past midnight and the television was clearly working, so where could she be? Kara had mentioned earlier that there were no pertinent assignments and J’onn had made both her and Alex go home after pulling an all-nighter the other day.

Did she not want to answer? Perhaps Astra had taken Kara’s advice too far and stayed away too long. She gave Alex her space because she could see the conflict in her eyes that day in the med lab. Astra had expressed how much Jeremiah loved her before taking her hands and asking for forgiveness. What a foolish thing to ask in the moment. She was the last person Alex was thinking of. It was too much. The last thing Astra wanted was to provoke another panic attack. Or worse, remind her of the loss of her father.

The space was equally necessary for her as it was for Alex. She didn’t know what she wanted from this second chance at life. Or was it a third chance? No matter how refreshing the sun felt on her skin or how precious life seemed, there would always be the possibility of a relapse. Humans, apparently, were not the only ones who failed to learn from their mistakes. Rehabilitation was a slippery slope and to get a foothold sometimes it took the will to ask for a hand.

Astra still had questions even after her initial problem was solved. Back to being an ordinary Kryptonian, she didn’t know where she fit in or what her skills could possibly be used for. For as much as Kara tried convincing her, Astra still wasn’t sold on the idea of working for the DEO. Her probation period had yet to close and she was taking it about as seriously as a melted ladle.

The light inside the apartment continued its flickering. Realizing she couldn’t tip toe around the issue anymore, Astra rapped on the glass with her knuckles. A nervous shiver ran through her as she waited with baited breath. Since hearing the news from Kara, her nerves were a tense bundle. She could hardly control the force of her knock. All the while hovering out in the cold, her mind raced with the question of whether she really was too late.

There was no answer. Fearful that her anxiety would crack the window, Astra spotted the latch and reached up to slide it free. It didn’t seem right to break in but technically there was nothing being broken (besides the law). Astra slipped in and shut the window behind her before the slipstream of cool air could startle Alex. When she thought about it, though, waking to a dark figure in the middle of the night was more cause for alarm.

The more she thought about it, it didn’t seem smart entering a DEO agent’s home without an invitation. Maybe Astra should have thought this through. Ironically, she couldn’t seem to _stop_ thinking now which kept her from paying attention to her footing.

The toe of her boot caught under the rug and she tripped forward with a sputtered curse. Astra grabbed for the nearest thing which happened to be a vase of undernourished gladioli.

A head shot up from the couch and with it a gun. Instincts told Astra to melt the offensive thing, but she raised her hands instead. Water from the spilled plastic vase of flowers dribbled down her wrist, dampening her shirt sleeve. 

Alex squinted in the glow of the television. When her drowsiness cleared, she registered her visitor. Her face crumpled and she fell back with a groan. “What are you doing here?” She tugged her blanket back over her face to show how thrilled she was.

“You didn’t answer and I was concerned.”

Alex surfaced to shoot a frown. Her aim met empty space.

Astra padded across the rug to turn the switch on the lamp.

The sudden brightness and nearness of Astra had Alex flinching back with a gasp. “What the hell? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I am sorry.” Astra tilted her head. “You’re breathing is more labored than usual. Did you not welcome me due to illness?”

“ _Some_ people don’t answer their freaking window because they don’t expect an alien to swing by. But I guess _I’m_ not like most people.” Alex’s head rose so she could glower. “I didn’t answer because I was sleeping, thank you very much.”

The snippy behavior told Astra to keep her distance and keep her distance she did.

With a sigh, Alex sat up and curled her legs underneath her. She shielded her eyes to give them time to adjust to the light. “How do you know where I live anyway?”

If Astra was 50,000 feet high and situated on the other side of the planet, she could find Alex within seconds. She was already tuned to the rhythm of her heartbeat.

A far too romantic answer, the truth stalled in her throat. “Kara gave me directions.”

“Right. She seems overjoyed by the living arrangement, although something tells me the feelings aren’t mutual.” At Astra’s frown, Alex explained. “Kara and I shared that apartment when she first started living in National City. There was only so many months I could take with that ball of energy bouncing of the walls. I’m surprised you didn’t come to me sooner.”

Their eyes held a moment longer than Astra realized because the clearing throat made her jump a little. Astra shook off the two weeks of isolation and no Alex and suddenly there Alex was, smoothing the wrinkles in her blanket and avoiding her lovesick gaze. The feeling was mutual. Apparently, her powers were not the only thing in Astra’s possession that hadn’t settled. At the end of the day, when she had to violate American law just to exchange a few words she was just as fragile as these humans.

When Alex looked back up her expression was one of formality. “How have you been dealing with the conditions of your pardon?”

Astra studied her closely and wondered over the deviation. Of course, deep down she knew why. It wasn’t like they had met yesterday. When faced with a vexing situation, Alex fell back on a sure thing. This was no different from when their kiss at the safe house was superseded by science. The question of upholding procedure wasn’t so different from the importance of analyzing blood samples – in Alex’s mind.

If Astra had to steal inside a home just to get answers, she would not accept indirect communication as a course of action. No more laying low and no dodging the issue.

She clasped her hands behind her back, asking, “Is that really what you wish to ask me?”

“No.”

Alex seemed to have relaxed from the shock of Astra’s entrance. The lines in her forehead were smoothed out and she was no longer shielding her eyes from the lamp light. A swell of hope filled Astra at the sight of falling shoulders. It seemed a necessary defeat. One taken with comfort.

“I haven’t seen you for two weeks," said Alex. "I thought you might come back. After all, I still owe you an answer.”

Astra shook her head. “It was wrong of me to impose. When I asked for your forgiveness I did not mean to take advantage of your grief. You had just learned of your father’s passing.” She dropped her gaze to the rug and scrutinized its whorls. “In my experience, it takes longer than a few weeks to sufficiently mourn loved ones. If you are not ready –“

“I forgive you.”

The eager voice tugged on her heart and raised her head. For as lovely as Alex looked, all brown eyes and star dust, Astra wouldn’t accept it. “For what?” she challenged. “There is a list as long as Orion’s Belt. My wrongs do not just extend to you, Alex. They encompass a great many innocent people and span a period long before you were born. You may know me as I am on Earth, but you do not know me as I was. If we had met on Krypton or anywhere else… I was a different person. You would shrink from me if you know how little faith I had in moral integrity.”

Not once had Alex broken eye contact. She breathed deeply and said, “I’m not forgiving you for crimes I haven’t been apprised of. The time you spent imprisoned at Cadmus made me think and… worry, but not about my life. Back at Fort Rozz, when I was in that cage, I thought you had come to kill me. After keeping secret my part in your death and betraying your trust when you needed it most, I was prepared to meet my punishment. But I realized afterward the strangest thing: not once had you expressed your wish to kill or harm me. You may have implied it by the strangulation, but it’s not like that’s ever been successful. All those times you tried choking the life out of me, you never followed through. Why? Because I think you wanted to die.”

Her sardonic streak didn’t end there. Alex gave a bark of laughter and drove on. “You think I’m reckless? At Fort Rozz you did everything in your power to provoke me. You threw that kryptonite sword at my feet and practically begged me to end it. In my experience, when people have something to live for, they don’t hand over their Achilles' heel.”

For a minute, Astra believed it. Considering how fragile her edges were to begin with, a minute was all it took for the truth to take hold and crumble her resolve. She could avoid the truth no longer. It had been creeping below the surface for weeks. Whenever she got close enough to touch it, fingers of doubt and rejection tightened around her.

The room oscillated and tilted like the inside of a flight simulator. She didn’t feel her knees hit the floor when she collapsed. Either Alex had Kryptonian reflexes or Astra really was too worthless to feel anything.

“Astra.” Alex was kneeling in front of her, holding her steady. “Why didn’t you say anything? I was waiting for you.”

“You are the last person…” Her voice cracked at the way Alex kept her at arms length. “You are the last person on this planet I ever wanted to hurt. I don’t want you to be responsible for fixing me. My existence is futile. I should not have been brought back. Those powers proved how unworthy I am and the last thing I deserve is forgiveness for using them against you.” Astra bowed her head as hot tears spilled over. She felt her cheeks dampen and she went red to the tips of her ears. The sheer embarrassment of admitting these things had her shedding dollops of evidence.

Alex caught the heavy tear with a swipe of her thumb. Her palm was already perspiring but that didn’t matter when she was catching tears. She lifted Astra’s chin and when their eyes finally met she offered sparkling sincerity. “I forgive you because you were right. When I was having that panic attack and you had your hand on my stomach, you told me I was safe with you. I wouldn’t have believed it when we met, but the idea grew on me every minute we spent together.”

At Astra’s sharp intake of breath, Alex dropped her eyes suddenly and bit the inside of her cheek. Steeling a bit of that admirable courage, she began righting Astra’s hair.

“I accept you now for who you are in this moment,” she asserted while gingerly tucking a strand of hair behind Astra’s ear. “This is not fragile. This is the strongest I’ve seen you. As a soldier myself I realize how unbecoming it seems to turn yourself inside out like this. But it shows trust, Astra. It shows we are learning and that never stops even when we earn that trust. We work on it everyday. I try so hard with Kara and sometimes all I want to do is hide in my apartment and fall asleep to some stupid movie.” She spared a glance to the sofa and gave a dry chuckle. The pillows and blanket were askew and still glowing in the light of the television. “As you can see, I’m still learning.”

“I’m not easy to trust.” The words were strangled when all Astra really wanted to say was that she wasn’t easy to love. “It’s rarely turned up in my life.”

“Well, I’m not your parents and I’m not Alura. As long as you don’t hold back speaking of the flaws and stupid mistakes – and we can have a serious debate about the things you still don’t regret – I will listen and I will learn.” Alex smiled wryly at the silver strand she saved for last. She smoothed it against the side of Astra’s face, cupping her cheek in the process and marveling at the seamless fit. “Forgiveness goes both ways, doesn’t it? We both hurt each other. We both lied out of fear and pride.”

“Alex?”

Alex grinned at the leaden eyes and continued her ministrations, however bold. “Yes?”

The feeling of fingertips ran along Astra’s scalp, her hairline, and smoothed the deep grooves in her forehead. The intimacy of the gesture melted her down to state of mind she never thought possible. Generals didn’t do romance. They were not reduced to putty through profound words and fingertips.

“It hasn’t been the same without you.” It was as close to forgiveness as Astra could grant without finishing the job herself – kryptonite to the chest once again.

“I know what you mean.”

Still on her knees and resting back on her heels, Astra didn’t dare open her eyes. She couldn’t when the intrepid rhythm she had committed to memory began to quicken. It preceded a shuffle across the rug, a looming heat, the brush of Alex’s knees on either side of her thighs… Astra didn’t know what to focus on until her thought process stopped dead to the warm, tear-clammy hands encasing her face.

“I’m so used to having you around," said Alex, "I don’t know what to do with myself. I spent months studying your cell structure and putting you through those awful tests. But that’s not all we shared, was it?”

A sudden dose of confidence sang through Astra’s veins. “No, it was not,” she replied, a lazy grin spread across her face.

“Astra…” The hesitancy in her voice spurred Astra’s eyes opened. Alex tilted her head. “It’s been two weeks. What made you come now?”

The manner in which she said “two weeks” implied a much longer, arduous passage of time that Astra could sympathize with. The hint of her surroundings combined with Kara’s recent news spurred Astra to rise. She cleared her throat, returning order to herself with a swipe down the front of her damp shirt and a cursory comb through her hair (cursory, for it was already tended to with care).

Alex followed her lead and stood facing her. They were much closer than necessary for two-way communication, even by human standards, but neither budged.

“I’ve learned a great many things from you,” Astra said. “One of them being humankind’s interference in matters they fully understand and yet don’t take to heart. The answer is before their very eyes and yet they persist blindly. So when we were inside that test chamber and you locked yourself inside with me…”

The expectant expression on Alex’s face coupled with the glow of her skin in the lamplight forced Astra’s eyes down. She cursed inwardly for the delay. Her behavior wasn’t befitting of a warrior, or a Kryptonian, or a member of the House of Ze. So what did that make her? It certainly proved one thing: how unworthy she was of Alex’s hand. She held the fingers with her gaze long enough to earn the title of coward.

Casting her doubts to the wind, Astra clenched her jaw and met Alex in stern accusation. “I do not know if you are very reckless or very brave.”

A flicker of uncertainty passed over Alex’s face for she didn’t seem to know how to take that. Astra suddenly felt very self-conscious. She didn’t know where to put her hands or how to hold herself. Her chest constricted and she felt bereft of power – super or otherwise. It was anxiety she had never felt before. Only a small prospect kept her from fleeing now.

Astra subsequently softened her features. She tilted her head and tempered Alex’s frown with her voice. “At this juncture in my life, I am unsure about a great many things. I don’t know if am the kind of person you can be proud of. I may not be worthy. However, your recklessness and your bravery are the two things that breathe purpose into my life.” On a whim, she took Alex’s hands and built up her posture. “I am Astra In-Ze. I am an ordinary Kryptonian offering to fight _for_ you and _with_ you until such time renders me unfit. I care for you, but if what Kara says is true and that you are in love with someone else then I will not interfere. I would dare not risk your happiness.”

“Wait.” Alex’s face was scrunching as she shook her head. “Kara told you I was in love with someone else?”

Astra dropped her hands and prepared to make her leave. “She said you were in love. I do not presume with whom.”

“ _Shit_. So she knows?”

The mutter stopped Astra short. She turned back, head tilting. “Knows what?”

Startled, Alex’s head rose, hand stalling in her hair. She swallowed and began to break out into a sweat any Kryptonian could detect in the faint light. Instead of answering, she drew forward until their lips met.

It was far from the kiss they shared at the safe house when they didn’t know any better. That event had been fueled by lust and misunderstanding. This time, they treasured a mutual understanding that warmed them down to their vulnerable depths. Every time they receded for air they returned once again to raze seeds of doubts. A blossoming sense of possibility filled their wounds with a patient press of lips.

For as chaste a kiss as this, Alex surprised her by parting with a tug on her bottom lip. Between the hands fisting Astra’s shirt and the tooth grooves made in her flesh, Alex’s possessive streak had Astra biting back a groan of approval. If this became a regular occurrence, she was certainly in for it.

“Did you get that?” Alex asked as much to herself as to Astra.

Astra couldn’t hold back the grin. Her cheeks ached already. “The kiss? Or that you are in love with me?”

Alex tsked with a roll of her eyes. Her smirk told a different story. Before Astra could prompt her again, Alex stepped impossibly closer. Lacking the words that seemed so unnecessary at the moment, she slipped into Astra’s space and wrapped around her body for a kind of acceptance Astra hadn’t known she’d been searching for.

She had traveled across star systems and visited many hostiles words to fight beside her allies and brethren in arms. She scoured the Earth for a place to call her own, not as a means to replace her home in demolished Argo City but to begin again. After so many years in rebellion and being in a constant state of motion, Astra felt still enough to sense her own beating heart.

The embrace was a foreign comfort. These arms belonged to someone who had braved her spiteful words and circumvented her plots. Alex managed to stop a force of nature, fold it in her arms, and bring Astra a peace once thought impossible. The compassion which Alex enveloped her in synchronized their heartbeats – a seemingly impossible feat for two people unalike in species.

Traditionally, Kryptonians were not moved by gestures of affection. According to Alex, though, this was not affection but love. Accepting the embrace and returning it wholeheartedly did not war with Astra’s conscience. She may not be using an ounce of her Kryptonian strength, but she gave up something much more precious. Hearts weren’t meant to be offered; they were too easily broken. At least, that had been Astra’s opinion. Now, with her arms around Alex and nuzzling into her sleep mussed hair, she would sooner accept these human intimacies than keep to the stiff practices of her forebears. As long as it meant holding on to Alex in every sense of the word.

Alex uttered a low hum that reverberated between them. They broke apart only for Astra to be taken by the hand and coaxed to the sofa.

“Sit with me?”

The sleepy voice warmed Astra inside and out. It came from an exposed place she knew all too well lately.

Silently, she sat beside Alex who curled up her feet, spread the blanket over their laps, and laid her head softly on the back of the couch.

A sheepish twinge affected Astra. “You’re staring.”

Alex didn’t respond for a while. She spent time examining the frown lines and flecks of hazel in her eyes. She stared all right but she did so as if she were seeing Astra for the first time.

When the words came, they were much too soft for human ears. “You broke my father’s promise.”

It didn’t sound like an accusation. Nonetheless, Astra felt the need to defend herself. She would never escape the fact that she broke a promise to a dying man, but the thought of lying did not sit well in her stomach. While Alex could have gone on believing her father still lived, she would never have stopped searching.

“The promise of your trust is more important to me,” Astra said. “You put your life in my hands. The least I could do was repay with honesty. I never wanted to hurt you with the news. He would not go, Alex. I begged him to come with me. I may have broken my oath to him, but there is one promise I am not willing to break. It was the only way I could have left without him.”

Alex’s eyebrows rose expectantly. “And what promise is that?”

Alex’s hand lay atop the blanket between them, waiting to be taken in a pledge. Astra took it and cradled her like she was brittle porcelain. “I am to protect his daughters. You and Kara are my life now – a promise made not simply in repayment to the kindness Jeremiah has shown me but a choice.”

“You are much more honorable than I gave you credit for.”

“Am I?”

Alex squeezed her hand. “There is more to you than brute strength and sharp words. You may not have made good on the agreement struck with my father, but you honor his memory by taking responsibility for it. I like how conviction looks on you. In case you haven’t noticed, duty-bound behavior is kind of a turn on for me.”

A sly brow arched. “Is that correct?”

Alex’s fond gaze lazed over Astra’s face and ended at the parting of lips. “We should talk more but all I want to do is make out with you.”

Judging by the target of Alex’s stare, Astra had an inkling but didn’t want to embarrass herself. “What is… to make out?”

A fierce heat colored Alex’s cheeks. “Um, remember that day you kissed me at the safe house?”

“Oh.” Astra’s recognition of the event seemed far too clinical, but when it finally dawned on her, a devious smile stretched across her face. “ _Oh_.”

Alex squirmed to the seductive drawl. “You’re turning into a smartass. Do you realize that?”

“No doubt one of the many charms you are falling for.”

Alex narrowed her eyes. “Keep it up.”

Astra could no longer hide the swell of affection she felt for this human and her exasperatingly beautiful heart. She leaned forward, drawing her hand through Alex’s hair and smirking at the gasp. Alex’s surprise only lasted long enough for that tender ache to slip downward and intensify.

Not wishing to be regarded as predictable this early, she ducked to press her lips against Alex’s neck. At once, hands griped her hips and pulled her closer. Astra slipped her leg between Alex and turned them so they lounged against the back of the couch. She continued to peck along the column of Alex’s neck, subtle at first before trading open mouthed kisses and murmurs in Kryptonese. Even if Alex couldn’t translate “marvelous” and “grateful,” she certainly caught on to the idea if her soft moans and rocking hips were anything to go by.

Between the desperate embrace and the squirming, Alex shirt rucked up and exposed her lower back. The shock of hands on flesh knocked the air out of their lungs but they didn’t pause. They held fast to one other and began a series of heart tripping, deep kisses.

They met again, inhaling their mingling scents and pressing once more. Their eyes screwed shut to lend their senses to the edge of their lips as if they couldn't believe they made it this far, not trusting in anything other than their pitching heartbeats.

Somewhere along the way, efforts slackened at the late hour and swollen lips parted. They sat entwined, blanket in knots, and catching their breath to the best of their ability. Alex soon fell asleep to the idle trail of Astra’s fingertips up and down her spine. Astra, though, spent what little remained of the night in committing every heartbeat to memory. She promised then and there to die before allowing it to arrest. 


	9. Just Like Heaven Pt. 2

_“Choices are like trees, Alex. Each bough represents one of an infinite number of paths and it is our job to own up to each and every one. Like when I met your mom… My inept reflexes burned a hole in her lab coat but at least it got her to notice me. And when we found out she was pregnant with you… We’d never been so thrilled and so terrified. It just goes to show you how our paths cross to grow new ones. Never let the fear deter you. It just makes the journey all the more worthwhile…”_

Alex woke to the sun spilling out through the blinds. She groaned into a stretch, back arching and toes curling. Unlike most days, the lateness of the morning didn’t bother her. Alex now took the weekends off and only came when hailed by an emergency, which happened to be every other week. She hoped this would be one of those Saturdays her phone didn’t light up with caller ID’s like _Vasquez_ , or worse, _Director Henshaw_. J’onn never called her directly unless Supergirl was in dire straits. Then Alex would come running.

But not today. Humming softly, Alex spent the first few minutes of her weekend lying in bed, enjoying the sun on her exposed leg and shoulder. She didn’t think about getting up until her stomach started to rumble. Rolling her eyes, she kicked off the linens and changed into a pair of knit sweatpants and a tank.

The second she opened her bedroom door her nostrils flared to the scent that had beckoned her from bed. Alex sauntered toward the smell of breakfast at 11 AM. This was the latest she’d ever slept in but she’ll be damned if it wasn’t worth the view. There was a tall, brunette tending to her stove and Alex never felt luckier.

“This is new,” Alex quipped, hip propped against the kitchen island, “you making me breakfast on a weekend. Don’t you have someplace to be?”

Astra looked over her shoulder with a raise of her brow. “There are no pending assignments that require my attention. I have already briefed Mr. Schott on Zeta-Beam technology.” She turned back to her simmering pan, fluffing the eggs and muttering along. “It boggles me that your species has yet to harness the fundamentals of teleportation.”

Alex snorted. “Is it really that boggling?”

Astra’s head tilted in consideration. “No, perhaps not. Humans are notorious dawdlers.”

“Mm, well good morning to you too.”

“Is this sarcasm?”

“You know it is,” Alex shot back with a folding of her arms. “I can tell by that smirk.”

Astra’s face melted to all due seriousness. “You know I do not think of you in that way. If anything, you are more Kryptonian than human.”

 The idea had Alex cocking her head back. She didn’t know whether or not to take it as a compliment. “Really?”

“Krypton would have taken to you quite well. With your intellect and determination I’m sure we could have done great things together.”

Her voice didn’t crack but her eyes softened at what might have been. Alex smiled sadly at the thought. The things they could have done together… Rebuilt planets and made scientific discoveries and won wars… But none of that matched what they had now. Alex went up to Astra, turned her around by the chin, and kissed her softly.

When she drew back, she couldn’t help but smile. The sight of Astra, suspended of breath and all bedroom-eyed, never got old.

But this was still very new and the domesticity threated a twinge of nausea. They hadn’t fully settled into these cookie-cutter moments and who knew when they would? The tendencies seemed to come naturally – cooking breakfast for each other, cozy nights spent reading on the sofa, putting clothes anywhere but inside the hamper because someone seemed to get off on Astra’s fuming rants on tidiness. When they were aware of how normal it was, their anxieties rose to the surface.

Alex cleared her throat and made space between them.

“I heard you wake nine minutes ago.” Astra nodded to her triumph cooking on the stove. “I’ve only just started.”

The sizzle of eggs and rich smell of butter was a torment to Alex’s appetite. As she wet her lips, a sudden thought sprang to memory. “You didn’t eat yet, did you? I need you to take a fasting glucose test.”

The mention of those three words pulled a sigh from Astra. She slid the pan off the burner, cranked off the stove, and met Alex with a cock of her head. “ _Must_ we continue this?”

Alex was already retrieving her kit. If she didn’t get this over with soon they’d have a ravenous DEO agent on their hands and with low blood sugar? Alex’s hands were not always steady without a complete breakfast à la Astra In-Ze.

Although Astra had survived the explosion, Alex wanted to take precautions. She continued to conduct tests and draw blood. Every once and a while Astra would tease her about this being like old times, to which Alex gave a firm, sciency reply. While the waiting period came and went without any side-effects, she wouldn’t take any chances with Astra’s health. This was nothing to joke about. She still hated seeing the flinch whenever the kryptonite needle went in.

She eyed Astra back. “I’m not taking any chances.”

Not missing a beat, Astra gave her a sardonic twist of her mouth and hopped onto the countertop. Rolling up the sleeve of _Alex’s_ favorite shirt, she showed her arm.

If obedience was the main course, Astra always found a way to slip in a side order of immoral self-indulgence. “What are you waiting for, Doctor?”

Alex shook her head, failing to stifle a smile, and stepped between spread thighs. A silence fell as they commenced routine. A bit of fussing with the rubber tourniquet and prepping the site with rubbing alcohol later, Alex found a vein to enter. She felt the eyes on her but detected no flinch.

“Astra… did that hurt at all?”

“Did what hurt?”

“When I put the needle in. You don’t react like you usually do. Do you feel pain?”

“Yes,” Astra murmured, head tilted so her curls tumbled over a shoulder, “but not so much when you are a sight for sore eyes.”

If Alex thought she had a smartass on her hands before, she now had an alien with a god-complex. Astra proved positively fearless under the kryptonite needle.

“You’re playing with fire,” Alex teased with a straight face.

Astra responded by coiling her legs around Alex’s waist. Her eyes darkened a shade of deviant and seemed to respond all on their own with a quip of _But isn’t fire fun?_

The heels dug into the backs of Alex’s thighs, coaxing her close enough to feel the hot breath tickling her cheek. Astra replaced the puff with a sweet kiss.

Alex tugged on her bottom lip and almost tasted blood. “I’m not finished yet. I need to take one more sample.”

A hum rumbled from within Astra’s chest. Her mouth worked along Alex’s jaw, lips pecking between words. “Take… all… you… need.”

A shiver ran up Alex’s spine, but she focused on popping the first sample out and replacing it with a fresh one. Mind fixed on the habitual process, she remained oblivious to how her body arched to the sensation of feather light kisses. “I thought you didn’t like doing this anymore,” she rasped.

“Anything for science.“ Astra would be damned if she passed up an opportunity to whisper flattery to the ear.

A dash of tongue to Alex’s earlobe caused her to gasp sharply. God, she was already wet. It only got worse (or better) when she felt a sudden breeze cool the skin where Astra’s tongue left. The chill knocked a breathy giggle out of her.

“ _Astra_ …”

It was not the punishing tone she planned on and Astra knew it. Miniscule crystals melted on her skin, causing a hair-raising tingle. The whimper just brought them closer. All of a sudden, there were hands on the sides of her neck and tilting her up. A sigh exploded from Alex and she mumbled something along the lines of “Fuck it.”

The half-filled phial skittering across the counter and got lodged in the groove between soapstone and stainless steel. Knowing the intensity of these encounters, it would have benefited Alex to take a breath before closing in. Astra always left her breathless and kind of spaced-out. At the moment, Alex didn’t pay any mind to logic. She wasn’t really thinking with that part of her body.

“Hang on.”

Alex broke away to snag the two blood samples and scurried into the living room. Her corner ‘mini lab’ as she called it was complete with a high-powered microscope and mobile-size centrifuge (yes, mobile-size). The cash she shelled out for this alien. Alex flipped up the lid on her laptop and opened her notes for later. Using a pipette, she drew a few milliliters of blood, deposited it into a new collection tube, and fed it into her centrifuge.

By the time Alex returned, Astra was on her feet and peering through slits.

“Sometimes I wonder.”

Alex frowned. “What?”

“I wonder in the event that this apartment complex catches fire, just who you would prioritize: me or that new contraption of yours.”

“First of all, it’s a Beckman Coulter. Secondly, the Beckman Coulter mobile fixed speed centrifuge isn’t impervious to temperatures above 347 degrees Fahrenheit and it sure as hell can’t fly.”

Astra grunted. “Not if I can help it off the ground.”

“Hey, that thing costs more than you make in a month, rookie.”

Astra’s mouth scrunched to the side. There were many things she despised about working for the DEO, but starting at the level of a trainee took the biscuit.

The cynical nerve didn’t deter her, though. Wordlessly, she turned them around and hoisted Alex up onto the counter. She smirked, daring to run her hands up Alex’s thighs.

With their roles reversed, Alex buckled her legs around Astra. They had seven minutes until her loveable contraption completed its analysis. Alex would be damned if she whiled away those precious moments. Tender, warm hands crept under her shirt to splay against her back. Seven minutes in heaven. Oh, she sighed. The irony. She clawed through Astra’s hair and beckoned her into a steamy, back arching kiss.

It wasn’t long before a sigh erupted. Alex leaned to the side to check on her lab station.

“You’re straying from the true work,” Astra said. She smirked at the rosy prints blossoming where her lips had been and coaxed Alex’s hands to the hem of her shirt. “Don’t you want to make sure everything is in working order?”

Alex chuckled into mouth. “Didn’t we play that game last night?”

“Mm, that was last night. This is now, and I need you.”

Alex relented with a tender kiss.

In the beginning, their on-the-sly rendezvous didn’t fool anyone. After so many days of cutting work early, people started to talk. J’onn pretended to not read her thoughts out of embarrassment, Vasquez wanted the details, and Winn begged to be left out of it. When Alex had convinced the necessary parties that this was not an undercover operation or a case of double agent falling for target, she felt like a weight had been lifted. Kara was easy because she was the last person that needed convincing. Oddly enough, she didn’t have much of a reaction when Alex fessed up one night over Chinese and _a lot_ of wine. She just smiled and diverted her glistening eyes back to the television.

Even after three months her and Astra’s relationship could be described as scary, new, and thrilling. Astra had recently been released from the conditions of her pardon due to her custodians’ glowing reports. She was now a free alien amongst the people of Earth. Which brought them to the question of living arrangements and public appearances.

Astra needed to look more inconspicuous when out in public, so she frequented the leather outlet. Because where else would a redeemed ex-criminal alien shop? Although Alex understood the sentimentality of cat suit black pants, she would not let her leave the store with ten pairs. Their figures were similar, making Astra’s selection of tops and jackets convenient yet frowned upon. They hadn’t really discussed how her accumulation of clothes started showing up in Alex’s laundry or how seamlessly her routine blended with Alex’s. They didn’t do a whole lot of talking as evidenced by their current position.

Alex drew back from the suckling on her neck to take Astra’s face in her hands. Their heavy-lidded gazes met and held with a patience normally developed far beyond their present state of affairs. They may not discuss it to death, but they sure liked looking at it.

Alex smiled at the awry silver strand, tucked it back into place, and kissed her slowly. The soft moan vibrated against her lips, causing them to widen and part for a giggle. She pecked Astra again, loving how impressionable this Kryptonian former general was under her. She loved the hums around arduously crafted tacos and the blushing requests to stay in bed another hour under the pooling sunlight.

Loving and being happy were two things Alex didn’t think were possible for her. She may be capable of both, and sought after them in secret when no one was looking, but deep down it wasn’t in the cards for her. 

And yet here she was, curling her legs around the waist of a woman she killed, kissing a mouth that had asked for death, and marveling at the heart thrashing under her hand. Alex could not name a time or place when she felt happier. Her relationship with Astra had been fast-paced, but she had no regrets. Somehow, this all felt right. It felt like a version of normal she had only dreamed of, a normal that suited them.

She was learning so much about this woman. It was as if the clouds had parted to reveal her sun-drenched, ethereal beauty. Astra’s openness, though tentative, gave Alex the chance to ask her the more personal questions. Even before falling head over heels, she had certain curiosities about Astra’s history as well as her relationship with Alura. Alex had only heard about Krypton from Kara and that was like looking through rose-colored glasses. She wanted to understand Krypton from an adult’s perspective. She wanted the good as well as the bad. If anything touched Astra’s life and molded her to the person before Alex today, she wanted to hear about it.

An alert sounded from the computer, signaling the analysis’ completion. Without preamble, Alex shoved Astra back and skipped off to the computer. Alex ignored the huff in the kitchen and clatter of a skillet scrapping back on the coils. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, tuning out the racket of Astra’s disapproval. Sooner or later, she would have to accept that Alex would always put her health before their sex drive.

Alex hovered over the white glow of the screen and read the results of the recent blood sample. After three months of conducting these tests, the results were always the same. Not one anomaly or hint of abnormality. No surprises. No reason to fear.

“Oh my god.”

The results on the screen were far outside the range she expected. Nothing about those numbers were routine. Alex froze in alarm, hands splayed on either side of her laptop. If her eyes weren’t glued to the bar charts, she would have noticed how the desk collected perspiration from her palms.

“Alex?”

Footsteps sounded from behind. They were like base drums in Alex’s head, thumping in slow motion over her racing heart. How could this be happening?

Sucking in a choked breath, she turned to Astra with tears in her eyes.

* * *

Surrounding the lit situation table, Alex and the others lent their attention to J’onn. His expression was as grave as they all felt. Recent events had infused a huge amount of tension not just through the DEO but across the globe.

J’onn cleared his throat. Even if he was failing to conceal how shaken up the news made him he still had a job to do.

“The floods hitting the eastern seaboard are just the start,” he said. “East of National City, there’s been reports of violent earthquakes. Our friends the Mantis look to be responsible. They’ve been known to operate in that sector.” He shifted on his feet, hand going to his hip. “While the area is without a doubt their hunting ground, that certainty alone doesn’t explain the reports. We need to figure out if these recent earthquakes are a product of alien intervention or simply Mother Nature at work.”

Winn held his finger up to contribute. “If the earthquakes are not an environmental effect, how do you explain all the other phenomena? I mean, first the birds in Australia fell out of the sky. Then there was the tsunami that wiped Madagascar off the face of the map. We can’t get any closer to Armageddon here, folks.”

“Hang on.” Kara’s face was already paling. “If that’s true, are we going to be facing a ‘restart the Earth’s core’ type of situation? Because that would take a lot of torque, even for Superman and I combined.”

Winn shrugged. “I haven’t exactly ironed out the theory. As far as I know, no Kryptonian has tried drilling through miles of magma to get to the center of the Earth.”

“Back up.” Valdez fashioned a disturbed look and said, “Let’s just say for argument’s sake that an alien is responsible for these events. Where is the motive? Do they have a death wish or do they just hate the human race that much?”

“Motive is irrelevant,” Alex replied, mouth thinning into a grim line. “We’ve come across dozens of species and not all of them care to live long enough to see their plans through. If we are dealing with an alien hostile in this situation, they won’t respond to diplomacy – even if it carries a gun.”

“I think we’re missing the point.” Winn held out his palms to call attention. “Let’s just talk about the physics here if you don’t mind. What we’ve witnessed this past month with the birds and the earthquakes can be explained through the relationship between the planet’s core and its magnetic field.

“The Earth’s magnetic field is powered by the core and if that core is disrupted, the field weakens and lets in all kinds of harmful radiation. But even before that can happen, other events lead up to it: power grids fail, cable and satellite reception goes haywire, we’ll see whales beached on every shore because guess what they use to navigate the ocean? They sense minor fluctuations in Earth’s magnetic field using none other than sonar. How could this be happening you ask? I’ll tell you: it would require an extreme influx of nuclear energy to reach our magnetic poles and destabilize Earth’s magnetic field.”

“Someone seen _The Core_ one too many times?” sang Vasquez.

Winn ignored her to aim a grave look at each and every one of them. “If someone were capable of that kind of power, that could explain the freakish natural disasters. It’s a scientifically plausible explanation.”

An uncomfortable silence fell. It proved difficult to keep their eyes from drawing to the only alien in the room who had once been capable of such power.

The likelihood of Armageddon threatened Alex with a dizzy spell. Everything had been moving so fast lately between Astra moving in and these global disasters. She didn’t want to consider doomsday because first off, that’s crazy talk, and secondly, even if it was possible she’d be forced to consider how little time she had left with her family on Earth.

Banishing the thought from her mind, Alex chastised Winn with a cock of her head. “We’re not there yet, Winn. Let’s get the facts and then we’ll call FEMA.”

“I think we’ve strayed from the issue.” J’onn raised his hands, calling them to order. “Our main concern is with the Mantis. Now, we know they hunt in packs…”

As J’onn continued to brief them on the assignment, a grunt spurred Alex’s head to turn. Beside her, Astra was kneading her lower back and grimacing.

“Hey,” she murmured, touching her arm. The muscles beneath the long sleeve tensed. “You okay?”

Astra gave a tight-lipped smile and nodded.

This wasn’t the first occurrence. Astra had been experiencing symptoms for five months now without reprieve. There wasn’t a cocktail in all the world of science Alex could mix to ease the pain. Nothing in her textbooks prepared her for this. It wasn’t so bad in the beginning, but the twinges were growing sharper. When they were at home, Alex would roll Astra off the couch and take her outside for a walk. A few trips around the block proved successful in stretching the muscles and keeping the worst at bay. No easy feat. It was like trying to get a napping cat off of her. Upon resorting to begging, Alex would use her full name (house and all) and Astra just looked up at her with those sleepy eyes and purr until the twinges came back and outside they went.

She never concealed her discomfort at home, but at work it was a different matter. Astra could faint in the middle of a briefing and later dismiss it like it never happened. Thank god they hadn’t gotten to that point.

While Astra could fool Kara and the others, Alex had a sixth sense now and, apparently, so had J’onn. It didn’t surprise her, considering his history.

His eyes lingered on Astra for a few questioning seconds before resuming his report.

“Alex, you’ll be leading Alpha Team to the south quarter while Supergirl and I will take the north. Mr. Schott? Is that thermal scanner ready for the field?”

“I’ve got my workstation ready to accept the feed once you arrive on site. I can analyze the data and send it back to you guys. Just a point and click kind of deal.” Grinning, he dusted his hands and threw gunfingers in J’onn’s direction.

J’onn deadpanned. “Right. Vasquez, have you set my team up with a seismograph? We’re going to need to take readings before the hostiles are alerted of our presence. Their attack could skew the results.”

“Yes, sir. I’ve fixed them up with the right equipment. They’re prepped and ready to go.”

“Excellent.” J’onn looked down at his watch. “Alright. Let’s move out, people.”

“Just a moment. What about me?” Astra’s frown shifted between the gawks, all delivered simultaneously in her direction.

“You’ve supplied us plenty of information to go on,” J’onn said. “You’re free to return home.”

Astra set her jaw and folded her arms. “I was under the impression that my attendance at this summit granted me supervision of operations.” Her protective nature had her looking from Alex to her niece. “I have a right.”

“We can handle things from here,” J’onn assured. “Even the best of agents do not escape the stresses of a mission, including those of us who are stationed behind a desk. It’s best that in your condition –“

“My _condition_? Have you no –“ A hand settled on her back. Astra unfolded her arms and scowled at Alex. “This is absurd. I am not asking for field privileges. I simply wish to watch the mission unfold from the safety of this compound.“

“Director Henshaw is right,” Alex asserted with an air of professionalism. It got an unlikely response and the crumpling expression stabbed at her heart. She loathed to bring her personal life into work, but those mopey eyes needed her. Smoothing out her voice, she explained, “You’ve done more than enough to ensure the success of this mission. Vasquez and Winn will be manning the comms and Supergirl’s got my back. And… I don’t want you listening in. I can’t be worrying about you when I’m in the middle of an operation. Please go home and rest.”

“These are _not_ the terms I agreed to.” Astra whirled on J’onn and shot him a glare. “When I enlisted as a DEO agent, I requested license to oversee the assignments of my choosing. After all the intelligence I have shared to encourage your department in matters of technology, we are still shooting down hostiles – some of whom are simple migrants who would benefit from our guidance rather than our bullets. I have cooperated with your human agents and respected the recruitment process. I think I’ve earned a say.” Frustration got the best of her and she clubbed her fist to the table, cracking it beyond repair. “Do not give me that look,” she hissed, cheeks enflamed more than usual and hackles raised. “I am in _full_ possession of my faculties!”

Alex actually had the nerve to roll her eyes at that.

“While you have employed restraint and have collaborated to a point that obliges your assistance on special assignments …” J’onn considered it for a moment before his mouth turned up slightly. “That was before.”

A throat cleared, drawing everyone’s attention to Winn. “I hate to break up this family pow-wow, but time is of the essence and the flesh-eating-hostiles won’t wait forever to be bagged and tagged.”

Alex nodded before tilting her head at Astra. “Don’t wait up for me.”

“You know better than to think I won’t.”

“ _Astra_.”

Vasquez and Winn exchanged brow raising expressions while Supergirl scratched the back of her neck. J’onn pressed for a confirmation with a narrowing of his eyes.

“I see. Well, I know when I’m outnumbered. Good luck to you all on your mission.” Astra lingered on Kara who returned her nod. Before turning to Alex, she reminded herself of their setting and upheld strict proximity when delivering her message. “No overt acts of bravery this time,” she muttered lowly. “We do not need two invalids at home.”

* * *

Alex woke up the next morning to the vigilant eyes of her bedmate.

“I didn’t hear you come in last night,” Astra said, much too awake for Alex’s liking. “I must have fallen asleep.”

Alex flushed. “I didn’t get in until three.”

“ _Alex_ ,” admonished Astra. She reached over to the alarm clock and yanked the cord out of its socket.

“What are you doing?”

“You are getting your sleep.”

“What about my cell phone?”

“I’d rather not incur the wrath of a DEO agent whose phone was crushed by her hormonal lover.”

“Did you just call yourself hormonal?” Jaw dropping, Alex had to sit up for this. “After you explicitly told _me_ not to?”

“I’m going back to bed now.” Astra rolled to the other side of the bed and threw a dramatic arm across her eyes. “And I expect you to join me.”

Alex snorted to herself and crawled over to Astra. She hugged around her waist and threw a leg over her. Ear pressed atop a beating heart, Alex sighed in contentment. “We certainly don’t do things in the correct order, do we?”

Astra purred under the strolling patterns. “Is there a correct order?”

Alex watched how her hand cradled the swell of Astra’s belly. “I guess some things are just out of our control. Good things.”

“You are the one who got me pregnant. Remember that when we are knee deep in tantrums.” Astra nuzzled into the crook of Alex’s neck and laid a gentle kiss to her pulse. She could hear it quicken even before she grazed the spot. “Despite the timing, this feels right.”

“Yeah,” Alex whispered into sleep matted curls and closed her eyes, “it does.”

“Are you saying that just to agree with me?”

Alex felt the smile press to her neck in a kiss. She shook her head. “I feel as if I’ve met you before. In another life. Doesn’t that sound strange?”

“I’ve experienced many strange things in my travels. I’ve visited many exotic worlds and touched inconceivable technologies. I’ve met dozens of species and spoken languages your tongue could not form. I don’t think it sounds strange. I think it is a comforting thought.”

“Sometimes it seems like you are the only thing I have ever been sure about.”

The pledge had Astra sinking further into her embrace. It took time for them to settle into this routine of sincerity and seamless cuddling. The steep learning curve which they navigated had been put on the fast track due to Astra’s hormones. It was suspicious how swiftly the pregnancy had turned her into a burrowing feline and a monster of affection – almost as if she’d been waiting for this to happen just so her closeted snuggler could have justification. No longer did Alex wonder at the closeness or tense when her fingers met the long scar.

Alex bit her lip and tread cautiously. “You want to talk about what happened yesterday?”

A thick tension slipped between them and sprouted silence.

“I’m sorry if I my behavior worries you," Astra said, "but you must realize how difficult it is for me to stand by. I never cared much for the DEO’s intentions. They were as puny as the race which they falsely pledged to guard. But things have changed. I’ve involved myself in their assignments and the safety of their agents.” She slipped her hand into Alex’s and squeezed with a lax sum total of Kryptonian strength. “Their lives are in my hands.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?”

“Like you and Kara, I have a part to play in the direction of the agency’s future. I no longer wish to seek its demise. Fists and grenades do not win wars. Technology, when used in the right hands, is a more adequate solution. Why do you think I asked to be placed in research and development? Technology communicates in a way weapons and words cannot. Science is the universal language of the galaxy.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Astra In-Ze?”

Astra smirked, hand going absently to her stomach. “Our little surprise has given me perspective. I cannot fight my way out of every problem without risking the people closest to me. Consequences tend to have a ripple effect and I will not allow my family to pay the price.”

“For a moment there I thought J’onn was going to enforce a leave of absence on you.”

“He would not dare.”

“Astra, the only reason why he’s allowed you on facility premises is because you are an asset. The minute you let your hormones go off on people, or god forbid you go into labor, you lose all credibility. What is it going to take to keep you away? Because I swear to god, my child is not going to be born on DEO premises just because you can’t let go of your pride.”

Astra’s hum sounded vaguely like appeasement. She smiled into Alex’s crown. “Well, if you called in sick more then I would have ample reason not to leave this bed.”

“It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever call in sick.”

“Would you reconsider if my water were to break right now?”

Alex shot up and gawked openly. “You’re going into labor?!” she squeaked.

“No. I was speaking hypothetically.”

Appalled by the ruse, Alex plucked up her pillow and smacked Astra’s legs. “You moron! You’re barely into your third trimester. You scared the shit out of me!”

“I’m bearing your child and you call me a moron?” The next blow of feathers just instigated more chuckling. The combination of agitation and ‘deer in headlights’ on Alex was just too much. Astra rolled on her side, holding her belly through the laughter.

Cheeks flushed, Alex clawed through her hair with nervous hands. Her chest rose and fell erratically. It wasn’t just the exertion from pillow throwing. The shock that came from Astra’s incredibly moronic stunt reminded her of a certainty that would be arriving in three months. The reality came like a beautiful yet bone rattling tremor.

In three months Alex would have a living, breathing person to take responsibility for, a baby to feed, clothe, and pay its tuition. And not just any baby – a half Kryptonian and blood kin to the most frustratingly stubborn individual Alex had ever known. Good grief. But she also knew that if this was Astra’s child, they would be strong and loyal. This child would posses all her beauty in a smile, a bark of laughter, and that heart-skipping wink.

She loved Astra so much that she somehow had the capacity to provide her the most precious gift imaginable. Defying the laws which Alex had studied all her adult life, she and Astra helped to create this little life that had their cousin’s enthusiastic kick and whom gave their mother _such_ heartburn.

The reality struck Alex like a lightening bolt. Was she even ready to be a mother? She already loved this baby more than her own life. How could that be enough to ensure their wellbeing in this decaying world?

Alex sank back to bed and curled around Astra. Her lungs wheezed to the shaky exhale as she tucked into the soft neck. She ducked to kiss Astra’s clavicle. The resultant shiver eased her mind even if it didn’t come from a place of fear. She needed to know these doubts were shared and not just shadows in her head.

“I know you’re terrified.”

The mumble triggered Alex to draw back and read the eyes. They flickered with the kind of apprehension she was feeling.

“With the suddenness of this pregnancy and the perils threatening Earth lately…” Astra shambled closer until their bodies were pressed together, her baby bump knocking awkwardly against Alex. She supplied a reassuring smile and pushed Alex’s hair out of her eyes. “I think about it too, though I cannot imagine that anyone going through this does not escape an ocean of reservations. Every parent questions their readiness. That’s natural.” She leaned in and laid her lips to Alex’s head in promise. “I know you’ll be a wonderful mother.”

“I haven’t child-proofed the living room yet,” Alex moaned into her pillow. “I’m already a terrible mother.”

Astra chuckled. “Women give birth to babies, not full-grown toddlers. We have time to child-proof the apartment.”

Only listening with half an ear, Alex flipped onto her back. The questions mounted and swelled within her skull to the point where she had to hold her bunched forehead. “If this baby is anything like us, we’re going to have one overconfident kid on our hands. All that boundless energy and curiosity is gonna drive me up a wall.”

Astra vented a sigh. “If that’s another one of your human expressions, I’m choosing to ignore it.”

Alex reached over to finger through Astra’s hair, wondering if their child would have the same natural waves. They were months away and Alex could almost imagine waking his frizzy, undefined curls from a nap or taking a comb to her unruly mane after an unsanctioned flight with Mom.

A loving warmth emanated from the body molded to hers. Alex used the fingers of her other hand to trail over the exposed flesh of Astra’s shoulder and down the cotton of her shirt. Being Kryptonian, Astra retained a natural heat which kept her from harmful temperatures as well as the nuisance of a night chill. The long gray maternity shirt reached her knees and was but a formality in covering her ever-changing figure.

Alex journeyed down Astra’s side, fingers trailing over ribs and careful to avoid her tender breasts to reach the hem of the nighty and pulled it up slightly. The material rippled under her probing until her hand came to rest on a thigh. She could feel the heat emanating above but stayed.

The lazy attempt pulled a chuckle from Astra. It was deep and melodic. She didn’t move a muscle under the hand which was curling its fingers possessively around her thigh. Her eyes remained closed, lips quirking as if to challenge Alex’s mettle.

Mouth dry and heart skipping, Alex stared at the idle arousal on Astra’s face. She was transfixed. "Just when I thought you could not get any more beautiful... You look incredible. If you weren’t having these awful cramps, I'd have my way with you here and now."

Cheeks aflame, Astra turned her head into the pillow. "I am much to self-conscious of this body. You give me far too much credit."

Alex slipped higher and around a hip to rub the tension out of her lower back. "How are you feeling? My mom says you’ll be experiencing more cramping the closer you get to your due date. Has the pain been tolerable?"

"It's been... what is the expression? Touch and go?" Astra closed her eyes and melted under Alex's ministrations. "Mm, I can't wait for this baby to come. No more sleeping on my back. I want to hold you like I used to."

The whine made Alex smile and bend down to kiss the furrowed eyebrow. The ease of the gesture didn’t shock her anymore. Six months beside a catnapping, peanut butter monopolizing alien could do that. "We'll get there soon enough… but be careful what you wish for. Judging by this one's kicking, we won't be getting much sleep when he comes."

"He?"

"… Yeah. It just… slipped out."

A mixture of apprehension and joy flickered across Astra’s face. She palmed the side of Alex’s face and caressed with a thumb. At once, the tension slipped from her expression. Astra's smile had never shined brighter. "Do you want a boy?"

“I’m not really sure. I don’t think it matters to me. Either way we have to face up to the fact that this child is going to grow up with one very complicated family.”

"He will have quite the reputation to live up to, being the child to a daughter of Krypton and another of Earth."

"What if it's a girl?"

"The women in our family are strong. I wouldn't worry."

Alex returned a similar beaming smile. She didn’t doubt it for a second.


	10. Mother's Nature

Astra and her son were recuperating in the intensive care unit following an arduous labor and delivery. The private room had been reserved on J’onn’s orders and was not to be disturbed unless in an emergency. If Astra wasn’t mistaken, he was warming up to her and justifiably so. The baby in her arms certainly helped smooth out her usual persona. For a few glorious hours she was known around the DEO as a mother and not a terrorist or the hell spawn scourge of Earth. But who knew when the status quo would change. These humans were fickle and quick to hold a grudge.

For now, Astra resigned herself to recovery and bonding with her newborn; the latter of which she took with a note of apprehension. When Eliza stopped by earlier to check in on them she requested a moment alone with her to communicate the importance of mother/child bonding. The first days together created a close emotional tie. Mothers and newborns were uniquely programmed in a way that made them impressionable and sensitive to one another. Through this bond, the child recognized his or her mother as their protector. And this wasn’t reserved just to humans and Kryptonians. Parents of many species developed a similar bond with their children after birth.

Astra turned her nose up at the advice. She didn’t see a reason for it due to her already hypersensitive abilities. She already knew her baby’s heartbeat and could anticipate his irritability and his need to be fed and held. Eliza simply laughed and told her that all those things were not necessarily a symptom of her Kryptonian powers. Astra was already bonding with her son and she didn’t know it.

Four days later Astra still had reservations but she would not share them, at least not at this time. Her body was still weak from the stress of labor, making assurances tough to grant.

She’d lost a lot of blood, more than the doctors had expected. If Kara hadn’t been there, her son would have been left with one mother and not two. Since then Alex had been a hair pulling, hand holding wreck. It took a formal directive from J’onn just to get her up and marching to the cafeteria.

Even on a good day when Astra could sit up and not look so lethargic from blood loss, Alex would interrogate her into a black hole (Are you feeling dizzy? Do you want some water? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your stress level? Never mind, I’ll just take your blood pressure.) Much to Alex’s dismay, she was not allowed to conduct tests or utilize the equipment. J’onn may have consented to her sleeping in the room with Astra, but his compassion didn’t extend to the biases of a new mother. Alex had no authority within the ICU and the nurses were pretty snooty about reminding her too.

Alex had taken it hard. Having to watch Astra all pale and exhausted while not being able to use her expertise knocked her ego down a few pegs. Even when her eyes welled to excess she didn’t cry once. She held back with a resolve not seen in the best lieutenants Astra had led into battle. Seeing Alex so helpless hurt Astra more than words could say. She could sympathize, though, being confined to the ICU and too anemic to leave the bed.

Astra was not so helpless, however, that she did not have the strength to hold her son (though with a mindful effort). Before Alex, there was no need to bridle her might. Now she had something far more fragile than a human life in her arms. The second her son was placed there she tensed at his every movement. As time went on she was beginning to recognize the value of a measured embrace. She may want to hold tight and shield him from every affliction, but he would never toughen that way. It was much like muscle atrophy during space travel; if one's body no longer suffered the efforts, they become frail and would succumb to the pressures of a planet's gravity.

She looked down at the healthy baby boy in her arms and smiled. His heavy lids pried open to indicate his waking. He yawned, mouth searching despite having already fed.

“You should be sleeping,” she admonished lowly.

He responded by wriggling in her arms. His dainty features scrunched as if perturbed with his failure to meet the rest of the world. That seemed to be his primary goal lately. Swaddled up in his blanket, he would have to be much more determined to break free or persuasive enough to sway his mother. He may have a strong will and an adorable face yet inside the blanket he remained.

Amused by his efforts, Astra snuck in as he showed his neck to her. She tickled under his chin and got a reflexive “ _grrrr_.” Her ministrations never failed to bring a gurgle from him. Perhaps that was a result of their bonding. As the days passed, his face was growing more expressive, which meant Astra’s heart would all the more easily melt and give in to his every whim.

He resumed his squirming, head tossing efforts. With a chuckle, she adjusted her arm under the constantly shifting bundle. He paused, eyes blinking up at her in quiet wonder before flexing his leg within the confines of his blanket.

Astra was smiling at his antics when the door to the ICU opened. Alex had just returned from her trip to the cafeteria. The color had definitely returned to her face and her eyes didn’t look so frazzled. Vasquez must have taken Astra’s threat seriously and convinced Alex to eat something.

Alex set the refilled pitcher of water at the table before assessing the cozy pair. “Has he nursed okay? I can go get the doctor.” She threw her thumb over her shoulder but was stopped immediately.

“That’s not necessary. As of this moment I am looking at a doctor and she is strikingly beautiful as she is gifted in all things biology.”

“Yeah, well my lack of a medical degree doesn’t meet the standards needed to earn the title of doctor. I may have superior knowledge in Kryptonian physiology, but according to them I’m just the mother of your child.”

“That’s more than enough for me,” Astra cooed, grin in place and scrunched her nose at the bundle in her arms. “In any case, he fed splendidly. I think all his squalling earlier tired him out enough to cooperate. Which reminds me… when shall we consider new living arrangements? Your one bedroom apartment will not suffice this little one when he approaches the walking stage.”

Alex fell into her chair beside Astra’s bed. It was of an adequate height and proximity that allowed her to reach out and assure them that she was there.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” she responded with a sigh and adjusted the blanket so it tucked beneath Astra’s lap.

Having a child together seemed to bring the importance of atmosphere to light. She and Alex had discussed what kind of home they wanted to bring up their son in. They seemed to agree on their need to break from the traditions their own parents ascribed to. For Astra’s part, the last thing she wanted for him was a childhood similar to hers on Krypton.

If she ever developed the mettle to become the parent he deserved, she would need the support of her partner and to earn that support she must trust her deepest insecurities to Alex. For all the childhood stories Alex recounted, Astra saw fit to return the favor by revealing snippets of her life on Krypton. In time, Astra was comfortable enough to flesh out the imbalance of affection between her parents and their twin girls. She even went as close to the events leading up to her arrest and admitted how heartbroken she had been at Alura’s betrayal.

The walk down memory lane seemed to bring certain events to new light. One of which occurred nearly a year ago. During her escape from the DEO, Astra had been torn over whether or not to bring an unconscious Kara with them. She could have left her there but that would have been a betrayal. To take her with them would have put Kara in danger but at least they were together.

When Astra chose to bear Kara through her escape from the DEO, she made her decision for family and for a persistent, strangely possessive human. She did it for love and for family – two concepts that betrayed her in the past. She did it because she recognized the look in Alex’s eyes that spoke of a love for a sister that spanned time and space no matter the distance.

Long ago Astra took care of all the heartstrings, memorizing the cause and effect of each tug. She tended to that love, nurtured it for a time, and shared it so generously that it rocked the foundations of her training and subsequent enlistment. Generals did not give sisters the benefit of the doubt. They did not cry and grovel for reason. Betting against the odds with something as fragile as her heart… it shattered the rules as it had her faith.

Love… She banished the word the day Alura condemned her. It felt a lot like abandonment. She had been estranged from family for years without it. It would have been understandable, under the circumstances, that she would overlook it.

On the brink of escaping the DEO, she was in its presence again in glittering, pleading eyes. Alex had put the fight back in her. She was reminding Astra how powerful love could be when used in a noble way. With those tears Alex was putting love back in her heart. It only took a near death experience for Astra to recognize and accept it.

“What would you have named him?” Alex asked, stroking the baby's dark, downy hair. Soon it would start to curl at the ends. “If he was born on Krypton?”

Astra contemplated in silence. “I had an uncle on Krypton – my father’s brother. He was a good man. Fearless and patient. He would take Alura and I to explore Shade Canyon, a hunting ground outside the city. When our mother found out she was livid.” Astra fell silently into memory. “He was the rebel of the family. I learned so much from him.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

Astra smiled. “His name was Misha.”

“Misha,” Alex whispered as she stared into his eyes. “It’s a good name.”

Astra looked over at her with an expression brimming with memory. When the smile widened, her eyes crinkled at their corners. “So is Jeremiah.”

As if sensing he was the subject of conversation, Jeremiah emitted an exuberant “gaaaah.” His arm was finally able to wiggle free, a fist reaching for Astra’s chin. A little gasp came from his mouth and his eyes widened to the success.

Alex smiled widely. “He already wants to pick a fight.”

“He’s so strong,” Astra observed, catching his aimless fist.

Her touch was much like a key to lock. The moment her finger touched him, he opened his fist. All five of his tiny digits wrapped around her index finger. It was like a reflex. He latched on without hesitation as if he already knew this would be his champion for life.

“Astra?”

The sound of her name reached her like a Siren from beyond the galaxy. “Yes?”

“You’re crying. Are you… Is everything okay?”

All it took was a single blink to open the floodgates. “I…” Jeremiah’s fingers flexed around her, tight like the way her throat tightened.

The bed dipped, startling Astra out of her reverie. Alex got into bed beside her and slipped an arm behind her. Her expression proved patient, giving Astra every reason to trust her. It had taken months to finally give in, but when she did, it felt a bit like springtime on Krypton: blossoming possibility and a warm fresh start.

The worry lines in Alex’s forehead deepened but she remained vigilant. Astra felt her entire body give out to this human she’d fallen so deeply for.

Astra tilted her head, mouth turning down by the sheer exhaustion. “How do I do this, Alex?”

“Do what?” She went to Astra’s forearm, sliding along the exposed flesh to cup under the hand which cradled their son’s bottom. She wet her lips and tried in a less intrusive tone. “Do what?”

Astra searched for the word. By the time her voice came, she still couldn’t be certain. “How can I be someone I never hoped to become? I never thought this was possible. I didn’t _want_ it to be possible. What more could I provide a baby but decades of bad decisions? I’ve traveled so many lonely worlds. I’ve seen so much darkness that it nearly thrust me over the edge of sanity.”

Astra tilted her head to convey just how much these reservations have weighed on her recovery. “I nearly lost myself, Alex. Being imprisoned in the Phantom Zone with my nightmares kept me from ever believing in compassion. After all the damage I’ve caused, the influence I threatened to enforce upon this planet, how could I ever deserve this?”

“You deserve this. Trust me. There would be fewer people in National City if it wasn’t for you. Astra… you may not have an army but you have a family to lead. The last member of House Ze must live on. Where is the honor in giving up? Stop wallowing in failure and start counting your blessings. You are alive and in possession of powers you can control. Kara is alive and is so thrilled to have her aunt back in her life. I’m alive and Jeremiah is here with us. You may have done some messed up things, but you created something beautiful. If you can come back from all that hardship and create life then you are perfectly capable of doing _this_.” She emphasized by shooting a glance at the tiny fingers coiled round a single finger. “And don’t give me that bull about falling into some dark abyss of insanity. You’re perfectly lucid because I don’t fall in love with crazy people.”

It was a tirade well worth her amusement but Astra just didn’t have it in her to stretch her lips into a smile. The vehemence with which Alex committed to her words just doubted her all the more. How could she ever be worthy of such humanity?

“It’s barely been a year since I started seeking forgiveness for all my wrongdoings and there are so many. I’ve destroyed so much in my life – my parents disowned me, I couldn’t save Krypton, I pushed Alura away…” Astra’s tears spilled down her cheeks as fast as the words came. “I chose ambition over my own niece. What if I destroy him too? I love him, Alex. More than I ever thought possible. But what if it’s not enough?”

“It is. You know why?” Alex nudged her chin. “Just look at him.”

Astra did. The sounds of his rustling had ceased but only for a moment. He was always so calm in Alex’s presence. Whether it was her voice or through their own bonding experience, Jeremiah quelled in a way he didn’t around Astra.

When Astra held him, he was more likely to strain his vocal cords and kick his legs. When with her, he needed to be heard and he needed to be moving. He would not listen to anyone no matter how many funny faces they made. When Astra was holding Jeremiah, her presence gave him strength. She gave him a voice to rebel with and the nerve to grab hold of her hair. For as soft and assuring like Alex, he certainly had a Kryptonian streak. Astra’s face split into a grin.

“That’s how I know you’ll never give up on him.”

Alex’s words wrapped around her as snug and warm as the blanket which she had wrapped their son in. Jeremiah gurgled to his mother’s voice and wrestled with a silver wave of hair. Astra’s throat bobbed over the swell of emotion. She would not give up on either of them.

* * *

For the first time in months, Alex came home late. Work had kept her so busy that day, she hadn’t paid mind to her growling stomach or the hour hand of her watch nearing nine. Alex didn’t realize her lateness until she received a text commanding her to come home and not forget the extra tomato.

The key stuck unexpectedly in the lock, causing Alex to bump into the door. A squeak let out as she struggled to do three things at once and save dinner from splattering in the middle of the hallway. She checked the door open with her hip, stumbled in, and heeled the door shut.

“Ssssh!”

“ _So_ sorry.”

Alex rolled her eyes. One had to wonder just whose name was on the lease. She then caught sight of the closed door to their bedroom and had the sense to feel apologetic. Alex lugged the stack of pizza boxes over to the kitchen counter and retrieving a beer from the fridge. “He asleep?”

A noise drew her attention to the living room where Astra was going through several cardboard boxes. They were worn boxes and had indistinct scrawl on the side. What they contained, Alex couldn’t tell.

Unwilling to halt in her quest, Astra’s answer came distracted. “I put him down an hour ago.” Suddenly, her head snapped up to pin Alex with a _look_. “This is the soundest he’s ever slept, so I swear to Rao if you wake him…”

Her stern voice incriminated Alex as if she had already done wrong. “Relax, I’m just going to check in on him. And if I don’t wake him, you better not dig into that pizza without me.”

She padded to the bedroom and the corner nursery they had built inside. A nightlight glowed from behind a turning panel depicting baby zoo animals. Its soft amber light spilled out on the floor and illuminated the blue bootie sock. It lay there not far from the crib.

Alex smiled around her exasperation. “You sneaky mister.”

Jeremiah had been known to lose more than his fair share of booties. Since his time in the womb, he was constantly moving around and vying for attention. Coming into the world and meeting his mothers certainly hadn’t discouraged the habit. In the process of his squirming, a sock would slip off and _always_ when his moms’ backs were turned.

There was a time just recently when Alex came to find his five little piglets peek from under the blanket and no sign of their downy friend. She had spent close to an hour hunting down that sock. Even with the help of Astra’s x-ray vision, it took another fifteen minutes before they found it wedged between the bars of his crib and the mattress.

That image would have troubled her a year ago: she and General Astra crawling on their hands and knees to check every nook and cranny for a lone blue fuzzy bootie. Jeremiah must have thought that was hilarious.

Alex peeked in on Jeremiah and paused at the sight of a stuffed animal in his crib. It was a plush, faded brown bear with a bulbous black nose and no eyes. Its fur was matted from constant play. The thing looked like it had been dragged through every wash, playground, airport, and hotel, yet it carried a clean scent from lavender dryer sheets and the stiches were snipped down to prevent hazard. It was nearly double the size of her son who didn’t seem to mind. He dozed on, hands clenched above his head and sucking idly on his pacifier.

The way he pressed into the bear’s side nearly cracked Alex’s heart wide open. Her eyes welled up and moistened her lashes. She sucked in a breath, realizing how it only took one drop to wake the slumbering child. She had to get a handle on herself. It would do no good to incur the wraith of a famished Kryptonian mother.

Without waking him, Alex slipped his sock back on and tucked him in. Her hand strayed over his stomach to lay and feel the rise and fall of his breaths. She smiled softly and slipped away on tip toes.

When Alex returned to the kitchen she was met with a rather predictable scene. “You don’t waste any time.”

Upon clearing her palate, Astra brandished a fresh slice and said, “Taco pizza. How can I resist such a delicacy?”

“As long as it’s not peanut butter, right?”

Astra’s face warped to revulsion. “Ugh, please don’t say its name. Thank Rao that was a temporary craving.”

Alex chuckled. “I hope you saved some for me. I don’t want to have to go back to the restaurant and ask for more.” She perused the boxes and snagged one that had yet to be claimed. “They already think we live in a commune judging by the sheer number of orders we request.”

Astra paused mid bite, hovering over the open box she had raised to her ravenous trap. The image was priceless. “Is that some slight to my weight? Because my eating habits are a condition of a metabolism far superior to other races.”

“Don’t repeat Kara’s logic, please. It looks cute on her but makes you look smug. And we don’t need to stroke your ego any more than it is.”

“Speaking of Kara…” Astra joined Alex on the sofa, pizza slice in hand. “Has she scaled back on her overtime? Last time we spoke, she refused to even consider the idea. She’s been working herself into a frenzy. Does she not understand that no one person can save the entire continent?”

Alex shook her head. “She won’t listen to me. She’s avidly made herself apart of the rescue operations. At this point, J’onn has taken the hint and left her to her own devices.” At Astra’s glare, she cocked her head in sympathy. “Hey, I don’t like it any more than you. I’m just as worried. These natural disasters are really heating things up – literally. The National Guard has Kara on speed dial apparently.”

The mention of outside forces stole inside their safe zone and caused a volatile reaction to their nerves. She and Astra made it a priority to leave work at the door (or the window). They had Jeremiah to think about and a home to keep safe. The minute subjects like hostiles or lightning storms uttered from under their breath, it took hold with a vengeance and threatened the foundation they built for their son’s future.

The tension coiled around them like a vice. Astra took Alex’s hand. “Alex… what are we to do about our duty to the DEO? You cannot continue working full-time, not with Jeremiah so young. I may still be putting hours in at R&D but that is temporary. The atmosphere in National City is growing unstable. Just the other day I heard gunshots from three blocks away and a woman screaming to collect her groceries. _Gunshots_ , Alex. Everyone is afraid of what will happen if the earthquakes reach this far. The cities east of us have already lost power. All it takes is one electromagnetic pulse to shut down the nation’s entire power grid. No one knows when it will hit us or how long these incidences will last.”

That wasn’t true. There were plenty of experts across the globe who warned them of the onrushing dangers. There would be a slim chance of reprieve. The Earth was fracturing and its magnetic field had cracked like an egg shell. There was no telling when a solar flare would erupt from their sun, but when it did it would damage the planet beyond repair.

All the world’s nations were making preparations. Bunkers were being tunneled and stocked with years’ worth of food and supplies. Citizens were cleaning out stores of their batteries and water bottles and non-perishables. Many cities had exploded into pandemonium, but National City had yet to crack. The tension was clear though and it was just waiting to flood the streets.

Astra took in a deep breath and closed her eyes on exhale. “While I appreciate the time Eliza has taken with Jeremiah, I do not wish to infringe upon her goodwill.” Glancing up to meet Alex, she swallowed, throat straining. “I do not think it wise to spend so much time away from home.”

“If you’re afraid of the recent backlash on base… Astra, this isn’t your fault.”

“But it is. Our co-workers have either outright refused to work with me or they dismiss me with icy looks. They know the part I played in causing these occurrences.”

“ _Don’t_ do that.” Alex reprimanded with a squeeze of her hand. The grip had the potential to make a human cringe but paired with her heated glare it forced any Kryptonian to submit to her will. “I don’t care what gossip they spout behind our backs. You were not in control of those powers. You had no idea this would happen.”

“People are dying, Alex. Anarchy is spreading. We cannot ignore this. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.”

“So… what do you expect to do? Turn yourself in? To whom? There’s a better chance of some idiot like Maxwell Lord shooting you down with kryptonite before you even get a fair trial.”

Astra closed her eyes and turned away. “You do not understand. The reason why I brought up the subject of our work schedule was because someone has to stay with Jeremiah.” Her chest rose and fell to the rattling breath. Her eyes dropped and suffered a glance at a mislaid toy from the box. It was a wood cylinder with interlocking wheels. One of many intriguing puzzles no doubt built by Jeremiah’s namesake.

Alex followed her gaze and wondered absently how the item got there. “It’s a Jefferson disk. The wheels are a cypher system used to unlock a secret message. My father made it,” she explained, voice growing tight as a fixed wire. “He wasn’t much of a carpenter but the wheels turn okay. It used to occupy me for hours.”

Astra grinned and looked back down at the cylinder. “It seems as if our cultures are not entirely dissimilar.” She picked up the device and cradled it in her hands like it had all the significance of a relic. “These puzzles were common on Krypton. My father gave me one when I was small as well. He constructed the wheels from a rare mineral found on the planet Vedos. The planet was destroyed through the expansion of its system’s star. Although the solar waves obliterated Vedos, the blast left behind debris which proved very difficult to mine. But my father had connections and he constructed from this rare mineral a gift which I treasured for a very long time. Even when I left home to start my training with the Interplanetary Legion I carried it with me. It was in my possession up until my arrest and subsequent imprisonment to the Phantom Zone.” She gave a bitter smile and added, “Belongings are not allowed upon entry into the Phantom Zone.”

Alex looked from the cypher to Astra. Her chest constricted. Last time she felt this kind of anxiety, there was a solid door welded shut between them. “If you’re considering turning yourself in or… throwing yourself into danger like Kara has been doing for the past month, know that it will not make up for the damage you mistakenly think you’ve caused.” Moisture threatened to spill over and betray her true fears, but her voice beat those tears to the punch. “I can’t lose you both.”

Astra’s eyes flicked up to the cracking voice and softened. The cypher slipped forgotten on the sofa as she intertwined their fingers together. “There is no easy solution. I know I can’t rectify an earthquake or stop an electromagnetic wave from short circuiting the power.” Her head tilted and shook to her dilemma. “I don’t know what to do. I feel torn, Alex. Torn between protecting my family and resolving this conflict. Your father taught me the importance of mistakes – how they mold and change us. He also told me of the futility of standing idly by as those mistakes affect others.”

“Hey, you’re not Supergirl. You don’t owe anything to anyone. You’re just Astra In-Ze. If mistakes are made, we deal with it as a family. That’s what we agreed, remember? Talking doesn’t solve everything, but you can’t carry this alone. I will not allow you to face this without me, no matter what comes next.”

Shaking her head with fondness, Astra brightened the room with her smiling eyes. “Oh, my darling. You are hopelessly stubborn.”

The term of endearment startled Alex into a blush. She dismissed it with a clearing of her throat. It was time to move on from these matters. The finality of it all unsettled her. Better to stay on lighter subjects.

“So,” Alex began with an arch of her eyebrow, “are you going to tell me about that thing in Jeremiah’s crib?”

Astra’s brow furrowed but then she caught on with an “Ah, yes.” She gestured to the boxes scattered about the living room. "Your mother came this morning to supply us with a few items including that little bear."

‘Little bear’ was an understatement if Jeremiah could barely wrap his arms around it. Alex dragged one of the boxes over and realized to her abject horror that they were filled with toys, blankets, socks, and clothes. Some had to be clothes last worn when she was Jeremiah’s age. All non-gender specific colors, of course, and no pinks because at least Eliza spared _some_ mercy on her grandson.

Alex turned to Astra with a petulant flush. She thinned of her lips. "But that was my bear. Only now it's ugly and balding. Christ, it doesn’t even have eyes. Why did you have to accept this stuff from her? The last thing I want is to give her the impression that we’re incapable of providing for our own son."

“They were gifts, not bribes.” Astra gave her an insufferable look that told her she was out of line. "And I am fully aware that the bear was yours. Eliza informed me that it was your _favorite_ and you dragged it everywhere until the age of six. Why do you think I accepted it from her? The important thing is Jeremiah adores it."

"Astra, he's an infant. He'll drool over anything you give him."

"I want him to have something comforting I didn't have when I was his age."

That stopped Alex short. She propped her arm on the back of the couch, so her hand rested close to Astra’s shoulder. "You didn't have a stuffed animal as a kid?"

"I didn't require that kind of stimulation. Most Kryptonian children grow up without such... trivial possessions.”

"Oh, don't be modest." Alex sulked. "I bet you had something sophisticated like a chemistry set."

Astra looked at her like she’d gone mad. “My parents may not have been the most nurturing, but they wouldn’t give me a choking hazard.”

“I’m kidding.”

“Mm, I’m sure.”

Alex tilted her head with a wry smile and stared with all the focus of a rifle’s laser sight. Soon, Astra’s mood liquefied to fluttering eyes and a restful hum. Alex sniggered at her own prowess. No one else could tame the former general like she could. That was a fact.

It was suddenly very hot in the living room. Astra was returning a familiar gaze, wetting her lips, and plotting with the eyes of a scoundrel. Alex took a swig from her beer to cool her throat. After replacing it on the coffee table she sank back and pulled at her shirt collar. The sofa creaked under Astra when she shifted closer and tilted Alex’s chin up with her finger. If she felt flushed before she was positively sweltering now.

"You are…" Astra stared off to collect the appropriate word, “… how does it go? Sexy?"

A sensation bubbled up and had Alex erupting into a belly laugh. It rocked her entire body to a point where her head was falling back against the back of the sofa as she chuckled up to the ceiling.

Suddenly, a muffled gurgling sounded. Alex slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. They both froze at the baby monitor. When the rustling faded out, a giggle came from behind the hand.

Astra stared like Alex was suffering from an imbalanced ratio of alcohol to pizza. "Are you all right?" she asked, eyes shifting to the beer bottle and noting it was only her first.

When Alex had finally composed herself she revealed her disbelief. Astra had been known to socialize with a few co-workers at the DEO, but she hardly ever went out and mingled amongst society. "Where did you hear that word?"

"From those insipid television operas Agent Vasquez views during her lunch break."

“And you think I’m… that?”

Unsure if this was a trick question, Astra turned her head slightly. “Yes,” she answered with a wary narrowing of eyes.

"I want to hear you say it again."

"You are sexy."

Alex threw her head back, chuckling. Astra wasn't even giving her those tickling kisses to her neck, which left her to wonder why Alex was laughing like so.

Alex’s laughter petered out for her to sneak up close in challenge. "Again,” she murmured while her darkened eyes dropped to Astra’s mouth.

Astra seemed to catch her meaning. "In my honest opinion..." She drew close enough to pull a hitched gasp but then surprised Alex by redirecting. Her lips grazed the sensitive skin near Alex's ear and delivered her message with hot puffs. "You are the most sexy." She leaned back to take in Alex's flushed skin and touch of woozy. "And I have never seen anything so beautiful."

The air stalled in Alex's lungs. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Look at me like I'm the only person in the world who believes in you. Like I'm the only person in the world who keeps you breathing."

"I told you once that you were special. I didn't realize at the time how special you would be to me."

Trying and failing to stifle the whine of “Kiss me,” Alex fell forward just as Astra caught her mouth in a kiss.

Astra slid her tongue along Alex’s bottom lip, begging to deepen the claim and prove just how exceptional she was to her. Astra tasted of tacos and home. In that moment, Alex hadn’t a care for anything but the tender flicks of adoration. It boded a constancy she could believe in, a bond that would bind them and their son together through any obstacle be it time, matter, or space itself. 

The near crushing grip on her hips compelled Alex forward. Her hands went to Astra’s chest and slid over her shoulders to the back of her neck. Her fingers drove up into thick curls and gripped tuffs like they were roots keeping her from being swept by the planet’s storms. They kissed with a savage desperation and held each other like they were the only two people in the world who had something to lose.

* * *

“I think he likes my gift. Red and blue look good on the little guy.”

“I see you’re carrying on the high principle of modesty.” Astra shook her head with a _tsk_ before powering on the battery to Jeremiah’s nightlight. “Have these humans sullied your memory of Krypton so thoroughly?”

“Oh, come on, Aunt Astra. The least I could do was get my godson a ‘Free Hugs for Supergirl’ onesie. Did you know they’re sold out at Babies R Us?” Kara’s eyes grew to epic proportion. She whispered over soft snores, “That was the last one!”

Astra gave a noncommittal hum and followed Kara into the living room. Nearly every surface had a burning candle. The lights in National City had gone out days ago. The U.S. government was scrambling to fix the power grid and bring life back to Washington. As far as they were concerned, National City as well as many places across the nation were on their own.

“Where’s Alex?” asked Kara.

“At base. There was a brief power surge in the generators and a few detainees have escaped their cells. The base is on lockdown as they attempt to corral the… hostiles.”

Kara’s eyes flicked to Jeremiah’s room and fell. “I’m sorry.”

“She’s quite alright.”

“How do you know? Cell phone service is down.”

Astra tilted her head. Alex’s heartbeat was elevated but not in such distress that would indicate a call for help. “I can hear her,” she said, feeling it not for the first time that day.

“You can? I mean, I’ve tried with Alex, but it’s incredibly draining to pinpoint one heartbeat amid _thousands_.”

“You will.” The corners of Astra’s mouth turned up in jovial conviction. “When you find someone that makes all the world go out. It’s like finding a single candle burning in space.”

Kara’s eyes wandered the apartment with its flickering shadows and bathed amber glow. The candles provided a romantic atmosphere. She swallowed and turned toward the window. "I hope I'm not intruding…"

"Nonsense. You are always welcome here." The nod was not wholly satisfactory. Astra caught her wrist and turned her around until they faced one another. "Kara, you are part of this family too. Do not think for a second that because I have a child means I have forgotten you. You are always in my heart. Nothing will ever change that."

Kara ducked her head and nibbled on her bottom lip. “It’s not that. I’m not worried about being forgotten or anything like that. And I’m _really_ happy for you and Alex. Jeremiah is amazing.”

A niggling sense crept up on Astra. She hadn’t forgotten what Kara told her that day in the DEO medbay. Kara felt responsible for keeping Alex from living her own life. She had not been that necessary support all sisters provide each other, not when she was off being Supergirl to an entire city.

Astra may not like the fracturing bond between these sisters, but it was not her place to intervene. Her anxiety compounded further by the fact that Alex had yet to share any of this with her. One would assume that living together for the past ten months would have built a foundation of open discussion. Still, Alex gave the impression that her problems with Kara were off limits. She could be suffering in silence and Astra wouldn’t know what to do to pull her out of it.

Kara was wringing her hands, having yet to finish her thought. The behavior reminded Astra of a little girl on Krypton who couldn’t seem to make her voice work in her family’s vast living quarters. The revered House of El bred generations of citizens who contributed some of the greatest scientific advancements in history. There were expectations to live up to and Kara Zor-El always had been so aware of them. Astra remembered the days Kara would stay over and burst at the seams to unload all her worries – silly worries about not making her ancestors proud. They were silly to someone like Astra but paramount terrors to Kara.

The fact that Kara appeared to be experiencing that same hesitation was startling. Would Alex’s home – now Alex’s and hers – have such a similar effect as House El? Did their new lifestyle, what with a new baby and all the routine that came with him, pressure Kara in some way?

Astra raised her brows expectantly and prodded, “But?”

“I don’t think I appreciated Alex for how much she’s accomplished without me,” Kara mumbled. “I… I didn’t even know she worked for the DEO for _two years_. She was out there risking her life and getting hurt while I went about my dull existence. It’s just… it all happened so fast, you know? First I save Alex from that plane crash and get outed as an alien. Next I hear about Alex’s secret identity as a badass and she didn’t even finish school? Then I become a superhero and fight crime and start working for the DEO. Do you understand what I’m trying to get at? There was no time to process everything and yet I slipped into that costume so naturally. When I hear people scream, I help them. When James hails me on his hypersonic watch, I don’t think I just fly.

“I didn’t slow down to think how tough that had been on Alex, not having anyone to talk to about aliens for two years. She’s sacrificed certain aspects of her life because I became a target of nearly every alien on the planet and, being my sister, she felt obligated to protect me. And just when I start to realize all this… you come back.”

“Kara…”

“You came back,” Kara repeated firmly, “not just into my life but Alex’s too. And I was,” she shook her head, eyes glistening in the candlelight. She gave a short laugh and admitted, “I was thrilled. We were going to be a family again and that made me feel so safe. But not once did I expect to share you with her. How could I have known? She was scared of you Astra. She didn’t want you to find out about your death. And you… well, you’ve never really warmed up to humans. But something changed. For all those months Alex spent conducting her experiments and helping you with your new powers, you two were headed somewhere I couldn’t follow.” Kara had shut her eyes. Her cheeks were damp and enflamed to an anger she couldn’t quite place. “It never occurred to me until that night of the hypnotism that I had lost her to you. Alex is not mine to protect anymore. She doesn’t need me when she h-has…” The hiccup was all too much for Kara to conceal. She clamped a trembling hand over her mouth and spun away.

“This is unbecoming behavior, Kara Zor-El.”

Before Kara could grasp the edge of the open window, she turned around. She stared, astonished and sniffling.

Astra stiffened her back and thrust back her shoulders. Every battle fought did not compare to the fortitude needed for this. “You are not a child. You may be in possession of a giving heart but you also have a brilliant mind. Use it.”

“What are you saying?”

“I am saying that you are allowing your feelings to blind what is in front of your eyes. Look for yourself.” Astra swept a hand toward the entrance. The wall was adorned with framed photographs dating all the way back to a young Kryptonian’s days on Earth. “Has she forgotten you? I have been inhabiting these quarters for ten months and have accumulated possessions that have found a place here. Is there anything about your surroundings that lead you to believe your memory has diminished?”

“…No.”

“Alex is your sister, Kara. She is your best friend and confidante. I will never measure up to that quality and I do not wish to. Your bond is something far more unique than what she shares with me. That devotion, that emotional bond of steel is why I’m drawn to you both. She lives to keep you safe not because it is her duty but because she chooses to. Allegiances are not made simply through war and marriage. They do not have to be documents. Her faith in you runs through her blood. I know you feel the same way. It brings her such happiness to know you have her support on the battlefield and off of it. I would not dare steal her away from such protection.”

“But she’s been so distant. I know I haven’t helped matters by ditching the DEO for rescue operations. I know she’s disappointed that I haven’t stuck around.”

“You’ve left us.” Astra’s voice deepened to a near growl. “Why?”

“Well, you’ve all been so busy lately.”

And then it dawned on Astra. She should have seen it before, but Kara was right about one thing: she _had_ been busy. Her brows pinched together and she spoke on exhale. “You are jealous. This is absurd.”

Cowering toward the sofa and using the back of it for support, Kara bowed her head, her face collapsing with it. “I don’t mean to be. I’m sorry.”

Seeing how close to tears Kara was yet again, Astra approached from behind. “There is nothing to be sorry for,” she attested softly. She took her niece by the arms and settled a cheek on her shoulder. “This is your home, Kara. Wherever we are, as long as we are together.”

Kara twisted to take her up in an embrace. The emotions were so overwhelming they didn’t need to check their strength. They were of the same race, both immensely powerful and sensitive to any slight in their honor. They were also of the same blood, which bonded them for life no matter who came between them. Jealousy would not dilute their blood easily, nor strain the ties that bound them.

“Alex will always need her sister.” Astra drew back to clutch Kara’s shoulders and deliver the validity swirling in her eyes. “Do not think for a second that this is a competition. Jeremiah is your cousin by blood and your nephew through Alex. Just because she has started a family of her own does not mean you are not a part of that.”

Kara, sucking her bottom lip, nodded. This time, it had all the authenticity of a girl of steel.

A niggling feeling caused Astra to pause. Something had been said earlier that could not be dismissed. It settled in her gut like a stone. Astra dropped her hands from Kara’s shoulders to clasp them in a knot of unease.

“When you said things were moving too fast for you,” Astra’s eyes dropped to search the rug for snags however improbable due to its just having been purchased not long ago. Still, she roved over its material with near fanatical determination. When aware of it, she exhaled roughly and met Kara’s eyes. “When you said things were moving too fast, it made me wonder if you had reservations about Alex and I. About our attachment.”

“Your attachment,” Kara echoed, brow furrowing. She shuffled her feet as a furious blush took over. “You and I have rarely talked about this kind of thing. Um, the closest we’ve come was when I was twelve.”

“Twelve,” Astra murmured vacantly, straining to comprehend.

“I was twelve and it was the day of the Argo City Elementary Gala. My parents wanted to arrange an escort for me, a boy in my class. I didn’t like him and for all I knew he didn’t like me. The point of the matter was that I didn’t want to go with _anyone_. I wanted to be with my friends. My mother wouldn’t allow it, so I ran to someone who would. No one ever sided with me against her like you did, and maybe I took advantage of you for that, but I felt so helpless. I had no one to turn to.”

The memory was slowly seeping back into mind. An unpleasant twinge tickled the lining of her stomach. Masking her wince, Astra began a slow nod. “I was not expecting you that night.”

Kara’s mouth twisted sardonically. “Yeah, neither did Non.”

“You must have been greatly confused. I was so worried; I followed you home that day hoping to…. To explain what you saw, but Alura would not allow it.”

“She said you had more important duties to attend to – as someone’s wife.”

“I see.” Astra diverted her eyes. The pit in her stomach seemed to have shot up into her throat. She swallowed with difficulty. Although conviction swelled in her heart, her voice did not contain the same quality. "You must understand that what I had with Non... it was convenient and there were vows to uphold. Though we had a bond forged by common interests, I did not love him. Not like I love Alex."

Kara nearly choked on her surprise. Eyes yawning wide, she waved her hands to draw Astra back from those thoughts. "I'm in no way questioning your feelings for Alex. I know you'd give your life for her... because you sort of did in that chamber when your powers blew."

Astra sighed. “I am pleased to hear that. You don’t know what your blessing means to me, Little One.” She smiled and touched her cheek.

“I’m not the little one anymore.” Kara chuckled, blushing. “Jeremiah has that locked down pretty good.”

“I love you so much. You will always be my Little One.”

Kara sucked in a watery gasp, her beaming smile catching the reflection of her aunt. “I love you, too.”

The warmth in Astra’s chest spread to her cheeks. She took in a breath, shaky at first, but so very relieved upon rushing out. Never had she felt so complete. She had home and family, two things that lived deep in her heart. Nothing could take them away.

* * *

Astra had finally put Jeremiah to bed. It was another hard day with him; he wouldn’t take food, or nap, or stop fussing. He must have been feeling what his mothers were right now. It took everything in Astra not to fall apart. It would have been so easy to push away her food and stare blankly at the wall. But she had the responsibility now of caring for her family.

Jeremiah wasn’t the only one acting out of sorts. Astra padded into the master bathroom. The candle wicks were burning down to the bottom and soon they would have to be replaced. The mirror was clouded over from steam. She didn’t have the heart to remind Alex about the building’s water heater or how their generator was on its last legs.

She could hear the sniffling over thunderous water and knew why Alex had been kept so long. Astra didn’t bother undressing. She slipped into the shower and took a sobbing, naked Alex into her arms.

Kara’s death had been hardest on Alex. Astra had been home with Eliza and the baby when the quake started. Alex took off to help Supergirl and witnessed the fall of National City’s hero. She had been there to see J’onn pull her sister’s body from the rubble.

That had been three days ago. Since then Alex had been less than lucid. She slept most of the day and nibbled on her food as Jeremiah would. Due to her lax behavior, Astra had taken on most of the housekeeping and child rearing. She did so with a heavy heart but reserved all complaints. Kara was her family too and it tore her up inside like no kryptonite could. But she didn’t have the bond Alex shared with Kara. They had something Astra couldn’t touch.

They should talk about what had been going on: Kara’s death, Alex’s despondency, Jeremiah’s wellbeing. And then there was the DEO. Since weather patterns had become unpredictable, the agency was spread thin trying to contain the uprisings. Aliens had taken advantage of the chaos and were pushing for power. Now with Supergirl gone, there was the question of who was going to replace her. Alex hadn’t gone back to work and neither had Astra. Astra would answer J’onn’s calls but she had her hands full taking care of Alex and their son.

Sometimes she thought it might be better to cut their losses and abandon the DEO. J’onn would understand, having gone through this before. Alex told her the other day about the Martian’s wife and daughters and the cruel loss fate had dealt him. Since then Astra was seeing the Martian in a new light. Surely he would grant their request to resign. It would give her and Alex the time to focus on protecting what family they had left.

When the sound of crying no longer rose above the squeaking pressure of the shower head, Alex’s shoulders calmed to the occasional hiccup. Astra coaxed her out of the water so they could dry themselves off and sink down onto the bed.

Jeremiah was in his crib, oblivious to the instability on the streets. To him, life was grand when he had two mothers that gave the softest toys and those squeal-induced toe kisses. Judging by his nonsensical noises and thrashing legs, his stuffed bear would thoroughly occupy him for the next hour.

Astra felt the mattress shudder. She grabbed a throw and sat behind Alex, blanketing her in the soft fleece. It wouldn’t do to push her. It wasn’t just Kara’s death that kept Alex from speaking. They were not able to mend the misunderstanding that kept them apart. Kara had passed on, leaving Alex behind with a hatchet in her hand and no place to bury it.

It crushed Astra that they hadn’t forgiven each other for their thoughtless behavior much less exchanged goodbyes. They were yet another example of sisters, so close and devoted, who were cheated of reconciliation.

Astra rubbed her hands up and down Alex’s arms to provide a warmth the blanket could not. The moment Alex sank back against her, it felt like triumph. The damp hair tickled Astra’s cheek, taunting her to make a move. She gave in with a deep breath, filling her senses with Alex’s brand of shampoo and committing every scent to memory: orange, lavender and lemongrass. Astra closed her eyes and held a fraction tighter. This was her human. The only one on Earth that mattered.

When Alex spoke, it splintered from her dry, disused throat. "When you first learned that Krypton would be destroyed, that there was no hope of saving it, what was the first thing you did?"

Lids fluttering open, Astra stared vaguely at the dresser. She stared so long and so hard her eyes nearly scorched the wood finish. "I left the apartment one day and crashed my orbital vehicle into a landing platform. At the time, I thought it unfortunate that I escaped with minor lacerations, not to mention a horrible truth.”

Alex humphed. "I trashed my lab at the DEO. Guess I need to learn a thing or two about unleashing my anger. Maybe choose a bigger target next time."

Shifting so that she could witness the utter foolishness with her own eyes, Astra dealt her a severe reprimand. "Don't say that. I was delirious at the time and it was not my proudest moment. You are not a violent person. I don't want you thinking these thoughts."

"What else is there to think about?” Alex gave a humorless cackle. “It's kind of hard to distract oneself from Earth's imminent destruction."

They fell silent. The distant wail of police sirens and ambulances echoed outside their window. Recently, the sounds had been a constant in their lives, it was like white noise. When anarchy became normalized, it ceased to inspire the need to get up and chase down criminals. There was no point to their jobs. The DEO had been abandoned, all the agents returning to their families. Everyone was preparing for the end, but Astra resigned herself to the fantasy that as long as they were together, inside this apartment, nothing could harm them.

“He can’t stay here, Astra.”

A foreboding sense crept up her spine. Astra turned her gaze and met the tentative eyes. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not safe and you know it. Why else would we give up our jobs at the DEO? It was a good distraction up until…” Astra sucked in a breath. Her eyes were like a window into her soul – tortured and brimming with regret. “I’ve been thinking it over and had Winn do some calculations. Kara’s old pod, the one she came here in… Don’t – just let me finish. Winn says he can program the flight computer so that the pod passes the nearest habitable system, but it only fits one occupant.”

“Alex…” Astra was already shaking her head, spine stiffening and letting her go with a shattering heart. “We are not going to consider this. Whatever you’ve been _thinking over_ I want you to stop it this very moment.”

“It should be a relatively gentle ride now that the Earth’s magnetic field has turned to tissue paper. I flew the pod last year in order to rescue Kara and it’s fully operational. I may not know much about the outlying systems, but Winn assures me that the DEO’s databanks have coordinates. There are civilizations out there, benevolent people who will take Jeremiah in and give him a chance. It can –“

“ _Enough!_ ”

The shout stilled Jeremiah’s jabbers. A deafening silence permeated the air until a soft “ _hoaaah_ ” came from the crib.

“Astra, just listen –“

“I’ve heard enough.” She shot up from the bed and began pacing. “You would consider this, plan it down to the details, and not confer with me? Who do you think you are? I am your…”

Astra’s breathing stalled. A vice clenched round her throat. What were they to each other? They had made no formal commitment. It wasn’t like they had exchanged vows. They were two people who had been enemies once, who did almost everything in their power to destroy one another. But emotions did not always play well with reason. Hearts did not abide by command any more than a Kryptonian and human ignored the pull.

Her pacing led her to Jeremiah’s crib where she looked down on him. He was staring up at her with an odd expression, wanting to beam but unsure what his mother needed from him in that moment. Astra’s heart nearly gave out at his hesitation.

Alex slid to the edge of the bed, the throw slipping from her shoulders. Fear of provoking another outburst had her staying where she sat. “You know this won’t end.” Her strained tone indicated how taxing the idea had been on her. “You’ve been here before, so don’t you dare act like you don’t know what’s coming. This is his only chance. Think about… think about your niece and Clark. They turned out fine.”

Astra’s hands tightened on the crib's railing. Each finger curled round, the wood groaning under pressure. Jeremiah didn’t notice. He went back to gnawing on the bulbous nose of his bear.

“I will not become her,” she muttered, more to herself than Alex or even her son. “I will not do what she did and ship off my heir into unknown reaches with no guarantee of his survival.”

Just before the railing could splinter, she released her grip. Astra backed away, not suffering a glance toward the bed. The winds were forecasted to be rough. From inside the apartment, she could hear the swaying street lamps and the waste of soda cans, water bottles, newspaper and the like tripping along the sidewalks.

It would be a challenge to stay airborne in these high winds. She thought nothing of it. Wordlessly, she left the apartment, rocketing through the clouds until she was surrounded by the sound of silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peeks from cover* Please don't kill me? I promise I'll kinda sorta make up for it?


	11. A New World Disorder

Even as I hold you, I am letting you go.

Alice Walker

Smoke engulfed the street. A heat wave had swept through National City. Temperatures rose to record numbers, forcing citizens indoors with their dwindling stock of food and water. Every surface exposed to the sun was nearly searing to touch. Very few people left the shade and when they did their skin developed first degree burns after fifteen minutes of exposure.

The dry heat made nearly everything flammable. The high frequency of fires in the city drained people’s reserves, water being chief among them. The fires left hundreds of families homeless and begging on the streets. But the minute people saw their blistering cheeks and swollen skin, the doors slammed shut in their faces. Anyone left untouched by the heat wouldn’t risk losing what little supplies they had left on the injured. It was survival of the fittest, and it made Astra sick.

Smog overcame the street and clogged in the throats of refugees. Astra was helping evacuate the city when she saw the parking structure collapse. All five stories came crashing down. Bits of concrete and metal shards pitched in midair. Astra did what she could. She siphoned every bit of energy the sun lent her. The firefighters told her there was nothing else she could have done. How thoughtful. They must have mistaken her for Supergirl. Astra didn’t want to be consoled. She wanted to be useful.

Astra touched down to ground zero. The screams were deafening. People sprinted past her and tripped over debris in search for loved ones. She turned in place, arms loose at her sides and expression agape. There were so many people who needed medical attention. So many calls for aid. She stood in the chaos wondering if Kara had felt the same helplessness. One Kryptonian had never been enough to save every life in National City. The same went for Metropolis where Kal-El was wearing himself thin for his people. What had they ever done for him and Kara? Why did Kara have to sacrifice her precious time for a handful of lives?

And yet Astra found herself making those same sacrifices. Much like Supergirl had in her final days, Astra threw herself into rescue efforts. She flew through fire for complete strangers. For once, the blood on her hands was not her doing, not really. If she had run faster, that man would not have bled out in front of his wife. If she had exerted more strength, that store clerk wouldn’t have lost his legs. If she had only remembered that she possessed x-ray vision, perhaps she could have saved a dozen lives instead of two.

Astra worked herself until she could not stand straight, but she always returned home. She came back every night knowing she’d have to face those pleas. Alex was persistent in the plan to ship their son off planet. Astra wouldn’t even entertain the idea.

A rising wail echoed through the discord. Astra latched onto the voice, head snapping around to find a boy of four standing in the middle of the street. His clothes were torn and soot dirtied his face. He was rubbing his bloodshot eyes and weeping so hard his body shook.

The smoke billowed in her line of sight and for a moment she could no longer see the child. Astra’s heart clenched. She propelled herself forward, elbowing massive concrete blocks out of her path. She ground to a halt before the boy. He choked on a sob, arm falling from his eyes. Before he managed to turn his eyes up, frantic shouting pulled his attention.

“Joseph! Oh, my Joseph!”

A woman swept the boy up in her arms and squeezed him tight. Her son sagged into her embrace and let out more sobbing, this time in relief. The woman bent close to his grimy ear, whispering assurances and love and combing her fingers through his hair.

With unshed tears in her eyes, Astra watched them run off. But where would they go? There was no place they could run to that would protect them. The dangers were inevitable. Some denominations called it the ‘End of Days.’ Radio announcers spoke from their cluttered trailers, urging citizens to prepare to usher in a ‘New World Order.’ There was no sanctuary soothing enough, no shelter from the crackpots. In a few days’ time, Earth would be razed by solar flares and turned to ash. A kind of ruin dissimilar to Krypton’s final days, but alike in their final state of destruction.

Astra’s chest heaved under a crushing mass. All she had missed these past few days weighed on her conscience. Through all her thoughtless bravado and pursuit of distraction, she had forgotten about the only life that needed rescuing.

Leading with a fiercely clenched fist, Astra leapt into the sky and raced home. The windows banged open on their hinges as she streaked in and landed on her feet.

Eliza gasped from the couch, hand to her chest. “Astra?”

Haste propelled her on. She didn’t greet Eliza upon entering nor did she answer the questioning tone. She headed straight for the nursery.

Relief abounded at his wakeful presence. The image of that boy crying alone in the street still flooded her mind. Without missing a beat, Astra picked him up and held him tightly to her breast. She held him like the screaming woman held her son, rocking him back and forth to sooth his cries. It didn’t even occur to her that he was calm and dry of tears. It didn’t matter that he had been adequately entertained by a new toy his grandmother left with him that day.

Astra closed her eyes and kissed the crown of his head. “I’m so sorry, my son.”

Jeremiah fussed in her arms, begging to be reunited with his spinning rattle. He strained to communicate his desire and only managed to let out an ambiguous whine.

She restrained from squeezing too hard, knowing how much her body needed to be close to its blood kin. The thought of not hearing his heart patter or feel the rise and fall of his chest or even his constant squirming was agonizing.  She settled for clutching the material of his shirt, the Supergirl onesie that was already starting to see wear from constant use. She patted and rubbed circles into his back to sooth him.

“You will come first,” she murmured to his soft, porcelain skin. “Always.”

Astra understood now that there was no place on Earth safe enough. Jeremiah stood a better chance with the stars. He might not be as lucky as Kara and Kal-El, but what else was she to do? She had a responsibility as his mother to do whatever she could to ensure his safety. Jeremiah’s future was no longer on this planet, not even with his parents. The truth struck Astra through her chest. It was far more painful than kryptonite. She was more terrified of losing her son than her own life because she had already suffered the latter. That wide-eyed, lung rattling last breath that accompanied death could not measure the sheer thought of never seeing Jeremiah again. She had felt the forces of ambiguity pull her into nothingness, but had yet to experience the heart tearing pain of watching her own child slip through her fingers.

She decided then and there that when Alex came home, she would sit her down and discuss the details. They would say their goodbyes and send him off in the same pod that saved Kara from a planet buckling to pieces. To where, only Rao knew.

Astra supported his head so she could cradle him back and look him over. His pouty lips stretched at the corners, a smile in the making, much like Alex’s when she tried to hide her amusement. The pressure built at the back of her eyes as she gazed deeply into his. She suffered not to close her own for fear that he would forget. He should know where he received those eyes and that color sparkling in his irises. 

Astra pressed Jeremiah back to her chest and breathed in that intoxicating scent all newborns carried. It still lingered after nine weeks and never failed to soften her military trained edges. She remembered holding Kara when she was this young and wanting to meld so close that the smell overwhelmed her like a bubble. It didn’t occur to her that human babies had the same scent until her half human son came into the world.

A choked gasp slipped out. She grimaced at her incompetence, ignoring the dampness spreading out where Jeremiah’s bubble blowing met her shirt. She loathed to return him to his spinning rattle. Every cell in her body felt tied to him, and her skin crawled at the thought of letting him go for a mere second. But at the back of her mind she knew she would go through with it. It would hurt like kryptonite flooding through her veins, but she would gladly rip open every vessel if it meant Jeremiah’s salvation. That’s why it was called sacrifice.

* * *

A silence crept into the apartment like lazy shadows casting over a graveyard. The majority of National City had been evacuated; most of those citizens choosing to stay behind being the elderly, the sick, and those at peace with the end. They were the only two people on their block who stayed. At least that they knew of. Neither of them were very social these days.

Astra looked out her bedroom window freckled with drops. It had been raining nonstop for days. Yet another wild occurrence in the series of disasters sweeping across the globe. The storm had started the night Jeremiah’s pod lifted off. Astra gave a dour smile and looked up. The clouds were too crowed to see any stars, but if she squinted hard, if she wanted it badly enough, a constellation would come into view. Perhaps it was wishful thinking or just her imagination playing tricks.

Astra rarely left the apartment. When she did, it was to stand in the middle of the vacant street and feel mother nature’s wrath. She remembered how the first drops mixed with her grief. The fresh, cool moisture came down in sheets and melted with her salty tears, allowing them to run down her skin and absorb into her clothes. Grief, skin deep. She had wondered at the time if the Earth was weeping with her. The rain hadn’t stopped and she still wondered.

The sound of rain pattering the glass used to gentle her raving heartbeat but lately it was starting to annoy. Astra tilted her ear toward the open bedroom door. Silence. She rose from her chair, spared a glance towards the crib out of habit, and ventured into the living room.

The lingering smell of dinner tickled her nose. No one had bothered to clean the sink which overflowed with sticky fruit cans, a pickle jar, spirals of Ramen clogging the drain, and white takeout cartons from the only restaurant still in operation with in a three mile radius. And, of course, the multiple frozen meals warmed by Astra’s heat vision.

Astra squinted. It could not be described as a gloomy night. A misty full moon lit up the rain and poured beams through the apartment. The candles were blown out because Alex had taken to sleeping on the couch. The flickering light did not encourage rest. As if a single hour in slumber had been restful for either of them. Their lids fluttered closed out of exhaustion and if they waited long enough, sleep eventually set in, but no longer did they dream.

There would be no dreaming when Astra and Alex mourned the loss of their son. They did not do so openly but internally as if heating the air with his name incurred torture. They never spoke of him or talked about what they risked to keep him safe. His absence created a chasm between them that could not be bridged through touch or spoken word. First Kara. Now Jeremiah. He may not have perished like his godmother, but he _was_ lost to them forever.

They resumed their duties, lending aid to the evacuations and relief efforts, and sometimes swinging by the DEO. Although the base was a ghost town, J’onn and a few agents stayed behind to monitor hostile activity. The rate of alien attacks dwindled with the increasing storms and with evacuations there was not much left to protect. Astra would sometimes find herself walking the halls of the base, drowning in memories that occurred a lifetime ago.

That first night without Jeremiah they went to bed speechless, haunted. There were no more little noises coming from the crib. No thumping heartbeat or soft puffs evening out. That first night Alex reached across the divide to lay her hand on the exposed flesh of a waist. Astra had flinched and muttered a choked, “Don’t touch me.”

The hardwood floors were cold under Astra’s bare feet but she didn’t mind. She navigated around the creaks she spent memorizing since moving in with Alex. A familiar series of _th-thumps_ led her to the couch where Alex lay on her side. Her eyes were closed, her mouth slightly parted, the tear tracks drying. Astra pushed Alex away that night, a night when she needed her most. Now all she wanted was to touch her. If only to comfort, to distract, to pull the wool over their eyes and sink into a sure thing.

Sometimes they went days without seeing each other. No cell phone service made it that much easier to stifle that niggling desire to voice their heartache. For two people who found it trying to communicate their feelings, the space between them only grew. They were ashamed at the mere idea of pouring their hearts out, regardless of having done so before.

In times past, they would have hashed out their issues in the training room or in the field. Physical activity always freed them from the constrains of normal conversation, lending them the ability to speak what was truly on their minds and in their hearts. But they hadn’t sparred together since Kara’s death. They hardly touched let alone punched some sense into each other. They didn’t even make love anymore.

There was something terribly frightening about the pull she felt for Alex. Frightening in the way she would put everything on the line for her. She'd never felt this attraction before, not with anyone. But she also had never conceived a child with anyone. The fact that it was with someone of a different species had to speak for something. What’s more, Alex accomplished a feat no other had in transforming Astra's notion of intimacy.

When first arriving on Earth, Astra was indifferent towards sex. As her time amongst humans carried on, she began to glean their concept of mating rituals from literature. She preferred it to the alarmingly loose and fleshy images on screen. Navigating the literature of various periods led her to the delights of the 19th century. She gravitated towards it like those Earthly bees to honeycomb. They had such a fascination for sexual promiscuity for they wrote constantly about it in their novels and poetry. Free love, birth control, feminism, the ubiquitous range of sexual identity…

Astra stood in the living room like a statue. She followed the moonbeams where they washed over Alex’s sleeping form. One of Jeremiah’s blankets was clutched under her chin in one hand while the other lay on the edge of the sofa. Astra lowered herself to the coffee table, calculating how many inches it would take to close the distance between their hands.

Astra wished to give voice to her desires as the Victorians had after theirs were locked away in obscurity for centuries. She felt a sort of kinship with their stifled society as she glanced down at the hand on the sofa. She’d never seen fingers so relaxed. They reminded her how her own fingers were leafing the pages of books. Astra had been reading more lately. The physical descriptions contained form, color, dimension so like Alex that Astra ached to kiss every one of those fingertips.

Reading such prose was how Astra was able to break the bonds of chastity Krypton had enforced. Coupled with Alex’s eager assistance, she no longer held such indifferent views concerning sex. It was as if she had been given a new set of senses with which to play with. All the better to experiment with a woman of thorough dedication.

But to Astra’s surprise, it wasn’t just the physical act itself that she missed; it was as the intimacy. Murmurs in Kryptonese and melodic hums caressing the hollows. Knowing which toppings they liked on each other’s pizza. A furrowed brow or a fidget or a stiffened back like the slight changes in body language only they could translate. Holding hands, locking fingers, a smile… the expressions of love that didn’t need words.

The rain kept up its downpour. It had been thrashing against the windowpanes earlier that day, but when the sun plunged National City into night, it evened out to a smoother rainfall.

Dollops tapped against the living room windows, plotting a melody Astra didn’t have an ear for. She wasn’t paying attention to anything outside her view. Because it was still there, the warning that had stopped Astra since that first night she turned away from love. It ran above the surface like a perpetual stream of consciousness. She ignored it for a longing so strong it overcame her better judgment. That common sense prevented disaster on many occasions. It saved fellow soldiers from gunfire and commanded reflexes around head on collisions. All it did now was hold her back from a woman she respected down to her faults, a woman who risked so much in the belief that she was worth the effort.

Swallowing back her heartache, Astra reached out. She may not be able to bridge the time they spent fighting each other to the death and dodging around the truth, but she could bridge space. Astra’s fingers proved it by combing back errant strands and uncovering a face that broke her heart and mended it up all at once. She dared to linger, stroking the back of her finger down Alex’s cheek.

Her throat closed unexpectedly. An ache landed in her chest and spread in waves. It was an unstoppable force flowing through ever fiber of her being. And she didn’t want it to stop just like she didn’t want to stop touching Alex’s cheek. Her breaths were becoming stronger, less stunted. Attuning her ears, Astra picked up a hum rolling deep within Alex's chest.

The ache continued to flow through her veins. There was so much love. Astra couldn’t believe how much of it still thrummed inside her, even with Jeremiah gone. Though it seemed impossible, considering how much she had lost in the past month, that ache gave her life and it gave her a reason to fight.

As with nights previous, Astra forgot to sleep. With a full heart, she accepted her place beside Alex, watching over her and listening until the sun broke through the clouds.

But a noise intervened. Astra shot up and spun around. Her eyes met the window and caught a flurry red.

Astra loosened her fists. “Kara?”

She raced to the window and slipped out onto the fire escape. The rain dampened her hair, making it heavy. Her clothes were instantly drenched. She whirled left and right until she came face to face not with her niece but someone vaguely relative.

“Kal-El,” she gasped, squinting through the misty showers. “What in Rao’s name are you doing here?”

He drifted down until his feet met the platform. The last time she had seen him they were attending Kara’s funeral. It had been a short affair joined by close friends and what little family she left behind. The grim demeanor of the Man of Steel then did not compare to the ashen Kryptonian standing before her now. He looked utterly defeated in every sense of the word. His spirit had been crushed by the loss of his wife in the first wave of storms. Then Kara. He had no family left on Earth. There stood the last son of Krypton with his torn cape and haunted eyes.

“I’ve come to help you.”

The opportunity to lash out from weeks of frustration and anger opened before her and she didn’t think twice. “I do not need your help!” she snarled, hackles raised and looming forward. “Where were you when Kara fell? If you had only left your precious city for a few seconds, she could have stood a chance. She believed you were the best of us, that you acted for others before yourself.” The ever-present nerve at her temple pulsed. She breathed hard, fists shaking at her side. “Where was your goodwill when I sent my son away?!”

“That’s why I’m here.” Kal-El’s voice rumbled deep with guilt. He shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“You are as hopelessly deluded as your father.” Astra bit back a laugh and took a step forward, a sharp glint in her eyes. “The son of Jor-El wishes to lend aid… Do you know what he said when I told him of Krypton’s demise? ‘Never.’ What man of science ignores empirical evidence for blind faith? If he ever loved Krypton, he would have supported my cause. Instead, he wiled away his time until the very ground cracked beneath him. Only then did he decide to act. And what then? He sent his only child into the farthest reaches of space. Alone.”

“You did the same with Jeremiah,” he pointed out gently.

A growl stirred in her chest. “Don’t you dare speak his name. I do not have to explain myself to anyone, least of all you. You say you wish to help. Do you intend to stay behind as your father did? Is this the sacrifice you’d make for an enemy?”

“You were never my enemy, Astra. Our fates were intertwined before you ever set foot on Earth. You have to stop pushing and start accepting it.”

“I do not have to accept _anything_. The world is crumbling around us and yet I am still here. Alex is still here.”

He shook his head sadly. “Why can’t you just stop fighting?”

“Why can’t you stop being so noble?”

He chuckled. The humor seemed to brighten his cheeks a bit. “You may think this is the end but it’s not. There’s another way. It’s time.”

“Time for what?”

“A new kind of hope.”

* * *

The halls of the DEO contained a hollowness like never before. The absence of personnel and security made it easy for Astra to navigate the lower levels. Deep underground, past inoperable surveillance cameras and half-parted doors, she found herself in an area she hadn’t known existed.

According to Kal-El’s directions, there should be a sealed hanger here. The stairway ended at one such sealed entry. She laid her hand over the onyx door. Its surface was smooth and impenetrable to her eyes. The material contained lead but not only lead. A mysterious substance preserved this door from invaders.

Astra slid her fingers along the center seam, feeling for a weakness.

“Ever hear the one about curiosity killing the cat?”

She spun around, raising her guard.

J’onn stood there, hands on his hips and flashing her a smirk. Although lacking the ability to read Kryptonian minds, he could still sneak up on them. He had to get his amusement somewhere.

Before she could explain herself, he went to the wall beside the door and pried open a panel. Having not caught sight of it before, Astra quirked her brow with interest and peeked over his shoulder.

The panel opened to reveal a cavity. Inside was a rotary locking mechanism. He twisted the dial right, left, and then right again until the combination clicked in. The seals hissed and the locks released. J’onn opened the door for her. At her hesitation, he assured her with wave of his hand.

J’onn took a flashlight from his belt and shined its beam around the hanger.

“What is this place?”

“Superman didn’t tell you?”

Astra looked over her shoulder with a frown. “How do you know…?”

“Superman and Mr. Schott are the only other people who know about this place.” He nudged his chin ahead and said, “Where else do you think that came from?”

Astra followed his gaze to the platform and the object illuminated by a flashlight beam. Her eyes widened and she sucked in a gasp. Parked at the center of the dais was a Kryptonian pod.

“This is Kal-El’s pod,” she breathed, running her hand over the surface. She closed her eyes at cool metal. Superior crafted material like this hadn’t met her fingertips in a very long time. “The pod that carried him to Earth.”

“More like crashed,” J’onn commented with a twist of his mouth. “A long time ago when Superman used to work with the DEO, he gave me this pod as a gesture of good faith. Our… differences eventually had us going our separate ways. I’d thought he’d forgotten it was ever here, but I kept his promise and his pod remained hidden. This hanger has been left untouched for years. There’s an exit tunnel there,” he said, shining his flashlight on a circular blast door. “I checked the hydraulics. It opens alright but makes an awful racket. The tunnel is clear all the way to the surface – a miracle considering the quakes.” He made a sweep of the hanger, giving Astra a sense of its echoing scale. “I almost forgot this place existed until a few weeks ago. I hadn’t the need to tinker around with Kryptonian technology until Hell dispatched itself on Earth.”

“The pod,” Astra stared at it like it answered all her prayers, “you know how it operates?”

He nodded. “It’s similar to Kara’s. I had Winn look it over yesterday and he confirmed its flight capabilities are still intact. Same with the computer. The dimensions are a bit different though.”

She knew the answer to her question but she had to ask anyway. “How many passengers does it hold?”

“One.”

“Can it operate in deep space?”

“Yes, and it is fitted with the exact same navigational features as Kara’s pod. And before you ask, yes, I’ve already programmed the computer to lock on to the other pod’s beacon.”

Astra looked to him. The information had little shock value. “Is it ready to go?”

He nodded. “I had a specific passenger in mind when developing the flight plan.” He studied her closely. “Do I have to fight you on this?”

Astra looked the pod over from wing to nose. She turned her chin down and spoke with determination in her voice. “You don’t even have to ask.”

* * *

“Alex, please listen to me.”

“No.”

“You –“

“I said _no_.”

As Alex scaled up the stairs of their apartment complex, she could hear the railing cracking under Astra’s grip.

“You are being unreasonable,” Astra said from behind. “This is a perfectly adequate solution and you are turning it down like a petulant child.”

Alex had already made it to their floor, the sound of footsteps fast on her heels. Though her back was turned, she could imagine Astra clenching her jaw and throwing her arms out.

“Will you stop running away from me?”

Alex whirled around and slammed her hands into Astra’s shoulders. “What about ‘no’ don’t you understand?!” Her voice reverberated down the hallway with no one to hear them. Not for miles.

Alex couldn’t be sure if Astra stumbled back from the shove or the heat in her eyes. There was so much anger burning through her chest. So much hate. And the force of her hands… She hadn’t touched Astra in so long, she almost feared one finger graze might dissolve her Kryptonian.

Tripping over the possessiveness, Alex shook herself of how sweet it sounded. “Do not talk to me about a perfectly adequate solution!” she barked, spittle flying. “There is nothing _perfect_ about leaving my only home behind. The day I blast off into space is the day hell freezes over.”

Astra seized her arms and said, “But it has. Don’t you see this is the only way?”

“For whom?” she challenged. “Don’t think I don’t know what’s really going on.”

“What are you referring to?”

“If there’s a chance Jeremiah can be with his family, it is a choice between you and me.” She punctuated her point by thrusting at Astra’s shoulders again, regardless of how little physical pain it inflicted. “ _You_ don’t have the nerve to do it. You’d rather dump the responsibility on me and wash your hands of it. It’s appropriate, isn’t it? For someone who never wanted to be a mother in the first place.”

The words hit their mark. They rendered Astra speechless and liable. Her feet were rooted to the floor as she stared with lips parting. Alex was too horrified by her actions to watch any more. She jammed her key in the lock, wrestled the knob, and slammed the door shut behind her. It didn’t matter that Astra would follow eventually. She just needed to make noise.

The candles would not be lit today. It was still light outside, no cloud in the sky, mild temperatures. Much like the calm before the storm.

Alex threw her jacket over a chair and slammed her gun onto the kitchen island. She’d just come from visiting her mother. With no grandson to spoil and care for, Eliza made herself useful at National City Hospital. Despite the vacant streets and businesses, the hospital was overflowing with the sick and the homeless. The saddest part? There was about one doctor to every twenty people. Low staff meant slow response time and little to no medical care. Without electricity, they were back in the Dark Ages. To top that, the custodians had left, leaving the rooms unsanitary and a breeding ground for microorganisms. Even with the windows open the place reeked of blood and waste.

Alex couldn’t believe her mother was _living_ there. She would have offered a place on her couch, but Alex had taken to sleeping there lately. The reason for her new sleeping quarters sparked rage in her. She searched through cabinets and slammed them shut in haste.

“Where is the goddamned soup?” she shouted at the pantry and kicked the door shut. It closed with a sharp _bang_ and rattled the empty shelves inside.

“There’s nothing left.”

Astra’s voice startled her around. They stared at each other for a brief few seconds. A moment of dead calm where the unpleasant realization passed between them.

Alex didn’t have the heart to argue. Not about something as insignificant as food. She trudged into the living room and dropped down to the sofa. The exhaustion from the past several days had caught up with her. There was nothing to do but drive her car on its last tank of gas up and down the streets for no reason. She’d been wandering aimlessly, struck by the lifelessness around her and how insecure the emptiness made her feel. It brought on a fatigue that made her feel dirty. As if her survival insulted the dead.

Alex had no purpose. She wasn’t a DEO agent or a scientist. There were no more evacuations to the bunkers. Everyone who thought they had a chance outside city limits had left. There was no one to save because Alex didn’t care anymore. She didn’t have a sister, the one person she was supposed to protect. She didn’t have her baby anymore because she shot him into space. For his own good. Alex bit back a chortle. She’d been thinking a lot of dark thoughts lately and no other response soothed her like a good laugh. But this wasn’t a laughing matter anymore. Not with what Astra was considering.

The tension had grown so intense between them. It stretched like a rubber band and when its limits were exhausted it snapped much like she had out in the hallway. God, why did she have to say that? If it was a choice between them, Astra should be the one to raise Jeremiah. She was a far better mother, stronger and always more attuned to his needs. She possessed a unique understanding of both humans and Kryptonians, enough to teach their son honorable manners. Most importantly, she was well versed in the stars and would follow them until they led to their son.

Call it a Kryptonian blood bond or the nine months he spent in her womb, either way Astra had an innate bond with Jeremiah that Alex did not. So why in the hell did she have to beat her down for it? Was she that jealous? The likelihood made her sick with guilt.

The worst part of all this was Astra’s expression. If she disagreed, she would have said something. Her silence spoke volumes. It would be just like her to embrace any fault of her own and drown in it. Of the two people who were capable of yanking her out of that pit of self-denial, only one remained.

A rumble stirred. Alex ignored the hunger pang to bring her knees to her chest. She settled her head against the sofa and stared at the television that hadn’t operated for weeks. Alex sank so deeply into her vacant state she hardly noticed the sofa’s extra occupant.

“I knew it was not going to be easy convincing you.”

She registered the company sitting across from her in all its hand wringing torment. Astra certainly looked how Alex felt. “Oh, thought this through, have you?”

“More than you know. I do not want to fight. This cannot be how we spend our last night.”

A lump formed in Alex’s throat. “It’s tomorrow then?”

“J’onn has a source at the Pentagon. They have reason to believe a solar flare is on a collision course with Earth. Our magnetic field is too weak to combat the radiation. You are a scientist, so I do not have to explain.”

“And the transport?”

“Winn has made the necessary calculations to the flight computer. As I said, the pod is fully functional and ready for space travel.” Her face contorted on the verge of crying, but then she shook her head as if banishing the reflex. Accepting her decision, she nodded to it and pushed on. “If this is the one chance we have to reach him, to ensure his safety wherever he has ended up, I want you to have it.” Her eyes met Alex and pleaded vehemently. “There is no one else I’d rather put in that pod. No one I trust more than you.”

Alex blinked around an itch. The tears were a surprise. The past few days a wealth of them had broke through her steely gates and washed her out. She felt like a drowned cat sometimes, curling up on the sofa and drenching Jeremiah’s blanket. She hadn’t cried this much… ever. She just assumed her tear ducts would dry up eventually. The evidence streaking down her cheeks proved wrong.

“Why?” she croaked. Her fingers dug hard into her knees. The sting was laughable compared to the burning in her chest. “Why me?”

“You were right to send Jeremiah away. I’m sorry I was slow to realize it, but you were right and that was the bravest I’ve ever seen you. Even now…” Astra’s eyes flicked down to the spot of Alex’s cheekbone that never failed to draw her touch. But she held back. “Even now, with him gone, you choose to stay in this place amongst his things when they are salt in your wounds. You’ve suffered to look at me and I’ve seen the weariness in your body. I see how you recoil from me. But you’ve stayed this long and you may take it as self-flagellation but that is bravery I’ve never seen, not in all the lifetimes these eyes have witnessed.

Alex sniffed and diverted her gaze. “That doesn’t really answer my question.”

“You ask why I choose you? How about because I cannot watch you die here? I cannot, Alex. Don’t you see? It’s been tearing me to pieces not being able to carry you in my arms and fly you to safety. There is no place I can take you. No place on this wretched planet. And it is all my doing. Everything leading to this point in time: Jeremiah… and Kara…” She clamped a hand over her mouth before having the breath to resume. She tilted her head, chin trembling. “I’ve done it again, Alex.”

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” mumbled Alex.

Under the circumstances, she was much too frazzled to comprehend her own voice or the sob that dragged off the end of ‘idiot.’ She crawled into Astra’s lap, took her face in her hands, and kissed the nonsense off her lips.

The heat from the hands splaying on her back deepened her mouth’s efforts. Astra ran up her shoulder blades to sink into her hair and clutch tuffs without forethought.

The fact that they hadn’t done this in some time made it all the more rushed. Lips smacking over their panting. It was sloppy and hardly worth committing to memory but it was their kiss, their love, their commitment to one another, and that’s all that they had left. Whatever death or ill-conceived fate hadn’t taken from them they communicated in raw physical desire.

Astra’s lips strayed to the corner of Alex's mouth and laid a slow, meaningful kiss. She then traveled along her jaw, pecking the surface of relaxed muscles as Alex mouth opened in a sigh.

A tremble swam through her at the meeting of lips to her neck. They suckled at her fragile, human skin, and pulled a strangled moan from her mouth. She clawed through thick, unkempt locks that hadn’t seen soft water in days but Alex didn’t care. She kissed the kinked hairline, exhaling puffs hot enough to leave beads of moisture on a crinkled forehead. The sucking on her neck reigned with a vengeance that shot passion straight to her groin. Astra’s name slipped from her lips like sweet honey. Her head fell back and she rocked her hips, begging for contact.

Astra’s hand left her hair to meet the small of her back. All five fingers dug in to bring them closer. After days of recoiling, diverted glances, avoiding confrontation, they just wanted to be who they were to one another. No subconscious amusements, no lies.

Alex felt the impact of how far they’d come. The honesty and trust. The acceptance of one’s faults and forgiveness towards a future they weren’t meant to share. After the trials they’d overcome, there seemed to be so much left to do, so much to accomplish. There were fights they hadn’t had yet – fights about where they would move to that had two bedrooms and a nearby park, which school to send Jeremiah to, what they would make for dinner that didn’t resemble a goddamn taco. And every fight had its making up. It was a perpetual cycle and they hadn’t taken it for granted so far, as evidenced by their heated embrace.

There were plans to be made, arguments to be had, doors to slam, love to make, and a son to watch grow into a man they could be proud of. And they wouldn’t be able to do any of it. At least not together. It hit Alex like a punch to the gut. It was unforgiving and it penetrated so deep she felt like her insides were being ground to a pulp.

The finality of it all had every muscle in her body screaming. Eyes squeezed shut and fingers entangling in waves, Alex pitched forward and wrenched with love no matter how much agony it had caused her. Because for however much heartache Astra incited, she’d also given her a year of normalcy – or as close to it as she would ever get. A year brimming with subtle affection and laughter and passion filled nights on sweaty sheets. A year of stories and forgiveness and a heart stopping surprise that came with eyes like her.

Alex pushed, begging to be satisfied just one more time. She nearly unseated them from the sofa with her bucking, her hoping to relive some of those moments in a coming together.

Astra must have sensed the desperation for her nails bit hard into the flesh of Alex’s back. Alex tried to muffle the pain. She really did.

Despite her efforts, the embrace was slackening and the distance growing cold. Astra drew back immediately, having heard the gasp. Like a finger snap, shame overrode passion. Her expression crumbled. “I’ve hurt you.”

Alex took the falling hands and held them fast to her chest. She ducked her head to catch the despondent eyes. “Hey, don’t do that. I’m fine. I’m brave, remember?”

“That is what a brave one would say,” Astra mumbled with luminous eyes. Her face tensed and she gasped sharply to recover her breath.

The helplessness staring back was unlike the woman Alex had come to know. Somehow, she had sensed the fragility beneath those layers of bravado and hardened, otherworldly flesh. Behind the general there was still a vulnerable child who wasn’t shown enough regard. The eyes blearing over in guilt had never seen a Kryptonian sunset she didn’t love and yet her efforts weren’t enough to save her home planet. No one had told this woman she was special to anyone and yet she kept that absence hidden from view. Until now.

Alex gaped, unable to believe Astra would open this wide for _her_ , some silly human without claim or noble house.

She squeezed Astra’s hands hard and pressed them over her heart. “I don’t care what you’ve done. I don’t care how many planets you couldn’t save. I won’t stop loving you. I _can’t_.” She sniffed and regained some semblance of dignity. “Now you’re going to stop talking about this harebrained scheme to send me away. I’m not leaving you like this. I don’t care if the entire planet is consumed by a solar flare. I’ll take my chances here. And you can shut up about who’s to blame for all this. I don’t have time to play that game with you.”

“Alex…” Her raspy voice dragged off. She shut her eyes as more tears fell. Her face was drenched and her nose was red, but she looked achingly gorgeous. “Alex,” she said again, freeing her hands and stroking tangled russet hair back. “Alex, you were not made for me. You do not belong here anymore. I’m so afraid of what might happen if you leave, but I will not watch another person I love die, not while I have life left in me. As long as my heart is beating, I will always protect you. Even if that means letting you go.”

A surge of anger flamed in Alex. She threw the hands down and dismounted Astra’s lap so she could hold onto that fire. “I’m not leaving you here to _die_ , Astra. If… if you’re doing this because I’ve been avoiding you… I didn’t mean to give the impression that we couldn’t talk about him. I didn’t realize it was this bad between us, but you can’t take that as me rejecting you. I was grieving. I’m still grieving. I forgot you were too and I’m so sorry.”

Astra stopped the rant and prevented Alex from keeling over by placing a hand on her shoulder. She stared directly and said, “This is not punishment for your behavior. I am as much to blame for this chasm between us. Alex…” Her eyes swept the apartment for a witness. She came back around to deliver her message with sound judgment and an unwavering voice. “I am not banishing you. I am trying to save you.”

Alex twisted away from the gesture. Her movement caused something hard to poke into her thigh. She scooted over and fished the object from the depths of the sofa. It was the puzzle box her father made. Alex wrapped her hands around it and stroking the wheels with her finger. The rickety sound of the disks moving nudged a memory to the surface.

Jeremiah had been looking at it one day as they sat on the sofa. Alex had her feet kicked up on the coffee table while he lay back against her stomach. They were watching Astra fumble together their lunch, but Jeremiah had already fed, he didn’t want to go down for a nap, and his attention was wandering. Alex followed his gaze to the puzzle box. The moment it was put in his lap, his body thrummed with excitement. His hands groped and slapped its wood wheels, unsure what the thing did but elated to discover something new.

That’s what she loved most about him: the wide-eyed, gasping wonder. He was so excited by the smallest thing whether it was a sound or a smell or the smooth wood against his fingers. He lost all control over his body and began wriggling in joy.

The memory had Alex closing her eyes and gripping the box. Jeremiah had been too young to comprehend its significance much less possess the motor skills to spin the wheels. And yet he saw fit to drool all over it. That was a sure sign her baby was happy. God knew she and Astra had the saliva splotches to prove it.

“This reminds me of those codex documents I read about in your human history books.”

Alex opened her eyes. She found Astra smiling fondly at the puzzle toy. She knew that voice. Alex sank against the sofa not far from where Astra’s head lay. Her eyes fluttered closed again and she sighed to the sound. That was Astra’s story voice.

“Like that box, these documents held secrets – some only unlocked through a key word or phrase. But they did not endure. Instead they burned from the thoughtlessness and greed of conquerors.”

The familiarity of the tale had Alex opening her eyes. “When was this?”

“According to scholars, the sanctuary burned on several occasions. Each time a piece of culture was lost. One of the greatest fatalities in human history, the scrolls and documents burned inside the library of Alexandria. All of its history lost.” She wet her lips before meeting Alex’s eyes. The vulnerability that had displayed before was replaced by renewed strength. “I do not want you to be lost. You cannot burn as those sacred documents burned. You have so much to offer. You are far too extraordinary to be left amongst ashes. I’m not asking you to leave because I don’t want you. You must go not so you can mourn me but so that you can _live_.”

A petulance overwhelmed Alex and threatened her foot to stomp. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

The corner of Astra’s mouth turned up. “Since the day I met you, I never dreamed of such a feat. If you wanted your way, it was folly to convince you otherwise.” She inhaled deeply and swallowed with a difficulty that flickered across her face. “Jeremiah is all alone out there in the dark. He needs to be with one of us. He is waiting for you, Alex.”

A subtle crack formed in Alex’s resolve. A small one, but a crack nonetheless. “Stop saying my name like that.”

Grinning, Astra tilted her head against the sofa, looking ever so dreamy and nuzzling the air as if to beckon Alex closer.

Bit by bit Alex shuffled closer indeed, drawn in by the devotion in Astra’s words. At the back of her mind, she knew this would happen. Astra always had a way of convincing her through honorable deeds and the audacity to cite their previous, less than savory encounters.

She also had a way with irony. Mentioning the night of their first meeting on their last night on Earth? It angered Alex but it wasn’t enough to quell the passion swirling in her heart. If this was their last night together, she wouldn’t spend it by arguing. As enjoyable as their spats had been in previous times, she’d rather make up for lost time. If they were guilty of anything, it was their proficiency in make up sex.

With that thought in mind, Alex shut down her brain of its rambling curses. She disposed of arguments and rants and scientific rationalizations for how to survive a solar flare. She didn’t think, or speak, or prepare Astra for what came next. She simply placed a soft kiss to her mouth, took her hand, and led her to the bedroom.

* * *

The following day. The day of the solar flare. NASA’s space weather monitor had detected activity in the Sun’s corona and confirmed an ejection of solar energy. Based on trajectory calculations, the wave’s path would come in direct contact with Earth. The planet’s magnetic field was too weak to deflect the radiation. A massive solar storm would tear right through the Earth’s atmosphere and engulf the surface in the heat of one million atomic bombs.

According to J’onn’s government source, the estimated time of arrival was one hour. He gave Alex 30 minutes. The egress tunnel was clear for take off and the pod’s engines fired up. It was a dour send off what with the musty smell and dim lighting. J’onn had set up a few standing lamps but their batteries were slowly failing, giving off an occasional flicker and buzzing sound. For as annoying as the noise, they couldn’t drown out the jagged crying echoing in the DEO hanger.

Eliza was collapsed against J’onn and muffling her sobs into his chest. No one shushed her down. This would be the second daughter she had to say goodbye to. If she needed to fall apart, who were they to stop her? J’onn finally took pity on Eliza and wrapped his arms around her. Without words, he shared in her grief with a heavy sigh and hugged back. Winn lingered at the entrance, biting the fist that held Vasquez’s dog tags. Death had been a constant visitor to them all.

The window to safely exit Earth’s atmosphere was narrowing. They had all of twenty minutes left and Astra was still holding fast to Alex’s hands. She brushed her thumbs over the knuckles that had met her face in the past. She couldn’t let go. Not yet.

The hanger echoed with the sound of the pod’s rumbling engines. A peaked cry rang out. She closed her eyes with a grimace. Astra liked Eliza but if that crying didn’t stop, she wouldn’t be able to go through with this. If only she would… what was the human phrase? Put a sock in it?

Alex’s head remained bowed until a firm voice inspired her to rise.

“Tell our son about Earth,” Astra said. With measured breaths, she ensured a base of strength for Alex to draw from. “Make sure he knows there were people here who loved him.”

“But I –“

“This is _critical_ ,” she emphasized with a shake of Alex’s hands. “He must know how sorry I am for not accompanying him. I did _not_ abandon him – you have to make him understand that.”

“I don’t even know if… if he’s out there.”

“He is. And when you find Jeremiah you will tell him I love him.”

Alex’s face contorted between sadness and determination, but she nodded.

"I know I haven't said it enough, but I love you," Astra said, hands framing Alex's tear streaked cheeks. "I should have said it every day, told you every morning and night. There are countless seconds floating through time where I could have confessed my feelings but I didn't. Of all my regrets, that is the greatest."

Alex tilted her head, luminous eyes swallowing Astra’s every feature. “Why did you have to say that? Now I don’t want to go.”

“You never did want to go. But you must. Now please… before I realize I’m not this noble.”

“Astra…”

Barely able to keep it together herself, Astra kissed her hard on the mouth. She poured all her incensed love and regret into the kiss. She swallowed the sobs tickling the back of her throat and let her eyes squeeze out the tears. A tremor rocked through them at the finality, but Alex just wound an arm around Astra’s waist and pressed her closer than ever before. It occurred to Astra the moment their lips were crushed together how terrified Alex was. She was so scared of leaving that she would rather have every bone in her body broken by Kryptonian arms just so she didn’t have to go through with it.

The moment their lips parted, they confessed in a breathless rush. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, Alex.”

“I know.” Alex screwed her eyes shut as their foreheads met. “I’ll carry it with me wherever I go. Wherever I end up, I’ll never forget. I promise.”

Astra took Alex by the arms and placed her lips to the bunched forehead. “You are the best of them. And you will do great things with this mind. Do great things, Alex. Do good things.”

Another sob emitted, shaking Alex through and through. Realizing it was time, Astra let her hands slide down the arms to clasp clammy fingers. A breathless few seconds later, they slipped from hers.

Alex dropped into the pod’s seat and buckled her harness. She flipped a switch that sealed her in and the oxygen started with a _whirr_. Alex looked in a state of autopilot. Everything about her movements spoke of a professional, save for the heaving chest and bloodshot eyes.

Astra watched, barely able to keep composed. Nothing had prepared her for this. All the military training in the galaxy couldn’t grind the sentimental welling into a pulp. It couldn’t be done. Emotion was fluid like an unstoppable river and it could escape any brute force. Astra clasped a hand over her mouth as she wound an arm around her middle. She wasn’t ready.

The pod levitated a few feet off its platform. A swirl of steam surrounded and filled the hanger. Its pilot steered the nose toward her egress tunnel and hovered in position.

The ache of watching Alex leave burned through Astra’s heart. It was like a swirling black hole, pulling all light and gravity inside and leaving behind nothing but a shell of a woman in tears.

This was the end for her, but this was a beginning for Alex and Jeremiah. She had to hold on to that in the final minutes. The Earth could fracture beneath her feet and spout magma a thousand times hotter than the sun, but she would have them in her heart. She would love them forever.

A superhot blast of emission crowded behind the pod and in the blink of an eye it shot through the tunnel and broke through rose red skies.

Astra stood with two feet planted on an Earth soiled with her tears. She tilted her head up to Alex, to Jeremiah, to Rao himself before closing her eyes.

"Safe travels, Alex. May we meet in another life."

* * *

A violent shaking took hold of the pod. Gravity clenched around with its unforgiving fingers and threatened the hull's integrity. Alex was pulling a few g’s and on the tipping point of blacking out. She tried to reassure herself that she’d done this before. She’d taken a Kryptonian pod into space to retrieve Kara’s body for god’s sake. But the pressure on her chest was too much. She had a white-knuckle grip on her seat and her body became rigid within the pod’s confines.

The interior was heating up, so she tucked in her elbows. Hopefully the pod’s instruments weren’t getting fried. She could take a few burns as long as the flight computer remained intact. The pod dropped unexpectedly before pressing her further into her seat. Alex inhaled through her nose, holding back the urge to vomit. It had to be over soon. She just wanted it to be over.

An aggressive jostle nearly tore her seat from its chassis. The metal frame screeched and all Alex could think of was a dying bird, a plane, no Alex Danvers! The hysterical chuckles dragged off into a crying jag. Big ugly drops trailing out of the corners of her eyes and dampened her hair.

It didn’t take much to lose her cool. Just a few hours ago she was safely tucked in bed. Just a few hours ago the sheets were twisted round their fervent lovemaking. Just a few minutes ago she had kissed Astra for the last time. Astra sent her off with love and a promise to pass it along to their son. Those final moments passing before Alex’s eyes were enough to numb the pain in her chest. The pod’s juking, the heat, the g’s, they all dissolved into nothingness.

Her vision blurred, making it impossible to view the clouds streaking past her window. By the time her pod broke the exosphere, a dome of starlight materialized. The pod decelerated, leaving Alex motionless and passed out in her harness.

In the following hours, Alex’s pod traveled further and further from the scorched rock that had once been known as Earth. She passed in and out of consciousness. Time ceased to matter. Space was nothing but black pockets of nothingness. Empty of civilization. No light. No Astra. She could be halfway between her son and the woman she loved, but she had never felt so alone. Earth and everything she left behind was gone. With the demise of her past behind her, there was nothing but an indeterminable future ahead.


	12. Intermission

A woman woke to the trill of an incoming call. She answered with a groggy thickness lacing her tone. The longer the voice spoke into her ear, the clearer her head became. She was shocked into complete awareness. The woman consented and ended the call.

A man – her husband – groaned beside her. He was stirring awake.

“Go back to sleep,” she said. “There is urgent business that requires my attention.”

He lifted his head to squint at the clock. “At this hour?”

“Hush.”

She padded out of their bedroom. Fingers of dawn would begin to crawl across the floor, but the apartment still held fast to its nocturnal atmosphere. She tugged up her night robe to keep the hem from tripping her as she scaled up the steps to the entrance. She opened the door to an officer in uniform. He wore the colors of Immigration Department.

He greeted her with a slight bow. “Your honor. Apologies for this early hour.”

Alura nodded. “I was briefed of your arrival.” Quickly, she peeked outside the door to ensure that no one had followed him before urging the officer inside. “Did anyone see you?”

“No, your honor. The council gave me strict orders to proceed under cover of dark and to speak to no one but you.”

“They said you would come bearing the package.”

He followed her gaze to the open crate clutched in his hands and asked, “I cannot believe it survived the crash. It seems improbable that it endured the voyage alone.”

“That is what the council concluded. Do you question them?”

His back straightened. “Of course not.”

A squalling cry came from the crate. Inside, the blanket squirmed. The officer winced to the sound. He had a sheen of sweat on his forehead. Withholding a comment on his tolerance, Alura pulled back the blanket. Inside was a baby. She eyed it with immediate suspicion.

Were it not for the information passed along to her from the council, she hardly would have guessed it was a boy. He looked barely two months old. He was so tiny in the square crate, but there was a strength and a disquiet that spurred his wriggling legs.

The immigration officer was clearly struggling with the infant. Seeing the discomfort in him, Alura took the fussing bundle into her arms.

She raised him for scrutiny, cradling his head in one hand and his bottom in the other. His skin was warm and soft, just as Kara’s had been at that age.

“This was with him in the pod,” the officer announced. He held up a stuffed animal. Its fur was brown and patchy in places. Clearly, an overused thing.

Alura examined it closely. “I recognize this,” she said in a far away voice. “When I was a child my class viewed a wildlife documentary. This is supposed to represent an Earth mammal.”

“Earth? This child is human?”

“It is possible.” She caught his frown. Her grip tightened. “That will be all, lieutenant. You have done your duty.”

“But your honor –“

“I said that will be all.” She took the stuffed animal from him. “And you will not speak of this to anyone. Your superior will brief you.”

Alura passed him a look that set his tail between his legs. He turned but not before throwing the bundle a look. The sneer nearly set Alura on fire. The unexpected reaction caused her pause. She only met the child a moment ago and already felt protective. How strange.

The door hissed shut before she could reprimand the lieutenant. She looked down to find the child’s eyes fluttering open. Peculiar gray-green gazed back. His fussing had since stopped. He must have calmed by the sight and sound of her. Curious. Alura hadn’t held a child in years. She must not have lost her touch.

Grinning, Alura stroked his cheek with a single finger. She leaned close enough for his fist to grab hold of her curls and cooed, “Hello, little bear. Let us find out who you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, yes, there is a sequel. That multi-chapter will not be posted until after the holidays, sometime in January so please have patience. I’m taking a hiatus so you won’t be hearing from me until then. Secondly, I’m not good at closing remarks so I’ll keep this short and sweet. To those of you who have commented: thank you, I am very appreciative. I recognize the challenge in critiquing 10k word chapters. Your efforts, no matter how small, matter and I’m very touched that you took the time to share your thoughts. To those of you who have consistently reviewed: you crazy dedicated angels. I’m overwhelmed with thanks. You guys are my superheroes. It’s been so much fun to read your theories and speculations. I’m particularly looking forward to reading your thoughts on Part Two. Much thanks again. Enjoy your holidays. Stay safe and warm. Drink up plenty of hot chocolate and fanfiction. See you all next year!!


End file.
